Thursday, September 21, 2006

Be My Escape
Songs lyrics cuz I'm bored and trying to prolong doing my homework. lol.
"Be My Escape" Reliant K
I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away and I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key and I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me and even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here and I’m begging You, I’m begging you, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key and I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me and even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake, I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made and all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me and even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake. I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You
-puppy PS: yeah, very bored.

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six minutes with you
Okays. For starters, how's everyone doing?! lol. I'll tell you about yesterday first.
Okay you know those Highschool guys who tried to take my skirt off in public...well, I was walking out yesterday morning to the bus, and they were standing at the bottom of my steps. And all that was processing in my mind was: "oh, fuck!"
But all they wanted to do was apologize and give me hugs...so I was like...that's weird. So I guess we're okay now.
Then after classes I went to dance troupe...and passed out half-way through...same reason as last time. Hey, I thought I was okay until I just suddenly went ka-boosh.
Okay, moving on to today. I'm totally broke...so I decided to haul my ass out early to the bus stop and sing my heart out. Luckily, people were nice, so I got enough money for lunch, and 2 bus rides! YAY! ^_^
Luckily I passed my Math test! YAY! It was a 90...but my parents freak out on anything below a 92...so I dunno how that's gonna blow over with them.
But I did miss most of school today. No, I did not go to the hospital. XD Actually, my friends pitched in some money to send me to another therapist *mad eye twith* who's offering low priced self-image help classes because they're tired of me calling myself ugly. *sigh* The class didn't help at all, it actually made me hate myself even more, but I'm not going into that.
Okay, well. Hope everyone's well. Byeas!
-puppy

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
*yawn* I'm so tired. Okay, well, I haveta post early today cuz I wont be home till 7:30 cuz of dance troupe. And I don't haveta be in school till 9 today, which rocks, cuz then I have an extra day to study for my Algebra test...well, at least we're all hoping.
I'll try and catch the bus this morning, one of those buses the highschoolers don't take. Avoiding as much as possible, ya know? Makes me feel better anyway. lol.
Last night I went out and saw The Wickerman by myself, and I swear, I was the only person in the whole god damned theatre...so I was calling my friends on my cell phone and I'm like "I'm so bored." Yeah, so I don't recomend that movie, it was kinda like The Village with a slightly better plot.
Oh, and yesterday (i forgot about it) I had to reaudition for choir cuz it turns out that 100 people wanted to join, but she only wanted the best 25. And I made it!! YAY! lol. But I hate the leader of the Alto group, she's really a snob...seriously, she's so full of herself.
Well, that's about it. I probably wont be able to comment today, since i know I'll have a shitload of homework, and I have 2 unfinished fanarts lying around...well, actually 3, but I keep ripping it up cuz it sucks, lol. I hope everyone has a great day!
-puppy
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

She's always known as someone who can always smile, and cheer up your day, even though her eyes betray her and her days seem numbered
Well...eh-heh, another eventful day!
When I was walking to school (yeash, I left really early and walked 50 blocks) I almost got gang raped by some Bayonne High Kids (it's the kinda school where good kids are so afraid they'll get shot or stabbed or the like) and they were all mad at me because my skirt was too long for "their liking". (judging from yesterday, I guess I was kinda scared. lol) So they try to pull my skirt off! OMG, and they were touchin' me...it was so weird...then I kicked and ran. I had forgotten my cell phone today.
Then during physics, which is in my 2nd block (technically 4th) I passed out. According to my classmates, I stood up like I was gonna ask to go to the bathroom or something, then I just crashed to the floor like a rock. XD
They said it was due to poor nutrition and stress...and now that I think about it, I haven't eaten a proper meal in 5 days, and my mom and I had a big fight last night, so I stayed up crying half the night...so I guess that was the stress part.
So I haveta go for a follow up soon. Cuz they think I'm trying to kill myself again. >_< *sigh*
I hope everyone else is doing better! ^_^
-puppy
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Monday, September 18, 2006

