Monday, February 12, 2007

   When you are with me, I'm free, I'm careless, I believe...

'My Sacrifice'-Creed Silver-sama's favorite song.. I quite like it too, especially this *points above* part ^^ time: 9.37-10.20 am CET mood: nervous physical condition: trembly... currently reading: nothing O_o I finished the second book of Abarat this weekend and haven't had the chance to start on anything new since then.. but I think I'll start reading some manga again ^^ song: *thinks* The Witch-ICP weather: probably cold or something.. I dunno ^^" official baby-fish count: 58, some of them died ^^" no surprise though.. I'll explain later.. hey guys!!! yep yep, I'm still alive!! once again, I haven't visited or posted much the last week.. sorry about that.. I just tend to spend my evenings away from my laptop lately *sees everyone gasping* yep.. but I think it's mostly because I am still feeling kind of sick in the evenings and I've been troubled by headaches.. well, I guess I'd better tell you all about my days eh? erhm.. what have I done since wednesday.. oh, I actually skipped one lecture. it wasn't important though and I really needed the rest and time to make some homework and just get the flu out of my system. I watched 'Alien9'. it's pretty fun ^^ it's an anime series of just four episodes, but with a very open ending, so I think there will be a sequel to it if it gets more popular.. I really liked it, even though it got kind of freaky at times.. the artwork is great, which, as I'll keep saying time and time again, is VERY important to me! it also got some sort of story line, though it isn't very clear all the time.. but the episodes are good, you can relate and get attached to the characters and that's what makes a series worth watching ^^ here's a little summary of the series: From the screenwriter of Millenium Actress, Cowboy bebop and Bubblegum crisis and the producer of Tenchi Muyo! Defense from Grade 6! Yuri is totally bummed. She just started 6th grade and has been elected to capture and eliminate the aliens that are constantly invading the school... a difficult and dangerous job! Even worse, she has to wear a creepy symbiotic alien helmet to get the job done...GROSS! I loved the Borgs (the symbiotic helmets) the most I think ^^ hmz.. other than that.. nothing much happened during the week.. I just went to school, learned lots of things, already got sick of the projectgroup since it's just too damn big and three of the members lack any kind of motivation *sigh* and just when I wanted to completely go for it this time.. ow well, guess I'll have to try and motivate them somehow.. or not and just ignore them.. that sounds like a good plan ^^ now, the weekend was so much better ^^ I went to Silver-sama on friday ^^ so we got almost three full days together, which is always a great pleasure ^^ let's see.. we erhm.. we played Katamari ^^ nothing says anger management like rolling up everything in your path! we discovered that the co-op part is loads more fun than playing on your own and we spend most of the time running after each other's character, trying to bump him over *laughs* that was loads of fun ^^ so we spend most of the weekend like that ^^ we also watched some tv. too bad there wasn't any good stand-up comedy on saturday, but then again, we had a nice quiet evening ^^ Silver-sama felt kind of sick in the evenings though, so he went to bed early.. I spend that time on my own reading my book and watching a good thriller I'd already seen parts of before.. and of course, we did the stuff couples do. I'll leave that to your imaginations ^^' on sunday we went over to my place and there we didn't do much either.. Silver took his PS2 with him and we played more Katamari. I also cleaned the fish bowl which houses my baby fish. I hadn't done that in weeks, so the water was practically brown and the plant in it had grown till it almost filled the complete bowl.. so as said in the beginning of this post, some of the fishies had died.. but then again, sixty fishies in one bowl IS a bit much, even if they are baby guppies ^^" since Silver and me can't spend Valentine's Day together *awwww* (I've got school in the morning, he's got work in the evening..) we exchanged gifts already ^^ I got him that promise ring I told you guys about last week ^^ yep, we're kinda, sorta, maybe a little engaged ^^ or to be more precise: we're promised to be engaged *smiles* and on saturday, I got Silver's gifts ^^ he got me a Beddy Bear ^^ let me explain: it works like a waterbottle. it's filled with special treated grains and when you pop it in the microwave, it warms up and stays warm for a few hours ^^ officially, the bear's called Charlie, but I decided to call him Smelly, since he smells like lavender *laughs* it makes you nice and sleepy though, especially when it's warm ^^ though I have to say.. it felt REALLY sadistic putting that little teddy in the microwave *laughs* even for me, that's a little evil.. but that wasn't all Silver got me ^^ he also bought Aquasaurs!!! they're so much fun!! or at least, I think they will be once they hatch ^^" they can be compared to SeaMonkeys, though Aquasaurs don't live as long ^^" Silver and me had some fun figuring out how to take care of them.. too bad it takes two days for them to hatch and they have to live at Silver's, but I'll get to see them next week ^^ ok, back to sunday.. in the evening we watched Bones as usual.. man does Cam ever annoy me!! and dammit Hodgins and Angela, DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!! either totally blow him off, or just move in closer to her already!! that turning round each other is starting to annoy me.. thank goodness the cases are still great ^^ although I once again had the feeling I knew this case from another series.. I should watch less crime fiction *nods* other than the story, the new way of fading out kind of annoys me.. instead of making things darker, they've decided to make it this really bright light.. ow well, it doesn't last that long ^^ ow and don't get me wrong, even though I whine about it all the time, this series has got itself at the top of my live-action series at the moment ^^ I love it ^^ and then, it was time for Silver-sama to leave again.. I'm really going to miss him this week, especially since he's got the late shift and I've got school every morning except for today.. *sigh* ow well, it's the way it is and I'll live and be even happier to see him again coming weekend ^^ as for today.. I'm damn nervous.. this afternoon, I've got my interview at the casino.. on the one hand, I really hope I get the job.. on the other hand, I'm really scared that they don't want to hire me since I can only work weird hours and don't have my own transportation and thus am completely at the mercy of public transport.. on the other other hand (yes, this one has three hands)I'm kind of anxious that I will once again stress out completely if they do hire me.. mostly because of the traveling time and the possible impact on my education.. but if they do hire me, I'll still accept. I'll always have the first two months to see how things go and if I can't pull it, I can quit. but I'm not expecting anything from it really. it will just be an extra experience in getting interviewed for a job. plus, it gives me a nice chance to go to the beach *laughs* since the casino is just a few blocks away from the sea ^^ I'll be sure to leave early enough and if I have loads of time left, I can clear my mind with a walk on the beach ^^ point of annoyance this week: SNOW! it freakin' snowed in the Netherlands.. just for one day though, but to make things worse: my coat decided to malfunction on this one day!! the zipper broke, so I couldn't close my coat anymore *cries* it happened on thursday and that evening my dad and me went to get my coat fixed.. it will take till wednesday to get a new zipper put in.. ow well, you'd think.. but I didn't have an extra coat!!! so I was stuck having to chose between a coat I haven't worn since I was like.. fourteen, or my mom's coat.. well, seeing how my mom has more fashion sense than me in my early teens, I decided on my mom's and went to school in that. thank goodness for the late season sales though ^^ my mom gave me money for a spare coat and I found a really nice one for just 20 bucks ^^ so now I've got one that actually looks good on me and isn't a bit too big ^^' so that was my week since I've been gone ^^ sorry it was so long.. but then again, I don't really mean that *laughs* you guys are used to long posts from me anyway ^^ and I had to compensate for the last one *laughs* well, to make it all up to you, here's a picture of the new and improved Catbus: you guys can expect more silly cat pictures in my next posts, Silver send me a site with the cutest pictures EVER!! hehe ^^ much clown love, I'm outta here ^^ I'll let you all know how the interview went in my next post ^^ wish me luck *crosses fingers*

