Sunday, October 24, 2004

I'll show you that place in my chest where my heart still tries to beat

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Ello sorry I haven’t been going to all your sites lately I have had a nerves brake down than my mom was a bitch and not to mention all the damn homework ^^;; but ill make my rounds today. I haven’t talked to my mom since she what she said on Thursday and she’s trying to be all nice to meee I hate that XD she knows I don’t want to talk to her and im vary mad at her yet she’s trying to be nice like nothing happened at all ya tell me im a mistake and she thinks im going to forget that right…. I guess ill just chill in my room till she leave for work lol quality time to check out your sites * goes off and check your sites * Song of the day: Tulips Are Better ~ Atreyu Crystal clear I see the rose is frail, the thorns hid easily in its beauty, as I go to grasp it in my hand My heart is torn beating from my chest Let me be captivated, by your beauty Then let me fall from your grace, unto my broken knees Close my eyes so tightly, the tears are welling up You aren't worth the waste, of the salt or the water Fuck all your false beauty, it was transparent just like your smile - liar Your thorns caress my flesh, crimson drops on a snowy field - liar I have watched you retrogress, I have seen what you've become - liar Please take your eyes off of me, it's funny how fast blue eyes fade gray - liar And you are deceit Watching the sun play in your hair I couldn't really care, care any less about you Just wither away real beauty is forever in you Just wither away Listing to: Engel~Rammstein Talking to: no one Mood: sleepy Time: 10:47 am Quiz: You're a witchy woman! Chances are that you see Morticia Addams as a role model, and your wardrobe sports a fair amount of black. The other mothers at school pick up may look askance, but your kids already know that the judgement of others isn't what counts. What kind of a freaky mother are you? brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Heaven must be hell in the sky

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Ello everyone [If this makes no sense at all its cuz im on a sugar hi wee lol] Did yall have a good week? Most likely better than mine… ^^;; but the weekend is much better! *Looks at the clock * o.o I woke yup sooo late today its 5 pm already lol that’s what you get from running around the mall with your friends hyped up on sugar at mall we just hung out but than my other friend came with a truck loud of people XD she was vary hyper or something because she was jumping on all the men and kissing them >.< freaking me out so me and my two other friends left to get away from the crayness but than meg took pictures of random ppl and us for no reason lol and I had really wired questions asked about me like “Do you believe in god?” & ”Are you bi or lesbian?” Im like no there is no god and IM STRAGHT! Vary wired day lol Song of the day: Engel~ Rammstein (German version English translation) Who in his lifetime is good on Earth Becomes after death an angel And you watching the sky ask yourself, Why can't you see them? Only when the clouds go to sleep You can see us in the sky We are afraid and alone God knows I don't want to be an angel They live behind the horizon Divorced from us, endless wide They must hold to the stars (completely fixed) So that they don't fall from Heaven Only when the clouds go to sleep You can see us in the sky We are afraid and alone God knows I don't want to be an angel Listing to:Du Hast~Rammstein Talking to: no one Mood: HYPER! Time:5:40pm Quiz: Urban mayhem....you have cooties heh i kid What JTHM moment are you? brought to you by Quizilla

