Tuesday, February 27, 2007

O.o

Hmm, im not sure how i feel at this moment, other then sleep deprived..however i felt like updating! So maybe my feelings will anravel as i tell you of my day ^^ well, i woke up late, my parents were asleep and my sister had already gone to work, so i was alone ~__~ i ended up sitting in the chair in the livingroom reading untill i had to make dinner(god forbid they make dinner themselves for once*rolls eyes*) and, gah, everytime i read a book, see a book, hell even if the thought of a book crosses my mind i feel very... i dunno O.o exasperated with myself. earlier this this month i was a writing machine, it was coming out of me like there was no tommarrow and then, after 3 hours of writing nonstop, i quit, saying i will do it again tommarrow. but did i? nope, i told myself, you need a day off, tommarrow will be good. Nope. And here i am >< like 3 weeks later, still ive only produced about, a page of writing, and i refuse to release anything less then 5 pages to the fans that have read! im just not quite sure what caused it, and i no, feel free to spare me with the "its only writers block, why dont you take a walk? or listen to music, do something that inspires you!" Blah..blah...blah. honestly, all i ever do everyday is the stuff that inspires me O.o but..its...not...inpiring...me..! I mean, the idea, is there, i know what i need to write but i can seem to let it come out! *sigh* So, anyway, lets ignore the fact that im obviously insane and get back to when i was reading. im not quite sure why i remembered this, but while reading i suddenly remembered a moment way back when i was an innocent 4 or 5th grader, who honestly, hated english all together. I was sitting at my desk, reading a book, forgive me i dont remember exactly what i was reading. but i sat beside this guy named jordan. well, it was silant reading time so yeah, we were all reading, i was slumped over, my forhead pressing again the edge of my desk, my book lay in my lap and for some reason, i thought it would fine for me to read aloud to myself O.o it wasnt very loud, just sort of...mumbling the words. when i would say, maybe 10 minutes later he turns to me and goes "Would you please shut up!" ...xD at the thought of this memory i also remembered my embarressment! i mean, god, what the hell was i thinking?!? xD reading aloud when it was SILENT READING TIME. *smacks child-self upside the head* .....O.o well.. this was rather long and pointless, i aploud anyone that actually read that whole thing, and i award you with cookies! enjoy.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, February 24, 2007

hullo

Hey so how have you all been? ~_~ i really shouldny be updating on the start of the weekend <<; cause..well..alot of you dont come on on the weekends but all well ^^; So.. not much has happened <<; I ordered briannes birthday present ^^; her birthday is at the end of the month. and since im confident she wont get on theO this weekend(because she hasnt been on it in months) i cant tell you what i got her! which is a kyo plush toy >3 from fruits basket. its super cute and soft <<; i hope she likes kyo, i really didnt know who she liked xD lawl. wellll its still snowy here, even those this week was fairly decent. its supposed to snow though, so the nice weather shall go away ;.; bah. My writing-hasnt been happening. i just havent been feeling it honestly ;.; and im so mad at myself because i hate leaving my fans waiting <<;; cause i know how annoying it is when writers dont update very often. but GAHHHHHHHH i just cant seem to do it... but anyway, yeah, like always, my life has been dull and boring. ~_~; i hope you guys have a great weekend!

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, February 8, 2007

xD

This isnt surprising but- my sleeping schedule is all out of wack again xDD its because ive been writing.. i cant write during the day.. it feels wierd o.o;;; Bah, im so sick of this cold weather, its been keeping me inside(theres no way to go for a proper walk without trudging through snow and freezing to death) and i feel.. lazy xD i dont wanna be all "IM GETTING FAT IM GETTING FAT" but, i am gaining some weight because of the weather, and i hate it xD of course. lol. seriously, the first warm day we have-im going out all day. O.o though i guess i could do exersize inside but... O.o i dunno maybe ill do that!! So, YAY our oven is finally getting fixed xD we havent been able to use it for like, 6 months!! which, being the cook in the family, its hard to think of different meals when you only have a stovetop and a microwave o.o;;; and you have to feed 3 other people. But YAY im happy. im also that taxes are done for my dad, maybe now he can buy me a new cutting board and blender <<; both of which he BROKE! >< i was so mad.. he seriously, should not be aloud in a kitchen ~.~; Im currently obbsessed with the book "A great and Terrible Beauty" i LOVE IT and hopefully if my sister is nice she will pick the 2nd book up for me tommarrow on her way to work. I HOPE IM DYING TO READ IT ;.; its sad though O.o i find myself talking about it obssesivly to people that dont give a damn. I WISH I knew some people that loved it as much as i do XD i dunno, i shall go searching!!! Oh yeah, the other day when i said i was going to try and write non-stop for the 2 whole hours, i did indeed do so ^^; producing some fabulous pages of work that im happy with. right now x.x im writed out xD maybe tommarrow ill write lol. Ah but anyway, ill ttyl everyone, i hope you guys have a wonderful day!!

Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Blahness

Hello ^.^ how is everyone? im in the middle of writing my 3rd chapter of my vampire story. I suddenly got a burst of inspiration as i was looking through my old notebooks =D im not using anything i found in them, atleast not yet, but i still ended up forming some wonderful ideas ^.^ Im currently listening to music from india o.o; cause Yahoo instant messenger happens to have a station full of that type of music. its surprisingly relaxing and great for my writing. Im happy that i still have a 2 more hours of writing available ^.^; cause my dad gets up at 4 AM(which..is in 2 hours) and i know he will want me off the internet so that he can do bills or whatever else he does on the internet o.o;;; hopefully, and this is my goal for the night, i will write all those 2 hours. that would be great! i would get so much done! hopefully i dont hit a wall of writers block ;.; Well yes, tommarrow i want to go to the library, i just finished a book called "A great and terrible beauty" and i need the 2nd book in the series as soon as possible =D well, i bid you all a good day ^___^

Comments (3) | Permalink

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Hey

Hey everyone, i just want to thank the few people that commented yesterday. Right now, i dunno. I guess ill just have to wait and see what comes my way. I have no other option then to just face all of it, again. If i got through it so many times before, i can get through it again, and in a couple of years(maybe just one more year!) hopefully ill be in a secure enough place personally and financially to move on and get away. Honestly, i hope that day comes soon, not only do i think it will help me, but maybe with a clear head i can help the rest of my family, even my mother i guess(even though i hate her.. and yes i mean that) But anyway, today was boring. it was cold...and snowy... and my sister was at work.. so it was boring.. ~.~ lol. ill ttyl everyone.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, February 2, 2007

Dont look at me that way.

Ok, this is whats been going on. (actually lets go back a couple years) If i hadnt ever mentioned this(which is unlikely that i havent) my mother is a recovering drug addict. she is an alcholic(a supposed recovering one but she still drinks everyday) so..basically the last couple of years have been hell for me, because of her. She's been in countless rehabs, caused so much trouble, and taken away so much from me, recently, it seemed like she was finally getting better(aside from the alcohol) but, i was just snooping around her room, because i was suspicious and guess what! my suspicion was correct. in the top droor of her dresser i found DRUGS. a bag of DRUGS. last night, i was freaking out, i was so mad i thought i was gonna be sick(seriously..i thought i was gonna throw up..) it just pisses me off so bad that she's back to her old ways! and it enfuriates me that my dad is letting her!!! because theres no way she could have gotten these drugs without him. God it makes me so mad. and its hard for me to feel sympathy for him, because in some ways, he's a victam, he always has been a victam to my mother. but in other ways, he deserves what he gets. he should know that what he did, by giving her the drugs, not only gives her an excuse to blame him for it all, but it also gives her an excuse to go back to rehab, befriend all her druggy friends again, and leave us like she has so many times before. I seriously, used to think my dad would always be there for me. but now, its like, i realise that i have no one. Because my dad is at as much fault as my mother. he's hurting me just as much as she is. maybe even more, because i love him so much(and hate my mother). i just know what this is going to lead to...constant fighting, my dad getting drunk, my mom leaving to be with her druggy friends. me not being able to stand the atmosphere in the house, because dad will come to me every hour asking "What are we gonna do now" and all i will want to say is "Just live with it, its partly your fault, you need to fucking get over it! I HAVE" but that will never happen. i seriously dont know what to do. i almost had the guts to flush the drugs but then my mom would get mad, and i dunno if i could actually confess that i did it. i dunno if i can be able to tell like, my grandmother or something, because i know that she'll get mad at dad too, and for some reason i cant have that. I just dont know what to do, im on the verge of a mental breakdown. I honestly, cant go through this anymore.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, February 1, 2007