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Wednesday, February 7, 2007

   Take your time, try. I'm trying to, I try so hard..

"Take Your Time"-Krezip it really is a lovely song.. time: 11.00-11.12 am CET (for some reason, I type faster on school computers..) mood: swingy physical condition: I've got the flu *sigh* but yet, I'm in school.. currently reading: the second book of Abarat, it's such a great story!! song: same as the title ^^ weather: icy cold and slippery *bleh!* hey guys.. I've been kind of lacking in updates and visiting, sorry.. it's all cause of the flu.. I hate it.. monday evening I started vomiting, spend most of the evening doing that and once I was completely empty, I went to sleep.. I felt slightly better yesterday morning, so I went to school. only to find out that the only class I had that day had been cancelled cause the teacher was sick.. but we worked on the project.. this new group looks like it might get pretty bad.. not because the people are stupid stress-monkeys, but because two of the members didn't show up and two other members almost started a fist-fight.. ow well, at least the focus won't be on my problems ^^" once I got home, I got back in bed. spend most of the afternoon sleeping and reading. in the evening, I was feeling slightly better, so I decided to empty out my laptop, as it's been acting up lately.. didn't help much, I still get annoying messages that certain programmes can't be shut down or that I can't go onto a certain site because of spyware or whatever and then my internet shuts down.. I forgot to clean out my cookies though, so that will be done today and I hope it will work better after that.. my virus-scan ended up with nothing, so that can't be the problem.. Silver-sama said that it could be spyware, but I don't have a scan for that.. ow well.. I'll see what deleting my cookies will do ^^ I'll also try and get my new software progam installed so I can finally work to my heart's content on my own piccies ^^ I'll try and get better at making greetings and wallpapers so that maybe they will finally be submitted by this site.. I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and even though I've been able to keep my food in since tuesday, I still feel pretty sick *sigh* I think I'll skip one lecture today, as it isn't really necessary to go there. that means I can at least get some rest in today too.. my cat slept with me this night, so I think that's the problem.. she decided that she had to wake me up to cuddle her around 4.30 this morning.. then she wanted to sleep under the covers, but of course with her head as far down as possible *sigh* so I stayed awake, trying to get her to turn around and making sure that she was able to breath.. when she got sick of that, she decided to crawl under the covers by my legs.. I sleep pretty much curled up, so there was a bit of a 'nest' where she could curl up in.. but she was dreaming or something, cause she kept moving around and squeeking.. so yeah, I didn't get much sleep.. especially since I had to wake up at 7am to catch my bus.. ugh, that's just way too early for me.. well, I'll be going.. I just wanted to let you all know why I've been absent lately.. I've also been pretty cranky.. *hugs Grifter-san* I guess he's the one I've been getting snappy at.. sorry *bows* ugh, I still have about an hour and a half before the next class.. skipping is tempting but I don't think my projectgroup will understand if I do.. we're supposed to follow all the classes with a connection to the project.. ow well, I've got my book and the internet ^^ much clown love and don't worry, I'll get better in a few days, I just need some more rest *nods* I'm outta here

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Monday, February 5, 2007

   I don't wanna be an asshole anymore...