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

I'm Not Okay I Promise

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Ello allll I do feel better well better than I did yesterday -.- But now im all stressed out I have a projected due tomorrow and I didn’t finish the collage part of it >.< and im all like OMG im going to failllll Than im kinda depressed still explicitly from what my mom said this morning “ You where a mistake” You see me sit there all o.o for 2 mins looking at her I wanted to scream than why did you have him? (My brother) wasn’t he one too? Damn it am I that bad of a child???? ._. Too much stress and depression I need something to be happy about… I wish I had my bf here (DAMN OCAEAN) :P [The first course of the song of the day describes meee!] Song of the day: Carousel~ LinkinPark she can't hide no matter how hard she tries her secret disguised behind the lies and at night she crys away her pride with eyes shut tight staring at her inside all her friends know why she can't sleep at night all her family asking is she alright all she wants to do is get rid of this hell well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself she can only fool herself for so long [x3] I'm too weak to face me (she can only fool herself) [chorus] i never know just why you run so far away far away from me [x2] when it comes to how to live his life he can't be told says he got it all under control thinks he knows it's not a problem he's stuck with but in reality it would be a problem to just quit an addict and he can't hold the reins the pain is worse cause his friends have it the same tries to slow down the problem he's got but can't get off the carousel until he makes it stop he can only fool himself for so long [x3] I'm too weak to face me (he can only fool himself) [chorus x2] Fly with me under the wings I gave you, Try to be closer to me and I'll save you [x2] [chorus x2] Listing to: nuttiin Talking to: no one Mood: meh!!! Time:4:46 pm Quiz: Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Dr. Pepper Saying that you're one of a kind is ... well ... an understatement. You're unusual, quirky, wacky - and you love to challenge people. And you are a total trendsetter. Your friends are quick to copy your fashion and music tastes. Which is why Dr. Pepper Lip Gloss is your perfect flavor. It's as rare and outrageous as you are. What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Life and the answers aren’t so clear wish I could disappear

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Ello all Anit this world grate I JUST WANT TO BLOW IT THF F*&%^*&^ UP!! I guess im kind of pissed off but I think im more depressed -. - Everything is all-confusing to me and I don’t know what to do! But than tares that one thing that can make or brake your day… its really odd the tinniest things make you happy and than the slightest make you depressed again why am I sooooo lost and confuseddddd >.< DAMN IT . I need A hug ._. and a nap so I calm down (love the ranting of my depression) Song of the day: Home ~ three days grace I’ll be coming home Just to be alone Cause I know you’re not there And I know that you don’t care I can hardly wait to leave this place No matter how hard I try You’re never satisfied This is not a home I think I’m better off alone You always disappear Even when you’re here This is not my home I think I’m better off alone Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a home By the time you come home I’m already stoned You turn off the TV And you scream at me I can hardly wait Till you get off my case No matter how hard I try You’re never satisfied This is not a home I think I’m better off alone You always disappear Even when you’re here This is not my home I think I’m better off alone Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a home I’m better off alone No matter how hard I try You’re never satisfied This is not a home I think I’m better off alone You always disappear Even when you’re here This is not my home I think I’m better off alone Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a home Listing to: Carousel By LinkINpark Talking to: KT and john Time: 5:19 pm Quiz: You are Red. Th color of passion. You put your eart and soul into what you do...or who you do. Red's tend to have one hell of a sex drive. Don't let it take you over. What Color Best Represents Your Personality? brought to you by Quizilla

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

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Just made a poem out of rage and depression…. XD I think its kinda goood what do yall think? Too late: Is there any light in this dark? Can I escape this pain? Will I make it another day with out you? What am I going to do? The pain is too much But I hold on for one thing Hope Knowing you’ll be here Love Knowing that you love me But is that enough? Will I reopen old scars? Shed unwelcome tears And bathe in unwanted blood One shred holding me back You are that one Keeping me here ~~~~ Song of the day: Fine Again~Seether It seems like every day’s the same and I’m left to discover on my own It seems like everything is gray and there’s no color to behold They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here And I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now, seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late, just as well I feel the dream in me expire and there’s no one left to blame it on I hear you label me a liar ‘cause I can’t seem to get this through You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here And I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now, seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late; just as well And I’m not scared now. I must assure you, you’re never gonna get away And I’m not scared now. And I’m not scared now. No… I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late, just as well I am prepared now, seems everything’s gonna be fine for me For me; for myself. For me, for me, for myself For me, for me, for myself Listing to:Bleeding hearts shed no tears~Atreyu Talking to: Kate Mood: >.< Time: 5:18pm Quiz: Somewhere inside you lies true evil. Darkness radiates through you like water flows through the great lakes. Choose wisely in all your life decisions , we all have means to change our path. a... DO YOU PERSONIFY DARKNESS OR LIGHT? brought to you by Quizilla is that a good thing???

