Friday, November 10, 2006

   Hopeless? It's not hopeless. Doubtful. But not hopeless.

"Did Anyone Approach You?"-a-Ha this part of the song just got even more meaningful for me. I'm actually feeling quite well today, thank goodness. maybe I'll be able to recover after all. two sleeping pills last night made sure I had a wonderful night of calm, quiet sleep. I don't feel sick anymore and after I take a shower I should feel even better ^^ so I will be able to work today and tomorrow and I might actually go on that comic book hunt after all today. it seems like a good plan, cause I can use some fresh air ^^ and if I remember correctly, I've gotten paid yesterday and the new Pokemon game comes into the stores today. I think I'll treat myself to a little fun *nods* so shopping it will be today *smiles* *hugs everyone reading this post* I love it that I have you guys as my friends, I really do!!! especially Grifter-san, Yensid-sensei, my imooto-chan Magnus, my imooto-chan in law Tina, Jessikah, even though I was really mean to her yesterday.. sorry sweetie *glomps* please forgive me!!! and of course JD-kun!! (sorry I haven't been around lately JD, but I DO consider you one of my closer friends!!! *glomps* sorry I made you think otherwise) anywho, I'm feeling fantastic at the moment *smiles* I'm talking to Silver-sama AND my imooto-chan and it's so much fun *dances* and I'm going to take the advice some of you gave me yesterday and look at the school trip as a turning point and a way to leave all the shit behind me ^^ I'm just going to enjoy the experience of getting to see another country and they say that Helsinki and Stockholm are wonderful cities. I'll be sure to snap a lot of pics so I can show you all how it went and what it looks like ^^ I'm lucky I'm flying from Schiphol (Amsterdam) cause I have to be there at 9.45 am. the people who are flying from Dusseldorf (we're going with two different planes) have to be at school at 3.30 am *laughs* poor guys ^^ anywho, I'm going to end this post cause well.. I have nothing to say anymore >_< oh, this site really made me smile, so check it out ^^ there are actually some things I do in that list ^^ 248 ways to annoy people also this video on Yensid-sensei's site was really funny ^^ Transformers!!! but those with flashlights can see part of their way ^^ I'm outta here, clown love to all ^^ EDIT: as you can see, I deleted some posts from the last few days. I don't want them on my site anymore, cause they were written while I was in a very crappy mood and I shouldn't have said a lot of things (if not all) I said in them. but I do want to post the lyric to that Dido song again, so here it is: Dido-"Honestly Okay" I just want to feel safe in my own skin I just want to be happy again I just want to feel deep in my own world But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore On a different day if I was safe in my own skin then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore I just want to feel safe in my own skin I just want to be happy again

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Monday, November 6, 2006

   I wanna talk with people and look 'em in the face..

