Monday, March 7, 2005

Oops...
Oh, this thing is still here...Kinda forgot about it for awhile.
Anyway, life has been busy. Between Academic Decathlon and school and work, life has been rather hectic. Academic Decathlon states competition was on Saturday and it sucked because I messed up on impromptu badly. I couldn't make it to 1 minute 30 seconds about what kind of fictional character I would create. It sucked. Other than that, I feel I did pretty well in most subject areas. I had alot of trouble on the mathematics and I got my left and my right mixed up on economics, but whatever. I was so happy when I took the Social Science part of the testing because I actually knew alot of the questions. Superquiz, astronomy this year, was exciting, but we didn't win. We got fourth place. If anyone is confused about what Academic Decathlon is, just comment and I will explain it next post.
Because I have been so preoccupied with Academic Decathlon, my grades have dropped pretty low. They are raising though. I was really upset today because I got my English paper back and I had an F. She gave me it because something said I plagarized. When I showed her the source, she said it was exact wording so I would get a C. The one paper I actually worked on, put effort into, and only one I will put effort into is completely useless to my grade and is a C. I cried over it. I mean it was so stupid. I could just put quotes around it and the problem would be fixed, but no, I'm not allowed to. One set of quotes would raise my grade to an A, but because she said she told, I'm not allowed to do it. I spent two days writing that paper. Two fucking whole days and she gives me a C for a missing set of quotes. TWO DAYS! I have never in my life worked so hard on a paper, I mean that seriously. I never put effort into essays and when I finally try, she gives me a C. A fucking C- actually. I don't think I have ever been more upset in my life. Just to know that I put effort into something and it turned out utterly useless and bad, it really upsets me. I mean, I should get over it, right? But I can't. I know there's no use crying over spilt milk, but that's exactly what I did during lunch and what I am doing now as I look at the paper. I was so proud of myself when I handed it in, thinking I would get maybe an A or a high B, but no. I can't even do that, now can I? I hope to fucking Ahuramazda that Ms. Chianchiano (english teacher) does not get tenure. I hate to sound spiteful, but I'm really upset about this. I thought maybe I could get that A I haven't gotten on an english paper since 5th grade. But my hopes prove futile yet again.
And maybe I'm so upset because my hopes were so high set. Is this some sort of lesson someone is trying to teach me? Is there some group of people that just intend to see me fall? And laugh about it afterwards? I'm so upset I can barely see the screen. I'm never setting my hopes high again. Never. That way I will never have to be crushed this badly with disappointment again. I mean, if you have read some of my previous posts, I really don't deal well with these types of things. I was just starting to recover from my last bout of depression and suicidal thoughts and now I am faced with yet another point I fail in. Am I just not supposed to be happy? I am by no means a religious person, but someone up there, Allah, God, Ahuramazda, Buddha, Odin, the Patriarchs, Brahma, etc. must really hate me. >gives the finger to the sky<
Just someone do me a favor. I am going to post the essay. Someone read it and tell me what you think. Good or bad. I'll change the color of the part that needs to be quoted. The part that caused my C-.

~Lumi

Current Mood: dejected and low
Current Music: none, except the light plopping of my tears
Quote: "Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, Thus much let me avow-- You are not wrong who deem That my days have been a dream; Yet if hope has flown away In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it therefore the less gone? All that we see or seem Is but a dream within a dream." - Edgar Allan Poe
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