Monday, May 7, 2007

   that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion...

hey guys! I'm back again ^^ this time to stay a little longer har har ^_~ anywho, the weekend did me a great deal of good ^^ I cried a lot and had a really good conversation with Silver-sama about those feelings I've been having. we came to the conclusion that I pretty much just feel unwanted, unneeded and useless and of course, all those feelings suck and aren't true! I know this, I just need to fight of that stupid voice in my head. more sleep will do me good ^^ also, an old habit of mine is helping me relax: reading. I've started reading normal books for a while again, mainly because I'm pretty much out of manga to read and I want to save my money for the coming Anime Con (the 1st of June is getting closer!!!) I still have loads of books to read, so I'll be fine for the coming few weeks. I just need to make sure I make time for reading and not let school eat all my time. my eyes are better too ^^ they don't itch anymore and for now, they're not hurting either. if it comes back, I'll have to see the doc again. on saturday Silver, me and his parents went to the animal asylum to see if they had any kittens there to be picked up. it was full with the cutest and sweetest cats, but all from about 7 months and up. we found one we all really liked so we went to the desk to ask if we could take him with us.. but the lady just HAD to tell Silver's mom that the cat had a habit of trying to sneak out.. *sighs* so his mom panicked (she can't walk really well) and went on and on about how she wouldn't be able to go after it if he'd escape.. in the meantime I was already distracted by a box of kittens this other lady just brought in. a stray cat had given birth in her shed and now the kittens were about four weeks old and she couldn't handle them anymore.. I'll let you all in on a little secret of mine now: the catloving, kitten-obsessed Lytjuh you all know had never seen kittens that young before in her 20 years of life! yep, you heard it right, this was the first time I actually saw kittens. I've never seen them younger than about 6 months.. but the good thing was, Silver's mom did want one of those kittens. so they'll get it as soon as the surrogate family is done raising it. it's really a cutie but both Silver and me felt sorry for the other cat we first planned to take with us.. and I mean, that kitten is going to explore and escape eventually too.. how is his mom supposed to run after her? ow well, mine and Silver's moms logic always clash, so I decided to be happy with the fact I'll get to play with a 10 weeks old kitten at their place in a few weeks ^^ in other news. I got the job. I go in wednesday to take care of the paperwork ^^ YAY for me ^^ now, remember that cat at the beginning of this post? here's what happened when I called my mom about the job and the kitten: me:hey mom! it's me! mom:yeah I got the job! *excited* I'm going in wednesday at five to sign the papers! ... oh.. oh. you do know we have to leave early on wednesday?(we're going to see Tarzan the Musical) yes mom I know. aren't you happy for me? *same bland, uninterested voice* of course I am. oh,and Silver's going to get a kitten in a few weeks, they're getting one from the asylum! OH GREAT!(do not mistake this for happy, it's ANGER) so now I have to go and tell Chantal that they don't want one from her anymore! *stunned* yeah.. I guess.. any other news? no ok, bye mom! now ain't that just the perfect rain on your parade?!she didn't even freakin' congratulate me!! she's been on my ass for MONTHS now, whining about how I should get a job and save money and don't spend too much and pay my own phonebill again.. hold on.. that's it! I'll be able to pay my own bills again, so she won't be needed for that anymore, so she can't bitch about that AND she can't bitch about having to get a job anymore AND her leg is feeling better so she'll have nothing to annoy me with anymore! no wonder she was pissed *chuckle* (just leave me under this assumption guys. it's better this way. cause the other way would mean that she genuinly isn't happy for me) in other other news.. now that I've got a job, going to England this summer is final for me! I say for me, cause my mom still seems to believe my ojou-sama Magnus is a scary, perverted old man who just plans on.. well, icky things. it's my mom's basic view of everyone on the internet.. *laughs* a few weeks ago, she asked me if Magnus was sending me drugs. DRUGS, people! I wish I had my mom's imagination, I'd be a great writer of those paranoid thrillers *laughs* let's see.. what else.. well, I'm feeling rather good today. except for the fact that I'm having trouble walking (as expected yesterday *looks at Silver and winks*) but I'll live ^^ after the phonecall with my mom, I cried a whole bunch more and felt way better after. I guess I just needed a good cry too, but wasn't able to get it out. on saturday we (Silver, his mom, her boyfriend, the boyfriend's parents, the boyfriend's brother and sister (they're married, but I can never remember which one is his real sibling and which one is an in-law..) and their two kids) went to an all you can eat Wok place. damn, I got totally stuffed there! it was sooooo good!! and not just the food, the waiter made for a fine desert *snickers* I kept with icecream and fruit though, cause Silver was playing the jealous boyfriend card *chuckle* he's so cute when he's jealous ^^ yeah, he gets like that *laughs* but don't worry, I made it up to him ^_~ now that I'm pretty much done with talking about my weekend, I just want to make this post a bit longer. you can skip this part if you want, cause it's about me and my religion. I know some people who'd rather avoid the subject, but due to all the loving comments from last post (this goes out to you guys: Yensid-sensei, LS-san, DS-kun and Grifter-san.) thanks to everyone for their advice and kind words ^^ now, for the religion part. I'm raised a protestant Christian. I still am Christian. there's a Bible on my nightstand gathering dust though. I haven't been to church since last summer, with the exception of Christmas. I hardly ever pray anymore. the problem is. church never gave me what I'm looking for. whenever I went to church, I was being bored, distracted and waiting for it all to be over. this isn't how you're supposed to feel in church and this surely isn't the way to praise Him. so I decided not to go anymore. also, I decided not to ask for every little thing that went wrong for Him to fix it. whenever I pray now, I pray for strength and for people who I know having a hard time. I believe in being the miracle, not asking for one. I believe that I have to work hard to get myself better again. sure, I know God is always with me and that comforts me. I've had nights where the feelings of loneliness and thoughts of suicide got so dark.. and believe me or not, but He was there with me during those nights. sometimes, I've even felt a hand on my shoulder, as if to comfort me, telling me it's all going to be alright. I'm just not your average Christian. I'm open-minded as I like to believe myself to be. I believe that it isn't so much a problem of Who you believe in. it isn't all about going to church, reading the Bible, Koran or whatever Book there is for you to put your faith in. some people have never heard of God and His word. does that mean they're going to hell? of course not. to me, I believe, it's about how you live your life. how you treat others around you. it's like Jesus said really. I don't recall the exact words but I think it's something like this: 'Whenever you clothed someone who needed clothes, you clothed me. Whenever you gave someone who was hungry food, you fed me.' (and so on and so forth) it's about living the right way with the right intentions. you might not always succeed, but it's the intention, the try that counts. treat others how you want to be treated. don't do things to people you wouldn't want done to yourself. and stuff like that. I don't want to make this too long, but this pretty much sums up how I feel and what I believe. be glad I didn't start about Catholicism and the Bible and stuff, cause I have some serious rants and theories about all that... this one needs some thought, but once you get it, it's funny ^^ ok, I believe this is long enough for today! I've tortured you guys enough if you ask me ^^ that is, if my posts are torture for you to read.. I hope not, but then again, if it is, you wouldn't read them ^^ I'll probably visit later today. right now, it's time to get some more sleep ^^ much clown love, I'm outti.