"Last Time Again"-LIT I'm getting rather sick of myself.. post explains I hope.. time: 6.20-7.25 am CET mood: unstable physical condition: a bit of a cold, I think I might get the flu.. ow well currently reading: still the first book of Abarat, oh it's SOOOOO good ^^ song: several different ones are flashing through my head.. weather: wintery hey guys ^^ I hope you all had a nice weekend ^^ I did, even though I was annoyed and annoying for a big part of it.. my birthday was pretty good ^^ Silver-sama and me actually spend a lot of time downstairs with all the guests. thank goodness it's not as busy as with my parents' birthdays.. that would drive us both to insanity.. here's a list of stuff I got: - the software program to edit photos and pictures and the likes - season two and three of Coupling - CSI book Snake Eyes - Amthyst Bookends - the Forensics Casebook (an unexpected gift from Magnus ^^) - some money - some giftcards - a necklace and bracelet which are both pretty cool ^^ they got lots of charms ^^ - a towell - some more towells from my grandma, I'm mentioning these especially cause my grandma refuses to give me money like she usually did. why? cause I want to get a tattoo and she says she doesn't want to pay for that.. *grumbles* in the meantime, she does give money to my cousins who buy piercings from it.. in their faces.. kinda hypocrite.. ow well, one of the towells has got a cow on it and it's pretty cute ^^ I like cows ^^ - the stuff from Yensid and Bunraku, I'm too lazy to sum those up again... - a huge box of chocolates ^^ yummy - and last, but certainly not least! twenty roses from my honey ^^ they're so beautiful ^^ - oh, and then there's the mystery gift from Cat ^^ that's supposed to arrive today, so I'm pretty curious!! Silver-sama slept over at my place that night. we both had some alcohol running through our system.. alright, I had more than him.. but I had to test out my shot glass! so yeah, I drank a few shots of tequilla and it directly became clear to me that my parents have no idea about the concept 'shot'. they kept asking: 'have you drank it all already?!' yes, for crying out loud the concept of having a shot is getting it all down at once! you're not supposed to drink it with little sips *sigh* ow well.. except for my mom complaining I was drinking too much (which didn't really hurt me, since I'd drank too much*laughs*) the evening was good ^^ the first part of the night, I slept with Silver-sama, but early in the morning I decided to make use of my own bed, just in case my parents would check to see if it was used at all that night. so I spend a few hours in my own bed and then returned to Silver-sama, only to wake him up by throwing my cat at him *snickers* to me it was fun ^^ to Silver.. a bit less since I hit him full in the stomache the second time I threw Quinty *laughs* Quinty, by the way, didn't mind at all ^^" she's such a mellow cat hehe ^^ we didn't do much at the beginning of the day. just hang around and I kind of cleaned the presents away. that afternoon Silver-sama and me went to Rotterdam to do a little shopping.. I hate my impulsive self! first, we went to the dvd shop that actually has a BIG (for Dutch standards, mind you!) collection of anime.. and there I bought the Anime Legends box of Onegai Twins and the complete collection box of Tenchi Muyo GXP.. big ouch for my wallet and by the time we were out on the street again, I was regretting my huge purchase.. so I wanted to return the Tenchi box.. stupid store could only give me store-credit, so that sucked and I kept the box, knowing that I would be pretty much broke until I find another job and get some money in.. *sigh* but that didn't stop me.. even though I did have a lot of fun with Silver-sama, I got annoyed by pretty much every little tiny thing and person.. myself in particular.. I was just kind of beating myself up over spending too much money, but I still enjoyed buying the things I bought.. at the end of the day, I was just plain tired and annoyed and pretty much every bone in my body hurt.. I felt icky and wasn't in the best mood ever, so I kind of ruined the day.. or at least, that's how I felt, which annoyed me in return.. anywho, list of what I bought: - Tenchi Muyo GXP - Onegai (Please) Twins - Sensual Phrase manga volume 1 and 2, ok, so it's mature content.. but it's still Shojo and the artwork looked so good. besides, the story attracted me too ^^ and hey, I'm mature! kinda, sorta, maybe ^^" I've just noticed that I'm reading a lot more 'mature' mangas lately (battle vixens, mai-HiMe (man, does that Mai have huge boobs.. not that Hakufu has tiny ones *laughs* and of course all the yaoi in my collection ^^) call me a perv, call me curious, at the end of the day, to me it's just that the art looks so darn good..and I like the storylines. well, not in the yaoi cause I think we all know yaoi has no storyline *laughs* - I bought Silver-sama and me matching rings ^^ they're our promise-rings, meaning that we've promised each other that we will get married when we have the money and opportunity for it ^^ plus, they're just really cool ^^ - Alien 9 DVD, it looked interesting, I have yet to watch it - Silver-sama bought me Fullmetal Alchemist volume 11 and Vampire Knight volume 1. so now, I'm broke again and my ATM-card is currently living in Silver-sama's wallet T_T it's for the best *laughs* a bit later this week, Absolute Boyfriend volume three is coming out and I simply need to have it!! but there's no need to worry about that. I still have a gift certificate for 20 bucks that I got from my parents-in-law ^_~ so that will combine nicely with the new CD of Norah Jones ^^ man, I love her songs ^^ Silver-sama also bought some more stuff.. can't really remember anything except for 'We <3 Katamari'!!! I have been pushing him to buy it so that I could play it hehe and he kept promising me that he would once it was priced a lot lower. so when I saw it priced down to 25 bucks, I knew he might finally get it ^^ and he did YAY ^^ it was fun to play, although the sounds are a bit annoying at times.. and the King.. man, does he ever annoy me, but ow well ^^ nothing says anger-management like rolling everything you can see up into a giant ball ^^ saturday evening was spend watching comedy, one of my favorite comedians ^^ so that lightened up my mood a bit ^^ and after that we didn't do too much.. we just hang around for a bit, I read more of my book, which is soooo good ^^ and Silver-sama.. erhm.. I think he read manga... ^^" then it was time to get some sleep (we were at Silver's place by this time ^^) sunday was a lazy day as usual ^^ I read a lot and we watched some tv and played Katamari ^^ we cooked and in the evening we watched Bones as usual. I'm back to hating the new lady. I was this close to liking her, but then she had to go and screw it all up. literally *sigh* I mean, from Booth, I could expect and accept Rebecca, but Cam?! for crying out loud Booth, if you want someone so badly, take Tempe! you know you want to and you know she wants to!! ARGH!! and as for Hodgins: stop holding back and tell Angela how you really feel already!! I stopped watching CSI:Miami because it began to have too much character development.. more characters and they all got their own little backstory that kept getting bigger and bigger until the cases didn't matter anymore (they actually brought on a lot of sloppy cases, some of which weren't really solved or closed by the end of an episode, which annoyed me to hell) I stopped watching CSI:New York cause it was, well.. depressing.. the cases weren't great and the overall feeling of the series was.. grey. I don't want to stop watching Bones, for now they still have some pretty interesting cases (though the man with two lives thing I've already seen in either CSI or Law and Order..) and I still want to see what will happen with the characters. I'm just not sure what they'll do in the character development department.. well, as long as the cases stay interesting, they won't lose me as a viewer, but I'm just scared that they will stray too far from the actual concept. only time will tell. has anyone ever noticed, that at the end of crime shows like Bones, Law and Order and CSI, they usually play these really good touching songs?! someone should make a cd with all those songs... when Silver-sama had to bring me home, he had to scratch the ice off his car.. we left earlier than usual, which turned out to be a pretty smart idea. once we drove into my little town, I started crying my eyes out.. Silver stopped and he just held me and asked me what was wrong.. I'm just dealing with some heavy anxiety for the coming block at school. I'm supposed to be a stronger, more open Lytjuh the coming few months but I guess I'm just really scared that I won't be able to do that.. I will try my best, but I'm scared my best won't be good enough.. thank goodness Silver-sama was able to comfort me and just hold me when I needed him to. gotta love them hormones *crooked smile* I'm just glad I have my honey who can lend me strength and make me not hate myself ^^ I've decided to try and take this (meaning this weekend and my 20th birthday) as a turning point. I will have to be taking responsibility for my own actions (Silver-sama offered to lend me money, but I declined.) and I'll have to be a stronger person after all. and of course, turning points come with a new theme ^^ it's Reki, from Haibane Renmei. I've chosen her cause she's a lot like me. she needs help, but she waits for people to come and help her, all the while smiling and being nice and helpful to others, hoping that will make her a better person. she doesn't reach out, not until it's almost too late. but in the end, she does ask for help and she is saved, from more than you can imagine. I want to give my thanks to Knight's Edge for making such a lovely wallpaper ^^ I hadn't been able to find a good one and he still owed me a favor ^_~ I hope you guys like it too ^^ I'll probably work some more on it once I've got my new software installed. but for now this will have to do *nods* I've got a pretty harsh week of school ahead of me, so I can't promise anything about visits and or comments. I'll try my best to get to people who've updated while I'm awake, but I won't have much time or enery.. sorry guys, please keep in mind that I try my best to get to you all!! special shoutout: happy birthday to Yensid-sensei!!! JD-kun: none of the naughtier of sorts happened!! Grifter-san: does this answer your question with regards to my posts? *laughs* much clown love, I'm outta here.