   I can't even find the right words to describe what you do to me
Okay...today was really weird...so I figured I'd tell you about it all.
Okay, first...I was called to the office around 10 AM this morning...and I was like What? So the Dean of Studies or whatever (lol) tells me that my mom forgot to tell me that my doctor had scheduled me to see another doctor down a little South of where I live. Then she shoves a bunch of train schedules in my hands...and tell me "good luck, get there by 1PM." and I was like "Great."
Fortunately I made it there just in time. And I go into see this doctor, and turns out he's some kinda Physciatrist. (okaaay...) So he was all like "do you know why you're here?" and I was like "yeah, cuz some woman told me I had to be here." And he was like "Good try, cutie. But no, you're doctor wanted you to see me. I'm Dr. Pervartitris (or something like that)" so I was like "okay...now what..?" and he was all like "AWWWWW!! Okay, I'm just gonna ask you some questions...and from some oath thingy I took a while ago it says that this conversation stays just between you and me, so nothing leaves this room!" So I stop looking at him and say "uhm...okay?" Then we was all like, "Aw, you're so cute!! Lets start!" (my mind: and you're so weird.)
So he's asking me a bunch of questions about what I think about life, and my parents, my friends, my school, my musical preferances...yatayatayata.
Then he finally asks me "What do you think keeps you sane?" And I was like....that's weird. But I answer that "probably if I didn't have my friends on TheO that I'd probably be all screwed up and depressed all the time. I mean, like, they're all great for even liking me, and they're really nice to me...well most of them, cuz there was this weird thing once, but whatever, they don't count, it's over. But I love all my friends on TheO. A lot more than anybody now since my best friend's dead."
And he just burst out, "Awwwww! *cries* That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard! I'm so happy I recorded everything!" And I was just like...what?! And he was like..."yeah, I actually made two coppies, one for me and one for you! Happy?"
And I was like "Hell no! I'm out of here!"
Then just as I was going for the door he launches himself at me, and clutches at me leg, screaming "nonono!!" (my mind: god damnit) Then I'm just tring to shake him off without hurting him. And then I see a flash and hear a click...and then he says "I love your panties!!!" And I was like OMFG, he didn't...he did! I mean like...I wore my nice pair today cuz I ran out of my regulars...but omg, he took a picture! Then he stood up and said "I wonder if your bra matches!!" Then he starts pulling on my shirt, and actually backs me up into the wall and breaks my shirt buttons. And he's like "OMG, they do. CUTE!!" And I was like...is he gonna rape me?! I'm not pretty enough for that! Then I'm thinking omg, he has to be like 50.
Then, he tries to kiss me, and I was like HELL NO! I didn't want to waste my first kiss on this guy. I first tried kicking him in the nuts...but all he did was laugh! He was all like, "AW! I like 'em fiesty! Hehehe!" And I start freaking out at that point cuz he's tugging on my skirt, and then he copps a fucking feel!
I snapped. I outright broke his nose, smashed his camera and recorder to bits, gathered what dignity I had left, pulled my shirt closed, fixed my skirt, and ran for it.
Seriously, when I got back to school everyone was like, "why is your skirt so long now?" And I was like, "you don't wanna know..."
So there's some pointless rambling for ya. lol. Hope everyone's okay!
-puppy
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

art!
Lol, yeah, I just uploaded some new art, check it out if you have some free time, it should appear in like an hour. And I guess I've decided not to re-upload my old ones...it'd just take too much time, and I kept the votes anyway, so I guess it's okay. lol. If anyone wants to see a certain one re-uploaded again, please tell me in a PM. Thanks!
-puppy
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wow
Well, Hiya. lol.
Last night that cute altar boy actually stole my adress from the priest and hitched a ride to see me! I was like OMG, no way.
He took me out to the movies, and I didn't even bother asking my rents, I just left...and I later got thrashed for it.
We went to see "the convenant". I really liked it! But wow, he was such a scaredy cat! So we like cuddled the whole movie cuz he was so scared. I'm not saying that I hated it...eh-heh. ^///^
Then later we went to Houlahans. Which was really nice. Then we took a walk in the park, and I got to see the stars, something I can rarely do anymore.
So...all in all, that made me feel a lot better that he was willing enough to risk his hide to get all the way down to see me. ^_^
So, yeah. That was about it. Oh, but...all my other friends like avoid me now. I keep calling them and asking why my best friend wont answer her cell...and they're all like "omg..." and then I remember, and I start crying...and they like slowly hang up...*sigh* It's gonna be one loooong year...
Hope everyone's well, cuz well, I'm feeling a little better from that car crash...well, actually I can't tell cuz I'm all numb...and I sit here asking myself..."how am I gonna be able to go to dance troupe tonight?!" >_< Talk to everyone later.
-puppy
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Saturday, September 16, 2006