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Friday, May 4, 2007

   well... yeah...

hey guys! it seems I only return here to disappear again.. it's friday and that means I'll head over to Silver-sama to spend the weekend.. I hope he lets me sleep as much as he usually does, cause I'm still tired as hell. not everything has been great in the world of the Lyds lately.. my eyes got infected and even though the horrid eye-drops make it better, the stuff irritates my eyes so my sight is blurry most of the time and my eyes are itchy.. as I said yesterday, I've been tired as hell lately. I don't really understand why, I just know that I could sleep for months. maybe it's mental exhaustion once again, but most of the time a day at the beach can clear that out.. guess it's heavier this time. also, there has been something bothering me.. I'm sad for the biggest part of the day and there is a growing feeling of loneliness in my heart. and that, my friends, is what worries me the most! I know I'm not lonely. I know I have wonderful friends all over the world who care for me and support me. I know I have the best boyfriend any girl could wish for. what I don't know is why this feeling is haunting me.. *sigh* it's like there's this voice in my head telling me I don't belong or fit in anywhere. it's like it's trying to tell me that I'm all alone on this world and no one will be there for me in the end. how could they? they need to make sure their life is going alright. they have to take care of themselves. the only one who can be there for you in the end is yourself.. but why am I thinking about the end? I honestly don't know.. I'm sorry to drop this all on you guys all of a sudden.. it's just what has been bothering me and I need to get it off my chest. you all know I can't front to all of you and say my life is going great! but hey, I do still keep in mind the days that are shiny diamonds! they're what keeps me alive, away from bridges, knives and too many sleeping pills. don't be worried now, sure, I've been thinking about it again, but I haven't given in to the darkness. I need summer to come, then it'll be all better, I'm sure! I've got just over half the money I'll need for tickets to England. I need to save up a little more, but with a bit of luck, I'll also have a job around that time. I still haven't heard from the shoestore, which is driving me nuts actually.. if they don't call today, I'll call them myself tomorrow. I hope you guys like the new song by the way. it's one of my favorites from Krezip, a Dutch band and the song is called "Peace of Mind". it pretty much puts my mood and thoughts in words. it just sounds a lot happier ^^" this song always makes me feel stronger.. hell, most of their songs have that effect on me. if you got the chance, check them out. there are some more songs from them on Imeem anyway. well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. and yes, I did get totally hammered on monday and I kind of do know my boundaries when it comes to alcohol.. trouble is, Silver-sama doesn't and he mixes my drinks for me *laughs* HAH! it's all Silver's fault ^_~ naw, I just need to be more careful next time. I'll try my best not to get hammered this weekend. I do have to proudly announce that on the Anime Con forum, I've been named First Lady of Beerness!! somehow, I have been able to change the Gopher Questionnair thread into a beer thread (together with some others of course *laughs*) we're basically spamming one of the most important threads on the whole forum and the funniest thing is: the moderators who are supposed to stop spamming have been joining in our Beer Discussions ^^" thanks guys. I'm feeling a bit better now. take care and I will see you on monday. much clown love, I'm outti.

