myOtaku.com: LyingHereInHeaven

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1989-12-07
Gender
• Female
Location
• states. nuff said
Member Since
• 2005-03-30
Occupation
• student
Real Name
• EL Lizzo Don Porvalentino VII

Personal

Achievements
• I'd say, getting out of bed every morning. hummm And startng my baby, known as Dizzylogic.com
Anime Fan Since
• I was like... 2...(sailor moon hoocked me )
Favorite Anime
• fushigi yuugi, FLCL, chobits, ceres, inuyasha, full metal alchmist, azumanga daioh, trigun, cowboy bebop, sailor moon, fruits basket, card captor sakura, yu-gi-oh, pretear, arjuna, avatar, wolfs rain, full metal panic, saiyuki, naruto, gravi, and, DN ange
Goals
• hummm *thinking* I would love to go to africa, and help out the red cross with AIDS relief efforts... umm oh and to graduate high school with honors!!!
Hobbies
• I love playing and listening to music, oh I like designing outfits. umm cooking, playing video games, fueling my insominia, by watching kung fu movies at 3 in the morning, and Playing Sports, mostly tennis, and daydreaming
Talents
• playing trumpet, drawing, dancing, writing, running, I'm really flexiable... ummm I'm good at falling over my own feet.

myOtaku.com: LyingHereInHeaven

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

finished
did my exam. I still have like, an hour left. greattt... more time to brood. yay. I had a big fight/slaughter thing with someone yesterday. I call it a slaughter because I didnt get a word in. she just blasted me for the better part of an hour, and while I tried to defend myself, she would belittle me down to every shred of my being, calling every reason I have retarded, and idiotic. it came to the point where she basically called me a winey, insecure, emo bitch with a strong personality disorder. she says that I'm 2-faced, and that I brood too much, That I lie contantly, and try to act like a cold heartless person, because I have an infiorty complex.

What can I say to that? I mean, I'm insecure. I'm also a 17 year old american teenage girl, with too much time on her hands. thats not an excuse, but its also something to work through. as for a true mental disorder? are you insane? if I truely had an infiority complex, why would I act the way I do? so mabye I'm insecure. yes. I act aloof, so that I dont have to truely say how I feel out of fear of rejection. yea, I have a terriable fear of rejection, I also have a hard time trusting anyone but myself, and I try to play the loner role alot.

but, I'm also struggling with it. I'm trying to open up, and trust people more. I'm trying to act myslef more often, and give a reason for my actions. and some friends, are fantastic. they defend me, re assure me. help me. something I thought I'd never have. something I was sure I could live without. its nice to know that there are people that accept me no matter how strange my actions, and how warped my reasons behind them. There are also some people that find them selfs so without fault, that they can cast an eye down on others because they feel it be wrong in thier eyes.

I am who I am. I will always find it hard to trust people, and I will always have a brick wall around my true feelings. thats who I am. who I will always will be. I'm struggling with it, and for the better part of the past few years, I've worked through it. I dont need someone hating me for my faults. thier not my friend. thier sub-human to rip out as strong a fear as rejection, and use it against them in a petty arguement. I love myself, and I'm proud of who I've become. if you dont like me, then dont be around me.

I dont need you anyway.

-lizzo
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