myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-07-04
Gender
• Female
Location
• Dayton, OH
Member Since
• 2005-12-18
Occupation
• full-time high school student... and the lucky girlfriend of GhostlyNinja! ^_^
Real Name
• Jessica

Personal

Achievements
• Straight-A Student, "Who's Who Among High School Students" recipient, selected to perform with the Dayton Philharmonic Concert Band
Anime Fan Since
• 1st Grade
Favorite Anime
• To Heart, Digimon, Tsubasa Chronicle, Love Hina, Negima!, IMyMe! Strawberry Eggs, Tenchi Muyo!, InuYasha, Kare Kano, Vandread, Boys Be..., Please Teacher!, Please Twins!, Sister Princess... and a whole lot more!
Goals
• get accepted into Harvard University and become a doctor!!! ^_^
Hobbies
• site-surfing, music, school stuff... yeah, I actually LIKE school... ^_^
Talents
• clarinet, handbells, singing, being my unique ol' self! ^_^

myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Social Life
Hey everyone. I don't usually stay up this late just to post (oh wow, 12:11a!), but I just have something on my mind right now. It's mainly about band challenges. For those of you who don't know what a band challenge is, it's a way you can move up in your section. In other words, if someone wants to sit in a higher chair (say they're sitting in 3rd and want 2nd), they do a playoff with the person in that chair. Whoever plays better gets the higher chair. Anyway, after auditions last December, which determined what our starting chairs would be, I ended up in 4th chair, which is pretty good for an incoming freshman. The only people ahead of me were one junior and two seniors. I'd been first chair in my middle school bands the entire time I was in it, so I kind of missed sitting in first chair, but my main goal was to give Anna and Kim, my seniors, a great last year. Only thing is, a lot of people told me to challenge them, and eventually I did. After I beat Amanda, the junior ahead of me, I was shocked to find out that Anna and Kim were forfeiting. So that was that. I was a freshman sitting in first chair. What I wanted was to do my best, but all I ended up doing was angering everyone in my section, except for everyone 6th chair and under. Half of those guys adore me and the other half don't mind me. Anyway, it's been a while since challenges, but the tension and anger is still there. Anna and Amanda challenged me and both lost, but I thought things would get better after that. Only thing is that I was wrong. My dad was around looking for family members on the Internet, and when he typed in my name, the website at the top of the list was Anna's Xanga site. "I am so angry with jessica blaza. She should have stayed in her place the first time around ... Uhh..i challeneged jessica blaza and lost..that is stupid." Basically, she said she hated my guts. The thing is, I don't feel angry or anything. I mean, I guess I kind of expected something like this from her, but I still like her... as an older sibling figure. Ever since I joined band last summer, I had looked up to all three of them. I always thought they were so great and awesome. I still do actually. I don't know why. After everything that has happened, it's apparent that at least one of them completely hates me. Things between Amanda and me are improving (slowly), and Kim and I haven't really gotten anywhere. But the only person I'm concerned with is Anna. Not because she absolutely despises me, but because I guess she forgot what I said a long time ago. Before our first band competition during marching season, I was really nervous, but being with my section made me feel better, and I just remembered how much they had helped me over the previous few months. I told them that I loved them all and really appreciated their help. Anna included. But I guess things change. At least, with her maybe. I dunno. I still feel inferior to her, despite our seating arrangements. She'll always be the big sister I never had. I honestly don't feel any hate towards her. All I want to do is run up to her and hug her like she really was my big sister. I've been wanting to talk with her like civilized people every day I see her, but ever since the first time we had challenges, it's just been so hard for me to talk to her. I just want to tell her how much I still love her (as a friend), that I want to talk to her again without feeling any tension of any sort. And it's not just her; I want to tell everyone in my section how much I love them all. I don't feel any hate towards any of them. I've seen their good sides, and there is no reason why I couldn't love them all the same. I know, a lot of you don't really understand how I can still like all of them after all that happened in the past. I honestly don't understand either. I just hope that by the end of the year, everything will be okay.
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