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Thursday, May 3, 2007

   Benno: R.I.P.

hey guys! I hope you're all doing ok and are having fun with whatever you're up to ^^ I know of some people who have it a bit less good, like Jess-chan (former JuzCuz), Steven-kun (the Assassin) and especially my Silvereagle-sama.. the problems of the first two I'm not going to discuss. you can find their sites in my friendslist. I do want to talk about Silver-sama's sadness.. on tuesday, his dog, Benno, had to be put down.. he was old (13 if I'm right) and was hurting a lot.. he had been Silver's buddy since he (Silver) was nine and they've been through some rough shit together. I'm sure Benno was a great help through those times, just like I know my very own Quinty is helping me a lot through my depressions. as many, if not all, of you know, I'm a cat-person. I don't really like dogs, basically because they need too much attention and affection all the time.. but dammit, I started to love that stupid dog over the past four years.. *smiles* he could be so cute. always trying to get food from me while I'd never give him any hehe ^^" he was always so easily fooled into thinking you threw something at him and then spend the next ten minutes searching for it.. and even though he was annoying at times (barking at me, I hate barking dogs and jumping up when I came over.. he hurt my legs quite some times..) I think I'm really going to miss him. it'll be weird coming to Silver's house for a while anyway.. I had never been present when something like this took place. my first cat was put down years ago and my parents had it done while I was at school.. I wanted to be strong for Silver-sama and stick by his side until it was all over, but when the vet told us that Benno's heart was still slightly beating, I couldn't handle it anymore and went upstairs.. cried my eyes out to the cat hehe ^^" enough on that subject now though.. send some love and support to Silvereagle-sama please? he could use it, I think ^^ the rest of my days with Silver were wonderful! got blind stinking drunk on monday and was passed out for most of the night (great fun *sarcasm* I didn't mean to drink THAT much.. >_< ) we watched Dogma, which I had never seen before and I LOVED it ^^ it was weird at times, but still very good. yesterday we went to the zoo in Amsterdam. it was fun, but still city-zoos are way less attractive than other zoos.. we had lots of fun though ^^ on monday we went to the beach, which was great too ^^ we had loads of fun searching for crabs (or parts of them anyway) and other sea creatures. I was especially pleased by all the jellyfish that were washed on shore.. it's just so funny to poke them ^^ though I had to do it with my shoe, which didn't really did it good... ow well. speaking of shoes. my interview yesterday went GREAT! turns out it will be for a job in my town instead of the one next to us (I'll just get trained there and when the new store over here opens, I'll get to work in my hometown again) plus, I can probably get a part-time contract, which has a lot of benefits (like bonuses for working on saturdays nyahahah!!) AND I might get a pretty responsible position as the replacement of the chef-lady.. but! all of this isn't sure yet, since the lady who was supposed to do the interview wasn't there again, and it's up to her whether or not they'll hire me.. I'll hear before the end of this week if they want another interview, if I'm hired or if they don't want me after all.. so keep your fingers crossed please guys! (even though I've got a lot more confidence about it now ^^) well, I've been tired as fuck for the past few days and it still hasn't passed.. I got a nice free day of my own today, so I'm going to take a nap. take care everyone, much clown love and watch out or your head might explode into candy: I'm outti

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

new theme

hey guys! well, I changed the theme of my site. I hope you guys like it, cause I sure do ^^ I LOVE the Riza and Roy pairing in FMA and I'm just a general fan of Riza Hawkeye ^^ I know it's pretty dark, but it just looks so good. besides, it also kind of displays my mood at the time.. it's not like I'm depressed.. I just feel lonely and unwanted, except for with the one I love.. it's a really weird feeling and hard to explain. by the way: all-time low in comments last post: 4 >_< but then again, they ARE from people who actually seem to read my ramblings, and those are the people and comments I like most ^^ plus, I haven't been the best visitor ever.. sorry guys! nothing much else to report. I'll probably be out of visiting and such till thursday, since Silver-sama is coming over today and we'll be together till wednesday. I just hope I don't get too grumpy.. I need my 'own time'. much clown love, I'm outti! here's a kitty to make up for my absence:

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

   Keep holding on, cause I know we'll make it through!

