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myOtaku.com: Lost Eyes


Saturday, November 3, 2007

   Am I really childish?
Okay so I'm fifteen years old. A sophomore in high school. Pretty normal, right? That's where it stops.

I've never been on a date. I've never had a guy remotely interested in me. Not like my friends. Neko for instance is really pretty and thin. We're both smart. Even if I'm not as smart as she is. I'm not at thin as she is. She doesn't say I'm fat but everyone thinks it. I know I think it.

Neko thinks I'm weird because I also have this weird phobia of men too. I've never had a boyfriend before so I'm not really used to being touched around my waist or shoulders. (In chemistry we had to do something for an example with dancing and Steph put her hand on my lower back and I almost had a nervous breakdown) I hust feel really pathetic. Because of my phobia I become really rude to a lot of guys out of feat that they are just talking to me to tease me. If I'm mean, in my mind, I can't get teased.

I don't really plan on getting married either. I know this is weird. But unlike most humans, I don't want to have sex out of the fear of getting and STD or getting pregnant. I'm a very large prude when it comes to PDA. Even when it comes to displayed affection behind closed doors.

But also a big part of me wants all of it. I just don't think its possible. So does all of this make me a child?
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