myOtaku.com: LiquidSilver

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-03-17
Gender
• Female
Location
• Inside 'The World'
Member Since
• 2005-04-24
Occupation
• Professional Sheep Critic.(is your sheep good enough?) And a waitress.
Real Name
• Brandi!

I managed to ditch a whole semester of school. DITCHING IS BAD!
Anime Fan Since
• Since i was little, But realized what it was around 6th grade.
Favorite Anime
•

Goals
• Get my GED, The Licsense.
Hobbies
• WRITING, reading, internet, music, culture, vampires, mermaids, art, subeta, harry potter, fantasy, bitching...mya you all know. xD
Talents
• Im good at writing. at least i think i am lol. its my passion, without it i would wither away and die.

myOtaku.com: LiquidSilver

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

When i first entered highschool my grandmother baught me this large, 5 subject notebook. It was red. i wrote everything in this notebook. it is the only thing on this planet, that knows everything about me. That knows who i really am. I had this notebook for 3 years, where i wrote almost everyday in it. I wrote many things in it, mostly just my thoughts on how i hated school. I also wrote some of my stories in it.

One night, at the beggining of 2007 i had some sort of mental breakdown, most likely set in motion by my mother. and i tore out every blank page that was left. I realised that the notebook was a symbol of how dark i became, how depressed i became over those years. But i couldnt bring myself to throw it away. so i took away its only hold on me, the ability to write in it. its just sitting on a shelf in my room now, and tonight i decided to finally pick it up and read some of what i wrote.

Im horrified. Im ashamed of what i wrote....im amazed at some of the stuff i had written. i dont even remember writing some of it... I was a depressed teenage girl with friends that didnt give a damn, a mother that loved drugs and alcohal more then her family, a father that kept bringing her back into our life and grandparents, that couldnt help in any of it. i was hollow, yet i wasnt, in where i felt like all of that was swirling inside of me, eating me away slowly.

When i look at the notebook now. i want to burn it . i even want to blame it for everything that happened. but thats just stupid.

i cant beleive, that i let my get that so deep in the depression pool O.o why didnt i try and do something about? i cant beleive i let it get so bad.

although, this notebook was the only thing i had. i have never really had anyone in my life where i could tell them everything. and even now i have no one to do that with. its depressing, having no one at all. O.o; i cant even begin to describe what it feels like when you realize that your completely alone in the world. But i do know its the most horrific feeling ive ever had.

Im sorry this is so personal and depressing, i really needed to get that out.

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