hey guys! this won't be a conventional post of mine. meaning I'm just going to write down my thoughts of the past few days. so it will actually be a golden oldie, so to speak ^^ well, for one, my tatt started itching.. I'm driving myself nuts trying not to scratch it >_< actually, the parts where the tape is on every night (you have to cover it up so your bed doesn't stain with ink hehe) itches worse than the tatt.. I feel kind of badass talking about it *laughs* most reactions have been like this: "is that it! oooh, cool, but why is it so small?" *laughs* I love it this way ^^ like Grif-san said, it suits me ^^ I really love the design and the size and place ^^ it's just the way I wanted it ^^ I can only think of one person who is happier with it than me and that's Silver-sama. he'll be even more happier with it in a week or so, but that's between me and him *giggle* second, I finished reading Behind The Paint, the biography of the Insane Clown Posse. I loved reading more about the people behind the music! but I had to try my hardest to not stop reading and dig into some manga *sigh* (I've been devouring manga since I came home, but I'll get back to that later) I think I'm kind of over my little crush on Joe Bruce, aka Violent J, though. it was fun, but my dreams lately have made me see how ridiculous it all is hehe ^^" it's fun though tee-hee ^^ I'm a walking contradiction.. anywho, I guess that ICP is the one good thing that came out of an old friendship. I'm not trying to diss anyone, I promise, but things just turned out the wrong way. sometimes, things don't click and you have to say goodbye. that's life. but the thing is, that person brought me ICP and ICP brought me the strength and mentality to say fuck it all and get myself over it. I need to return to my old, pure state of mind. for the Butterfly. this is probably jibberish to you all ^^" sorry, I'm not going to explain. if you want to know, buy and read Behind The Paint. and when I say read, I mean read the whole damn fucking thing! anywho.. ah yes, my interview.. well, I hung around town all afternoon waiting for it to be five pm.. got to the shoestore.. and then I heard that the person who was supposed to do the interview got called away for family matters, they had one sick employee and they were over their heads in work >_< so no interview, I get to come in again next wednesday at 9 am. keep your fingers crossed for me, please guys?! in the meantime, I also handed in my CV at the Acme Movie Store, which I basically LOVE! but, the problem is that I can't really get good hours there, so I'm holding on to the shoestore for a while now. oh that reminds me, I still need to email the manager of AMS about the rescheduling.. aren't I the little busy sollicitor? *chuckle* my dad, however, keeps on trying to find me jobs.. he's driving me crazy, cause he wants me to apply for like, a million jobs more, while I really want to focus my attention to these two for now. ow well, I'll handle it ^^ it's so damn hot today.. well, it was hot, it's just hot in the house right now and chilly outside. so I went inside and now I'm trying to cool down.. and do something for the project, but I don't think that'll get really done today ^^" I was talking with my marketing teacher about video game consoles and my fave teacher was there too and she was like: "what the hell is this about?!" hehe, she didn't understand a thing we were saying ^^" my marketing teacher is a really cool guy ^^ he knows a lot about marketing and since I love that subject, it's like I'm in a trance during his lessons.. well, that sounds weird, but ow well ^^ he knows a lot about video games because of his kids hehe ^^ he's the one I had breakfast with during the trip to Helsinki and Stockholm: remember him? ah yes, I'd talk about manga. well, first off this: I had to fill time before my interview. I only had school until like, twelve, so I had five hours left. I wandered around Rotterdam for a while and decided to walk to the station instead of taking the subway. which turned out to be both a good and expensive idea. I found this Asian store near the station ^^ I bought a totally cute plushie of MashiMaro what can I say, he's just soooo cute ^^ you can bend his little ears *eep* anyhoot.. oh, yes, manga. as soon as I came home I started to devour mangas ^^ so far, in the last few hours, I've read Fruits Basket 16 and Sensual Phrase volume 1-3. man, I now CRAVE for more Sensual (Kaikan) Phrase! it's such a sexy, daring, addictive series.. for the older public around my friends, I really recommend this, though I have to warn you all, it is Shojo, so it'll appeal a bit more to the female public than the male part.. ow well, it's hot anyway! I MUST have the other volumes!! but then again, I also MUST have the recently released Full Metal Panic figurines of Kaname and Theresa! damn, I need that job badly *laughs* next I'll read.. well, all I've got left unread is Because I'm The Goddess, volumes 1-3, a series that recently caught my eyes and the plot sounded really good and the art looks great, so I went ahead and bought all three volumes that are out so far ^^" I also want more Hana Kimi though.. aw man, so many series that I've fallen in love with lately.. I'm reading around thirty different series at the moment I think.. I've made a list of all the mangas I own. that reminds me, I have to get BITG on the list.. oh, I lied. I also got Pita Ten 2-4 still on my to-read list ^^ I've got enough to read I see! perfect, since I've got next week off ^^ I've been listening to the new CD of Avril Lavigne a lot ^^ Silver-sama bought it for me last weekend ^^ I love most of the songs, except for Girlfriend and some others which I haven't remembered the names of. I absolutely adore the songs When You're Gone, Everything Back But You and Keep Holding On. I had a MySpace for two days. *chuckle* I made it on monday and deleted it yesterday.. I made it and then I just got so scared that I wouldn't fit into that whole world.. it's just not my thang, ya know? I mean, I was hella scared when I first joined up here, but it all turned out fine ^^ I love this place and it really is an extension of my real life! but I will never fit into the world of Spaces and Hives.. I don't really get the hype about it all.. and basically, I got burned a couple of time trying to join forums that just didn't work for me, or only worked for me with particular people on it, so I figured to stop trying alltogether. I like it this way. I have my little blog and life is good ^^ hmz.. lets reply to some of the comments ^^ well, I don't really have much to say, except: thank you all so much for the compliments about my tatt ^^ it's great to get positive feedback ^^ as for LS' comment, this is a message to everyone thinking about getting a tattoo: NEVER, EVER GET A TATTOO WITH A NAME UNLESS IT IS THAT OF YOUR CHILD!!! there, now that's out of the way.. what else.. guess that's kinda it.. well, that's it for my old-fashioned-totally-random-and-way-too-long post ^^ much clown love, I'm outti (I guess I'll always be down with the clown ^_~) PS: is it time for a new theme on my site?