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Monday, October 18, 2004

Does it all simply end in a blanket of darkness

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Ello every one Vary random post today or at lest I think it is… Did you ever want something you cant have? Or have something you cant hold? Know its yours but really aren’t sure that it really is? >. < I have been thinking about this and it’s really confusing I have it yet I don’t but if I did would I really have it? (If its confusing im sorry cuz im confused to @.@) Have you ever felt like that? Known its there but you want to check You can feel it but you really want to know Damn im confusing myself so im going to stop thinking and go to be I have skool in 7 hr so night ^^;; Song of the day: This Flesh A Tomb ~Atreyu I feel eyelashes on my cheek And they lacerate my flesh A pain so good Put your hand in mine Never let go Never wake up 'cause I'm done with promises I'm taking blood oaths Feels likes you could kiss my imperfections My imperfections away And I would stand Stand by your side until the sun turns the sky All the colors I see in your eyes I'll never need to see the sun again There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world So take me, take my away Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same I swear to you, on everything I am And I dedicare to you all that I have And I promise you that I will stand right by your side Forever and always until the day I die The bite marks on my neck never felt so good I'm losing control and it's all that I can do Not to blackout and fall into lust with you Your kisses infect me The dark gift is loving you And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same So stand by me as we immulate We can burn in each other's arms Listing to: aint it fun ~guns and roses Talking to: no one Mood: vary confused Time: 12;01 am Quiz: turns out you're a black rose. but you knew that the moment you started taking this quiz. you're dark and poetic, leaning towards the moody side. you're that loner siting in the back of the room with a mysterious attraction to them.. and no wonder. hell, you're a black rose-- everyone is fascinated by you, they just don't usually know how to approach you. which is probably how you like it... what non-stereotypical flower would you be (with pictures) brought to you by Quizilla hmm...

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Sunday, October 17, 2004

I wish I could have you by my side

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Ello all Don’t you just love it when your parents just yell at you for nothing! I was sitting watching TV in the living room and my mom comes in and want to change the channel but she has a TV in her room and than my dad comes in tells me to get out im like whyyy make her watch in her room but no he hits me and tells me to go to my room damn ass wipe thinks he’ll see me cry (that’s why he hit me) so I go in my room and sit there in the corner writing in my poem book but I dono what I wrote… than I fell asleep on the floor I wake up and walk out of my room and they act like nothing happened! There being all nice and crap grr I cant stand that and they wonder why I am so withdrawn from them (I hold grudges) do they just forget that damn easy?? >.< Im going to have to meditate in my room and stay away from them Ok my ranting is done ^^;; off to your sites Song of the day: Still Standing~ the Rasmus I wish you here tonight with me to see the northern lights I wish you were here tonight with me I wish I could have you by my side tonight when the sky is burning I wish I could have you by my side Cause I've been down and I've been crawling Won't back down no more Can't you stop the lies, falling from the skies Down on me, I'm still standing Can't you roll the dice, I might be surprised Conscience clear, I'm still standing here burns like a thousand stars, though you are light years away burns like a thousand stars or more you're up there, you're always with me smiling down on me can't you stop the lies, falling from the skies down on me, I'm still standing can't you roll the dice, I might be surprised conscience clear, I'm still standing here It's something sacred, something so beautiful something quiet to ease my mind when the pressure's taking me over and over cause I've been down and I've been crawling pushed around and always falling you're up there, you're always with me smiling down on me can't you stop the lies, falling from the skies down on me, I'm still standing can't you roll the dice, I might be surprised conscience clear, I'm still standing here can't you stop the lies, falling from the skies down on me, I'm still standing here can't you roll the dice, I might be surprised conscience clear, I'm still standing here Listing to:Still Standing~ the Rasmus Talking to: no one Mood: mehhh Time: 1:00 pm Quiz: Spirit of Death. The Big One, the darkest of the the Dark Spirits. Death rules you. It doesn't necessarily follow you, but your thoughts are twisted towards melancholy and depression. Your friends probably worry about you, and you don't know what to do with yourself. Which Inner Dark Spirit Do You Have? brought to you by Quizilla yup ppl worry about me…