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Friday, February 2, 2007

   Oh shit it's your birthday! Oh no it isn... Wait, yeah it is!!!

the big 2-0 has finally arrived for me guys.. I'm no longer a teen, but I'm not sure if I should see this as a big turning point.. birthdays always make me wonder about the things I've achieved in life.. so far, it doesn't seem to be that much, but it does give me the chance to set new goals ^^ time: 8.30-8.50 am CET mood: birthday blues physical condition: my fingers hurt.. evil fake nails!! makes it hard to type too!! oh and ya know.. girlystuff.. ugh currently reading: the first book of Abarat, it's soooooo good ^^ and easy to read too ^^ song: happy birthday, sung by my parents and brother *laughs* weather: dunno, probably freezing cold... hey guys, I'm going to try and keep this short since my fake nails are killing me!! man, do they ever make it hard to type and my thumbs hurt like hell.. this will most certainly be one of the last times I get those things!! but they still look pretty good *smiles* anywho, the past few days have been nice and lazy ^^ except for monday and tuesday, I've got the week off, so I caught up with a lot of needed sleep ^^ I also finished watching Haibane Renmei and my, was it ever a good, touching series!! I cried a couple of times more to it ^^" but it's so good!!! if anyone is still looking for a series with a good storyline, great character development and a lot of emotion, I will recommend this one to you all!! I think I will try and make my next theme of Haibane Renmei cause the artwork is BEAUTIFUL! plus, I watched Sakura Wars the Movie, which was pretty good, although I thought it took way too long for Ogami to come in hehe ^^" I really like his character ^^ but the fighting scenes and the art were soooo good as well, so it was really worth watching it ^^ other than that, I've taken a bit of a break in visiting. I only visit a few sites a day and mostly don't comment on the posts even though I do read them. I've been in a rather jumpy mood lately and I just don't want it to affect you guys ^^ I should be fully back next week, since I always take the weekends off ^^ well, let me tell you all about the presents I have gotten so far.. - Coupling seasons 2 and 3 on DVD ^^ the original English version of course *laughs* I love that show ^^ - a software program to edit and make pictures and .gif files ^^ I really wanted that one hehe, so my mom told me to go out and buy it myself so I would get the right thing. basically it's a cheap version of Photoshop. - CSI book Snake Eyes ^^ YAY more to read ^^ I think I will have to put manga aside for a while and read some real books.. - lovely amethist bookends ^^ got those and the book from my 'mooto-chan Magnus ^^ I really love them and they will look great on the bookshelf my dad promised to make me ^^' - and of course all the stuff from Yensid and Bunraku ^^ as for the tattoo I want, Silver-sama will pay a part of that, but I don't want to get it until I've given blood at least one more time. cause I'm not allowed to give blood for a year after having the tattoo set.. so it's still in the plans and I'll make sure to tell and show you all once I get it ^^ my parents and brother are evil by the way.. they hid the package from my 'mooto-chan until today, while it had already arrived on tuesday!! but YAY now I got it on my birthday hehe ^^ well, I'm going to get a bit more sleep before Silver-sama gets here ^^ he took the day off for me YAY ^^ and please all keep Magnus in your thoughts. she will have a rough day today and she needs all the strength and courage we can lend her ^^ much clown love to you all and have a lovely weekend ^^ I'm outta here ^^

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

   It makes me mad, cause I wanna be happy so bad...