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Monday, April 23, 2007

   Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home...

time: 9.25-10.06 am CET mood: cheery, damn this sunny weather is doing a wonderful job for me!! physical condition: inked for life muahaha!!! but I'm doing great ^^ song: I really don't know what it's called.. that CD Silver-sama played in the car all weekend got stuck in my head >_< currently reading: Behind the Paint by Violent J weather: lovely and sunny ^^ official baby fish count: I think still 44 hey guys!! I hope you all are doing great, cause I sure am!! the weekend was wonderful and I've had a streak of good luck lately ^^ well, let me just start at the beginning, which should be.. friday? yeah, I think that's it. on my way to school I got a call from an unknown number. turns out it was a lady from the shoestore where I applied about a month ago. she wanted to know what I was really looking for: full-time, part-time, whatever.. and I told her I'm looking for a job in my free time, meaning saturdays, evenings and possibly mondays. so she said she'd like to have an interview with me *squeel!!* I'm not getting my hopes up though, I've been rejected a lot lately, but this is a step closer to getting a job again ^^ I've got the interview on wednesday, so wish me luck please guys ^^ then at school I found out I have passed my last midterm with a nice 63%, meaning I've got the next week completely to myself, oh how great is that?! PLUS, we don't have to make a stupid huge document for the project (if I understood correctly) which pretty much halves my work total for today YAY ^^ oh, it was my grandma's birthday on thursday ^^ at first I just wanted to buy her flowers or something, but my mom told me she would be getting tons of flowers already.. so my mom suggested this brand of soap my granny loves. so I bought two bars of that, which cost me absolutely nothing (well, a little bit) and then I decided to check out the bookstore for maybe some religious poetry. my granny is very Christian (even more so than my mom *laughs* if that's even possible.. wait, yeah it is) and I thought she might like that.. what I turned out buying was a little book with "prayers to go with getting older". my granny LOVED it!! *proud* I seem to be getting better at buying more personal gifts hehe ^^ alright, back to friday. after school, I went straight to Silver-sama. thank goodness he went to the birthday with me on thursday, cause that meant he was able to take my bag with clothes and stuff with him, so that I didn't need to take it with me to school. when I arrived there, we first ate and then we went to buy him an X-box 360. it's pretty cool ^^ the graphics are lovely ^^ he bought two games with it, of course I can only remember the name of the one I picked: Kameo. that game is pretty chaotic but it's fun nonetheless ^^ the other one is very similar to Final Fantasy, just not turn based and the name just won't spring to mind >_< he also bought two movies: Click and Dogma. we watched Click on saturday and darnit, I cried.. it was so sad at one point.. but it was a good movie ^^ on saturday I got a tattoo. yep, you heard it right, I got INKED (message to Silver: awww, you made me ink! ^_~) I wanted to go to the one tattoo shop we found first to make an appointment, but then the boyfriend of Silver's mom told us that this other shop was really good too (it's where he got his tattoos) and you didn't need an appointment. so I thought, well, we could at least check it out hehe ^^" so we went there and they really didn't give you much time to back out *laughs* which is just as well, cause I know with an appointment, I'd probably back off at the last moment. but saturday I was pretty much in a mood like: let's do this! so I showed the design, they named their price, Silver-sama paid (it's my birthday gift ^^) and they got everything ready. I was getting nervous at this point though... and then it began.. well, I'm not going to front to you guys... it didn't hurt half as much as I had imagined! which bummed the tattooer out, since he kept saying he liked it when it hurt *laughs* it was a really relaxed atmosphere and at first I was clinging to my seat and then I was like: hold on, this doesn't really hurt.. at one point it was just getting sort of tickling.. which made it hard not to laugh hehe ^^" ok, so there was some pain involved, but it wasn't as bad as I had thought and if you ask me, the outcome is great ^^ my parents were pretty cool about it too, actually. when I told her I wanted to get one, my mom made a big problem at first.. when I told her yesterday when I got home (I figured I might as well tell her) she actually wanted to see it. her first reaction? 'well, that isn't as big as I thought it would be!' she actually thought it was pretty cool! she told me that she thought I wanted a HUGE one on my back *laughs* naw, that's just not for me ^^" my dad had pretty much the same reaction. I'm sure they're at work bragging about it now *grins* saterday evening Silver, his mom and her boyfriend and me went out for dinner. we went to a Greek restaurant and the food was GREAT ^^ on sunday we pretty much did nothing until 1.30 pm. then we took a shower and headed over to the birthday of an aunt of Silver's. I had never met anyone from that side of his family, and what he told me about them was true. they're kind of richies.. but it was cool, the weather was great and the party was held in their backyard which looked great and had a little pond in it, filled to the rim with frogs. so I pretty much spend my time counting and poking frogs *laughs* when we left again his aunt told me she thought I was a 'spicy young lady'. whatever that might mean, but I thought it sounded pretty good ^^ we watched Bones in the evening, I played some Kameo and then it was time to leave again T_T but coming weekend should be great ^^ we've got a long weekend since it's Queen's day on monday next week ^^ Silver's also thinking about getting some days off, so maybe I get to spend a big part of my May-break with him ^^ I've been having some darn weird dreams lately.. the last one being from early this morning about meeting Joe Bruce AKA Violent J and him falling in love with me.. well, what can I say? I really didn't want to wake up hehe ^^" but there have been crappier dreams too, like dreaming that my imooto-chan didn't want any more contact with me.. thank goodness that was a dream! my imooto-chan (Magnus of course!) and I texted back and forth for a while just before posting. we came up with the plan that I might stay over there for a week including her birthday!! that would be so totally awesome!! now I really hope I can get the job.. planetickets to Manchester airport will cost me about 84 euros, which really isn't that bad for a return flight ^^ we'll see how this plan develops ^^ Magnus is doing great by the way ^^ she thanks everyone for their greetings and love ^^ well, I've rambled on long enough, here are some kitties ^^ and one for the guys: much clown love, I'm outti

