Friday, February 16, 2007

*sigh* I'm back. For now. Don't expect a whole lot of me yet. I'm still workin things out. It's not as heated and complicated. I might tell you someday. After it's gone away. Which may never really happen.. If people can't learn how to drop something... -_- God I laugh friends... female friends inparticular. Especially the ones that bring drama on their backs wherever they may go. It's wonderful. X3 Some more bad news... I SPRAINED MY ANKLE! T^T That means no skating for pretty much at least a week. That makes mesad. I've gone ten years without hurting myself skating. Then one day comes along, right before my school goes on break and BAM! I sprain my ankle. God must really love me. ^^ Well...... good news....? Yeah, I don't really have any.. I guess you could say that I came back! That's good news! Right? *sigh* I'm hopeless... In more ways than one. But we'll save that one for another time. They started FMA all over again. Ya know, I absolutely lve that show, but this is like, the 3 time through. It's killin me to continue watching it. They need to show the movie is what they need to do! XD Well.. I need to go watch Fantasia. So I'll see about coming and getting back on later. Edit: For those who can watch YouTube videos... Here! Everyone's a little bit racist! X3

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Monday, February 5, 2007

I'm really sorry you guys. I haven't been around much. There's a lot of shit going on right now. So I really don't want to have to say this, but it could be a while til the next time you hear from me. I've got a lot of things I need to do and figure out. I'm barely finding time right now to type this. I hope you can understand. Please don't worry. I'll be fine. I've just got a lot to deal with right now.. But don't worry, I'll come back to you guys.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Hey everybody! How have yuo been? Good I hope! I just got done doing some morning visits. I'll try to get back on later to visit those who post later. ^^ I have to help my mom babysit AND dogsit. XD I love dogs! I'm excited. I was also invited to go sledding and to a movie today. So I'm gonna see how that all works out. Hopefully I can go. I have a little bit of money so that shouldn't be a problem. ^^ I can't make this long cuz Harley's here now. (the dog) So I better go visit him! And how about that theme changes? Any ideas? X3 See ya!

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry I couldn't come around last time I said I would. I did some visiting today, and it feels good. X3 Thanks so much for the support with my skating. It helps to hear what you all have to say. Actually, if any of you would like to see our program, and are able to watch videos on YouTube, Click here! If you can't watch them, I'm sorry for having to put you through that being there. Just a click away. I'm so mean! XD I'm not sure who took that video, but it's the only one I can find. And it's a bit screwy. It's like they sped the tape up or something. And it jumps. So just for your own knowledge if you watched it, We aren't THAT fast. It'd be nice though. ^^ I don't have much to say, so I guess I'll talk a little about school. It's going alright. My favorite class is still French. My class is hilarious and only has 12 people in it. My teacher is amazing. He's in the Navy. So he's a more serious guy. But lately, he's been loosening up and laughing a whole lot more. I like him bettr like he is now. He's more phone that way. And I have french ringtones so he let me get out my phone (for the second day now!) and play them. Only because it MC Solaar though. French rappers make my life! XD I hate eating lunch at my school SO much. I don't know ANYBODY in my lunch. all of my friends have A lunch. And I'm stuck in C. ALL year. I hate it. It kills me mood thinking of where I"m gonna sit today, or the nest. I hate when people watch me, espeacially when I'm alone and I'm just wondering looking for ANYBODY I know to eat with. It makes me so sad. And I'm probably better of eating in the bathroom.. It's horrible. Next year, I hope I have friends in my lunch.. Well, how have you all been? I sure hope you're doing well! Well.. I need to go et ready for church tonight. I gotsta shower before I go. I think I might straighten my hair as well.. ^^ I love my hair straight. Its's naturally curly so It's nice to have it straight for a change. Later! Edit: Oh! And what would you guys say if I said I was gonna change my theme again? Would any of you have any suggestions?

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Sunday, January 21, 2007

I know I didn't say anything about it when I left, but on Wednesday, I left to go to chicago. We were going to Chicago to compete at our biggest competition.. However, it turned into a 4 day mess. The entire team was getting mad at each other. People had horrible attitudes. Which of course, I'm the captain so of course I can take care of it. *note the heavy sarcasm* I was overloaded with things to deal with. everybody was stressed and in a foul mood. And to top it all off... We got dead last. It was very disappointing I'll admit. Things like getting last almost every competition would seem more bareable had we not had the season we had last year. We were #1 in our division last season. ALL SEASON. We had it made. But this season rolled around, and my coach decided we need a little more of a challenge and that we'd be in a higher division this year. Which is cool, I totally understand. but when you go from #1 to dead last in one season, it can get really discouraging. Needless to say, we didn't qualify for Nationals which is a sad thought. But there's always next season! That's what I'm looking foward to. And even though it would be awesome to have been captain of the #1 team, I'm still so proud of the way the girls on my team skated. We had an amazing skate. The best of our season. So... I'm hear to let you know about my absence. And that is why. I went out of town. Boy I've missed you guys. I really wish I had more time to visit today. I'm terribly sorry. First I'm gone for 4 days with out so much as a notice, then I come back and say I can't visit. Maybe tonight. But we'll have to wait and see what happens.

