Monday, July 31, 2006

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN...
GREETINGS... FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS I MIGHT WRITE SLOWER THAN USUAL DUE TO A WOUND CLOSE TO THE TENDONS AND NERVES. IT PAINS TO SAY THIS BUT ITS QUITE PAINFUL AND I DONT WANT TO LOOSE THE FUNCTIONALITY IN MY HAND SO ILL WRITE A LITTLE SLOWER. ALSO THAT THE MEDS I AS ON NO LONGER KNOCK ME OUT, MEANING THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO GET ONLINE EARLIER THAN THE PAST WEEK OR SO.
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Thursday, July 27, 2006

TOMORROW I WONT BE ONLINE
WELL I HAVE TO GO BUY MY SCHOOL SUPPLIES. IM VERY STRICT ABOUT SCHOOL, ITS THE ONLY THING I DO, STUDY. BESIDES ITS ONE OF THE FEW PLACES I CAN GET AWAY FROM THIS HELLHOLE I LIVE IN. MAYBE ILL CONNECT AROUND 6:00PM OR LATER. PM ME AND ILL ANSWER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.


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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A YEAR OF BLISS
IM NOT GONNA WRITE A POEM. ILLL WRITE ABOUT THE TIME I SPENT IN THE ASYLUM. I WAS RELEASED A YEAR LATER. I WONT SAY ITS HORRIBLE, BECAUSE OTS THE MOST PEACEFUL PLACE IVE EVER BEEN. ITS GREAT, NO ONE TO HURT YOU AND THEY ALWAYS TREATED ME NICELY. BUT SOMETIMES THEY GOT AGRESSIVE, ONLY WHEN I HAD A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE OR STARTED TO FIGHT. THE ONLY THING IVE NEVR LIKE ITS THAT THEY WOULDNT ALLOW ME TO HAVE ANY SHARP OBJECTS. IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME GOING A WEEK WITHOUT SEEING MY FLESH OPEN AND TASTING MY BLOOD. BUT I MAGED TO SNEAK A LITTLE SHARD OF GLASS. OH HOW I MISSED THAT FEELING. ANYWAY THEY FOUND OUT BECAUSE SOME BITCH RATTED ME OUT. I MADE SURE SHE REGRETED DOING THAT.I ACCIDENTALLY, I STILL HAD THE SHARD WITH ME, CARVED HER FACE.
BUT SHE WAS REMOVED AND PLACED SOMEWHERE ELSE.IM SURE THAT LEFT A SCAR OR TWO. ANYWAY SINCE THAT INCIDENT I WAS IN A CONFINED AREA SO IT WAS VERY QUIET AND ALONE, PEACEFUL. IN THE METTER OF SCHOLL I HAD A PERSONAL TECHER, BUT I WAS ALLOW TO GO TO MY SCHOOL ONCE A MONTH, BECAUSE THE DOC SAID IT WOULD HELP ME INTEGRATE INTO SOCIETY AGAIN, NOT THAT IVE EVER BEEN IN IT.
TO FINISH I WOLD LIKE TO SAY THAT IM HAPPY IM NOT BACK THERE, BECAUSE I CAN AT LAST HAVE SOME FREEDOM AND CAN POST ANYTIME, I MISSED THIS PLACE.


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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

BACK FROM THE EXAM..
WELLL I DIDNT END UP IN THE ASYLUM BUT IVE BEEN GIVEN SOME ANTIPSYCHOTICS AND SOME OTHER STUFF.THE DOC. SAID IM NOT TOO BAD AND THAT I DONT NEED TO BE IN THE AYLUM,BUT IF I GET WORSE ILL BE THERE. HE ALSO SAID THAT IM LETTING MY ALTER EGO MORE,THATS NOT TRUE,ETHEIR WAY IM ALWAYS WITH THE ALTER EGO,LIKE RIGHT NOW.
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I WONT BE HERE TOMORROW...
THE REASON IS THAT I MUST GO TO A PSYLOGICAL EXAM, ANOTHER ONE. MAYBE THIS TIME ILL BE CASTED IN THE ASYLUM. BUT THATS JUST WISHFUL THINKING. ANYWAY IF EVERYTHING GOES AS I EXPECT ILL BE AWAY FOR SOME TIME. BUT ILL PROBABLY COME BACK IN ABOUT A MONTH. OR MAYBE ILL STAY WHERE I AM AND ILL GET SOME DRUG OR WHATEVER. BUT WHATEVER THE OUTCOME, ILL ALWAYS COME BACK,EVEN IF ITS IN A YEAR LIKE LAST TIME.