"Happy"-LIT I hope it's all over now. time: 8.30-9.20 am CET mood: relieved physical condition: my legs hurt *glares at Silver and laughs* manga: School Rumble volume 4 song: none really... weather: sunny but still a bit cold.. hey guys ^^ well, I meant to post yesterday, but as usual lately, I overslept and had to hurry to get to school ^^" I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, I know me and Silver-sama sure did ^^ on friday, I started watching Haibane Renmei. and I have to say that I love it. you follow the character of Rakka, a newly-born Haibane, although she has the body and mind of a teenager. she has no knowledge of her life before she became a Haibane even though she has the feeling that she did have a life before that with her parents. the Haibane live in a city that's surrounded by a giant wall, together with humans, though the Haibane have to live in 'nests'. neither the Haibane nor the humans can leave the city. the first DVD was pretty carefree, just an intro into the world of the Haibane and how they live and such. the second DVD however, suddenly became very emotionally demanding. I watched it yesterday and I actually cried while watching. that says a lot, cause usually, I don't cry too easily with any kind of series or movie (except for City of Angels, makes me cry every time I see it..) so it's just a good thing I'm not reading Saikano at the moment, or I'd be mentally exhausted *laughs* saturday was my last day of work at the bookstore. nothing much happened really, except that we got a nice big selection of Valentine's day cards in ^^ I really like them hehe ^^ it was really quiet and quite boring to be honest. so now, I'm a jobless bum again *sigh* but there's more! remember the casino that turned me down about two weeks ago? I got a letter with an invitation to an interview hehe ^^ so either they work completely past each other and the lady didn't throw out my application, or they want to see me even though I'd rather not work on sundays.. now, I'm going to assume the first one, no use in getting false hope, but I'm still going for the interview. it won't be a big problem to work on sundays, but I still need at least one free day per week, since I have to worry about my schoolwork too. not to forget Silver-sama, I need time with him too! but the interview isn't till the 12th of februari, so I've still got time to worry about what I'm going to say ^^ Silver picked me up from work and we bought some booze on the way to my home. we ate and I showered, then packed my stuff and headed for Silvers house. I spend the night there and when Silver-sama went to walk the dog, I had to hurry and get a little romantic surprise, I had in my mind since I saw the VD cards at work, ready. I won't say too much about it, only that it involved lighting a whole lot of candles (didn't think it would take me too long, but Silver returned while I was in the middle of lighting them.. though I was able to hold him outside the room for a while ^^) and a card that said "TmiY". he really enjoyed it and he was actually surprised, which I didn't expect, since I wasn't really subtle with planning it all.. but it was really nice ^^ sunday was a lazy day. we slept in, I more than Silver as usual, and then we just watched some tv. bad experience though: I got a pm from someone who I had a fight with some time ago. I thought it was all over, but I messed up again. I just sat there shaking and send her an angry message. Silver came over to me and asked what was wrong. I let him read her message and while he did, I started crying. he deleted the message and held me until I stopped crying and shaking. later, I decided to send a PM with my apologies and that I want us both to get on with our lives. we have no business together anymore and it's best if we both leave each other alone. it's so hard to try and be a responsible adult.. it's so hard to try and be the bigger person and walk away from this mess. but Silver made me see that if I don't walk away now, I'll never be able to put it past me.. so I'll be the one who stops everything this time. I'm going to ignore anything else she might send me, since it won't do me any good anyway. it's weird learning all this stuff..I'll try my best to learn as soon as possible. to learn from my past and my mistakes. I hope we've got it sorted out now. I'm sick of fighting and remembering. anywho, sunday Silver and me watched the movie Deep Blue Sea. I love it ^^ I mean, huge, smart, sadistic sharks, what's better than that? Silver hadn't seen it yet, but I've seen it like four or five times now ^^ it was fun, though Silver's comments about it sometimes annoyed me.. kind of like my comments annoying him hehe ^^" we ate chinese for dinner and it was soooo yummy ^^ way better than in that restaurant where everything was squishy *laughs* and of course we watched Bones in the evening before he had to take me home again.. I love Bones.. and I think I might start to get used to the new lady.. what's more important to me right now, is what is going on between Hodgins and Angela ^^ I really want to see those two together, even more than I want Tempe and Booth to finally kiss *laughs* by the way, I finally got to see what's in the package Yensid-sensei sent me ^^ YAY let me see if I remember everything: - Cat ears and tail, so very very cute ^^ a must-have for any otaku of course *laughs* - a whole lot of japanese candy ^^ I especially adore the whisting candy. I scared the heck out of Silvers cat with it *laughs* she was hissing at me like crazy ^^" - two bars of chocolate - a little package of coffee, that went to my mom, cause neither Silver nor I drink coffee ^^" - a photobook of Seattle, with the loveliest pictures in it ^^ I really adore that one ^^ - two types of noodles - a Seattle keychain ^^ I love it, it has Shamu on it ^^ and the space needle and of course a ferry ^^ - a shirt, which fits like a glove by the way and it looks really good on me, if I might add *laughs* - a picture bracelet - a friendship bracelet, I really love that one too ^^ and last, but certainly not least, two shot glasses, one with the skyline of Seattle on it, Silver got that one. and the other one was just too perfect for me and I'm sure Yensid bought that one with the post about my first encounter with Tequilla in mind *laughs* it says:"I always take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequilla" that one went home with me ^^ the candy was split pretty evenly, so we both got our fair share of all the stuff ^^ once again, Yensid (and of course, Bunraku too!) thank you so much for all the stuff, I really adore it ^^ and let me know if I forgot anything ^^' yesterday was pretty boring.. had a presentation of the project which went pretty well. after that we had to wait a few hours to get to hear the winner of the project over some drinks. after the winner was announced, everyone disappeared quite quickly, while I was still standing there with a beer in my hands >_< so I joined some teachers who were gossiping about co-workers like they usually do ^^ it's so funny to listen to them talk like that ^^ today, I've got my little 'personal development talk' and the rest of the week I'll be free ^^ yep, we actually have a personal development class.. it's not that bad.. just seems a bit useless at times. as you might have noticed, I've been changing my friendslist again. I've added some people who are new to commenting to my site, but I still have to visit them. please be patient, I'll probably get to it later this week ^^" also, some people who I haven't seen in ages have been deleted. though some are still on it, since they're really close friends or have a very legitimate reason to stay away for so long. anyway, I've been messing around with it again. good news on my 'mooto-chan Magnus, even though most of you have probably read it on her site already: she finally made an appointment with the school counsellor. I hope that he can help her more or at least send her through to someone who can. please still keep her all in your thouhts and prayers, cause admitting to a problem and seeking help doesn't fix it all. well, like Cat said in her last comment to me, my posts aren't getting any shorter and I believe this has been a monster one... I'm going to take a quick nap so I can nearly miss the bus again ^^ much clown love, I'm outta here

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Friday, January 26, 2007

   what's really happening, reality is pretend!

