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• LilSluggaFFTL
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• clinically_xdead
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• 1991-12-29
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Female
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• Californiaa<3
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• 2005-11-07
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• PreZ
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• Haileyy
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• drawing for Sonny Moore, establishing Dumbledore's Army at my high school
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• Pokemon!!
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• Pokemon,Chobits,FMA,Cowboy Bebop,Sailor Moon,Wolf's Rain,Case Closed,Urusei Yatsura!! Furi Kuri!!!!!!!!!
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• be a better artsist, move to L.A.
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• drawing, the D.A.
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• drawing, runnning things
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Friday, January 26, 2007
it still feels like yesterday
Music: Pencey Prep;;"Yesterday"
mood:my ass hurts, sick from school, apathetic, emotional, love sick
its my 2nd day home from school. Yes, i feel apathetic. emo? no, please. Emo in the sense that I just went to the doctor's today, and its right around the corner from Raab's school, which im pretty sure he's at today. He'll be graduating soon. or at least he's supposed to, assuming he passes, despite what he told me. Im not gonna lie, i miss him a lot & i know he's not going anywhere but once he does graduate, its gonna be harder for us to talk or hang out. I'll only be a sophmore anyway. but since when has age mattered? I have a weird feeling inside, i cant really explain it...lets just say i really miss some people, the people who live in town & i never get to see. hmm so that would be Megann & raab. correct. D is gonna be 16 soon. IDK what im gonna do. if you love someone, you should know that looking at pictures on the computer screen is not enough. I miss them terribly. Meg, she was the only one that understood me once Kirstin left. and now she's gone. even tho she's only what? 10 to 15 minutes away, its not that easy. and to be honest, seeing her pics makes me sad in so many ways. seeing his pics makes me so sad, yet so unbelievably happy. i dont think raab will ever know how good he makes me feel. just the little things he says to me lets me know he cares, even if he doesnt realize. so much unlike D, so much unlike him...
they say im destroying myself & i cant keep doing it.
I have an addictive nature, & everyone knows it.
Raab knows it, & he knows he has to make sure im ok. he doesnt wanna feel responsible if i do something dumb which i probably will if i dont watch out. i dont like being controlled by anyone, and yet, despite how 'tough & stubborn' i might seem, all i want is for someone to show me that they know more than me, & that they can take care of me. i refuse to say im needy, & i refuse to let a guy be superior to me, & yet all i want is for him to be the boss?
I know i make no sense, but ive spent too long being miss independent, knowing everything & leading everyone else around. im tired of being the most mature or the oldest.
ive had to be the oldest my whole life & i just wish i had someone to take me over.
i cant do this anymore.
and i'll just leave saying,
I miss him so much.
how did this post end up being about him????
it always ends up being about him.
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