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

   Blessed be the darkness, for bringing the light through...

time: 9 am CET mood: alright, could be worse physical condition: tired as hell and it feels like I'm getting sick.. I"m ignoring it though song: dunno, nothing has really gotten into my head yet currently reading: ICP, Behind the Paint weather: it's been sunny and warm the past few days, but it's cooling down again quickly.. official baby fish count: I think it's still 44 ^^ hey guys!! well, I"m sorry if my last post made some of you think I was leaving this place (especially sorry to Shishou *massive hugs* don't worry ^^) I think I'm working things out alright.. I have chosen a differentiating minor (cultural tourism, since it really interests me), I've decided to do my internship in februari of next year, buying myself some time and I've dug into my savings account, getting myself about 150 buck on my normal account, having paid off all my clothes and stuff and now I just need to focus on not spending it all. at least, not before june *smiles* the anime con is coming closer every day and I'm getting pretty excited for it ^^ my Winry cosplay is complete and I'm pretty anxious for the reactions of people.. it is my very first cosplay after all ^^" I love my fish ^^ one of my oldest ones died on saturday though.. made me pretty sad.. but Silver-sama bought me a pair of Beta fish!!! (fighting fish whoop whoooop!!) a male and a female and they look sooooo lovely ^^ besides, Violent J the Pufferfish lives up to his name ^^" he bit me hehe ^^" but then again, I always ask for it, putting my finger in the water and having my fishies nibble it.. yeah, I'm weird like that, I cuddle and play with my fish ^^ as for passing my exams/midterms/whatevers, I'm only waiting for the results of my casus and the project. I just passed the knowledge test with 55% but I couldn't be happier ^^ I can relax a bit more again ^^ I'm reading the biografy of the Insane Clown Posse, especially of Violent J.. the gangster slang is rubbing off on me and I can't say I really mind.. I just need to make sure not to cuss infront of my mom.. I don't really cuss all that much.. oh, who am I kidding?! I cuss wayyyy too much.. had a nice dream about meeting the two rappers in person last night ^^ it was sooo good I kept telling myself not to wake up hehe ^^" I took a sleeping pill which did bupkiss, but oh well, I feel rested enough for now. yesterday was worse. first day back to college after about a week and a half on break.. it wore me down like nothing else can *sighs* I came home feeling sick and went straight to bed right after dinner. hmz.. maybe I should talk about anime or manga in my blog.. I hung up a poster of Sanosuke (the ever so hot side character of RuroKen) above my desk ^^ so now, I can stare at my fish AND a hot anime dude when I'm thinking ^^ it calms me down too ^^ I have to hold myself back lately.. I just want to go and order a load of mangas.. especially Sensual Phrase which is just sooooo good and the bookstore suddenly only has volume one of it anymore.. the bookstore is getting worse in manga anyway.. it concerns me.. what also concerns me is the hyper people who continuesly block the shelves of the manga.. they stand so close in a group just talking and pointing at stuff and I'm like: erhm, excuse me... luckily, I have the personel of the store on my side. this one dude like to scare people away from the shelves anyway, so when he sees me struggling or just plain waiting for them to go away, he comes and askes me if I can get to it alright. that's the most subtle way to tell them kiddies to buzz off and it always leaves me with this evil grin on my face ^^ I love this pic hehe ^^ oh and for everyone who needs a smile, or just plain everyone!! I want you to check out the little vid at the end of my profile!! it has got to be the cutest thing I've ever seen!!! I need some yaoi.. I might just take my little gift card to the bookstore today.. but then again, I might be able to hold myself back again ^^" Silver-sama and me watched all three X-men movies on sunday. it was great ^^ I've never known much of X-men, but I have always loved Storm. she's the best ^^ I love her hair,well, in the first movie that is.. but I've also grown very fond of Mystique, who just plain RULES!! Magnus was just plain evil to her in the last movie *shakes head* I hope she gets her powers back hehe ^^" I"m expecting a fourth movie coming (well, dah, with the ending they gave the third one..) but I'm afraid it will take some time.. bleh I got some work to do for school.. needless to say I don't feel like it.. especially the presentation for english *sigh* why do they still ask me to prove myself in that? ow well, I'm almost done with it. now if only I could make a decent powerpoint presentation.. notice how I'm totally random today? means I'm rather happy ^^ love you guys *hugs to all* and now, for something cute ^^ (my internet freaked out for a second >_< ) much clown love, I'm outti ^^

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

   am I crazy? or is everyone around me just really sane?

