Saturday, January 5, 2008

So, ive been really into making avatars lately ^^ i thought i would share all of them with you guys. theres a lot so...yeah <<; enjoy and have a nice day everyone. 2 Angel Sanctuary: 2 RG Vida(i think thats what its called): 5 Random: 1 Utena: 4 Shinigami no ballad: 3 Marmalade boy(my favorite manga!): 5 Fate Stay Night: 5 Ai Yori Aoshi: 8 Random:

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Friday, January 4, 2008

Blah

Hi! :3 how is everyone? Im fine... on a terrible sleeping schedule though and i have to work tommarrow X.x speaking of work... i havent heard back from the cleaners... so my dad made my apply at petsmart xD i did it online and they had this..eh.. Analysis test? where they ask you tons of random questions and you have to answer them as quickly as possible with whatever comes to mind xD it was like...20 pages long! took me forever ;.; my sister signed up for netflix. we get a 2 week free trial but the best part is they have anime! I found out they have the 4th episode of red garden *.* i about died and i cant wait to be able to watch it. ive been looking for that episode for forever ~___~ I havent been able to watch the last 3 episodes of hana yori dango xD its so much drama! i cant stand it! lol... but i couldnt help it and read what happened in the end :3 so i know ill be happy in the end but still! i just cant bring myself to ;.; then ill have to wait forever for the movie to come out..and then find a fan-sub of it. *sigh* i love it so much. i made some new forum layouts for my writing forum =D im proud of them so you should all go see them :3 *cough* but if not, heres one of the banners i made ~.^ im proud of it as well: its long, sorry about that. O.o Bah, i wanted to show you all my new avatars but ill do that tomorrow. Have a nice weekend everyone!

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Monday, December 31, 2007

hi.

Its new years eve. Let me start off this entry by saying, it might be pretty damn deppressing. So you have been warned! Wow, a whole year. i cant say i remember all of it.I beleive just before 2007 started is when i dropped out of school. It did it because i couldnt go on with all the pain school was causing me. not only did i feel like the friends i had completely hated me, which made me feel completely alone. But i also realised there was no way i could make up my grades in time. So i left. and i told myself, 2007 will be my time of change. my time of healing. I think i've healed a lot. i cant tell you how, because im not sure how. i just feel like i have. 2007 was...my moment of standing still. a moment where i had so much time to just sit and think, thats pretty much all i did. most of the time, i thought a lot about what i lost lol. sometimes, i just sat in the corner and cried so hard about those things. but i think, i cried so much, im past it. Even though, i will always miss those people i cared so much for so many years ago, i think i wont be crying about them anymore. but in 2008... i also cried for my family. which im sure i will always cry for. I can tell you now, my mother may trying to act like a mother, but she cant hide her true self around me. I may despise her more then anyone else on this earth, but i also pity her. she's a sick women, theres nothing i can do that will ever change her. the only thing she can ever do to hurt me now, is the fact that she knows she hurts me, and she doesn't even care. but in 2008... i've spent my whole life, trying to help my family be formed. trying to fix them.trying to get us to get along, trying to get my mother realise how wrong she is, trying to get my sister to be more outspoken, trying to get my dad to realise that i will always be there for him. 2007 was no different. but in 2008... I tried to step out of who i was again. bad idea really. although, i suppose at the time, i was just frustrated with who i was. i constantly told myself, i wasnt good enough for him. i always turned down everyones offers to hang out. and why? because, in my heart, i feel like im not good enough for any of them! but in 2008... In 2008 no more standing still. No more dwelling on people that have moved on. no more stabbing myself repeatedly because i cant stand the site of my mother. no more telling myself im not good enough for them. no passing up chances of love and new experiences. Im going to make this my year. my year of growth. so, in 2008, i make these resolutions: 1.Get my liscense, and make my dad fix my car. 2.Get my GED. 3.Find a better job. 4.Find friends that love me. 5.Find a GUY that loves me. 6.Move away from parents. 7.Start at Front Range. That seems like a lot O.o or in my eyes it does. and the only 2 i really feel i can accomplish are the first 3. but i dont care, this is what im striving for this year.

