Friday, August 27, 2004

   *pets baby cantelope*
yeah. so i had my second lesson with my organ teacher. he is SO fricken' scary. (i modified my recent accomplishments section in my profile, as if anyone cared.) yeah. i ended up crying in front of him. it's so humiliating. it's not like i'm so upset, it's just that when i get frusterated i cry. i want to bang my head against a wall. everyone thinks i'm nuts. i wish i could stop, but i'ts something wierd about me.
but i don't want to think about anything serious right now.

laalaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaa
i came home and made myself a stiff kool-aide, and want to let the world fade away....
so i went out to visit my garden. i discovered 2 main things:
1. russian olive trees bear sweet red berries. yeah. one volunteered in our backyard (that means, a bird craped a seed which sprouted and i thought it was cool and didn't weed it out of the garden and now it's a sapling) and so i saw it developing fruit. i was hoping for the traditional salty type of olive (eowyn=olive fanatic) but these are sweet. why do i know, you ask? because, like an idiot, i just reached over, picked, washed with the hose i was watering with, and ate 2 berries. the second one, especially, was sweet. and to all of you who think i'm nuts for doing that, i'd say yeah. i should probably surf the net right now to see if i'm gonna have russian olive poisioning, but i don't think i'm gonna try. i don't wanna know. i like living life on the edge like that: i live on the wild side. (i hope you allknow how sarcastic i'm being.)
2. i'd like to discuss infidelity among melon vines. ok. i'm growing cantelopes. the seed packet i get says "cantelopes" and shows the usual, straight-out-of-a-grocery-store-looking orange-fleshed fruit. so i plant them, and they grow. all the vines look exactly the same. and the fruit they grow looks mostly the same, except for this one. it's kinda hard to describe. i suppose the best way to describe it is that it looks like a mutated albino pumpkin (it's got ribs like a pumpkin), but shaped like a slightly rounded watermelon. and i've got to wonder, just what happened?????????????? i mean, is there infidelity among cantelope blossoms? could it have cross-polinated with the crab apple? was it gettin' down with the crab grass pollen? i dunoo. maybe the seed company just screwed up and gave me a melon assortment.
maybe i should shut up now, before i've bored ya'all to tears. i only write about this because ranting about my organ lesson would mean reliving it and right now i have it quietly stored amongst all my repressed memories of painful times and ex boyfriends, only to be relived when something reminds me of the moment, at which point i have painful flashbacks, like i was shell-shocked.... any way, everyone think on my cantelope situation. tell me if i should give them a morality talk.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

   100 visits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i may just have left the lengths of looserdom! but not really....

anywhooo, i just want to ask you all in general: do you ever have random times in your life where you get wierd deja vu that remind you of fictional stories? like from anime, or, like in my case, from LOTR.

so i meet my organ teacher. and he's like the quintessential "old, and crusty, and flaky, and other such adjectives". he's like a cross between king Lear, Theoden, and my grandpa. and i was supposed to meet with him, to just set up a lesson time, but i ended up being with him for over 2 hours. he decided he wanted me enrolled in piano lessons too, and so he made this huge fuss and came in with all the pompus importance of some visitng dignatary and made several secretaries run around fixing stuff and getting stufff cleared with department heads so that i could. then he walked me around and got me a key for some practice organ rooms, and intorduced me to all these administrators and important faculty members and other musicians as if i was like, the shit, and everyone was like evaluating me. i felt kinda like some jedi master's new pupil.
then he took me to the univeristy "chapel"--and beleive me i use that term loosely. it's mearly a place to house the organ. he's really old, a i said, and gets distacted kinda easily, so we're standing on this outcropping of cement--the top step/thingy is like really tall above ground level and he calls me over to where he's standing adn points at the construction that's going on. my long blond hair is blowing back in the wind as i pretend desperately to look interested. then i got this wierd feeling--it all reminded me of Eowyn adn Theoden in LOTR, standing outside of Meduseld.

yeah. i'm wierd.

so i've ranted on this site before about how hott Schuber was. i tell you, if ya'all can like animated dudes i can like dead ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now i've finally figured out a way to display my picutre of him here:



Franz Schubert, at about age 18/19.
later he was kinda chubby and wore glasses--equally cute to me, though i do prefer PSWNs--Pale Skinny White Nerds. [by the way, it's not like i'm being racist, i just have an undying love for this particular pale elf from this one story. he was just like pale white and glowed in the dark, among other cool things] yeah. so where was i? oh yeah. schuber=hot. eowyn should shut up now.
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Friday, August 20, 2004

   wootness????
ya know, woot is one of those words that has just randomly taken america by storm. i remember when we had one realy wierd guy in our class who said it, and now i see it appearing in our local university's comic strip. i mean, what's up with that?????????? that and "oooh, snaps!"
so yeah. today was the first day of class, and i'm excited because this is my first year out of uniform. yeah. choosing clothes each morning, i'm like wtf, mate?