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Well... I talked to him last night.. He had said. I take it we're over? And I knew I just had to tell him how I felt. I could do anything about it any more. I couldn't keep running away. I had to stand up and face it. And it hurt to do that. But I knew it would only hurt MORE if I let it go on. But he said he understood. We talked and he said he would miss me. And that he'd always love me. Which makes it taht much harder to deal with it. It would have been so much easier if he had hated me after we talked. But he told me that you can't hate the ones you love. I feel like such a terrible person for letting all this happen. But I had to end it. I had to let go. I tried to hold on and keep things alive. But it just wasn't happening.. Thank you, all of you. Your words mean so much to me. I truly appreciate all the support you've been giving me and all the advice. And Jag, there's no way I could just ignore you. Not when you give me a monster comment like that. Your advice meant a lot when I read it. I may not, not have feelings for him. But I don't have enough to keep this going. I wish I didn't have to grow up. Stay a child forever. Never have to worry about problems. But that'd be so much worse than just facing them.. Once again, I could never tell you how much I love you guys! You're all like one big family to me. And by your reactions and comments, I know I can come to you guys anytime. And I know I will when I need to. I'm in a major visiting slump right now. So I'll hopefully be out of it soon so I will come and visit you guys. When you visit men, it makes me feel bad for not visiting you.. Well, it's dinner time.. And I need to eat some. Take care!

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Sorry for this late post.. Very emotional and VERY long. If you don't want to read it, I won't mind. But I've just got to get this out of me, somehow.. There's this boy. And I've liked him for a very long time. Like, over a year, long time.. And I had gotten to the point where I had fallen in love with him. I just loved everything about him. And he said he liked me too. But the only problem was we wouldn't be able to date or anythign for a few years. Which was fine. Because I understood that he was much older than I and that to everybody else, that wouldn't be right. So I accepted what wee were and what we had. But lately, things have turned toward the worst.We would make plans and then one of us would not be able to go. Until finally, we made plans for us two and my Nicole (my best friend) to go out to dinner. Me and Nicole were all ready and waiting at her house for him to come get us. We sat there for over an hour waiting for him.. We had called him numerous times, texted him, left him voicemails. Everything. But no answer. Then we get a message from him that night telling us that he had accidaentally left his phone at his parent's house and that he had spent the entire day with Ashley. Ashley, he says, has been one of his BFF's for a VERY long time. Which is understandable. But I know that he's liked her, A LOT, in the past. And it's not uncommon for someone to like their best friend. So he apologizes many many times. Til we just stop responding. By the next day, Nicole was pretty much over it. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to let it go. And I couldn't get over it. And I suddenly found myself distancing myself from him, talking to him less, rejecting all plans to hang out, everything. Until I found myself hardly even liking him at all. And I can't find the reason. We used to talk all day, every day pretty much. But now, we hardly even speak during the day. And last night, after church, I get a message from him. And I've gotten so emotionally detached from everything. I just glared at my phone and opened it to see what it said. And he had said that he doesn't knwo what's going through my mind, but no matter what he loves me. I couldn't handle that. I started bawling my eyes out. I didn't respond. I COULDN'T respond. I don't know what to say to that. "Hey that's cool, but I don't love you. At least not anymore..." Yea, that's not happening. I've been so emotionally scarred for so long. I just don't know what to do. I find myself thinking about him all the time (which it's been like that for months, so it's nothing new) But it's different thoughts now. I can't get things straight in my head. I've been so pressured by exams and all this other shit in my life, that I just didn't know what to do when he said that. I have yet to say anything back. Although I doubt I ever will. Am I being cold by doing that? Do I have the right to cause that kind of pain to anybody? To love and want someone so badly, but as soon as the love you back, suddenly you don't want anything to do with them? What do I do. I'm so lost and helpless. I feel horrible. Especially for Nicole, because she's stuck in the middle. After he ditched us for Ashley, and I started avoiding him, he started talking to her more and more and she would tell me how torn up he was and all this stuff. She wanted me to tell her what was going one and what I was feeling, so I wrote her a note to read. And she hugged me. We haven't talked about it at all. It's a bit awkward. Being anywhere near Jesse is awkward. I just don't know what to do or how to act. I'm pretty much crying right now. I've been so emotional ever since my dogs died. I don't think I've cried this much in years. It's like my once unbreakable defense, has shattered... I'm taking so many pills right now. And don't worry, I'm not ODing or anything. I'm just on sp many persriptions right now. And I don't think they're helping my mind any. I'm taking about seven different medications right now.. My muscle relaxers are my best friend right now. Motrin does nothing unless I take 3 Singular.. Ha! Is helping me from being sick. Monodox, keeps my face clear... So many things! I'm such a frickin pill popper. XD (A little happiness. But that's all) You guys, I'm so so SO sorry for this. I just know I can trust you all. And any support that is given is greatly appreciated. For those how even skimmed through this. I truly appreciate that. And for those who came by and saw how long this was and just left, I don't blame you. *hugs you all* My god I need help..