I think it's from 'Wicked Rappers Delight' from ICP and Esham.. time: 7.45-8.30 am CET mood: shocked and dazed physical condition: my body hasn't really woken up yet.. manga: Gatcha Gacha volume 3 song: none really.. weather: probably cold and wintery.. hey guys I just woke up from what's probably my most horrible dream ever.. and since they say it's good to talk about bad dreams, I'm going to post about it. plus, posting will take my mind off things. I dreamt that I was out camping with some guy I knew very well. now, in reality, I have no idea who he is, but in my dream he was some kind of close family friend.. everything was nice and cool and just a fun time. I actually had my cat, Quinty, with me and there were some people on the camping ground who also had a lot of cats and kittens (I adore kittens!!). there was one guy who especially drew my attention. he had the most beautiful cat I had ever seen and an adorable kitten. in my dream, I wasn't dating Silver-sama, so it was all cool and we kind of fell in love. then everything started to become freaky.. see, the guy I was out camping with gave me what he called 'vitamin pills' every day.. nothing wrong with that at first sight. until I started to have freaky hallucinations, like I was slowly starting to wake up out of a dream and flashes of reality mixed with my dream.. when I fully woke up, I saw that I was tied down and the guy who I was with had the freakiest look in his eyes.. turns out, the pills were some kind of drug and I had been hallucinating for a few days while he had been abusing me.. he actually told me that everything I had seen and had been doing the last few days, had been a dream due to the drugs.. I managed to escape, some people on the camping ground actually helped me. (the scenery was getting confusing though, it kept switching from the camping ground, to a mall, to my house..) I tried to find the guy I was in love with and eventually, I couldn't find him and decided to leave my phonenumber for him. then I got all my stuff out of the tent, cause apparently, the guy took me someplace else.. and just when I almost got off the camping grounds, all the people suddenly started to work against me, and I began to see that creep everywhere I looked.. different flashes from me being nearly paralyzed and him abusing me and the scene of the camping ground were mixing together until I woke up again to see that I was still in that creepy room, with that freak. I could hardly move and had to listen to him telling me what he had done and was going to do with me, while still having some weird hallucinations. like him turning into Quinty.. then, he gave me a glass of water and I first started hitting him with it, but it had no effect, it only made him laugh.. then, I managed to break the glass on a doorpost or something and his only reaction was 'oh, this'll make it a bit more interesting!' and I started cutting him, but he still looked like Quinty due to my hallucinations, so I was cutting up my own cat with a glass, while I heard that freak, who was actually enjoying it and kept telling me to cut deeper... thank goodness this is where my body told me to wake up. I'm sorry if I freaked you guys out with this.. I'm just wondering where this suddenly came from.. see, I can't remember the last time I had a nightmare and all of a sudden I see myself cutting my own cat to pieces with a broken glass.. maybe it's the sleeping pill I took last night.. but then again, they didn't do that to me before.. ow well, I'm glad I woke up before things got even worse! if that's even possible.. ok, as for the rest of the post. I'll explain some things that seem to be misunderstood in my posts. fish: I love my fish and even though I whine about having to catch the little ones all the time, I love them so much and catching them is probably the most fun part ^^ what I'm going to do with them all? I keep them, watch them grow up and when they're big enough, they go back into the big tank ^^ the death ratio is high enough to not make my tank overpopulated ^^ by the way, the count is up to at least sixtyone since yesterday afternoon.. tattoo: yep, I am still planning on getting that tattoo. in fact, my mind is busy with an interesting plot which only me and Silver-sama will know until I'm completely sure about things. now, my mom. she has nothing to say really in wether or not I'm getting that tattoo. now, had she said something like: 'not while you're living under my roof!' I wouldn't do it. but the nice thing with parents is that they're easy to manipulate as long as you pay attention to what they say *grins* my mom used to tell me and my bro, that if we wanted to get a tattoo, we had to become blood donors too (no, we don't get money for that over here) cause we would be brave enough to do that too. so what do I do? I become a blood donor first(might I add: for other reasons, this is just a nice extra *smiles*) and then tell my mom: hey mom, I wanna get a tattoo!! then she starts whining about how I should be able to hide it at any time, so I say: sure mom, it'll be on my lower back and a shirt will cover it all the time (well, most of the time anyway) so then she says: well, if you have the money for it. so I kind of save some money and Silver-sama said that he'd pay half the cost for my birthday ^^ and now, her final argument is that I can't come to her, no matter how sick or painful or whatever the tattoo will make me feel. she actually seems to like the design I've chosen for it, since she only said it was a bit big. I've sized it down now and it looks like this whole thing will turn out fine ^^ Winter-een-mas: Winter-een-mas has been invented by the genius who writes the Ctrl+Alt+Delete comics, so it's not really an official holiday, even though it has been accepted by gamers and webcomic readers around the world ^^ plus, the creator actually has this whole event planned this week especially for WEMas. he organises online game events a lot anyway. hmz.. I think that's it for the explainations.. Magnus-update: she says she's doing a bit better. she's still trying to do everything on her own and that really has me worried. but it's still good news to hear her say that she's doing better. I will keep pushing her to go see a doctor or counselor though and I will keep asking you all to keep her in your thoughts and prayers. my last test today. I don't feel like I'll pass it, but I'll do my best. it's the only thing there is to do. I think I'll have to redo 3 out of 4 tests I did this week.. EDIT 2pm: that test was a piece of cake! I knew that my talent to talk complete BS would come in handy someday ^_~ I finished within little over an hour and it stays fun to watch all the surprised faces when I finish first *grins* people get nervous about their time or something.. ow well. yesterday was good. Silver-sama came over after work and we just watched some tv and enjoyed each others presence ^^ spend some time sharing PM's with Edge, trying to explain a code, but eventually it just got into some random talk which was nice ^^ one week left until the big 2-0.. don't really know how to feel.. ow well. I've been horrible in visiting. not so much my old, as it is my new friends. please be patient, I'll probably visit some time next week to return guestbook entries and comments.. and I'm sorry in advance that it's taking me so damn long >_< I'll do my regular visiting later today. well, I'm going to sneak in a quick nap before I have to leave for the bus hehe ^^ EDIT 2pm: I almost overslept yet again! but this time I came prepared! I ate breakfast and chose clothes to wear before going back to sleep hehe ^^ I'm kinda annoyed with the bus at the moment.. at my stop, people decided that they all had to freakin' SWITCH SEATS!! what's that for?! so I couldn't get to the doors in time and the driver closed them. so I was like: erhm.. I'd like to get out here! and he started driving ARGH!!! thank goodness someone in the front of the bus told him that I wanted to get out and then he let me off ^^ if he hadn't, I would've had to walk quite a bit to my house.. bleh. oh, and I'll probably disappear over the weekend again, so have a great one everyone!! much clown love, I'm outta here

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Thursday, January 25, 2007

   HAPPY WINTER-EEN-MAS!!!!!

yep, it's that time of the year again, where the existence of videogames is celebrated all around the globe ^^ one week of videogaming fun.. that is, if you've got the time for it, unlike me, who still has to get through the hardest of her midterms, a presentation of the project and some talk about her personal development.. BUT, today Silver-sama is coming over, so all should be well for a while ^^ ow well, just wanted to wish you all a happy Winter-een-mas and if you really want to know what it is, check out the WEMas website. PS: the baby-fish count is on exactly sixty fish and I will keep fishing them out cause even though I whine about it, I love them fishies ^^ oh and there will probably be a better post again tomorrow ^^

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

   If you leave, it's gonna get a little bit easier to break down...