does anyone other than me really love the smell of old buildings???? (i know that didn't make any sor of sense, but if you go to school where i do you'd get it) i think the scent is so wonderful. it's kinda decaying and dusty--something old that was once beautiful and thus needing to be respected--like Minas Tirith. (you know you're a lotr freak when you start using various themes from the books in metaphors for other parts of your life) but seriously, that and old books. i hold them, and i'm like all thirlled--just think of all who have held them before. did they like the book? where did they go, what did they do? who are they? are they grown now? do they have a family? what happened in their lives? i was in the university library and randomly walked up to a shelf and pulled off a book published in 1902, donated by one of the community members to the school library. think about it! these people were the contemporaries of my great grandparents. people rode in horse and buggy and trolley cars then! one of the books was written by a local woman and published locally, in the early 1900s, and ended up being kept all these years, so that i can touch its pages. *shivers* wow.
"Thou has spoken right, 'tis true. The wheel is come full circle; I am here."--King Lear,Act IV, scene 3

"There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow."--Hamlet, Act IV, scene 2--it's like there's a plan to everything--everything works all together in one big web. no coincidences; all design. if a coincicence is seen, it is because the design is only understood by the designer, and we are not he/she/it.

"He who chooses the beginning of a road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end." --Harry Emerson Fosdick

*slaps the seriousness out of self*
anywhoo...

basically all i'm trying to say is that everyone should all go say 'woot' to someone today, and go smell and old building.

ps--can anyone tell me the meaning of the word "Represent"??? i've seen it on tshirts in hottopic, and people have said it, but i don't know what it means because it's not something people at my school said/say.

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Monday, August 2, 2004

   happiness and sunshine and sarcasm
yep. folks, it's true!




Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.
call me shelterd, but for some reason i don't care!
i'm so utterly excited how much my site kicks ass now!
someday, i'll figure out how to add pics, and i'll show you all my really hot picture of Franz Schubert. I DON'T CARE IF HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you all can be in love with animated characters, i can think a dead guy is hot. meh *twiches paranoidically* (as if that was even a word...) yeah... anyway... have a happy day (as if that was physically possible...)


"Purgatory is hell with hope."--from To Your Scattered Bodies Go by Phillip Jose Farmer
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Sunday, August 1, 2004

   HAPPINESS
Duo Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!She like totally made my site kick @$$!!!!!!thankyou thankyou Duo you toatally rule! I love you, man


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Friday, July 16, 2004

   random quiz results
yeah so i take this quiz, and i't like so right:
Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Bipolar Disorder
Diagnosis: BiPolar Disorder
Sometimes severe mental disorder involving manic episodes that are usually accompanied by episodes of depression. The manic phase of the disorder is characterized by an abnormally elevated or irritable mood, grandiosity, sleeplessness, extravagance, and a tendency toward irrational judgment. During the depressed phase, the person tends to appear lethargic and withdrawn, shows a lack of concentration, and expresses feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and guilt.
yep. that's exactly me, except at the "manic" phase i'm just totally sugar-high and hyper and really really fun and crazy, but the part about the gradiosity is true, except i do it with humor--very very stupid word puns, i might add. i usually get more overly verbose--that's using big words, which i'm being right now--in my depressed stage. (yeah folks, this is when i start quoting shakespere)

Take the quiz: "What Harry Potter Character Are You?"

Hermione Granger
You are hermione Granger extremly smart , and love to read ,and study , and the top person in your class

Take the quiz: "Which Hobbit are you?"

Bilbo
You are the Daddy! You're senile, but to you, forgetting things is good. Feel good!
ouch! he's so not cool....

Take the quiz: "What kind of fairie are you ?(girlz only)"

You are an angel not a fairie !
You are a kind genorous soul who isn't close to a fairie your to sweet.You enjoy making people happy because it probabily makes you happy.
i like!

Take the quiz: "WHICH LOTR CHARACTER DOES YOUR PERSONALITY MATCH?"

Arwen
Your beautiful and kind. You go about your life with grace and try to help all with your elven like powers. You feel close to people and can be close to them when they are not with you...and with such a pure heart life should turn out well for you.
That's cool. even though i love eowyn's character, i really have to admit i'm no warrior--riding horses kinda scares me, although i enjoy grooming them--and i really am more of an arwen type--i'd only be able to fight to defend one i love; i couldn't fight to defend myself.

Take the quiz: "Which Famous Knight of the Round Table are you?"

King Arthur
You are King Arthur! Noble and kind, and above all, fair, you know how to run people. However, someone in your life is not loyal to you and your love for their feelings could be a downfall. Don't let people get to you, and trust your instincts and heart.
cool. i actually tied arthur, galahad, lancelot, and 2nd was gawain--he was kinda cute in the movie. i was overall disapointed in the movie, but i won't get into why here.

well, everybody, have a good day. it's now 1:04 here adn i need sleep.
"She looked at nice young men as if she could smell their stupidity"--flannery o'connor

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

wow . i think this is really funny because i took this quiz last year and got 'slave'. Ha! that's a long way to go! i think 'hell's librarian', "fighter femme" and "too sweet and innocent for your own good" are the best results.
href="http://quizilla.com/users/Lorac/quizzes/Which%20Ultimate%20Beautiful%20Woman%20are%20You%3F/"> Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
OMGi'm so excited i got this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord of the Rings!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