Collide
Well....I just got back from the funeral...a lot happened. So I guess the best place to start at is from the begining.
My parents didn't want to take me with them in their car, so I went with my best friend's parents. It was a very long car ride, so I put my good clothes in a bag and wore my PJ's.
Then, through the irony of it, we got into a car accident due to a drunk driver. (Who the hell gets drunk at 5 in the morning?!) And I went straight through the windshield (her father sat in the back because they figured that I would need some air so I don't get car sick). Luckly I only got a few pieces of glass stuck into me, and since we clashed head on, I wasn't run over. So we were all lucky, the car we took was their old one, I didn't die, the other guy got arrested, and my Pj's got ripped up instead of my good clothes.
So we get there the rest of the way safely. And the priest instructs the cutest altar boy I've ever seen, after looking me up and down, to follow me wherever I go. I was kinda too depressed to care if he was good looking or not. And I told said cute boy that I needed to go to the bathroom to change my clothes and bandages. And he was trying to follow me into the bathroom!! I was like PERV! And slammed the door in his face. But then he burst open the door...and I didn't have my top on...and I was like God damn it. But he was really nice about it...he came in and shut the door behind him, and helped me redo my bandages. So I forgave him for seeing me like...half-naked.
Everything goes normal, as normal as death can be. Lots of crying. Then it's my turn to sing the songs...and well...I did a really good job according to all their faces and compliments after the funeral. I was looking everywhere but her coffin. And at the end of the third song, I just couldn't take it, I looked down...and I started crying. I couldn't finish the song. And then I did the worst thing possible...I fucking passed out right then and there. I'm so lucky that the altar boy caught me, or else I could've cracked my head open...then slowly have bleed to death. Then everyone else is crying cuz they thought I dropped dead, the priest is pulling out his cell phone. Everyone said it was really hectic.
When I finally opened my eyes, they said I'd been out for about an hour. Then, omg, I looked up and was staring at the cute boy's face (which I later learned his name was Joe). He'd actaully carried me out of the church and I was using his lap as a pillow!!! *insert raging blush* ^///^
And well, that was about it, he actually left his home town and stood next to me as they lowered my friend into the ground. It was really nice of him, and it felt really nice to cry onto him, and actually have a guy hold me. I guess I was really happy he was there.
Okay...that's about it. I'll never see him again, though. So I'm sad about that also. I need to go lie down now...due to "blood loss". lol. It wasn't that bad...okay, yeah, it hurt like hell. But whatever. I hope everyone is having a better day than me. -puppy
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Friday, September 15, 2006

   If the world seems cold to you, kindle warm fires to it....
Hi. Well...today was really emotional for me...always looking over next to the empty seat next to me...where my best friend used to sit. And I broke down a lot today. I got a lot of weird stares...but, today, I didn't care, it didn't matter...my other friends were really supportive today though, always bringing me tissues.
I was also asked to sing 3 of her and my favorite song that we used to sing together all the time at her wake...I don't know how I'll ever do it. Knowing that my friend is right next to me in a coffin...and I've already ruined my singing voice today cuz I cried so much.
So, basically, that's what my day was full of...crying.
So I'll lwave you guys with the lyrics to the songs I'm supposed to sing. You've already read one of them in my last post.
"One Day At A Time" Jonas Brothers (I'll be using a chorus for this one)
Wednesday I came home from school
Did my homework in my room
Then I watched some TV...I still miss you
Thursday morning went online
Got to school at half past nine
Wound up in detention....I still miss you

Everything I do (oh) brings me back to you

And I die one day at a time
'Cause I just cant seem to get you off my mind
No matter how I try....try to kill the time
Well I think that im just going crazy
One day at a time

Friday I got out of bed
Tried to smile, frowned instead
Burnt some toast for breakfast.I still miss you
Saturday I turned 16
Never dreamt you'd act so mean
You didn't even call me...but I still miss you

And When I turn 94
I think ill miss u even more

And I die one day at a time
'Cause I just can't seem to get you off my mind
No matter how I try...try to kill the time
Well I think that im just going crazy
One day at a time

I miss you more than I did a min ago
I climb a mountain just to here your echo (hoo, hoo) All I wanted was you
Tell me please do u think of me now and then
Cause if I never see you again, I still miss you

And I die one day at a time
'Cause I just can't seem to get you off my mind
No matter how I try...try to kill the time
Well I think that im just going craaazy
One day at a time

(Oooo) One day at a time
Well I think that im just going crazy one day at a time (aaaaaah)
(Ooooo) I think im going crazy (ooooooo)
One day at a time...

"Because You Loved Me" Celine Dion (my solo piece/piano solo)
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by youuuuu

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cuz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you(oooo!!)

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cuz you believed
I'm everything I am because you loved me(x2)

I'm everything I am.....because you loved me....oooh. I'm everything I am....because you loved meeeeee.....
-puppy



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Thursday, September 14, 2006

What Hurts The Most
I just learned that one of my best friends has died in a car accident...and I'm really gonna miss her so much. I just saw her yesterday, too. And we sung some Kareoke...and she was all like "Best friends for life, right, Lauren?! YEAH! If I died tomorrow, I'd be happy knowing that I have a great friend." And...then she's dead.
So I'm gonna leave you guys with the song we sung right before she passed.
"What Hurts The Most" Rascal Flatts (ironic right?)
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me.
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me.
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me...

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I’m doin’ it.
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone.
Still harder...
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret, but I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart...
That I left unspoken....

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do.....

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