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Exams have started. 2 today, 2 tomorrow, and 2 Friday. Today was pretty easy. Computers and English. A LOT easier. Tomorrow I have French and Earth Science, Friday I have Aerobics and Math. So my exams are just gonna get a little harder each day. But thank god I'm studying. Even if it's only a little.. Ugh.. I'm getting ready to leave for the doctor's office. I think I might have pulled my hamstring Sunday. It's been hurting nonstop since then. And I really don't want it to be pulled. I've been doing everything I can to keep it on the healing track, icing it, taking it easy, keepin off it as much as possible.. Even putting IcyHot on it. My god does that stuff burn! XD But if I did pull it, then they'll tell me I won't be able to skate for at least a couple of weeks probably! If not more.. And my team competes in 2 weeks! It's the biggest competition of the year. I can't sit out.. It'd be a disaster! It's still somewhat of a disaster when I AM there. We need some cleaning up.. But I REALLY need to be able to skate! So please wish me luck with this trip to the doctors! I'm gonna be needing it.. I have a new picture drawn out. It's just the lineart though. I need to clean it up, ink it and color it. And then I'll have it scanned and uploaded for you all to see! It's nothing special really.. And I'm sorry I didn't come back on Sunday like I said I would. I was super busy. But at our last competition, my team placed fourth. Which isn't too bad. If we had gotten a couple more things called, we would have placed third. I mean, we were less than a point away! >.< So close.. Welp, I need to go!

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Thursday, January 4, 2007

I visited today! Everybody who posted today. I'm very happy with myself. I also got totally caught up in my Math class. Since I haven't been there for a while, my grade dropped down to a B. So now I have to try and bring it back up. Which I should be able to do. I turned in 4 worksheets today. But tommorow, I'm missing about half of Math.. I hate having it last hour. I'm going to Chicago tomorrow. And I won't be back til late Saturday. So I won't be around for a few days. My skating team is competing down there. So we gotsta drive down there. We should do pretty well. At least I hope we do. We've come a long way. And we've improved so much. I can't wait to see the turn out. This is one of the biggest competitions of the season. So it should be fun. Well, I hope you are all having a wonderful day! And for those of you who said you do have a deviantART account.. You wanna let me know what it is? pwetty pweeeeassse! *sticks out lip* XD I'll be back Sunday..ish to see how you all are doing! Until then!

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Wednesday, January 3, 2007

So, I've noticed that a lot of people have been wanting to join the OHSHC Club. And that makes me so happy! I had 6 new PMs and about 4 of them were about people wanting to join. I started keeping a list of the people that joined, but I can't remember if I got everybody who has. So here's a list of who's joined so far. XtOkYo-PiNkX JungWoo princess ookumae XPaPeR-aNgEl-AiX bbast naturalrookie13 I'm not sure if that's everybody, like I said. So if you joined, but your name isn't one of the names listed above, please tell me! Or if you want to join, I'd love that too! ^_^ So, the second half of my post goes like this... I HAVE A DA ACCOUNT NOW! ^_____^ I finally decided it was time to cave in and get one. With a little extra persuasion from Milkycat.. Curse yoooouu! But even though I don't understand how that site really works yet, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. Jut like when I joined MyO. I had troubles, I even had to get a new account cuz I screw my old one up. But through it all, you guys have stayed with me. And that makes me very happy. You guys are like one big happy family to me. And I love hearing about all the different things that go on with you all. And even though I get lazy and don't visit at times, you guys still visit me. And I love that. It really makes me happy. And I thought it was about time to let you guys know how much I appreciate you all. Every last one of you. I love you all!! ^___^ Just thought I'd throw a little bit of emotion into this post.. ^_^ But anywho, if any of you have a DA account, please let me know what it is! Mine's ShadowedTwilight. I'm definitely a total noob at DA. I love it. So any help is much appreciated! ^_^ Well, it's time for me to go. I don't think I'll have time to visit. Sorry guys. Exams are next week and I need to start trying harder to get my B's back up to A's. And I REALLY need to study. Although I probably won't. XD Just remember, Peace, Love and Gap. ^____^ Edit: This is for naturalrookie13. Crapzors! My plan didn't work like I thought it would. So here are the URLs for you. If you already know what to do with it, then you can skip the following explaination. If you don't, it's there waiting for you! ^_^ Just put each individual URL in an image tag. And put the entire tag in your profile. http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a197/death_to_me/clubbanner2.jpg http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a197/death_to_me/clubbanner.jpg God I hope that worked... ^_^

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