Sunday, November 18, 2007

ugh

*sigh* im going to use this blog to rant because i feel shitty today. Its the same old stuff really...im tired of having such a meaningless life, i hate myself for not doing the things i should do to make it a better life. blah.blah.blah.... The only extensions i have are this computer, my blogs, myspace and my sister who i am tired of, and who i hope isnt reading this because i hate confrontation. in fact, im thinking of making a new myo page xD just cause.... you know. so i can talk crap about people without them getting pissed off? isnt that what a blog is for though? i suppose in a way it is. I think i want to quit my job. i like it but 1. Its so far away it almost isnt worth driving and using up so much gas to get there and work only 2 sometimes 3 hours a day. i make on average 150 bucks every 2 weeks. its not enough. i mean i have no living expenses other then paying my dad back and paying the internet bill but i would have liked to have a job where i made enough to put away. and i have plans of going back to school, now its like i dont have enough time to get that type of job. once i do go back to school i may even have to cut back more hours at my work(if i have any nightclasses which im planning on not having anyway.) Did i mention my car died? once my sister finally gets a new car, the car that is passed to me dies. can you beleive that? i liked that car to, i felt comfertable in it... *sigh* i dont think i can be a writer. not even the writing competition brought it out of me. i officially havent written anything for a year, other then plot bunnies that went nowhere. i feel like a failure in all aspects of my life. i dont even feel like an anime fan anymore because i havent watched much anime in awhile. i dont know who i am anymore. i feel like im nothing....i feel like my days are filled with nothing. i feel like my life is worth nothing. im just wasted space. i dont even know why im still moving forward because im just moving forward in the shadows, only doing so because theres nothing else to do. god does that even make sense? ugh... even whining about my problems feels worthless, i should even post this because nothing good will come from it. it'll just be another recorded rant about how i hate my life. one of many.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

.

OMG its the 14th!! Guess what that means? My all-time favorite show(project runway) is premiering today. ive been waiting so long to see the new season! So i actually just woke up and for some reason an old memory of me and my sister was on my mind. See, when your really poor a great thing to buy is oranges(because you can get alot for cheap) so when we were younger and we were hyper for staying up all night, we cold have orange eating contests on who could eat an orange the fastest. i wish i had it on tape xD because i remember it being so hilarious. I dunno why i was thinking about That ~_~ Well, its my last day off and then i work 4 days ~_~' oh and i found out that i work on thanksgiving. i tried to turn it down but my poor manager looked so distressed ~_~ i couldnt help bu tell her i could do it if i just worked in the morning. So now i have to be there by 8 AM, work for 4 hours, go home and get ready to go to my grandmothers and then come home really quick and cook a dinner of my own because my OTHER grandmother is coming over :/ i kind of dont know how its gonna work lol. its all my moms fault though, she wanted to have thankgiving at our house which is stupid, so now we have to do all the work and come up with money for the dinner. i hate my mother, she never thinks things through. she is such an idiot. Well, i think thats about it :3 my day off will be filled with groccery shopping and laziness! have a nice day all..

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

bah

Lol, i whipped out my tarot cards for the first time since i bought them like, a month or so ago xD; It was kinda fun, i didnt know what the cards meant so when i did a personal reading i kept having to look them up but it was still fun. and earily Accurate on my question. I asked if i would ever catch up in the nanowrimo competition this month and for the current it practically said things werent going good and i feel like i need inspiration and im at a standstill as to what to do! HA! That exactly how im feeling. I have to be honest though, it didnt really say things would get better for me in the competition xD thats where im getting sceptical because right after that i ended up writing for like 2 hours xD which got me alot of writing done. So... who knows! I still love my tarot cards xD theyre so pretty. So.....my day off was crappy. i stayed up all night and slept most of the day away. parents are being moody ~_~ they've been fighting the whole day and still at 12 AM they're going at it ~_~;; but whatever. I Made myself a new myspace layout out of boredom, it took my like 2 hours because i had to go find the right font(since i got my new computer i had to download all my fonts and photoshop brushes again ~_~) But i think it will look great! and i got paid, but i never cashed my paycheck ~_~ I owe my dad 100 bucks ~_~ but that leaves me 40 bucks to blow on manga! =D yay.

