Tuesday, May 15, 2007

simply tired
(if you dont feel like reading it all, skip to the last paragraph)

alot had happened since my last post. I really dont think i want to be where i'm at right now. I need a serious break.

my penguin hasnt really talked to me much at all recently. we talked fr a bit, and that was nice. we usally talk at least one a day. and thats usally for an hours or more. but the past few weeks its been fewer and fewer. And I know shes been nusy, so its not like its her fault. I love her, it would be stupid to blame her. but i had a hard time dealing with it regardless. but i had to grin and bare it. I know she talks to others more then me, and thats all good. i dont have to be the only person she talks to, shes tired or me as it is, lol. Yesterday was the first time we didnt talk at all. thats ok too. things usally come up and i know shes been feeling sick. Which makes me a bit worried.

My main problems, which realy get on her nervs are my insecurities. on one hand it makes me feel like i cant talk to about it or anything...but thats just me being insecure again, and on the other hand i guess at one point im just being a broken record. I realize I just expecting her to act in certain ways, and she does to. So I try to be calm and i really try to deal with it. And when no ones looking it doent help much... but oh well ... myproblems; not lists in any certain order;
-afraid of losing her again
-feeling forgoten
-ignored
-feeling threatend by certain ppl
-feeling like im the last priority

and well the list goes on.

I really dont want to feel like that , and I really dont like annoying her with my problems over and over. I dont want to push her away.

in closing, for the most part I know none of it is true. She Loves me. these are my problems, and im just having a hard time dealing with the fact that she does. cuz i feel like i should have screwed something up by now. I just have to be patient. Our current situation doesnt allow for us to do much together or even talk. and I know shes worth the wait. I miss her bunches everyday, and i guess thats ok. I'm keeping a head up about it all. and really, shes helped me is so many ways. but anyways, im off now, i love you penguin ^_^
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