myOtaku.com: luicifers wife

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Birthday
• 1990-03-29
Gender
• Female
Location
• Alone in the dark pits of hell
Member Since
• 2003-12-16
Occupation
• Psycho
Real Name
• Jen

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Achievements
• i didnt die... yet
Anime Fan Since
• since i was about 6
Favorite Anime
• Angel Sanctuary X,/1999 Naruto Saiyuki, BlueSeed, DNAngel
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• To become a Poet/Songwriter
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• Gaming.Sleeping, Reading
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• POkeinG PeoPle.... Being a Hopeles Romantic

myOtaku.com: luicifers wife

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Can you help me remeber how to smile?
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Happy thanks giving (to all those that it celebrate)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My family already started … I don’t even think I could sit down for a meal with them
Yesterday I was in the living room watching my lil brother put away his trains and I said why do you like trains and he went off at me just like Chris would do and now I have a new scar on my arm from him right by the one Chris made and adjacent to the one I made (ya I have many scars) and I didn’t want to fight him he’s like 6 so I was holding his arms and my dad walks in thinking im hurting him, witch I wasn’t I don’t want to hurt my lil brother but than my father starts yelling at me for fighting with him . Ya it did look like that so I understand but than my mom comes into the damn conversation yelling about me being lazy and not being part of the family and helping around the house … im sorry but where the hell did that come from?? I was getting yelled at for fighting than she just comes in. and my dad goes along with it saying” why cant you do more around here. Why cant you be a better child/sister you can do SO much better”

What can I do to be better? Don’t they know im trying my best … I try to get along with my bothers and sister I try to play with them or not be around them at all avoiding conflict they see as being anit social?!? I am doing better in skool than I ever did!! A+ in history A in math A- in English B+ in Bio … what do they want me to do?? Straight As
Do they want me to be a happy lil member of this family well I don’t know what they want from me im trying so damn hard to please them and for the past 3 mouths or so I have seemed happier just so they think im better I don’t want them to worry. But in there eyes I cant seem to do anything right,
My older bother is the reasonable in there eyes he works hard makes barley passing grades and gets along with no one and also has anger problems (yup so perfect)
My lil sister is always happy talks to every ones is basically naive
And my lil brother is picky, bratty selfish
And my parents compare me to all of them, no im not like my older bother who only cares about him self and moving up in the world I care for others I want to help people, and yet they don’t think im responsible, no im not happy all the time because damn it the worlds not a happy place unless something makes you happy you cant be happy all the time and no im not picky ill take whatever I get in life you cant be choosey, I want to take everyone else pain as my own so one would have to feel pain ever I hate seeing others in pain so im not selfish but at times im like fuck everyone so than im kinda selfish >.> (but im not a saint damn it you cant make a saint out of a sinner!!) but than once i get angery all that gose out the windo .. good thing i dont get angry ezaly ^^;
I hate being compared to my other siblings no im not like them shouldn’t my parents be proud of me for my accomplishments and dreams? This whole argument made me cry for a good 10 mins to my friend Kate my eyes are still light blue from me crying (im weak to cry ezaly over something like that) all I want is to be accepted and loved and my own parents really don’t -.-

Don’t get me wrong this is thanksgiving so I should be thankful for things right? Well I am thank full for Kate Meg Nikkei and all my other friends that have been with me thought think and thin
And you guy yall have been here for me thought all that also so *hugs*
I don’t open up much and yet I just write out everything on here like a diary and I thank everyone for read commenting making me feel better and not making fun of me accepting me for who I am I am truly thankful ^-^

Don’t you just love my emotion filled rant? Sorry if its long and made noo sense! I just really needed to get that all out so ya

Hope yall have a better thanksgiving than im going to have I all ready have a head ache xD

~Take care sweetheartz~

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