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• LilSluggaFFTL
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• clinically_xdead
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Birthday
• 1991-12-29
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Female
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• Californiaa<3
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• 2005-11-07
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• PreZ
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• Haileyy
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• drawing for Sonny Moore, establishing Dumbledore's Army at my high school
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• Pokemon!!
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• Pokemon,Chobits,FMA,Cowboy Bebop,Sailor Moon,Wolf's Rain,Case Closed,Urusei Yatsura!! Furi Kuri!!!!!!!!!
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• be a better artsist, move to L.A.
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• drawing, the D.A.
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• drawing, runnning things
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
update
today, I brought a sharp object to my skin for the first time in over a year..I dont know if Im ashamed to say it, but it felt so good.
I just couldnt take another day of suffering, I had to ease it somehow...
I am not going to do anything stupid, I just need to settle down. And give my life time to heal.
He said he was ashamed of us today..that we were all good for nothings, except my sister.
I wanted to cry. So bad.
But i couldnt do it.
I honestly cannot think of anything that would make him say that.
And what did I do??
All my life, have i ever let him down?
NO. i havent.
I thought that him of all people understood me.
my own father.
I thought he knew how it felt to suffer every day, and not be able to do a goddamn thing about it.
If i could stop it, i would.
Im tired of this. They wont let me see anyone for it, I cant get treatment.
And all the while its just getting worse. Telling me to stop wont do anything.
I CANT HELP IT.
I suffer from OCD, and a minor case of ADD, as wel as border line tourettes..
but I think if this keeps going on, if i dont get treated for it, & my stress level gets higher, it wont just be border line anymore, and the last thing I want is to be like those kids on true life.
my best friend is stepping on my heart, and she doesnt know it.
On tuesday, her & jessica & cynthia, dima, dimitri, and austin are supposed to ditch on tuesday, and theyre gonna bring alcohol & weed.
I cant take it.
thats the day im gonna break.
last time she drank & got high like that, she made out with cynthia.
If she does anything with him, I wont be able to take it.
The ONE GUY ive ever loved..
my only other love was, and still is, a girl.
I will always love her in a way ive never loved anyone before. Not even him.
So please, if i break on Tuesday, if i have one more day of crying, my eyes red, save me.
I know the point will go deeper into my skin, and it will go a lot more often, but for once, im okay with that.
MCR in 2 weeks.
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