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   funstuff

You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're mad. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

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   subject? idunno, are you suposed to have one?
so yeah. i'm depressed, as if anyone cares. so's everyone else, right?...that's what they always say, that whatever you're feeling that you think no one else in the world feels the same way, that everyone has actually felt like that, right? *sigh* adults. i shudder to think i'll someday become one. but it's already happening, as i speak. i'm so bored and depressed and lonely at my grandma's, going to Walgreens to pick something up actually excites me--it sounds like fun. i also like looking at china patterns and contemplating what i'll want my house/appartment to be decorated like. *shudders* sometimes i want to slap myself.
anywhoo... i want to cry. it's nearly 11:00 and the only person on my buddy list who is on is my ex-boyfriend, who i have for some reason left on. i don't know why and often try to contemplate some sane reason. i have yet to come up with any. i don't still have any sort of feeling for him. (he actually dumped me online: the looser. after 1year and 9months, and he a big computer nerd--bugging me all that time to get the internet so we could talk every night--i finally get the internet and the next week he uses it to dump me!) anywhoo....i'm not using it to stalk him. i never talk to him. (except that one time, i accidently clicked on his name instead of my other friend's--that was kinda funny. he was so confused: we had been trying to arrange plans for a trip so i start telling him train ticket prices and destinations and he's all like WTF?????????) but anyway, every time i think of taking him off i hesitate. perhaps it's becuase of eveinings like this, where i'm the only one on, and at least seeing his name, shows i'm not entirely alone in the universe. *sigh*
what did i get on here to post about? hm..... i dunno. i don't think this had a particular point.
ah. *re-reads the subject line* yeah. so ya'all, just some advice: picking a college is kinda scary. you're choosing the thing that will shape you for the rest of your life, into the adult you will become. choose wisely. i don't think i did, even though i chose the place that gave me the huge ass scholarship. *sigh* ah shit. i just got back here. My shitty internet kicked me off for some damn reason--maybe the window was open and it felt chilly, maybe the other internet services were teasing it....the pansy a$$.... i should take it out back and smack it around some. it would do it some good.
hey i've got a question for ya'all: does anyone ever just randomly wake up and feel like their head/scalp is bruised? like it hurts to brush/style your hair? becuse i keep having that happen. like i wake up, and my head hurts, and i have no memory of being hit or bruised. it's like someone comes into my room at night and smacks me around. (hmm... those evil monkeys! at it again eh? out to hurt me...but not if i get 'em first! buaahahahahahahahaahaha...*cough* anywhoo) i asked mom's opinion, and she quite logically pointed out to me that i probably had hit my head during the day and just didn't remember. that makes a lot of sense, as those who know me can testify.
*sigh* i...i...don't know what to say, or how to bring this up. there's this guy. and no, it's not the library pseuo-elf guy, i'ts someone else. i met him at work. i'd like to describe him, but there's something different about him. i cant describe him, as if i was describing a cut of meat or somesort of chattel, or even as a beautiful work of art. and he is a beautiful work of art, and a man, but somehow since i have talked to him, he's so much more: a real person that i couldn't dare just reduce to the physical. i will say this: it has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul: and in his case that is so true. such crystal blue! and there's something about them; when he looks into your eyes as he talks to you, he can hold your gaze as if an invisible string or filiment has tied your pupil to his. i try to look away and i cant; and he will never once look away. we played ulitimate frisbee in the wet grass after the rain with the art-campers; the game seemed to freeze and go into slow motion as his eyes sought mine before he passed me the frisbee. i hate sports, but i enjoyed that game that day as much as the kids. i never knew what people meant by "chemistry" until i met him. sorry artemis and duo if you read about this first here, and i didn't get to tell you about him in person first; i never got the oppertunity. but i just felt like i had to tell someone, (even if in writing it i inadvertantly told the whole western world!)[and by the way, artemis, he shares his name with your favorite constellation] but for all i feel, and am hoping he feels too, probably nothing will ever come of it: he's 8 years older than me! *deep soul sigh* i don't know what to do. i suppose i'll just behave normally--i'll talk when he comes and finds me, because he often goes out of his way to come and talk to me.
i probably shouldn't have written about this. i feel like i've made it dirty by even mentioning it aloud. like a gradeschool crush that i talk about to my friends in the hallway.
"oh, what should fellows as i do, crawling between earth and heaven?"--Hamlet
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Saturday, July 3, 2004

here's something really funny, that really reveals a lot about my personality! yes i am not often trusted with sharp pointy objects, but for some reason i bought a sword/dagger at a Ren fair---yes, those of you who have read Artemis's recent post: i am the one with the kick a** dagger!--anywhoo, someone should probably take it from me before i hurt someone, or myself....hehhehhheh *evil cackle*
they all think i'm a klutz but someday i'll show them....
Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta mo bhriste tri thine
Ta mo bhriste tri thine - 'My trousers are on fire.'You're a few bricks short of a load, aren't you? You're probably not allowed to use sharp objects and you should be locked in a rubber room. With Rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a rubber room. With rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats...
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