"Bowlingballs"-ICP I'm a walking contradiction.. and a hypocrite.. and just plain confused as usual.. I've been gloomy again lately.. it really sucks, cause I had a wonderful time with Silvereagle-sama this weekend and I still ended up crying.. *sigh* I just feel so alone.. when I think about it, I don't really talk to anyone but Silver-sama.. and with talking, I mean real conversations. it's more like I leave messages for people and after a while, they leave a message for me.. it may sound pretty good, but in the end, it's not the same.. I don't really talk to anyone at school. I don't really want to with them actually.. they're just not my kind of people, ya know? I write letters to my imooto-chan Magnus, but I never get to talk to her on MSN or anything.. don't get me wrong, she is one of my closest and best friends and I love writing to her, but it always takes so long (especially when I can't get myself to freaking write a reply, I'm so sorry imooto-chan T_T) and sometimes I get to talk to Grifter-san. those are great talks, even though he has to work a lot, so it's mostly like ten minutes a night, spread over three hours or something.. but it's still something ^^ I guess over the summer I got used to having a friend who was there to talk to every day for at least a little while.. and if we couldn't talk, we'd text each other.. but I had to fuck that friendship up.. I'm whining, cause it's my own fault. I don't start conversations. I don't try my best to keep in touch with the people who actually seem to like talking to me.. I close myself off from the world and then get all sad over having no one to talk to.. it's stupid, cause I only want to need and want Silvereagle-sama.. but I want someone else to talk to too.. *sigh* then there's me telling my friends to follow their own happiness.. and that mostly ends up with them leaving my life too.. but I can't be mad at them. I actually understand that they don't want me there.. and I keep giving everyone the same damn advice: 'take care of yourself first, make sure that you're happy and then look at other people to be with..' I guess I'm just hoping for someone to tell me that their happiness involves me in their lives.. I'm still waiting.. I should do something about this instead of whining about it to you all.. sorry guys.. and don't get me wrong, I consider most of you as very close friends! and I love your comments and messages ^^ I guess I'm just looking for more.. I'm never satisfied, I'm just needy I guess.. ^^" my throat hurts and I've got a pretty bad cold, but I'm not really sick thank goodness ^^ I just need some rest, lots of tea and sweet things ^^ ok, the weekend. I went to Silvereagle-sama on friday. his co-worker didn't have time, so we stayed home, watching tv and just taking it easy ^^ my order from Hatchetgear came in.. well, that's what I thought anyway.. they got ONE out of THREE ordered items right *sighs* so now, I have the book I ordered, can't wait to read it either, but I HAVE to finish the Preston&Child book first! the dog tag I ordered was indeed missing, I alerted them through a form at the site, but haven't gotten any reply to it yet.. as for the bag.. they send me a purse instead.. the one I received is smaller, has less pockets and such, was cheaper than the ordered one and to sum it all up, I just didn't want it!! AAAHHH!!! so that had to be send back, with a copy of the invoice and a detailed note describing the problem.. the problem is that this isn't the shit I ordered!! ow well, I understand that they have some problems with the new start-up of the site.. so now, I'll just have to wait for a reply.. I'll just have to be patient and in the end, I'm sure that I'll get my shit ^^ cause the bag and the tag aren't out of stock yet(though the purse that they send me IS out of stock now *laughs*) we went to sleep pretty early and we just enjoyed each other's presence ^^ the one thing I miss when we sleep together, is the possibility to find a cold spot on the bed once I get too warm.. we have to sleep in a one-person bed together, so it gets pretty crowded *laughs* anywho, after a pretty good night of sleep, it was saturday *le gasp* we went to the postoffice to send back the purse. then we just wandered around the mall for a while. in the afternoon we met up with a friend of Silver-sama and we went shopping, even