myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-07-04
Gender
• Female
Location
• Dayton, OH
Member Since
• 2005-12-18
Occupation
• full-time high school student... and the lucky girlfriend of GhostlyNinja! ^_^
Real Name
• Jessica

Personal

Achievements
• Straight-A Student, "Who's Who Among High School Students" recipient, selected to perform with the Dayton Philharmonic Concert Band
Anime Fan Since
• 1st Grade
Favorite Anime
• To Heart, Digimon, Tsubasa Chronicle, Love Hina, Negima!, IMyMe! Strawberry Eggs, Tenchi Muyo!, InuYasha, Kare Kano, Vandread, Boys Be..., Please Teacher!, Please Twins!, Sister Princess... and a whole lot more!
Goals
• get accepted into Harvard University and become a doctor!!! ^_^
Hobbies
• site-surfing, music, school stuff... yeah, I actually LIKE school... ^_^
Talents
• clarinet, handbells, singing, being my unique ol' self! ^_^

myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

Sunday, November 11, 2007

My Longest Depression Since Sixth Grade...
If you have been reading GhostlyNinja's posts in the past couple months, you already know that we're no longer a couple...

When we broke up, I thought, "This is for the best. If we can't get any happier than this when we're together, then the only way for Josh to be happier is if we split..." ...
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Now, I find myself trying to cling to him. I love him so much, and I didn't really realize how much until he was gone... when I found out that he might like this other girl, I was completely crushed... that whole week, it felt like he truly loved me and me alone... I never doubted for a second that he loved ME... now he loves me, and maybe someone else... what kind of a relationship is that...?
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I find myself swinging between 3 songs: "Gotta Go My Own Way" and "When There Was Me and You" (both from the High School Musical franchise) and "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie... at times, I want Josh to get as far away from me as possible because I'm afraid of hurting him again... and then, I want to hold onto him, fall into his arms and just stay there forever... but it feels like he's never there to catch me... but then again, it's not like he's obliged to...
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My heart is just so fragile nowadays... in these days of childhood, my heart was only made of glass... I gave my heart for him to hold, but we dropped it... and it shattered... and every time I try to glue the pieces back together, something happens, and it slips out of my hands again... and shatters into more pieces... it's getting so much harder trying to find all the pieces... and I'm running out of glue... I could wait for him forever, but the hurt only gets worse...
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I'm almost not afraid at all to say I love him over the phone when someone else is listening... I don't even try to say it in a different language... I love him so much... but I don't want to tie him down... I don't want to pull him away from his dreams... even if he loves me, I don't want to be the reason for keeping him from reaching his goals...
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This is all sad talk, I know, and I also know that people have other things to worry about that are at a greater magnitude than a little heartbreak... this is just the only place I feel comfortable posting things like this...
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please pray for me, everyone...

~ LB ~
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