=D

Today was boring, i woke up late and realised that i t had snowed(thankgod i slept through it falling, that would have depressed me..) so yeah, luckily there wasnt to much and hopefully it will melt(doubtful, the news said there will be more this week) but, the road JUST got all clear and nice ;.; not kool.. Well, i had like, this totally awesome dream!!! which i like, right when i woke up i wrote about it xD cause it made me all inspired. It was scary, demented, had hot vampires and uhh, it included one of my main charecters in my vamp fic(millicent) it was like, really awesome that she was in my dream! xD i can see her in a totally different way now.. i dunno how to describe it xDD but yeah, the dream seems really long and even when i wrote it out it was long so im not gonna bother writing it here. But it was awesome.. xD ill most deffinatly have to use some of it in my fic. lol ok well ill try and visit today =D ttyl.

Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, January 28, 2007

=D

Wow, my list is so SMALL it only took me like 10 minutes to visit everyone that updated today <<;;;;; lol. I've been bored. maybe ill make some new buttons?? i dunno ~_~ ive been putting off on any graphics making for months lol. havent been in the mood i guess... Ah so eureka 7 just got over ^^ it was totally awesome, i cant wait for next week. though im sad, i think theres like, less then 10 episodes left!!! which sucks. i luff it. Bleach was great too ^^; i missed the first half of it because i got distracted by something else on TV lol. but it was still good! what else? meh. my day was boring, it was Uber cold out and the car was kind of broken... ~_~ so i ended up just going to the library(seriously, so much library all the time) my sister had to get a book and return all the others. i didnt get anything, cause im content with books and manga, plus ive got like 5 bazillion fanfics to read xD well, thats all i guess, sorry this was such a boring post xD i hope you guys have a great sunday.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Saturday, January 27, 2007

=D

Hello! so friday-was boring. for some reason i thought it was saterday O.o no matter now that it actually is saterday though lol. But anyway, back to friday. My sister had to go to work but we realised the car didnt have very much gas <<; so while she called her boss i drove my mother to my dads work. and he works behind this building, and to get there you have to go down this little, dirt hill, which is obviously mud right now since its snowy and wet. so while iwas going back up it, i got stuck xDDDD but luckily it didnt take me TO LONG to drive out of it. I was happy, cause dad said i did a good job and usually everyones telling me i suck at driving <<; what else?! oh yeah! tonight we had to return the movies we rented, and while we were doing this, wouldnt ya know it, dads crappy old truck ran out of gas XD so we 1. had to walk to the movie place and return the movies and then 2. walk home. 3. IN THE FREEZING COLD. i guess it wasnt that smart of me to not where a coat or anything <<; but yeah, it was freaking cold. and dark. and my dad walks fast ;.; lol. i hate the cold "shakes fist at cold* GO AWAY! lol. meh. ive been trying to get some writing done. but havent been able to ;.; it sucks. ah but *points upward* i can only assume that you noticed my new pchan love banner ^^ which my sister made for me like months ago but i forgot about! ^.^ its kinda big though.. plus im hoping that she can make the bg of it transparent like she did my satoshi one. that would be totally awesome. lol well today. i dunno what i plan on doing <<; my sister wants to go to the library but...meh ;.; ive already got 3 other books to read and some manga ontop of that so im pretty set. though, more manga doesnt hurt <<; have a nice day everyone!

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, January 26, 2007

mya

so yesterday we went to the library, mainly for my sister. but they ended up having 10 and 11 of DNAngel ^___^ which i was so freaking happy about!!! now i just have to wait for them to release number 12 which i doubt will be soon seeing as how it took them like a year or two. to release number 11 ><; also, i just got done watching saw 3(well like an hour ago i watched it...) and it was pretty good. im a fan of the movies... but i mean, I LOVE scary movies, i have a passion for them, i just hate...gore O.o which is stupid because most scary movies are gorey. but yeah, i cant stand gore... there was the beggining of the movie when the guy starts to beat on his foot with some block. and then he like, snapped it backwards and broke it >< omg so gross. lol. what else? umm.. well theres a couple job openings at KFC(i know, not the best job) but its in Fort collins, which is the town next to mine, so im not sure how i would get there, but it would be a great job simply because they said i didnt need any experience(which i dont have anyway!) and 8 dollars an hour xD i would be making more then my sister. who btw is applying for a job at the library! which i wanted to do but you DO need experience and i think im to young anyway... well :/ not much else to say really.. ill ttyl everyone ^^

Comments (4) | Permalink