WITH RESPECT,
ATTILA(KRIZIA)
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

CRIMSON TEARS FROM DEEP SCARS
FOR HOW LONG MUST THIS SUFFERING ENDURE? WHY IS THIS FEELING TORMENTING MY SOUL? HOW COME TIS TEARS ARE NEVER SEEN?
WHY IS A TRACE OF JOY SO PAINFUL?WHY CAN'T I REMEBER LOVE,HAPPPINES OR PEACE?
"TIME HEALS EVERYTHING", THEY SAY, BUT IT HASN'T HEALED THESE SCARS OF MINE. THEY ARE TOO DEEP TO HEAL. THESE SCARS HAVE CREATED MY IDENTITY. I HAVE ADOPTED THEM AND LIVED ON THEM.
SOME SAY I'M CRAZY, SOME SAY I'M WEIRD, OTHERS SAY I'M SCARY. BUT THE FEW THAT KNOW ME HAVE THE KNWOLEDGE OF WHAT I TRULY AM.
THE TEARS DROP UNNOTICED WHILE THE SCARS RUN DEEPER WITHIN MY SOUL.MEMORIES ARE LIKE POISON, THEY ONLY BRING MORE PAIN AND SORROW.THESSE SCARS HAVE MADE MY HEART COLD AS STEEL.WITHOUT EMOTION,WITHOUT LIFE.THE POISON RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS AND KILLS WHAT LITTLE HUMANITY IS LEFT IN ME.
I HAVE WARMTH IN MY FLESH, YET IM NOT ALIVE. I HAVE A HEART, BUT ITS DEAD.
THIS HEART OF MINE IS TOO SMALL TO HAVE ANY CREVICES, IT HAS SPACE FOR NOTHING.
I DON'T FEEL, I DON'T NEED AND I DON'T GIVE ANY EMOTIONS. I AM DEAD.
I'M COMPLETELY CLULESS OF WHAT LIFE MEANS.THIS IS NO LIFE. BEING A GHOST AMONG HUMANITY IS NOT LIVING.IT IS ONLY MERE EXISTANCE.
SOMEONE, PLEASE RELEASE OF THIS MEANINGLESS EXISTANCE.I HAVE NO PURPOSE, LET ME GO INTO OBLIVION.
PLEASE, RELEASE THIS BODY OF THE PAIN,AGONY,SORROW AND ANGST. LET ME DIE, SO I CAN FINALLY BE AT PEACE.IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO RELEASE THIS BODY OF ITS DEAD SOUL.
HOW MANY TIME HAVE I TRIED TO RELEASE MYSELF OF THIS BODY?EVERYTIME THEY BRING ME BACK TO MAKE THINGS EVEN WORSE.
EVERY SINGLE SCAR IN MY FLESH REMIND ME EVERYDAY OF WHY I MUST DIE.
RIVERS OF BLOOD RUN TIME AFTER TIME, UNTIL THE TEARS TURNED INTO BLOOD. THE BLOOD THAT WILL RELEASE ME AT LAST.
IT SEEMS THAT I WILL PASS INTO HELL DROWNED IN A RIVER OF CRIMSON WATERS.

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Monday, July 10, 2006

REBIRTH
COULD THIS BE TRUE? IS THIS REAL?WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
ITS AS IF IN JUST A SECOND MY LIFE WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN...
EVERYTHING STARTED TO GO WRONG, WHAT I SUSPECTED BECAME REALITY...
ALL THIS EVENTS HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE PERMANENTLY, NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE THE SAME, INOCENSE, HAPPINESS,PEACE...
THEY HAVE ALL ABANDONED ME FOREVER,NO LONGER WILL PURE THOUGHTS ROAM IN MY MIND,FOR I NO LONGER HAVE INOCENSE...
NO LONGER SHALL I TRUST SOMEONE,I ONLY TRUST MYSELF AND WHAT I CAN ACOMPLISH, EVERYONE IS EXPENDABLE, THEY ARE NOT VITAL FOR MY SURVIVAL...
THE ONLY THINGS I NEED TO SURVIVE ARE MYSELF,NO OTHER THING IS NEEDED...
NO ONE HAS EVER NEEDED ME , I ONLY HAVE MYSELF...
TO THEM IM A GHOST, HELL WAIT, I DONT EVEN EXISTTO THE WORLD, MY PRESENCE IS NEVR THERE,MY EXISTANCE HAS NO MEANING TO THE WORLD,IT HAS NO PURPOSE...
IM GRATEFUL THAT AT LAST I HAVE AWAKENED TO REALITY AND NOW ITS ALL CLEAR...
AS MY EXISTANCE IS NOT PRESENT, I DISTANCE MYSELF FROM EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ME HUMAN;"FAMILY,FRIENDS..."IN FACT FROM ALL HUMANITY...
THE ONLY THING THAT CAN EASE MY SORROW AND PAIN IS WHEN I HAVE CONTROL OVER HUMANITY, THEIR SOULS AND THEIR FATES...
DAY BY DAY, MY SOUL HAS WITHERED AWAY...
DAY BY DAY,MY HEART GETS COLDER...
DAY BY DAY,MY SPIRIT DIES IN LONELINESS,THEREFOR,I LOOSE ALL DAY BY DAY...
ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED HAVE KILLED THE WEAK AND USELESS BEING THAT ONCE LIVED INSIDE THIS CORPSE...
WHATEVER DEVOURED MY SOUL HAS ALSO EATEN MY HEART, KIND EMOTIONS NO LONGER WANDER IN THIS BODY...
IM SATASFIED WITH THE CHANGES, IM NO LONGER WEAK AND USELESS...
IM STRONGER THAN EVER...
I HAVE NOTHING TO PROTECT, NO LONGER EMOTIONS STAND IN MY WAY, FOR THEY ARE ONLY MADE TO SUFFER...
NOW ONLY HATRED,ANGER,COLDNESSAND LUST FOR BLOOD, POWER AND SUPERIORITYROAM INSEDE ME, NOW THE WORLD WILL KNOW THE TRUTH OF MY DEAD SOUL...
YOU WILL ALL SEE THE CREATION OF THIS DECAYING AND CORRUPT WORLD...
MY MASTER PREPARED ME FOR THIS, I AM THE ONE WHO WILL END TIS PITIFUL WORLD, MASTER I WILL DO YOUR BIDING, EVERY SINGLE HUMAN WILL SUFFER FOR ETERNITY IN MY HANDS...
MY REBIRTH HAS MARKED THE END OF THIS WORLD,HUMANITY MUST BE READY FOR PUNISHMENT, THIS IS THE TIME FOR US DEMONS TO BRING HELL IN THIS PLANET AND ENJOY THE APOCALYPSE