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Monday, November 12, 2007

grr

*sigh* so i just realised that Zombie loan volume 2 and Chibi Vampire volume 7 dont come out until february D= THAT IS SO FAR AWAY. i mean, i have CV volume 6 to look forward to this month but then i must wait so long to read 7 ?!@?@#%#6 i hate it ;.; Anyone have any manga suggestions? xD please dont suggest love hina, fruits basket, ouran, inuyasha, bleach or naruto! those are like the only suggestions i ever get. ~_~ but any other suggestions i would gladly take :3 Well, im pretty bored and i just had to complain about that xD tommarrow is my day off so i will probably just be lazy all day =D maybe ill come and visit everyone :3 seeing as how i have my laptop now it doesnt seem so hard to do so!

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

bah

SOOO im updating from my new LAPTOP xD its totally awesome and i love it!! Yeesh, its been forever since i updated ~_~ lets see, i baught number 3 of the tarot cafe and number 1 of Zombie loan :3 i really like zombie loan ~_~ but i dont think the 2nd volume is out yet ;.; the writing competition...isnt going as i had planed , i dont even really want to talk about it. hopefully i can get some writing done now that i have my laptop :3 who knows.

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Sunday, November 4, 2007

Lol, i just updated to show you all this little number from animenewsnetwork.com xD

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Thursday, November 1, 2007

ack

The writing competition started 6 hours ago technically. I tried to start my story...and i couldnt. i cant think of a good beggining for it. nothing comes to me. and i dont know what im gonna do. Dont get me wrong, i have a list of other story ideas backed up in my head, theres always my many long lost stories from years ago. theres always the ideas i get from dreams that i write down on notecards all the time.Theres genaric ideas, that anyone can do. My first idea- Write out a crappy ending and come back to it later. but...that doesnt work. i need a good ending RIGHT NOW, because i personally have to start of with something good, something that leads into the other ideas of my story. If i dont, well, then i wont be able to move on >< does that make sense? I still have the rest of the day to write, in fact to stay of schedule i only need to write 1667 words today, which is easy as pie :3 unless A: you dont know what your writing and B: your not inspired! Where has my muse gone? i thought for sure it would come back to me by the time this competition started :/

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Boo!

xD So i finally got to sleep at 6 AM and i functioned surprisingly well for my lack of sleep xD work went fine, we were somewhat busy which is always good ^.^ I work in the mornings today as well which is just as well because i get the whole halloween night to myself xD oh yeah, Happy halloween everyone ! hah! So, ive been getting into anime again ^^ whoot. i think its cause i started watching bleach again. but i picked up Volume 3 of Tarot cafe and volume one of a new manga(that came out this month) called Zombie-loan. i have yet to read it but i have a feeling i'll enjoy it. And omg! ill be starting my writing competition tonight at 12 AM when it is officially November 1st! wish me luck everyone! im hoping to capture some mega inspiration today ^^

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

durr

OMG i cannot beleive that i forgot to mention this the other day xD So you all know im blonde, and for those that dont, this is me: WELL i dyed my hair Brunette! xD it looks AMAZING and yes, i look pics, it has a redish hue to it :3 Well anyway xD its 3 AM and i shouldnt be up because i have to be at work by 11:30 AM xD; damn me! >< but i just cant sleep :(

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Monday, October 29, 2007

story

He! its almost november first and you know what? i need to tell you all my plot for my writing competition. let me try and write out a quick but nice summery xD Fern's father has just died. In one swift motion she was forced upon an aunt she doesnt know, a past filled with her Journalist mother(now insane), a series of gruesome murders and a fishermens town full of Religious folks that make her the ultimate outcast. She is Drawn in, and determined to find out what exactly happened to her mother and along the way she meets an old man who seems to know the answers. ok, that sucked. but thats basically what its about. it was SUPPOSED to be about Mermaids xD and the mermaids were supposed to be causing the murders. but i dunno, im still thinking about it because it can go either way :3 I even have my first lines picked out. i cant decide between: "Doors of the past never really fully close, there's always something stuck in the jamb." or "She was a pale waif of a girl, standing with sorrowful eyes on the steps of a decaying wood porch." Or "The city looked strange in the fog, almost as if anything could happen." What do you all think?

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