myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1991-07-04
Gender
• Female
Location
• Dayton, OH
Member Since
• 2005-12-18
Occupation
• full-time high school student... and the lucky girlfriend of GhostlyNinja! ^_^
Real Name
• Jessica

Personal

Achievements
• Straight-A Student, "Who's Who Among High School Students" recipient, selected to perform with the Dayton Philharmonic Concert Band
Anime Fan Since
• 1st Grade
Favorite Anime
• To Heart, Digimon, Tsubasa Chronicle, Love Hina, Negima!, IMyMe! Strawberry Eggs, Tenchi Muyo!, InuYasha, Kare Kano, Vandread, Boys Be..., Please Teacher!, Please Twins!, Sister Princess... and a whole lot more!
Goals
• get accepted into Harvard University and become a doctor!!! ^_^
Hobbies
• site-surfing, music, school stuff... yeah, I actually LIKE school... ^_^
Talents
• clarinet, handbells, singing, being my unique ol' self! ^_^

myOtaku.com: Little Birdie

Monday, September 11, 2006

I won't hold back anymore...
I guess I've led everyone to believe that my life is all handy-dandy yay woohoo it's a beautiful day... Anyways, I'm sorry for that. I didn't want anyone to worry since I know a lot of people already have to deal with their own problems (which are more than likely worse than my own), and some of you don't like reading about other people's crap. But I guess the main reason why I didn't say anything before is because I didn't want to admit that everything seemed to be going wrong for me. But I'm done living a fantasy. I'm coming out with the truth.

A lot of things have been happening since the beginning of summer break. Of course, I was stressed out with all the summer reading I had to do. But then there was the time I wasted on other things when I could have been reading. And in the time I ended up spending reading, I could've been spending time with Josh. I know I hurt him a lot because of this...

Then there's the stress from marching band. I was just so ticked off at the freshmen and all the other older people who refuse to work. All I could think was, "Why should I care when I know those lazy bums won't work?" as I stood by and watched something I loved deteriorate right before my eyes. I've even considered quitting band after this year. For those of you who know me personally, you know that this is something I never would have thought of before. I dunno, everything's just falling apart...

Then here's the biggie... time between my friends and Josh. I've always made it a habit to make new people feel welcome. I remember when I started marching band last year... no one talked to me at first. I just stood on the side, looking at all the groups of friends who hung out all the time, just hoping that even ONE person would say hi to me. I then resolved to never allow another freshman to feel as isolated and insecure as I did.

That was when I met Mariah... she, like most freshmen, didn't try. But on top of that, it already seemed as if no one liked her. I just felt so much for her, so I wanted to be friends with her. So put yourself in this scenario: you're the new person and you absolutely know no one would ever want to even TALK to you; then a random person comes along with her boyfriend offering her friendship to you. Would you jump at it, ecstatic that you're finally wanted?

I guess that's how I felt a lot of times before, except no one extended themselves to me. Mariah was different from everyone else, but after a bit, I already liked her as me friend.

Then at band camp one time, when we were eating dinner, Mariah was sitting by herself and asked me to sit with her. I told Josh that I was going to sit with her and that he could come, too, but he didn't... and everything's been falling apart from there. Mariah was first afraid to even talk to me because she didn't want to upset Josh, but after a few arguments and harsh words, I guess she just finally resolved that Josh didn't like her. And from then on, she's been trying to talk to me all the time, and whenever she does, she asks Josh to leave.

I'm not saying that it's all Mariah's fault, and I'm not saying that it's all Josh's fault. It's just hard to keep two of your loved ones happy when they can't stand each other...

This started back at the beginning of August and has lasted all the way up until now. Josh has been complaining that we don't get to spend as much time together. I try, but between giving time to my friends and Josh and my extracurriculars and my homework, I feel like I'm about to collapse from exhaustion...

And it's not just between Mariah and Josh. There's another one of my friends that likes talking to me whenever she can (which isn't often), and that usually takes up the time Josh and I do have without Mariah...

I wouldn't say that I'm used to it by now, but I've experienced this so many times before... The first time was in first grade. I had 2 best friends from Kindergarten. When we moved into first grade, they were in the same class and I was in another class. One of them I had been friends with since the beginning of Kindergarten, and the other one had moved in halfway into the year. During our first grade year, my first best friend wanted to spend time with me, but my other best friend got annoyed about that. In fourth grade, my best friend (a different person) and I made friends with a new girl in our class. However, my best friend and my new friend started arguing over me, or at least they couldn't see how we could all hang out and all still be happy... Then all throughout middle school, my 2 best friends (one of them is a different person, the other one was my original best friend from 4th grade) kept fighting about a lot of things, and then they started fighting about me. And then there was last year, when Josh and I started dating. His best friend just so happens to be my older brother... you can imagine how awkward it is for your best friend to be your "baby sister's" boyfriend...

But anyways, I just wanted to get all of that out. I doubt any of you will even bother to take the time to read this. I just wanted it out. I've been holding in these feelings for so long. I'm not sure if I should be sorry for hiding this from everyone or if I should be sorry for telling you... but either way, I'm sorry... I just want everyone to be happy with each other... I hope all of you have a good day today...

~ LB ~
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