though we're both kinda broke ^^" well, I'm not really THAT broke, but I left my ATM-card at home -_-" so Silver-sama had to pay for everything for me.. I did pay him back right away on sunday ^^ *proud* I needed a shirt for under one of my new sweaters and I actually found one ^^ I felt guilty for dragging Silver-sama and his friend into the clothing stores though.. I tried to make it as fast as possible ^^" I also bought a Manga Drawing Set, which contains a pencil, two drawing pens (a thick and a thin one) and two instruction books ^^ I really want to work on my drawing some more ^^ and last, but certainly not least, I bough nine volumes of the Grifter comic ^^ Grifter-san made me curious I guess.. and I just think that the Grifter is hot hehe ^^ too bad the comic book store didn't have the first volumes, so I'm trying to keep myself from reading it before I find the first ones.. but on sunday, I just couldn't contain myself anymore and I read one volume.. and I got instantly hooked ^^' so I'm planning on going into the city next to mine this week, where I know another comics store and try to see if they have some more volumes for me.. and if they don't have it, I'll try some stores in Rotterdam.. and if all else fails, I'll have to try and find them on the internet ^^ (Grifter-san, if you read this, feel free to direct me to some sites if you know any ^^ *glomps* pwease?) anywho, after all that shopping, we went back home and had another quiet evening, cause there wasn't a party after all. can't say I minded, cause I was tired as hell ^^" then we went to my home and Silver-sama stayed over ^^ on sunday morning, he came into my room and got into bed with me.. I really can't tell you guys how much I love that feeling.. just the fact that he is holding me in his arms.. it's so safe and warm.. *sighs* I really can't wait 'till we get to live together, though it will take a while before we have enough money.. we had a nice quiet day. we went to see my grandmother, just cause I felt like going there again for a change and she even gave me some money for my trip next week ^^ I really didn't expect that hehe ^^' she's so sweet ^^ I slept through a big part of the afternoon and in the evening we had our usual routine, meaning we watched some Mythbusters and then switched to Bones ^^ and then it was time for Silver-sama to leave again T_T I'm really going to miss him this week, cause he's got the late-shift.. and next week might get pretty bad too, cause that's usually the week in which we see each other more often cause he has the day-shift.. my plans for this week: -clean up my computer for a bit. I still want to sort all my ICP songs into folders with their different albums. this way I'll know which songs I'm still missing and I'll have to find a way to get them.. maybe my brother can download them for me.. or maybe when Silver-sama's pc works fully again(it's kinda messed up at the moment, poor honey *glomps*), he can do it for me.. -go on comic hunt, I'm actually looking forward to that ^^ I'm weird and get addicted really fast, I know, but I don't really care ^^ and while I'm at it, I need new earphones for my mp3-player.. the left side kinda died, so now I only have sound on the right side ^^" -work on my drawing for a bit -get some well needed rest -try to find out what I need to take with me to Finland and Sweden (warm sweaters for sure, it's below freezing point over there, I heard *shivers*) -finish reading the Preston&Child book! I've been trying to get through it for too long and I want to read the ICP biografy hehe ^^' -try to finish my letter to my imooto-chan!! very important!! -visit the doc, before I get stuck without pills again (I'll run out of them halfway my trip hehe ^^') -and of course try to keep up with all of you guys!! I've been a bad visitor and friend and I really should work on that!! I'll try to visit everyone this week, but I can't promise anything!! well, it probably looks like a busy week, but it shouldn't be too bad ^^ and now, it's time for me to try and get some more sleep, maybe my throat will get better with some rest and warmth ^^ by the way, how do you guys like the pic at the end of my post? I'm thinking of adding it to every post.. but only if you guys like it ^^ well, maybe I still will even if you don't like it hehe ^^ clown love to you all I'm outta here

