Friday, February 24, 2006

I'm sorry!!!!
Hey guys! I'm so sorry for not being around for so long!!!! I got grounded from the computer because i had a myspace, apparently that was a no on my dads list of "no no's" for our internet usage. but hey, what am i gonna do? oh i know! update now! lol, forgive me so my insanity i'm so happy that i get to be online i'm nearly floating. i'm obviously at my moms updating, because dad is still banning me like i'm undergoing some kind of code red punishment in the parent book. i personally think he WAY overreacted. i'm not the only one though.

my mom thinks it's all too rediculous, but alas i have no sawy in my fathers decision to torment me further with the lack of internet. i quite litterally have been having withdrawl.

okay so do you guys want the latest news? some of it is good, but some of it is sad. danny and i broke up. it was nothing that either of us did wrong, it was just the fact that we had no time to spend together. and i felt that it was wrong to keep him tied to a relationship that was lacking time. also, that girl myranda who was giving me so many problems a while ago, we have worked things out and are really good friends again, which made me really happy. my best friend brian and i have spent little to no time togethe, and he's leaving in less than a month. I don't know what to do, i feel horrible that we haven't spent any time together, but i really have no time. i jusy got the job i applied for and have been working crazy hours. plus i have school, sports, and yearbook to do. i'm losing dismally here when it comes to a contest against time. please pray for me. i also am helping my best friend matt to get a closer reltionship with God, he's doing well so far, but he's hesitating. he's been dissappointed so many times in his life and i love him dearly. so please pray for him.

Loudmusicrocks>gotta jet
Time>6:28pm

With coming home everynight at 9ish i've looked alot like this in most, if not all of my classes..
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Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Whisper
The latin chant in the outro is "servatis a periculum; servatis a maleficum", translated to "Save yourselves from evil, Save yourselves from danger.".

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die

Don't turn away
Don't try to hide
Don't close your eyes
Don't turn out the light
Don't turn away
Don't try to hide
Don't close your eyes
Don't turn out the light


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Saturday, January 28, 2006

   GUESS WHAT
guess what i got on my Spanish Regent you guys?!..well if you're not going to guess then i won't tell you..kidding i'm kidding.. i got a 93!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOO!! yay! yay! thanks for your support you guys ^_^

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>1:50am

I studied and it paid off..now i can read books in english! lol
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

"..i don't want to fall to pieces.." - Avril Lavigne
Hey guys, i've been so busy lately and emotionally stressed..so the fact that i'm even functioning right now is a bloody miracle.

well i got called into the office today because i don't want to go to this highschool field trip this year(that lasts 2 nights and 3 days), because of the crap that has been going on between me and some of the girls in the highscool. there are 2 who really just don't like me, mainly the girl myranda i keep telling you guys about, but i think her friend michele too now. i deal with the chaos of it at home, and school..and now my field trip? what's wrong with that picture? ALOT. i shouldn't think that school is unbearable..and that one girl michele has this huge crush on my best friend matt, and she's coming on really strong and he's getting mad. unfortunatly one night he took it out on me cause she stressed him out so bad, matt's weekness is being nice because he's that kind of great guy..but he needs to just shut her down. i know that sounds mean but it's come to the point where it needs to happen, he just needs to do something other than being nice to her. i've tried, but because of her he won't go to minvera unless i find a way to convince him..::sigh:: it's not fair that we're being chased away from things we love to do by two people, and i'm not dealing with it anymore.

our principal( a really awesome guy who is involved in our church, and alots of teens stuff) decided that if myranda doesn't get over herself and apologize for all the stuff she's done to us by monday, he's getting involved. i don't want to know what that means. so she has a deadline, and she better take care of it, because i'm not willing to find out what Mr.Mahany(our principal) means by that..

yesterday school was cancelled due to snow! yay!!! so i spent a whole three hours having a snow ball fight with my 3 sisters. we made two teams, i was on becca's, and sam was on abby's. becca and i kicked their butts!! HA! and we built the best sheild ever, so awesome that as they attacked our fort we had time to build a snow man lol.