hey guys *hugs for all* I don't feel my best. I think I'll take a bit of a longer break till certain things are sorted out. I'm trying to juggle finding a job, finding an internship, choosing a differentation minor, passing my exams/midterms/whatevers (passed Spanish with 79% thankyouverymuch), trying not to annoy my mom (who, by the way, spends half her day whining about how much her leg hurts, which is all in her head if you ask me, and the other half about me being a jobless bum who isn't interested in getting a job..*rolls eyes*) and trying to manage my financial business (meaning I'm trying not to go bankrupt while also trying to get somewhat of a new summer wardrobe...). I'm sick of getting rejected for jobs or just not ever hearing from them again... and my mom is acting like I don't give a shit, while every time I realise I didn't get the job, I cry my eyes out in front of Silver.. so we got into a little fight.. but I think we sort of talked it out and it's cool again.. but then again, with my mom, you never know... so I'm going to try and get everything sorted out. and I'm going to try getting some well deserved sleep, even if it means I'll have to take those wretched sleeping pills every night! but! I don't want to leave you guys on a sad note hehe ^^ I bought new fishies *dance of joy* I got a pair of new Black Mollies and a Pufferfish ^^ the pufferfish is totally cute and I called him Jay, since... well, I just wanted to name my fishy after Violent Jay ok ^^" also, the pocky Silver-sama and me ordered came in and it's so totally yummy ^^ oh and I finished an 8page letter to my imooto-chan Magnus *laughs* that'll fill her time she now has free *snickers* and I'm pretty much devouring manga's lately ^^ my dad hooked me up with a huge bookshelf, so now all my books are up there and I've got one bookstand all for my manga and one all for my DVDs ^^ I think my mood is partly caused by the emotional drain I get from reading Saikano.. but it's just so damn good!!! I just need to get my hands on the last two or three volumes... but then again, maybe a little break from that emotional vampire will do me good.. we'll see, for now, I don't have the money to buy them anyway (forgetting I have a gift-card for the bookstore of over 30bucks in my bag) I'll try to keep visiting when I have time ^^ if I don't comment for a while, don't worry, I won't forget you guys ^^ I might even check in and not comment muahaha!! so remember, you're being watched!! much clown love and remember: I just gotta keep those days in mind, right? I'm outta here PS: the first piccie is my very own Quinty ^^

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Thursday, April 5, 2007

   Blood flies when you're having fun...

time: 7.50-8.20 am CET mood: cheery physical condition: sniffing, I think I got hayfever ugh >_< currently reading: the official DearS Fanbook, it's so cute and funny hehe ^^ song: Gimme That Blood-Dark Lotus weather: it's been wonderful the past few days! sunny and warm, really springish. I hope today will be the same ^^ official baby fish count: 50. hey guys! guess who's back from the dead?! well, it's me ^^ I hope you all are doing great!! *hugs for you all* it's been the longest time I've been away from TheO I think.. but I'm getting back into the hang of visiting and commenting again ^^ also, I've been tinkering with making wallpapers. some of them got accepted, but for some reason, my personal favorites don't get through.. I know I'm not really all that great at making them, but come on, I've seen way worse ones pop up in the 'features'.. ow well, it's only a drive for me to keep going and keep getting better. (these two didn't get accepted: and ) as for what has been up with me... I've been making midterms, extra assignments and that freaking project! the project was finished on friday, thank goodness the last few days of it, while doing the most work, the people of the group I can't work with didn't show up and I got to work with just Natasja and Inge. the two I do like ^^" the extra assignments always come in the last few weeks of the blocks, making the stress on the project bigger and bigger. I skipped out on my english presentation, simply because it wasn't my first priority *laughs* I just thought that the project and a side project for Spanish were more important ^^ luckily, the teach understood and now I have to do my presentation in about two weeks. I'll live, at least I have time to prepare now. the midterms were.. meh, I dunno.. since I failed on of the tests I usually pass in one try, I'm kinda scared to make a judgement before getting my grade... the Spanish one was the easiest if you ask me. but then again, it was a reading-test and those are exactly what the word says: tests if you can READ. I don't fully understand the Spanish language. hell, I didn't recognise most of the words that popped up in the test, but it's all about if you can recognise the way things are written and if you understand the context. if there's one thing I can do, it's READ. this, however, is how I would write Spanish: but I know what it says ^^ (I'm on your table, eating your burrito) let's see, what else has been on my mind. well, of course I can't let out my imooto-chan Magnus' leaving. as most of you, I was sad and mostly shocked at the suddennessish of it all. I was busy with project and other stuff when all of a sudden I got a textmessage from Silver-sama saying she was leaving. I got pretty angry at her at first. but thank goodness we got to talk and I understand why she left. she has to face her demons and the least I can do is support her in her choices. I guess I was just scared to lose another friend. especially one I had become this close to in the past few months.. but we're still keeping in touch ^^ she's doing alright by the way, for those of you who want to know ^^ you can always PM me if you have questions about her or if you just want to know how she's doing or hell, if you just want to let her know you said hi ^^ I'll make sure it gets to her ^^ in other news: I was asked to write a small column for ImagineFX magazine. I don't know if any of you know it, but it's sold in the US and UK. I was pretty darn proud to be honest, especially once again since english isn't my first language ^^ the column is about my experiences at Anime 2006. so it's about the anime con of last year ^^ it's pretty much a smaller version of the article I wrote about it here on TheO (check my profile to check it out, together with the wallies ^^) the article should be featured in the May edition of ImagineFX ^^ as for today. I'm going to take things easy. after dinner I'll be heading for the bloodbank with my dad to give blood and after that we're going to some hardwarestores to try and find support thingamabobbies for a bookshelf. I think I'll go back to sleep after I visit the people who have updated (today and yesterday) and I hope I don't get completely lazy and can do some writing on my next letter to Magnus ^^ have a great day everyone!!! much clown love, I'm outta here. I just think this picture is too darn cute *squeels* for some reason, the text makes me want to cuddle the kitty hehe ^^