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Friday, November 3, 2006

   bleep, lame lyric censor...

well, it's from ICP, I can tell you that much, just can't find the song it belongs to >_< just a quick (and thus probably way too long after all) post from me before the weekend ^^ the rest of yesterday was pretty good. if you don't count the horrible headaches I've been having again.. and the evening.. ow well ^^' I've been so tired lately.. *sigh* ow well lets see, what did I do? erhm.. I think I fell asleep in the afternoon.. didn't do much besides watch tv actually hehe ^^' I live quite the boring life at times, thank goodness ^^ I can really use all the rest I can get at the moment. dinner time, didn't eat much cause I was feeling like hell.. after dinner, I took a painkiller and the usual pills and I started to feel slightly better. went shopping with my mom and dad cause my mom needed new shoes and something else (can't remember >_<) we returned home, my mom hadn't bought anything, but I got two new sweaters hehe ^^ now I just need a shirt for underneath one of them, but I'll go and try to find one next week. I started feeling sick again after a few stores. it was just driving me crazy that inside the stores, you got this hot flow of air on you constantly and then when you have to go outside again, it's really cold.. so when we got home, I didn't feel all that good again.. watched a bit of CSI New York and then decided to go to bed (at 9pm!!) cause I was just plain feeling sick.. I hope I don't get the flu again!! though if I do, I'm probably going to ignore it, cause I've already been sick this year. as for this weekend, I think we will take it easy this time. Silver-sama's co-worker has no time tonight, so we will stay at home and I honestly don't really think that his friend will have a party this weekend. it's too bad, but I can also use a quiet weekend after everything that happened lately ^^ well, ya know what? I'll do comments on comments again, cause my post isn't quite long enough yet muahaha!!! (sorry if I'm random today, I think the sleeping pill isn't completely out of my system yet..) chichirocks: yeah, I'm pretty excited that it finally came in ^^ especially the bag, I fell in love with it when I saw it ^^' Yensid-sensei: there is no 'team' in 'I' and I think that's my problem.. I just hate having to rely on others.. as for the 'old class', in the first year, I was in a completely other class, they shuffled the classes for this year, so I'm in a class of people I don't know or really like.. and yeah, since I have trouble making friends as it is already, I'm having a hard time adjusting to the class.. TheO is probably the first place I really fit in, next to a small group of people from the old class.. I miss those guys hehe ^^" yep, two weeks of Xmas break if I'm right and yeah, I could really use it hehe ^^' *hugs* thanks once again for the concern ^^ Grifter-san: I like ICP ^^ it's all Ran's fault hehe ^^" but hey, you made me like PM Dawn!! I don't know why I'm saying that.. I guess what I mean is.. to each his own ^^ I've been going easy on the booze for a while already.. and as for the tequilla, I'm getting used to drinking it *grins* when I visit you (and I say when, cause I will for sure!) we'll see who can drink more *evil grin* that should provide us with some fun times ^_~ *laughs* Inkenyo: yep, I get to relax and not fail ^^ sounds like a good deal to me hehe ^^' it took about six to seven weeks I think.. can't really remember, but at least it's here YAY ^^ the Assassin: yeah, I really like that stuff too ^^ and yeah, less work is always good hehe ^^ Cat: HEY, that's MY bag!!! *gets it back from you* hehe ^^ it's ok, I know that you're busy in your own life, I've been bad in visiting again too.. and I got Silver-sama to take care of me ^^ it's enough for me to know that you worry about me *hugs* and yeah, the project-group is evil... Silver-sama: nothing will ever go right the first time.. it's my bad karma remember *laughs* we'll get it though! I'll make sure of that!! *evil laughter* *big hugs*I can't wait for this afternoon ^^, I miss you.. *pouts* imooto-chan: don't be jealous.. I'm always broke because of buying all that stuff hehe ^^" but yeah, it is cool stuff *sticks out tongue* tee-hee ^^ the project will sort itself out, I'll just wait for the grading and such.. I don't know what to say >_< I'm pretty sure that the weekend will make up for the crappy week ^^ *loads of hugs* well, if that wasn't random and totally useless, I don't know what is.. I need more sleep, me thinks.. I won't be around this weekend, I'm going to take some quiet time off ^^ so have a wonderful weekend everyone and I'll see you all on monday *hugs you all* I'm outta here and much clown love y'all ^_~ ~those who live in darkness wander aimlessly~

