Friday, March 25, 2005

wow.
I finally came back and read Roxie's comment. >wipes tears away< Thanks, Roxie. That means alot to me.

I am so annoyed and fed up with the world right now. I'm working everyday this week, but Easter, and I am spending that with my Aunt and Uncle. So, my English teacher, being the bitch she is, gives us two papers due Monday. Not one, but two papers I do not have the time to write. I will probably end up handing one in late. And, the annoying thing is that one paper is about a sonnet. We did presentations in class, and now we have to write a paper about our favorite one. Sounds simple, right? Well, some groups didn't give copies of the sonnet to the class, so I can't remember all the ones our class did. Whatever, it's only a page.

Other than that, we found out our new topics for Academic Decathlon. Renaissance. Music, Art, Economics, and Super Quiz are all based on the Renaissance. Since the Super Quiz is a social science topic, we have Anatomy as a science topic. Sounds like fun. ^_^

I broke my cellphone the other day. It got smashed in the car door. I brought it to the store so I could get a replacement, and the guy behind the counter looked at and said "Shit...". It was kinda funny. Since we didn't have insurance, I would have had to pay the whole cost of the phone. But, because I had done a job for the store at Staples a while ago, he gave me a good deal. He had a barely used phone that had been returned. For $100 (not $200 like it should have been), he gave me the phone, tranferred my contacts, and switch the cover plates for me. I was so happy. Other than the lack of pics on the phone, no one can even tell I broke the other one.

You know, so many little things can hurt so much. I didn't really realise that until I have cried myself to sleep the past two days. Stress from school and work is really getting to me. Plus, all these stupid things keep happening. Like, on Tuesday, my art teacher said she didn't like my picture. She said it was ugly because he didn't have a nose. He had nostrils...but apparently that wasn't enough. And, then, later that day, my cellphone broke. I went to the bank, took out money, and bought a new one. It really sucked. I had a picture of all my friend who sit in the TNT room (about 18) piled onto one loveseat. Everyone looked so happy. It was a great pic, but now it's gone. On Monday, my mother hadn't informed me that she cancelled all our personal lines, so I couldn't talk to my friend. And, now every phone in the house isn't working. My shoes got soaked yesterday because it snowed and turned to slush. Now they smell and I need a new pair. My pants for work were ripped apart by the washer machine. I failed my history test. I think I caught bronchitus from my brother. I got stuck in a therapy session with my family where they reemed on me. I feel like kicking and screaming and crying all at once. I want to be angry, but all I'm getting is a feeling akin to apathy. I want to care, but I feel it's too much effort. I feel like life is taking me nowhere. I want to feel like my life is worth something, that everything isn't for nothing. I got smashed in the head with a stray icy snowball walking out of the school. My drawing got wet and the ink spread, so now I have to do it again. I lost my favorite shirt. Someone stole my gym clothes. These little things are really starting to build up.

And, one of my friends might be getting married. I should be happy for him, but i can't shake this "feeling" I have. It's like a very uneasy feeling. I mean, I should feel really happy for him because I used to stay up til 4 am giving him love advice. The last time I talked to him, he seemed resolute in becoming more daring and taking risks (not like a jumping-off-a-building-without-a-parachute kind of risk) like I suggested. I was happy that he was seeing a different light on things. Now, he has made up with the girl I have given him so much advice about how to get, but I feel very...wary, for lack of a better word...about this news. I mean, it could be because last I heard from him, they would still hate each other by the time June came around. It seems strange that they would end up back together so fast. I'm also kind of upset knowing that if there is a wedding, I won't be invited even if I did give him so much advice. It's not my place to be upset, but I am. Something feels terribly worng about this situation, but I can't put my finger on it. I wish my friend the best of luck though. May he always love her like he told me he loved her. "She is my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at night before sleep."

~Lumi ^_^

Current Modd: Uneasy
Current Msuc: "Path" by Apocalyptica
Quote: "Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully." - Bill Cosby
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