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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Hey

So, i really AM sick. ;.; i woke up to get ready for work and i felt terrible. so i called in sick again. my throat hurts sorta, and my nose is so stuffy ;.; and because i just woke up, my neck and shoulder hurts ): and i have the worst headache. plus its 4 AM and i just woke up. My throat is super dry. I just took some more medicine so hopefully it will help me get back to sleep. The worst part about it is, i dont feel well enough to watch Hana yori dango! last night i watched the complete first season and im way addicted! i love domyouji! i cant stop thinking abou what the next season could be ;.;

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Saturday, December 29, 2007

Boo!

Hi all! ^^ so, if any of you read Elvesatemyramen's myO she mentions a show called "hana yori dango." well, i happen to have downloaded the first episode a while ago but only got in the mood to watch it when she mentioned it, and i LOVE it. im so addicted xD im downloaded episode 3 and 4 right now :3 so, i called in sick to work today. i dont really know why. i know thats terrible but.. i really wish i could just quit. i know i cant until i find a new job but i feel like crap going all the way down there for 2 hours of work 2 days a week. what i makes hardly covers the bill i have for gas to get me down there. i applyed at some dry cleaners and my grandmother kind of refered me so hopefully i get it ;.; i really want this job! REALLY REALLY REALLY! if i do get it, that means ill be able to pay for Wasabi kon! which is a new anime convention in my state(i think i already mentioned this though) anyway, if i can go, ansatsushawdi might be going with me :3 which would be great, she knows alot more about anime and how conventions work then i do and i hardly ever see her so yeah ^^ Bah ): i have to work tommarrow. and i have to act like i was sick the day before ^^; all well. have a nice day everyone!

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Happy holidays everyone! I hope you guys have a wonderful day ^^ i got most of my presents early (cause thats how my family does it xD to assure we get what we want they either give us money or take us shopping) but today im going over to my grandparents house and having an early dinner. AND THEN going over to my other grandmothers to have a late dinner lol XD so lotsa food for me! In other news unrelated to the holidays, i recently made a new friend on myspace who i went to school with(i dont think i met him ever though O.o) but the point is, he likes anime and he told me that theres a new anime convention in my state! its starts in march for 3 days and ends the day before my birthday! HAH! xD my sister said she would consider going if they had more event planned and such ^^ and i suppose she's right! but i was excited anyway XD I also made TONS of new anime avatar and you can find them at my livejournal Here just scroll past my recent post xD i think theyre pretty good!!

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Monday, December 24, 2007

You know. Someone told me awhile ago that life in general, is the realization of disappointment. And, for me that is incredibly true. Maybe not for everyone. but personally... when i look back on my life and what ive experienced. It blows me away how much im so dispointed in, well, life! The way things ended up turning out and how I have either grown or been torn apart by my experiences. I dont have many old friends on here, so im assuming the anyone that reads this wasnt around when i was going through some really terrible things. But i did go through terrible things and you know what? Ive learned so much about the nasty side of life. about how selfish people can be. about how uncaring people can be. The effects that those things cause. Ive also learned alot about who i want to become. and how i want my future to be. I was a child when i experienced all of those things, im an adult now and i can happily say that being an adult allows me to have the knowledge i need to stear my life in the direction i want it. No more being forced to live a life on someone elses hands. Its a bitter sweet thing. Even though i would give anything to go back in time and have the child-me live a happy life, with happy experiences, i would also never want to give up what ive gained from it. what ive gained from it... besides knowledge of a cruel world im not sure what else that is but i know theres more to it. One thing i know is, no matter how hard life gets, the ultimate goal is to keep on living through it. even if it never gets better. the ultimate reason for living is to...well...live right? if i gave up now, i would be failing at life. and thats one thing i know i wont fail at. so thats one achievement at least. and thats good enough for a lifetime. i mean, why set my goals higher then that? *sigh* sorry if none of that makes sense its 4 in the morning on christmas eve and christmas makes me think about the past. after new years even i wont be posting much on Otaku anymore. Im sorry to say, this is one thing that i dont want to do anymore. i love posting blog entries, but Myotaku just isnt for me anymore.... If anyone has livejournal, pleae PM me. Because thats where i post more often.