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Thursday, November 2, 2006

   If I can't beat 'em, fuck it, I might as well join 'em!

"If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em"-ICP, who else ^_~ ya, as if! hehe I ain't joining nobody like that muahahaha!! not those people *shudders* but I might join the Dark Carnival, it's fun there ^^ anywho, projectwise things aren't all that bad. when the others found out that we would ALL flunk the project if they kicked me out now, they let me stay. and they said that they didn't want me to do anything anymore except show up for the final presentation. fine by me. I was going to offer to make the complete website with maybe a few neat tricks in it (with the help from someone who knows how to use Front Page and who knows how to make moving pictures.. I really still have to learn so much...) but hey, if they're not going to trust me with anything anymore, they can just suit themselves. more work for them. and less stress for me. they were all just really pissed that I didn't show up on tuesday and that I got mad at them on monday.. to me it seems like they just tried to think of as many things that bothered them about me as possible.. and I was kind of like: I've said a couple of times that I have personal problems keeping me down and nobody EVER asked me if things were better already and if I was able to make all my work. I haven't complained and I tried to do my work the best way I could.. I don't reach out for help that easily and I think that in this project, that was my downfall. the old class would've known.. ow well, it's kinda fixed now ^^ in other news, I don't feel too bad about the case study midterm thingamabob I had today. it was really easy, just thinking up a new concept for some kind of company ('Boston Duck Tours' is going to expand into Europe with a three-day city-trip to Berlin. now you think of something they can do in those three days, while keeping in mind the wishes and characteristics of 'The New Tourist') easy as pie ^^ but that's just thanks to my endless ability to talk (or write in this case) crap from the top of my head and just put in as many information and facts of the classes that I can remember ^^ so basically, I don't think that getting 55% or higher on this one will be very tough. *knocks on wood* but I'll wait for the grading before I say any more ^_~ in other, other news, my shit came in ^^ well, almost all my shit, cause the dog-tag seems to be missing from the package.. darnit!! but I got my ICP messenger bag and Violent Jay's book, so I'm at least a little happy ^^ well, they're still at Silvereagle-sama's, but I'm going there tomorrow, so I'll have my shit for real then ^^ no really big plans for the weekend, we might go and visit a co-worker of Silver-sama on friday and maybe his friend Frank will celebrate his birthday on saturday, but nothing is sure yet. I will be staying over at his place at least friday till saturday and he might sleep over here saturdaynight ^^ my brother is driving me crazy!! he's so hyper.. thank goodness he's gone with my mom for groceries ^^ I'm just so tired from everything that it was becoming hard to handle being around him without snapping. I'm acting a bit weird and hyper myself, but I always do that when I have a huge lack of energy. I just don't want people to notice that I'm not doing well, I guess.. I'm really glad that I can be totally honest on here ^^ well, that's all from me for today ^^ ow and here is a pic of the bag I bought ^^ and hey, I might as well throw in a pic of the dog-tag that I hope I will still get ^^" I'm outta here and clown love to you all ^_~ (yep, I'm really into yet another ICP fase hehe ^^')