"If you leave"-Train lovely song ^^ time: 8.15-8.32 am CET mood: cranky physical condition: ok manga: Hana-Kimi, which is quickly rising in my favorites list, even though I've only read two chapters yet.. it's REALLY good ^^ song: Arjuna soundtrack weather: icy cold.. it suddenly became winter over here.. hey guys ^^ sorry for my little breakdown yesterday.. I guess I just needed some cheering up from you all.. the last few days have been unusually stressful, with my freakin' midterms, Silver-sama fainting and my 'mooto-chan having her own demons to fight and not letting me help her *sigh* as for the midterms, two down, two to go, so after friday I should have more free time to concentrate on what's really important.. nothing much to say today really.. school is annoying as ever and I'm only sure that I will pass my english test. it was so easy ^^ yesterday was the knowledge test and that means that you actually have to study everything from the past few weeks.. I really messed that one up if you ask me.. today is spanish.. now, when I first heard we would be getting spanish, I was like YAY, that shall be pretty fun to learn! and then, after a few classes, I remembered my total lack of language skills -_-" me no gusta nada estudiar español!! and there are probably like seven mistakes in that sentence alone.. *sigh* ow well, I guess I'll just have to get through it today and I'll see what my grades are.. after that I will start worrying again *nods* EDIT: "Today I have achieved absolutely naught, in just being out of the house I've lost out. If I wanted to end up with more now, I should have just stayed in bed like I know how." now, what was the spanish word for failure again? cause we actually LEARNED that last week.. had a total blackout.. lets just hope my guessings were right. ow well, it's all over for now ^^ my fish are breeding like a bunch of bored rabbits.. it's insane, I have to fish out about ten to fifteen little ones almost every week! my babyfishcare is now filled with about fourty to fifty baby guppies.. soon, I won't know where to put them anymore.. and if the little critters were easy to catch.. but NOOOO! they have to be them quick, sly, easy hiding kind of fish *sigh* so I spend a good part of yesterday evening trying to get them all out.. (if I don't, they'll get eaten by the grown fish, not that that's such a bad idea now if you think about it.. nawww) I have officially hidden my wallet until further notice.. on monday, I felt pretty crappy, so I cheered myself up with some manga... - Hana-Kimi volume 1 - Eternal Sabbath volume 1 - the Voices of a Distant Star - Ai Yori Aoshi volume 1 also, the ordered statues came in yesterday, so I'll get mine on thursday when I'm going to Silver YAY ^^ yesterday, my mom and me were talking and we suddenly touched the subject of tattoos.. she had talked about them at work or something and wanted to know how much they cost. so I told her the design I want will costs between 100 and 150 euros (sorry guys, too lazy to convert to dollars, but it will be more in dollars) so she wanted to know what kind of design I wanted then.. she asked it with a face that clearly said: "it's probably something demonic." that's what she always thinks about things she isn't familiar with *sigh* but when I showed her the design, she looked at it for a while and then all she said was: "it's kinda big..." that was it! I was amazed by it really.. I expected her to freak out or something, but appearently, so does like the design *snicker* I love surprising her that way so she can't argue anymore hehe ^^ it's a gift ^_~ ok, I'm outta here guys, much clown love

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

   SQUISHY PASTRIES!!! who says I need a subject?!

just here to tell you all that trying to study Spanish has driven me to lose my mind.. I've really had it with them darn tests!! *kicks the school* ok, I need sleep or something, or my sanity will be lost forever.. tomorrow there will be a serious post, in the meantime, I dare you all to leave an extremely long wacky comment!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! the squishy pastries are telling me to go to sleep now *faints*

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Monday, January 22, 2007

   fearless?