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Saturday, October 16, 2004

To cry is to know that you're alive

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Ello all YAY it’s the weeeeekend but I have soooo much homework Map out Greece 50 math problems Color and map out a house in French A myth project that’s due next Fri that I dint start Extra credit that I sighed up for (why don’t no) And I have to read angels and demons [the book before the deviance code] Soo much tooo do and I really can’t do it now cuz im all dizzy >.< so much too do Ill really try to get to yall sites Kay? ~~~ Lyrics of the day (the song took up to much space): “The funeral of hearts And a plea for mercy When love is a gun Separating me from you” ~ HIM The Funeral Of Hearts Listing to: Buried Alive By Love ~HIM Talking to: no one Mood: meh Time: 1:00pm Quiz: Ah you're suffering in some way aren't you? family problems? relationship problems? Dwelling on the past? things just totally fucked up? Or is the loneliness? Try to keep your thoughts, feelings, under control.. I bet you think 'god' hate's you right? Hang in there.. nothing lasts forever.. you'll get your happy ending eventually. What The Hell Are You Like As A Person? brought to you by Quizilla

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Friday, October 15, 2004

   ..... [sleepz]

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Hell-o everyone Sorry if I dint get to your site yesterday I was really tired :P ill get to them today Today I woke up late saw a sake eat a frozen rat and herd the word F@%K used by my father more than 20 times XD nothing else to say… boring day hu? Song of the day: And One by Linkin Park Where should I start Disjointed heart I’ve got no commitment To my own flesh and blood Left all alone Far from my home No one to hear me, to heal my ill heart, I Keep it locked up inside Cannot express To the point I’ve regressed If anger’s a gift, then I guess I’ve been blessed, I Keep it locked up inside Keep my distance from your lies It’s too late to love me now You helped me to show me It’s too late to love me now You don't even know me Breaking a part of my heart to find release Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Breaking a part of my heart to find release Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break) Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me) Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too) Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Keep it locked up inside Keep my distance from your lies Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break) Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me) Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too) Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Breaking a part of my heart to find release Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Breaking a part of my heart to find release Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace Keep my distance Keep my distance Keep my distance Keep my distance Spit drips from the jaw of the witless witness Cryptic colloquialism shifts your midrift Dark all I do embark the shadows Involved with my thought catalog, analogue, rap catalog Keep my distance, and fear resistance, hurt by persistance The twisted web of tangled lies Strangles my hope to waste and numbs the taste And I'm forced to face these hate crimes Against the state of being Feeling the weight-less-ness pressed between the ceiling Reeling around room Riding a bubble of sound proof It's the frequency making you Sha-Shake with every boom Involuntary muscle contraction Ignoring and drinking musical gas fueled euphoria The sound pounds to make the dead flush To have you a head rush with red thoughts and said stuff Listing to:Loving The Alien~Velvet Revolver Talking to: no one Mood: hyper/tired Time: 12:00 am Quiz: bondage What's YOUR sexual fetish? brought to you by Quizilla o.0 No comment…

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

Three little words and a question why

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Ello again I had a good day of skool (is that possible?) thatz cuz I didn’t have to go to math history or French ^_^ lol Than when I got home it was fine than my brother comes in my room he was being an ass so I kicked him and than we stared to wrestled >.< lol I put him in a head lock and he gave up haha I won Finally made another poem YAY I got the creatively back let hope it lasts… ^^;; Unclear: Lulled pain in my chest My heart will stop What was once lost Is now found Hidden in the shadows of unwanted light There is no more warmth An angle by day The devils wife by night This pain wont die And my heart can only cry As this song shreds The depths of my soul With an weary tune Known only to the dead I’m not okay Can’t I wither away? Listing to: Love You Like I Do~ HIM Talking to: no one Mood: dead tired! Time: 12:00am Quiz: .:You live your life: ~watchingly~:. You are an angel of Earth. You never take a day off for yourself. You live for your loved ones and believe that their love is enough for you in return. You will be shocked when reality kicks in. Be careful, people are the ones who cause havock and they will hurt you over and over again. Don't stay naive. How do you live your life? (with pics! ^.~) brought to you by Quizilla

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