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Wednesday, November 1, 2006

   I don't need that staleness!

"Staaaaaaaaale!!!"-ICP this isn't normal rain anymore, this is a freaking MONSOON!!! and every single time I think the sky is going to clear, new clouds appear *sigh* want an explaination? my projectgroup decided to kick me out. and yes, they can do that. (EDIT2 (4.10pm): I got an email from our tutor, telling us all that kicking someone out at this point is not really an option. so we will have to find a civilised way to fix things. it is however a relief for me, knowing that I still might be able to finish this project, though it being with those annoying people ^^") with just one week left before the project was finished and done with, they decide that I'm not motivated enough, I don't take work from others when they can't (or don't?) make it, I bring them all down, I don't do my work, I complain too much.. the list just goes on and on.. I think Stupid Bitch and Preppy Girl (as I like to call them in my head..) put the rest up against me.. nothing I can do. this all means that I will have to make another project next semester to make up for this one.. meaning TWO projects in one semester, while there's hardly time for one anyway.. I just don't know what to do anymore.. I guess I'll have to contact a teacher or the schoolcounselor about this.. well, it does mean a complete week off next week, since I won't have to be at the presentation. I did let them know that I won't be working at the website at all now. they can fix that themselves. way to make enemies ne? in my old class this never would have happened.. well, no use whining about the old class now eh? I tried so hard not to let my other problems influence my work at school.. or at least, not in the project.. but the last few weeks have just been so damn hard.. and I really don't want the whole class to know that I'm on anti-depressants and shit.. but the real problem now is this: how the hell am I ever going to tell my parents about this?! ow well, I'll just see what happens.. EDIT1 (11.30am): I told my mom, she was pretty pissed at first but then just became really sad.. she thinks I'm not doing enough to make things better for myself, she thinks I'm taking it all too easy.. I wish I could show her that I don't, that I try my best to make the best out of things.. everything will be fine in the end. now I just have to tell my dad, and I'm pretty sure that he's going to freak out.. ow well, I have till tonight ^^' talking of things happening, this all makes me wonder what is going to happen next? what else could go wrong? oh man, I just hope the trip to Helsinki and Stockholm doesn't get cancelled!! that's in little more than a week and I can't wait for it!! Dana, a good friend of mine, who I'm losing touch with because the class got ripped apart is going too and I can't wait to get to spend some time with her again ^^ that is, if she hasn't found loads of new friends in the new class like my other friend Carola did.. she's in the same class as me, but hardly looks at me anymore.. that's the kind of friends I've got in real life.. it's my own fault, I just can't make friends.. I'm really lucky to have you guys *hugs you all* ^^ anywho, I just hope that the good karma of the others in the plane cancels out mine, or the plane might crash halfway O_o that's what I'm really nervous about: I'm going to fly for the first time hehe ^^" I'm a bit scared, but actually quite excited about that too ^^ I'll be gone from november 13th, till the 17th ^^ on monday we fly to Helsinki, we stay there two days. then on wednesday we're going aboard a ferry on our way to Stockholm. we'll spend the night on the boat and then spend the last day and night in Stockholm. then, on fridaymorning/early afternoon, we'll fly back ^^ I really hope it's going to be loads of fun!! by the way, when I'm not getting kicked while I'm down by others, I'm opening badly healed wounds from my past. I guess I'm a sucker for getting hurt.. yeah, it's about my good friend again. I just really want and need to talk things out with his girlfriend, even though it might mean that I will get hurt worse. I need closure or a new beginning. but I'll have to wait and see if she will respond to my PM. if she doesn't, I will have to accept what I can't change. if she does reply, maybe I will be able to change what I can't accept. sometimes a wound has to be opened again in order for it to heal the right way. like when a bone is broken and doesn't heal properly, it has to be broken again.. well, it's a weird metaphore, but it's the best I could come up with ^^" let's see.. the past few days, I've been slacking off to be honest. my projectgroup was right with that indeed.. but really, my happiness is my first priority at the moment and I still had all day today to finish the website. anywho, on monday, after I came home, I posted and stuff. and before dinner, I watched the third DVD of Arjuna. I should get to that DVD store again and order the last DVD, cause I can't find it on the internet anywhere.. I think they also have the soundtrack CD, so I might get that too, cause the music in that series is just sooooo good! really calming ^^ yesterday was mostly spend watching Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) I've finished that series now, so I can start watching Galaxy Angel or Ninja Girl whatshername.. (can't remember ^^') or I could continue with Ranma 1/2 ^^ or just finally watch the second season of The 4400, since that has been collecting dust ever since I bought it ^^" anywho, I've got enough to watch and read for that matter. I also finally got to talk with Grifter-san again *laughs* he's so busy with work all the time hehe.. but it's so much fun to talk to him and force him to come and comment on here ^_~ and I got a lot of time talking with Silvereagle-sama ^^ on the phone and through the webcam ^^ I'm really glad that he's there to help me through everything ^^ it's just a really good feeling that I can call him at any time ^^ cause I called him at around 1am last night after I found out that I got kicked out of the group.. *big hugs to him* in other news, I was surprised yesterday, to find the gangmember from sunday's episode of Bones, as a gangmember in CSI Miami! it was the exact same person hehe.. they were coming after H (we're a few seasons behind on both series I think..) and as soon as I saw that guy, I was like: HEY! I've seen that gangmember before!! but where... turns out that he also had a little role in Bones last sunday ^^ I just found it funny, cause he basically played the exact same person ^^ well, it's almost 8.30am over here, and I'm still rather sleepy.. I'm so sleepy lately.. so I'm going to get back into bed again hehe, get some more sleep and then spend today studying a little bit for tomorrow (this time I'm sure it's the test that doesn't need much preparation hehe ^^") and what else will I do today.. hmz, it might be a good idea to get further in the Preston&Child book I'm reading.. it's a really good one, as expected from them, but I keep getting sidetracked by mangas and anime hehe ^^' and I might finally get further with my letter to my imooto-chan, I just can't get myself to write and I feel so bad about that.. sorry imooto-chan *big hugs to you* in other words, I'm going to wing my way through the day and I'll just let tomorrow happen.. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? ^_~ I'm outta here

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Monday, October 30, 2006

   Nineteen years of breathing smog, got me mental, so get off me dog!