I most certainly am not, more on that in the post. time: 10.27-11.45 am CET mood: I just woke up, so it could go any way from here, right now, it's not to bad.. lets keep it on.. worried. physical condition: fine ^^ manga: Fullmetal Alchemist volume 10 (over the weekend I've read: Ranma 1/2 36, Battle Vixens 3, XXX Holic 8 and I think that's it ^^) song: the Totoro song ^^ weather: o glorious rain ^^ (they predicted snow this week.. SNOW! can't have that now, so I'm more than happy with rain ^^) hey guys ^^ I'm back from a lovely weekend and I hope you all had a great time too ^^ midterms start today, so I don't have much school ^^ just a bit too bad that today's test is at 2.30pm, gives me very little afternoon.. ow well ^^ I've got a test today, tomorrow, the day after that and friday. I'll live, it's english, knowledge, spanish and casus.. in chronological order *twirls* I seem to have loads of energy.. I just woke up ^^ had two sleeping pills last night to make sure that I sleep at all.. on to my weekend ^^ friday was extremely good ^^ loads of stuff has been bought, mostly by Silver-sama ^^ he gave me so many presents *squeel* list: what Silver-sama bought for me: - Ah! My Goddess manga volume 1 - Saikano manga volume 4 and 5 - Battle Vixens manga volume 3 - Fullmetal Alchemist manga volume 10 - Chibi Vampire manga volume 2 - book: Japan (I'd read something about it on the internet and it sounded really interesting. it's a collection of different writers who went to Japan and their experiences there..) - FLCL manga volume 2 - My Neighbor Totoro DVD - JELLIEBEANS WOOOOOOOOT!!!! - book: 101 questions from your cat - book: how to train your cat in ten minutes a day what I bought for myself (couldn't resist ^^"): - Sakura Wars the Movie DVD - the first season of Coupling on DVD (the original english version, I love that series ^^) - a ring with a dragon emblem thingy on it - new hairsticks - an adorable click-on watch with a kitty on it. too bad it doesn't work *kicks it* so now, we're both pretty much broke.. ow well, we're having loads of fun with our new stuff YAY ^^ we spend most of the day in Rotterdam, just walking around, shopping and just plain enjoying ourselves ^^ when we got home in the evening, I packed my stuff to go to his place and we left my house. at his house, we didn't really do much, just hang around, I was tired as hell, so I just watched tv and then went to bed. on saturday, nothing much happened either. I think I slept till.. what, 3pm? *looks at Silver-sama* not sure, but I slept a lot.. in the evening we went out to eat. together ^^ for the very first time ^^ that is, in an actual restaurant and not some fastfood place ^^ we went to a chinese restaurant that got some good references.. it was indeed a very nice place, friendly personell, you get your food really fast, it wasn't really expensive. just too bad that the food felt like you were chewing on a wet sponge -_-' it had taste, just no structure at all.. it was just squishy.. so we didn't eat too much.. but when we left, I did get a cute little mirror with a nice chinese motif on it and I nicked a pair of chopsticks.. couldn't help myself.. don't worry they got loads of 'em and they're just bamboo sticks that you have to break and that will be thrown away after you use them ^^ when we got home, I first lay down for a bit, since I didn't feel too good.. still a lack of sleep >_< Silver-sama watched tv and read some manga. at 11 I got out of bed again and joined Silver on the couch to watch a program on 'El Chupacabra'. as some (I think most) of you guys know by now, I'm addicted to crypto-zoölogy and mythical creatures ^^ to me, Nessie is most certainly real, BigFoot.. meh, don't really care about him, Aliens are a big possibility, Mothman.. he scares the crap outta me.. still don't really know why, he's just.. freaky *shivers* and El Chupacabra is one of my favorites ^^ I definitely think that it could be real ^^ just not sure what it might be or where the hell it came from.. after that, we just flipped channels for a bit and went to bed. sunday.. one of my laziest days ever.. I slept for a really long time.. so long that it even got a bit annoying for Silver-sama.. when I eventually really woke up, he was gone and I was like: 'Where is he? *sob sob*' but when I went downstairs, he just walked in with the dog. I hate waking up without him and not knowing where he is.. we didn't do much again. when I finally had some breakfast, I went back to bed.. I had so little energy *sigh* I had wanted to go to my house at around 2pm, but when Silver woke me up at 1.30, I told him 'screw it', turned over and went back to sleep. finally, at 3.30 I was awake enough to get out of bed. Silver scared the heck out of me.. we were in the shower together and he said he felt kind of dizzy, so he leaned back against the wall. that wasn't anything out of the ordinary, happens all the time, so I didn't really pay much attention to it and kept playing with the cap of the soapbottle.. until I say him slowly slipping away.. I kept screaming his name and he wouldn't react, he just stood there, shaking.. I tried to hold him up, tried to keep him awake, but I couldn't.. I couldn't protect him, I couldn't keep him from fainting or falling.. all of a sudden he fell and I tried so hard, but I couldn't keep him up.. I tried.. I couldn't.. I kept screaming his name at him the whole time and he wouldn't react.. I panicked, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to protect him. everything went so fast.. I guess I turned the shower off out of instinct.. I vaguely remembered something about softly slapping the face to wake him up so I did, all the while screaming his name.. when he finally came to, he looked at me with googly, froggy eyes and said: 'yeah?' like I had just woken him up out of a bad dream.. I think that was the scariest out of the whole experience, cause he was looking at me all the time when he was down and it took him so long to react.. it took him a while to see that he was on the floor with a crying girlfriend leaning over him with probably my most worried face ever.. all I could do was cry.. I felt as if I had failed him.. I was in shock cause I couldn't protect him from harm.. so the first thing he had to do after he came to, was comfort me and tell me that everything was alright now.. I was in shock and he was actually doing fine *laughs* so you guys don't have to worry about him, he just got overwhelmed.. but I was so scared of losing him.. the one person, the one reason I've kept going and haven't given up yet.. he truly is the air I breathe, the earth I walk on, the hand to hold me up when things get tough.. I was so scared to lose him.. the one person I love.. I was so relieved when he told me he was doing fine. in the end, I was feeling worse than he was.. I was shaking and I guess I was just really confused.. so I kicked him out of the shower and washed the feeling off of me. after that, I felt a lot better too and we finally headed to my house. at my place, we watched Totoro and I have to say, it has got to be the cutest movie I have EVER seen! I really really loved it ^^ especially the CatBus ^^ too funny hehe ^^ and the Soot Spreaders have got to be the creatures I love most ^^ I already loved them in Spirited Away, where they had a slightly bigger role ^^ and of course we watched Bones. I hate the new lady slightly less, I guess I feel along with the character of Brennan and I will slowly grow into liking her.. but I kept annoying Silver with the fact that she was threatening to fire Tempe, just like I predicted hehe ^^ thank goodness the rest of the team is behind Tempe all the way and she will be unreplacable for the show hehe ^^" and I ADORE where the whole HodginsxAngela thing is going ^^ they are so cute together ^^ and then Silver-sama had to leave again after a wonderful weekend together.. I won't see him much this week, probably just thursday and then the weekend again.. evil midterms.. ow well, we'll call and still get plenty of time to talk to each other ^^ and lastly, I would like to ask of all of you to keep my imooto-chan Magnus in your prayers and thoughts.. she isn't doing well, she's having hard days and I know it's not in my place to tell you all what exactly is going on with her, but I just want to keep you all posted about her.. she's really having a hard time and is afraid that it will become worse this week, since she's going back to the university.. she refuses to go see a doctor, she says her condition is mental, not physical, therefor she thinks the doc can't help her.. she did say that she will see the school counsillor when things are still bad in two weeks, but I just hate the fact that she keeps pushing those things back.. she needs help now, not later.. I can't get through to her.. I keep telling her that whenever she needs to talk, she can text me and I will be there for her.. she just blows me off by saying I've got enough problems of my own.. *sighs* I hate not being able to protect and help the ones I love.. this weekend has been prove that I can't help everyone with their problems, but I want to so bad.. I can't really help my sis, but I can pray for her and I can ask you all to pray for her and keep her in your thoughts too.. please, ask Him to give her the strength and courage she needs to get help, she needs it and I can't give it to her.. I am not fearless at all. every day I'm scared of losing people close to me. of losing that love, those people who support me when I can't keep up myself.. I'm scared of not being able to do anything to help them. what kind of friend am I if I can't help or protect the ones I love? I am most certainly not fearless at all. much clown love, I'm outta here

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