myOtaku.com: LyingHereInHeaven

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1989-12-07
Gender
• Female
Location
• states. nuff said
Member Since
• 2005-03-30
Occupation
• student
Real Name
• EL Lizzo Don Porvalentino VII

Personal

Achievements
• I'd say, getting out of bed every morning. hummm And startng my baby, known as Dizzylogic.com
Anime Fan Since
• I was like... 2...(sailor moon hoocked me )
Favorite Anime
• fushigi yuugi, FLCL, chobits, ceres, inuyasha, full metal alchmist, azumanga daioh, trigun, cowboy bebop, sailor moon, fruits basket, card captor sakura, yu-gi-oh, pretear, arjuna, avatar, wolfs rain, full metal panic, saiyuki, naruto, gravi, and, DN ange
Goals
• hummm *thinking* I would love to go to africa, and help out the red cross with AIDS relief efforts... umm oh and to graduate high school with honors!!!
Hobbies
• I love playing and listening to music, oh I like designing outfits. umm cooking, playing video games, fueling my insominia, by watching kung fu movies at 3 in the morning, and Playing Sports, mostly tennis, and daydreaming
Talents
• playing trumpet, drawing, dancing, writing, running, I'm really flexiable... ummm I'm good at falling over my own feet.

myOtaku.com: LyingHereInHeaven

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

what can I say?
I'm a hormonial teen living in a harsh reality. Everyone agrees. But does anybody do anything about it?!? oh hell no! high school is a prison for most people, but it really is hell for me. I'm slowly dying inside, with every page turn of my text book, to ever hall way I turn. From every jammed locker and a "tardy again brooks" to every couple making out on my stair case.

yes my stair case. Everytime I get that feeling, like, I'm gonna snap, I'll skip class, and go to that stair case. I usually sit there, with my head on my knees and I'll cry, but sometimes I'll scream. It depend on what's going on. What do you exepect me to do?!? stand back and be blissfully ignorant like all the other screaming gossiping girls at my school?!? I'm too smart for that! I cant cling on the arm of some idiot boyfriend and begin to gossip everyday and pretend to like it!

I already tried that road! I tried having a boyfrind I could always talk about! had him for 8 months!!! I was in that clique!!! with the fake tan and dyed brown hair. the bright rugbys, and tight pants. the louie votton hand bag, and pink flip phone. those where some of the most depressing times of my life. AND I WAS GETTING FUCKING HONOR ROLL!!! Anime changed me.

from the moment I sat next to a girl named stephanie thompson in a lonley english class, I was changed. I had always liked anime, but I tried to hide it, because to my friends it was "that japaniese pokemon crap"
but it wasnt. it never was, and it hurt me when they said that. when my boyfriend said that. it hurt really bad. but talking to he, she said to me

"alot of people are like that, but you know what I say?"

"what?"

"you laugh at me because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same"

I wanted to cry. It was true. compleatly. I looked like all the other girls. every last one! I changed. and now after fighting off all those jerk so called friends, I get herrassed by teachers!!! I dont care any more. I'm numb. your threats mean nothing to me. Even band... right now if it ment never having to deal with that place again? I'd give up my right to live. I'd chop off all my fingers and toes. I'd run up to the tallest peak of every moutain in the world just to scream it.

"I DONT CARE!!!"

and that man... My history class is a large source of contempt, and spite. I despise the new student teacher, and I loathe mr. combs. He was at one time a mentor. a few months ago he was awesome. but now? I actually look foward to him getting sick, so I get a sub. I dream of the day he falls over weaping at the words that pour from my tragic poetic lips. and my english teacher with the crowd of delta teachers would say they never knew that I was like that.

do you want to know why you never knew who I was? because you branded me. from the moment you saw my black shirts and jelly bracelets, the moment you heard short japaniese phrases come from my group of friends, from the moment you knew I exsisted, you branded me.

and thats why I dont care. you ask me and yet are astounded at the simple reason for why I would never do my work. its the condasending remarks. the short greeting dripping with scharasim, the all knowing "I-know-what-you're-going-through" looks. its the little "meetings" in which you badger me and treaten me with my school work, and give my mother sympthetic looks like you're saying "I'm sorry you have such an ungrateful little shit as a daughter" the calls home and the e-mails talking about my weekly progress.

I'm 15 not 5 you pompous, over bearing, narsisstic, egotystical, arrogant, short winded bastered! leave me alone!!! I dont want your trouble! stop treating me like I'm some charity case! saying "we can save this kid oh we need to take away all anime" blah blah. anime hasnt been the poison its been the cure! Its the only thing I have that gives me an escape!

it gives me hope that I might not live through the fate I have. to not end up in a loveless marriage, and a coupla kids I dont know. to be saved from spending my lunch hour around a water cooler making small talk while hinding my hate for my sad pitifal mundane life.

damn it

I cant belive it

I'm crying...

this is too much.

its almost like this is turning into some ransome note.

I wish.

that would be my only way of becomming free.

and on the plus side, I would'nt have to go about killing my self, and having my mother blame her self.

I could have some crazed seiral killer do it. they post my face up all over the 6:00 news, and they'd have my mom and friends crying on camera, begging for me to come home.

they'd find my mangled bloody manuplated corpse in some dried up creek bed in indeana, and they'd identfy me.

My funeral would be done in the traditional buddist way, and the whole school would show up. not for me. they would hope there would be cameras around, so they could cry and say that we where best friends (even though I'll have only met them once) all so they too could get on the 6:00 news.

and every chinese new year they'd have a candel lit viguial, because its my favorite holiday.

wow that felt really comforting. its kinda morbid... imagining your own death and all. but it made me feel alot better. i guess, i gotta find a way to deal somehow. I'm not really sure how... seeing how I dont really have the will to try. but I have to.

one thing I do know for sure though... I'm gonna go off tomarrow. I just really hope its such a grand scene I get pulled out of the high school in hand cuffs. I would love that. and they'd assign my a court hired shrink!

Yea I'm gonna go off on a tantrum so big the cops have to be called.

man I cant wait for tomarrow!
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