"Get off me Dog"-ICP yeah, I think this is appropriate.. the following are some e-cards, describing my current mood and mental state. I was actually looking for the last one, but the other ones also come really close ^^ let me explain YAY ^^ well, let me start at the beginning anyway. it's better to keep things in chronological order. the weekend was pretty good. the last seven hours of work were ok, it was rather busy so there was enough to do and the day went by quickly. and even though I didn't really feel like working, my co-worker said that I did very good ^^ well yeah, it's the way I am. it's better for me to work hard so that I can't think about having to leave. besides, I'm still working with someone else and I can't just let her do all the work, now can I? speaking of work: I should be safe until the end of december ^^ the boss from the bookstore needs me on friday evenings and on saturdays ^^ meaning I get about 10 hours of work a week YAY. but it's just for the holiday season, he was very clear on that, but still, it's income and even if it isn't much, I still love to work and every little bit helps. now I have a bit more time to find something for a longer period. but seeing how I want to do an internship in the US in my next year, I can't really have a long contract, cause I would be away for about half a year.. I'll just try and find something that fits my profile, it'll be fine ^^ Silvereagle-sama came to pick me up. I ate and we watched some tv and the rest of the night I pretty much just slept. I was so tired.. (and I still am..) so eventually, I took a sleeping pill and went to sleep. at about 4.30am, I woke up again and sneaked into the room where Silvereagle-sama slept. and I finished my sleep with him ^^ nice and warm YAY ^^ well, finished.. after we both kinda woke up again, I went back to my own bed, he watched some tv and I slept some more.. I printed out everything I need for the case study test and just prepared for the next day. we watched some tv and just cuddled. time to eat and after that I decided it was about time to read the case study that was going to be tested the next day. or so I thought.. *doomsday music* after I read the whole thing, highlighting important parts, I thought I was done. so I checked on the school's site in which classroom the test would be held.. and that's when I saw that it wasn't the case study test on monday, but the test that needs you to study everything that you've had during the last semester -_-' I had been preparing for the wrong test and trust me, 8pm isn't early enough to start reading all the info you got in the past weeks.. I thought that this test would be on thursday, so I had two extra days to prepare.. yeah, I switched them in my head.. anywho, I had a bit of a stress-trip but luckily Silver-sama calmed me down again ^^ we watched some tv, Bones of course! and then it was time for him to go home again.. I took another sleeping pill and went to sleep. today was just wonderful.. remember those cards at the beginning? yeah, it's all for today. after waking up at 6.30am, way too early for me (I am a horrible morning person if I haven't slept well and trust me, I didn't) I tried to get everything done in time. finally got done and left for the bus. that drove away right in front of me. so I had to wait over half an hour for the next bus, praying that I would still be in time for the test that I didn't study for.. got to school just in time thank goodness. winged my way through the test but I really think that I bombed it big time.. and then came the most horrible part.. a meeting with the project group.. three members had to make a brochure, while the other three (including me) make a website. the brochure was supposed to be done today. but appearently, they don't really understand the concept of a deadline. all of a sudden, we need a picture of the six of us together for the brochure. didn't know that and it has to be handed in on wednesday. well it's all my own fault that I didn't know it, cause they put it right smack in the middle of a huge piece of TEXT in the BROCHURE that I didn't completely read yet cause I trusted them to do their FREAKING WORK!!!! *deep breath* ok, that was point one. they also discovered today that the background cannot be seen on the schoolcomputers and now they're all stressing out because now they need to make a new background. my question: why didn't you test that sooner then? of course, according to them, that was a stupid question cause "who would go to school in their vacation?" true, but they have been working on the thing for about FOUR FREAKING WEEKS NOW!!! you can try it with one page first GAAAAHHHH!!!! *deeper breath* ok, that was point two. then, there's yet another problem with the background.. they have a rim and they want to get rid of it. so I tried to explain to that stupid bitch how you could easily fix it by putting the color in Paint, save it as a picture and then add it into the Word document as a background. yeah, you'd have to do it for every page, but at least it would look good. Stupid Bitch, in return, started yelling at me about how she would never be able to do that and that she didn't feel like doing one page at a time. hell, fine with me, don't listen and fuck it all up by yourself. if she would just calmly listen to me, but NOOOOOO, she has to feel attacked and rip me to shreads... *deepest breath up to now* that was point three. and now, they expect the whole group to show up at school tomorrow to help them get their shit sorted. well, not me. we divided the work equally and I'm not going to clean up their mess while I still have to put the whole freaking website together! so that's what I told them. in return, they started yelling at me, telling me that we took all the info for the website from the brochure and thus implying that we had been doing absolutely nothing... and this is where I started getting homicidal, so I just knew I had to leave. told them to let me know when they are going to meet tomorrow, not so that I could come, but more so that I can avoid the school extra at that time tomorrow. I say screw them all, if they're not going to do their work and they don't want to listen to my tips, they can just... well, let's not make this post any worse than it already is ^^ so I left and called Silver-sama to cool off a little. it worked thank goodness, though you probably can't tell from this post hehe ^^" the past week or so, I've been plagued by horrifying headaches.. and of course, I'm refusing to take painkillers.. I just hope that they let up soon. also, my breathing has been acting up again.. it's so scary, even though I know that it can't do me any harm.. it just hurts and I get dizzy and well.. it feels like crap. anywho, I've been whining for way too long again now.. sorry you all had to experience this side of me.. *hugs you all* well, I'm still tired as hell, so I'm going to try and get some more rest.. I'm outta here

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

   how many times will I ask myself why, ho many times will I cry?

