Friday, July 20, 2007

Sorry for the long post~~



I can't help it. Just then. My flute teacher. I hated him coz he teaches things differently then my old teacher, and he acts like I'm wrong in everything. I couldn't help but avoid him, even when my mum tells me to come out and talk with him.
After he went, she came to me and yelled why I didn't come out. I didn't say anything and look at her. She said this:
Mum: You are not a child anymore! Why can't you respect people! You always do whatever you want and think you're right! You are so insensitive! Have you ever thought of ME? You think you can make everything go your way! Everytime you dislike someone, you totally ignore that person! At least in front of me SHOW SOME RESPECT!

Ok. So she MIGHT be right about the respect stuff. But seriously, I am NOT INSENSITIVE. I am the most sensitive person you will ever find. If someone says I'm stupid, I get worried and think about getting Fs in grades. If someone laughs at me and then whisper to other people looking at my direction, I wonder why they talk about me. If...ok you get the point. I am very sensitive, and although I can totally look like Shino in Naruto (as in looking expressionless and show no feelings), deep down, if someone insults me too much, I can grab a table (not too heavy of course) and throw it towards to them, and I can cry my heart out, and I can do anything everyone does when feeling sad, only I do them all inside myself. On the surface, everyone thinks I'm insensitive, emotionless, mean and cold. But I'm not.

I just want someone who understands. My mum always yell and me when I was small, I want to cry, but when ever I do my mum tells me not to cry or she's be even madder. So I don't. Because of this I grew up not crying at all. I can count how much I've cried in my life. Around 10. Or maybe less, because the most I cry in a year is around 2. And this year I've cried only once. Last year I didn't cry out loud (but a lot inside).

my mum doesn't understand me. She thinks I'm not respectful, I am, but not to people I don't like. I only show the real me (with emotion and all) to people I trust, I like and I care. Therefore, not many people get to see me smile, let alone laugh. I think only my four best friends ever saw me really laugh, my other friends only saw me laugh with they tickle me (yes my skin is very sensitive too).

I think I'm going out of topic, but right now I dunno how I'm feeling. I'm sad coz my mum doesn't understand me, I'm mad coz my mum thinks I'm insensitive. I wanna cry but I just couldn't. Everything I'm feeling is just inside me. I looked in the mirror and my face is emotionless. Yet I feel all that. Like what Ron said, 'How can someone feel that much? My mind will explode!' (it's from the fifth book's movie)

Yeah. I just wanna say this out. I feel a little better now, I don't have MyO before, and everything I feel I couldn't write down. Not on Xanga (coz anyone from my school can read it and LOL at me @ school), not on Bebo (I don't want to worry my friends there, who are all from my old school). Let me make this simpler. I lived in Australia and now in Hong Kong which is in China. I have friends in Australia, ones that I really like, as a true friends. In Hong Kong, they are fake, they be your friends for a purpose, just like someone there who became my friend so I will lend her homework (coz I don't like opposing). See the difference? On Xanga, they laugh at it, on Bebo, my Australian friends will worry about me. I don't want either, so I got nowhere to say out how I feel. I don't know about you guys, but I think you guys are good enough not to spread it out, besides, I don't really know you, and most of you are from US, so you're like half a world away from me ;] Woah I just became happier again. Guess MyO is a good place :) (I made a smiley face!! :O)

Anyway, on with other stuff, I've finished watching Gakuen Alice! It's a great show ^^ I love Ruka more then Natsume though, but anyway, someone said in manga Natsume and Mikan kiss, so I'm reading the manga now~

That's about it. Thanks for reading all my troubles. :D (btw, I just read what I wrote...it's a page long...O.o just how much can I write if I write out all my troubles? It can become as thick as Harry Potter books...)





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