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

   2 BUSY/Too Busy

TIEM 1 PM C3T MOD PRETY CHERY STIL. PHYSICAL!11!!1!!!1!! OMG WTF CONDITION UNBLEIVABLEY HUNGOV3R (SILV3R-SMA M3 AND SOME GUYS KIND OF PARTEID HARD LAST NIGHT.!!1111!1! OMG WTF LOL WA CME HOM3 AROUND 5M.!11111!!11!1!1 OMG BUT WE DID MIS AN HOUR B/C OF DAYLIGHT SAVNGS CURENTLEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL READNG MAH HOMEWORK.!1!!!!!11!!1 OMG WTF LOL I PLAN 2 READ SOM3 MANGA 2 RALAX L8R SONG!!!1!!!! WTF NONE ITS COMPLETELEY QUEIT INSIED MAH HEAD. WAATHAR!11!!!11!1!! OMG LOL NIEC AND SUNY BUT COLD H3Y!!!11!! LOL GUYS IMM!!111!!! OMG WTF SO SORY BUT I CANT B AROUND H3R3 FOR A WHIEL.!!11!!!!111!1!1!!!!1! OMG LOL I CANT VISIT COM3NT OR POST BUT I JUST WANTAD 2 LET U GUYS KNOW Y!1!1!11 OMG LOL HAS BCOM3 2TALY HECTIC!1!1! WTF ITS UNBLEIVABL3 WUT KINDS OF SIED-ASIGNM3NTS AND EXTRA LITLE PROJECTS THERE GIVNG US!!11111 OMG WTF LOL NOT 2 M3NTION DA MANE GROUP-PROJ3CT TAHT HAS 2 B DONE 2!!11!1! LOL *SHAEKS H3AD* ITS RILLY AVIL TAHT THEY GIEV US AL THES WORK IN DA LAST FREAKNG WEK OF TEH BLOK.!!1!!!1!1!1! BUT IT CANT B HELP3D BSIEDS!!1!11!1! WTF LOL AL THES EXTRA WORK I HAEV 2 SOM3HOW FIND TIEM 2 STUDY FOR MAH MIDTERMS TAHT R COMNG NEXT WEK. SO!1111111!!!11!111 I THINK IL TAEK A BR3AK FOR ABOUT A WEK AND A HALF!!!!!! OMG WTF JUST UNTIL COLEGE CALMS DOWN AND I CAN ACTUALY VISIT U GUYS AGANE!!1!!1 OMG WTF I JUST DONT LIEK TEH IEDA OF POSTNG WHIEL I CANT AVEN DROP BY 2 GIEV U AL DA ATENTION U AL D3S3RVE FROM M3 SO!11!11 FOR NOW IMM OF MUCH!!!!! OMG WTF LOL CLOWN LOV3 IMM OUTA H3RA (BY!!!11 OMG DA WAY MAH WEKEND SI GRAAT!!!!1!!1!!!!1! WTF LOL IMM SPENDNG LOADS OF TIEM WIT SILVAR-SMA AND M JUST G3TNG SOM3 TIEM AWAY FROM AL DA STR3S AND FRUSTATION COLAGA BROUGHT M3!111!! WTF HE ALSO BOUGHT MA SOM3 MANGA YAY ^ SO DONT WORY ABOUT M3 I DO G3T 2 RELAX AND HAEV A GIGANTIC HANGOVAR 2 GO WIT IT *LAUGHS*) (and now, for all of you who (like me) can't read the AOL-writings of a 12-year old) time: 1 pm CET mood: pretty cheery still.. physical condition: unbelievably hungover (Silver-sama, me and some guys kind of partied hard last night.. we came home around 5am.. but we did miss an hour because of Daylight Savings. currently reading: my homework.. I plan to read some manga to relax later. song: none, it's completely quiet inside my head.. weather: nice and sunny, but cold. hey guys! I'm so sorry, but I can't be around here for a while... I can't visit, comment or post, but I just wanted to let you guys know why. college has become totally hectic. it's unbelievable what kinds of side-assignments and extra little projects they're giving us. not to mention the main group-project that has to be done too. *shakes head* it's really evil that they give us all this work in the LAST FREAKING week of the block.. but it can't be helped. besides all this extra work, I have to somehow find time to study for my midterms that are coming next week.. so I think I'll take a break for about a week and a half. just until college calms down and I can actually visit you guys again. I just don't like the idea of posting while I can't even drop by to give you all the attention you all deserve from me. so for now, I'm off. much clown love, I'm outta here. (by the way, my weekend is GREAT!! I'm spending loads of time with Silver-sama and am just getting some time away from all the stress and frustation college brought me. he also bought me some manga YAY ^^ so don't worry about me, I do get to relax ~and have a gigantic hangover to go with it~ *laughs*) much props to the AOLer Tanslator

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