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Sunday, December 23, 2007

   boo!

Hey there! So lets see, update on my sister... Her car cant be towed untill after the holidays. which means we wont know its worth fixing untill then. for now she gets rental car and i have to tell you- i LOVE her rental car xD I love it! i want it!! lmao. its so easy to drive and its like, the perfect size ;.; im not sure what it is so i cant tell you all but meh xD its nice. So, my job isnt getting any better. i still work 2 days a week and guess what they did this week? They cut my hours even more! HAH! can you beleive that? Now instead of working 3 hours a day i only work 2! fucking 2 hours! I would quit if i could, but i cant, not untill i find a new job. :/ the problem is, i need to find one in a town closer to our house. and i have never in my life been around these towns xD im having a hard time adjusting, lets just put it that way. but once the new year hits, im determined to take it full on, its a new year, a fresh start ^^ im ready to do new things ya know? and that means a new job. and school. and drivers license and fixing car. i promice, i MUST do all this ^^ im determined. anyway. So getting past how terrible im being treated at work xD my neck really hurts. i must have slept on it wrong :( i honestly dont notice it untill i lay down. so hopefully it doesnt make it hard to sleep ><;; christmas is SO CLOSE. =D naturally im excited. this christmas is much better then last years :3 and it was nice that this year i could afford to buy other people something for once ^^ well. i think thats it ^^ ill try and visit everyone ok? have a nice sunday and happy holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy s!

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

mya

Bah. i thought i would update <<; So yesterday my sister was in car accident. She's ok. But her car is broken. it sucks, the car is an old Volkswagon beetle but its kind of fixed up and nice. Well, it happens to be the kind of car my sister has always wanted and it took us awhile to find. If it costs more to fix the car then its actually worth, they'll just give her what its worth to buy a new car :X which sucks. cause its like, her dream car :/ and she wont be able to find another like it at the same price. the other day my dad baught me a 3 gallon fishtank and a beta ^^ who ive named speckles lol. he's a really pretty pink and light blue veiltail :3 i luff him. what else O.o? oh! if you guys head on other to animenewsnetwork.com you can watch like, 20 hours of the anime "Gurren Laggan" for free :3 i dunno what its about but my sister informed me so i thought i would let everyone else know ^.^ sadly, i think thats all i have to update on XD cause my life is so bored :/ Have a nice weekend all.

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Friday, December 14, 2007

Eh,

Its been awhile! life has been pretty boring though. it snowed! ALOT! ^^ which makes me happy. I still havent found a new job.... but im getting there ;.; hopefully. Im kind of tired of working at the restaurant anyway. in fact, i work today and tommarrow and i REALLY dont want to go lol. I dont think i ever felt comfertable working there anyway. Despite that, once i do leave i shall miss all the people i work with :3 so, i went christmas shopping the other day. i dunno if im happy on what i got everyone :/ i spent the most on my grandmother, but now im really worried if she'll like it or not. she's the hardest to shop for cause i swear, she has everything she needs and wants already ~_~ My dad keeps asking me what I want for christmas and i have no idea! xD i want to tell him certain gifts so we have presents under the tree but i also just want to tell him to get me a giftcard to my favorite clothes store cause that would be easy O.o;; *grumbles* the ceiling in my room is really high, so high that i cant reach it even if i stand on anything. there also happens to be a small spider thats decided to come and live with me. I cant kill it, because all i does is stay on the ceiling, and i cant reach it. i find myself waking up at night, turning on my light to see if its near me or anything *shivers* damn spider. i shall name him Circe, for he reminds me of my favorite villian from a book ~.^ so our heat broke the other day. and its like, 10 degree weather outside X.x we have a fireplace but... it only heats the living room and kitchen really. *sigh* i think thats it, not much has been going on xD have a nice weekend everyone.

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