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Tuesday, July 4, 2006

The true nature of the Gods
For eons divine beings have existed, yet their existance is dull and forsaken within the pages of history...
Once humans worshiped them yet ,never truly believed in them, it was fear of death and pain that made them superior...
But what is a God without followers? They are just a myth and slowly but surely become distant memories of a once blind race...
The Gods dont save anyone, you alone can change your destiny, they only watch the suffering and decaying of the human race.For how much longer can we stand this nonsense of believing in gods that never ansewr, never do anything but observe as we drown in misery, insanity and death...
In the end we are left alone and can only hope to survive ,even if its a miserable existence.Its human nature to want to live,but what happens when its robbed of tis only happiness in this rotting and dying world?
The human soul can be so strong, it can give you the courage to face your demons and survive to live another day, or it can be fragile, only one thought can make you die and make your life even more mserable and end up oblivious of what the future could have for you...
Gods have all the time in their hands to find new ways to make us suffer,it is true they cant intervine directly, but only a small influence can change the way people think.
Gods only play with the soul,they are eternal its their way of having fun in Nirvana...
They envy us because every moment in a humans life is precious because it can be taken away, we have so little time to discover our world and ourselves that we never truly know the meaning of our existence. Gods have an eternity to learn,feel,to discover.We prize every joyful moment ,it could be the last one, they dont know happiness because they have it all, forever .History tries to erase them but their so vile and wretched that even eons passed and the human race remenbers their actions.Its only human nature to question everything, but its only the nautre of the Gods to try and hide the answers.Gods are no more than us, we choose to belive in them or just let them stay in oblivion for eternity.Only the gods can make the human soul rise above everything, or break it to see how the body survives without a willing soul.

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Monday, July 3, 2006

IT HAS BEEN AN ETERNETY SINCE I POSTED
IM BACK IN ACTION AND HERE TO MAKE EVERYONE SORRY FOR LIVING. WELL IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME BUT ITS REALLY COMPLICATED . NOT REALLY, I MOVED 3 TIMES AND WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO SETTLE IN MY PROGENITOR SAID:LETS "MOVE, I FOUND A BETTER PLACE ".SO I WAS MOVING ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT NOW IM PLANNING TO STAY FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS. SO ILL BE HERE EVERYDAY AND NIGHT. TO ALL MY FELLOW COMRADES , HOPE TO SPEAK WITH YOU SOON.
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Tuesday, August 9, 2005

INNER DARKNESS
THE CLOSER YOU GET TO THE LIGHT,THE GREATER YOUR SHADOW BECOMES...

OPEN YOUR HEART TO DARKNESS...

EVRYONE,EVN THE SO CALLED PURE ONES HAVE DARKNESS WITHIN THEM...

LET YOUR DARKNESS BE FREE,LET IT BECOME ONE WITH YOU ...

BUT BE CAREFUL,IF ITS NOT CONTOLED IT WILL CONSUME YOU...

NOT MANY CAN WHITSTAND THE POWER OF DARKNESS ,BUT THE FEW OF US THAT CAN,WELL,THEY HUNT US FOR BEING OURSELVES,FOR BEING DIFFERENT...

YOU SEE,WHAT MANKIND CAN'T UNDERSTAND THEY DESTROY...

WE ARE A RARE BREED ,ONE MIGHT SAY...

FOR CENTURIES WE'VE BEEN HUNTED,BETRAYED AND TORTURED...

BUT NOW IS OUR TURN TO TYAKE THE HUNTER;S ROLE...

HUMANITY WAS WARNED,JOIN US NOW AND FIGHT IN THE LAST BATTLE FOR HUMANITY...
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