Saturday, November 3, 2007

my mind isant feeling well
things i ask or wonder...

am i really good enough? she says i am, and it not that i dont beleive her, its just i just dont thing i am. i cant be. i guess im in a down mood ATM... but its not something that just came about, i guess i have always not felt like im god enough for anything or anyone. there isant one thing that i do that makes me eel good about myself. and its usally just doesnt feel fair. i guess i dont deserve to let my self to feel happy, or almost just afriad to. im just letting everyone down. i feel like im trested like this no body, no matter what i do for ppl. and i dont do things for a thank you or a reward...i just feel like i should feel good about myself about it and i dont. this is often upsetting...and i guess it doesnt bother me to be upset... i just dont ever have a shoulder...

idk, maybe im just being all whatever and things will get better... i try so hard to look on the bright side of things.

i know she things im special, but i dont feel special for anything else. i know this isant coming out right so if she reads this she may get mad at me. not like anyone will you know.

i dont know what else to say, i mean i would just vent to someone but i dont trust anyone with my feelings, and she just get mad at me which makes me feel worse. so i'm typing this out, and actully hope she'll read and understand and just be there for me. i dont like it when you mad at me for how i feel. i cant help it, plz just be there for me...

well i'll stop before i cant stop actully showing how i feel infront of these hundreds of ppl, and its REALLY hurting my throat. tear are already running down my face, but my facial expressions are normal. thats good atleast

more then anything i wish i could make ppl and her happy. and i feel like i fail on that alot. well im gonna go. byes.

PS im so srry if your upset with me when you do read this, that not what im trying to do. V_V
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