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>10:17pm
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Thursday, January 19, 2006

okay, it's over. the verbal part of my regents is over. now i don't know that i'm supposed to talk about my grade for that part cause i didn't get the "ok" to freely talk about it yet. sooo, i shall keep you in the dark for now, sorry. but i can tell you that i passed. ^_^ thanks for all your support.

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>9:53pm
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

   Rain Check!!
guess what!? school was cancelled due to freezing rain. i didn't take my regents today and now i'm unsure of what is exactly going to happen now. i'm still worried about passing though, and i hope that my last minute studying isn't in vain.

i hope you guys all had a great day.

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>9:59
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

panic..
well..guess what i found out today? the first half of my spanish regents is tomorrow!? I'm freaking out..seriously..for some reason i thought i had a whole week left, but she said we're taking the other half next week and the verbal this week..TOMORROW!!!

seriously, i was planning to study all weekend and now it turns out i might have to pull nearly an all nighter to study! i'm freaking out! have i mentioned that? i think so..

sorry guys, i'm just a bit worried. wish me luck, a pray for me please! did any of you take the spanish regents?

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>9:51pm

that's probably what my room will look like after tonight, and i share my room with my sister sammy, there's a hand in that picture, by the time i fall asleep everything(including sammy) will probably be covered in papers..
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Saturday, January 14, 2006

"Now our hands are tied, the problems lie within." - Story of the Year
Hey, well sorry i haven't been around much lately. i haven't had much time. you guys remember the girl i was telling you about? myranda? well, she is "removing me from the back burner" so to speak..we were fighting like mad and she was trying to take me, and turn herself into a better version of me. well apparently she feels bad, and now is trying to make things right with me at least. however, the problem lies with the fact that she still picks fights with one of my best friends in the entire universe. so i'm not sure what to do, i don't want her to think that everything she did/ is doing to us is "ok", because it is far from that.

i seem to lack the understanding of her idea of "frienship", because what she has done to us isn't exactly that. i would like to make things right, but would that make it seem as though i was okay with it all? she doesn't tell us things, she expects us to carry all her emotional weight, and she rarely apologizes genuinely..basically we're just co-existing apart from the fact that we do all the heavy lifting..

brian and danny came to school thursday, and i was so happy about that. i miss them both so much, the trailor(for those of you who don't know my, highschool is in a trailor outside our school, which is the shape of a golfball ^_^) isn't the same without them. i miss them terribly. brain leaves for the air force in march, and i'm hating the days because they pass so quickly, and the sun seems to set with the knowledge that he is leaving so soon. i barely see danny, but that is mainly my fault because i'm so busy with school and other things. but i wouldn't mind if he just stopped by my house now and then.

my sister is sick and i'm going to do make her some soup or something.

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>4:01pm

I sit waiting for battle, prepared for anything..i will protect you..
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Saturday, December 31, 2005

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Friday, December 30, 2005

"..just a shell, with me stuck on the inside.."-Staind
well..so far my visit to moms is really great..(sidenote:that was sarcasm)

today i woke up around 3pm, because i just can't sleep lately.I went to bed around 4am..ish..and i kept waking up in between.

when i finally did wake up Dave(my step-dad) was out, and mom wasn't home from work yet. AND my sisters where in my room playing my playstation..i wasn't thrilled with that.

when my mom got home she was mad no one cleaned the house like she asked. and i was doing my project for school, so i didn't get into trouble mainly because no one told me i was supposed to do anything else. So my sisters got in trouble and so did Dave, because he's the adult and he's supposed to enforce the rules. and he didn't..

so they fought about that for an hour or so..dave was a complete jerk and went with the "this is my house and i pay the bills, if they aren't going to help out they can leave." meaning he rules the world, but ironically he doesn't enforce the rules. and to topp it all off he's currently unemployed so the whole "i pay the bills" thing doesn't apply currently.

so yea, they fought and fought and somehow they got on the subject of me. dave was yelling saying i use up too much computer time and i don't need to be up till 3am and stuff. mom said that he was just using me as a sheild to get the subject off of him..but i can't help but wonder..

so they fought most of the time today..it calmed down a little, but at dinner everyone was tense and i was half-expecting dave to start yelling at me saying "you should have told them to clean", because everything these days is my fault...i guess i just can't win.

Loudmusic>gotta jet
Time>12:28am

Falling Apart before your eyes..
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