Thursday, September 21, 2006

   Its kinda just gonna go which ever way it wants to!
I know this makes NO SENSE but its the perfect way to describe my life right now, NO SENSE.


Okay first off, I told Jessica that if i ever stop liking Dima, she can slap me & say 'i told you so'

well, a couple months back, i said i was through with skaters & jackasses..apparently not. Well i am. For good.

I guess i'll be getting slapped soon..


So there's this guy, right?
and he's like, perfect for me...
and he looks almost EXACTLY like MIxe, which means he looks like Sonny. Except, he's taller than me. And he's not emo or rocker, or whatever you call their style.


He's a loner. He has long black hair, up to hus shoulders. He wears a friggin white tee every day. I have never seen him smile. I stare at him all day in 4th period & i KNOW he's noticed because a)i make it obvious. like REALLY obvious. on purpose and b) ive seen him look at me through the corner of his eye. And im like 'just fucken go!!' but its not his fault. I know how he is, even tho ive never spoken to him. Im the same way. The other day brunch was over & me & crystal were going to class. She went to hers & i went to mine. The door was open & kids were standing there, finishing brunch. me & him walk in at the smae time. I go in first but he's like right there, and i look up & i give him that goddmaned fucken smile. That fucken smile of mine!! i hate it. its one of those 'you know what i want & i want you' smiles that i always give to the guys im really into. You know im into a guy if i smile at him like that. ANd he looked down at me, cuz he's taller & stuff & he gave me THAT look. I always get it. and i got it from him today, except it was slightly different. Its kinda like an 'oh shittt' thing. or maybe its like 'oh shiznitz!'
its so funny, i'll look at a guy & he sees me & his eyes like, widen. hahaha yeaaa im lookin at chuuu boii. hahaha. He's the only one i wnat right now. He is that rare kinda guy, who makes me just wanna scream. or bite my nails off. Many times i have been tempted to just get up & class & go over to him & steal his homework. I dunno, dont ask, i couldnt answer anyway haha. Today at brunch, i was walking with my paris & my crystal, and we passed him. i was closest to him. but i didnt look at him or smile cuz i didnt want Parsi to see. She cant know. not until im sure. But when we had passed, i looked back & smiled. and when we stopped at Crystal's locker, i saw him looking my way. duh.
I wanna get him wrapped around my finger. I want him to loosen up my buttons. haha. i want him to know that i need him. But how do i do any of this??

Yesterday, i realized i really do truly want him. Its not just a weekly thing. We were at the bank & i saw him & this dude at this resturant & i froze up. That dude, ive seen him by my house, a lot. And they left together too, with one of their'or both of their parents. I really dont know.


But i know one thing, maybe i should LEARN HIS NAME.


thats right, i dont know his name. He might know mine, cuz he sits by Emily, and all day in class she was saying 'Hi mana!!' really loud & waving, then going 'she said hi to me'
but he's not the type to pay attention to stuff. He's distant, like me...and when he walks home, he walks on one side of the sidewalk, like i do. but i do it cuz i have OCD. i dunno why he does it... he doesnt even look when Jesse does something totally weird, totally funny or totally loud in class. Thats why i like him. Any guy that can ignore Jesse is my kinda guy. Even tho me myself cant ignore Jesse. He's just too darn cute with his ADHD!!!
but this guys much cuter. to me.
Maybe, if i get over it, i'll talk to him tomorrow...
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