If you don't want to read the whole post, please notice the links to picures from Sea-Life and the Beach and links to my Wannabe Wallpapers at the end of the post! check them out if you'd like and let me know what you think ^^ "How Many Times"-ICP yep, I think this song is appropriate for me. I guess I'm a sucker for self-torture.. can't help but dwell in the past and wishing I could do something about everything that happened.. when will I leave this all behind me? I don't know, but I don't know how much more I can take either.. if only.. yeah, I need to stop thinking that way.. anywho, on to happier things ^^ as for work, today is my REAL last day.. I really don't feel like going, but hell, it's money in the bank right? and I've always been pretty loyal to the places where I work. take the bookstore for instance, I was fired there after just two months (also for not fitting into the team.. *sigh*) but I told the boss that he could still use me as a substitute, if he happened to need someone ^^ I just want to work and as long as I like working somewhere, I'm loyal. besides, I'm still under contract, so basically, I couldn't even say no *laughs* but I don't really mind, I just wish that my boss hadn't said that I could take the remaining days off. ow well, just seven hours of doing something I like. that can't be too bad ^^ and I don't mind acting on a favor my boss asked me. he's a really nice guy and even though I might make him sound like a jerk for letting me off, he has worked with me for full days, so he knows how I am, how I work and what my personality is. he's only 26 or something, but he really is a great boss ^^ as for the bookstore, that might be a little security for me. apparently, the girl who worked there on friday evenings and saturdays quit, so Roland is in need of someone to help out. he's trying it with one of his employees at the moment, but if that doesn't work out, he might hire me again for two months to get through the holiday season ^^ it's easier than hiring someone new who still needs to learn the ropes around the store while it's that busy. I'm still going to look for another job though, cause the bookstore will only be for two months, but it's something, right? Silvereagle-sama didn't stay over after all.. I kinda felt that one coming, but it still sucks.. I really wanted him to stay and he actually was having doubts in the evening (too late) ow well, in two hours, I have to work and he'll come to pick me up after that. he is going to stay over tonight ^^ damn, when am I ever going to study for my tests? I don't really care actually, I'm just going to do my best and see what happens. if I bomb them, there are still make-up tests ^^ as for yesterday ^^ it was good ^^ Silvereagle-sama spend a whole lot of money on me hehe ^^ and I actually bought some stuff myself too ^^' we went to Rotterdam to stock up on some manga and anime ^^ let's see, I'll just make a list of stuff he bought for me (I have to pay him back for part of it though) Anime: -Tenchi Muyo the Movie (Tenchi Forever) -Jubei-chan, the ninja girl (secret of the lovely eyepatch) complete collection. Manga: -Sakura Taisen (Sakura Wars) volume 1,2 and 3 -Kare Kano (His&Her Circumstances) volume 1 -Until the Full Moon volume 1 (yumm yaoi ^^) as for the things I bought for myself (with my own money this time *laughs*) Anime: -Galaxy Angel complete collection DVD ^^ it just looked so cute ^^ Manga: -FLCL volume 1 -Pita-Ten volume 1,2,3 and 4 (it was a box, four for the price of three ^^) it looked so cute and of course, I love the work of Koge-Donbo (the creator of Di Gi Charat ^^) and I bought myself that new sweater I was looking for ^^ so it sure was one hell of a shopping day hehe ^^ you'll have to check Silvereagle-sama's site to see what he bought, cause the only thing I can remember is that he bought Lucky Number Slevin on DVD.. and the stuff for me of course, but (DER) they are in my room ^^ in the evening we watched tv a lot. Silvereagle-sama was a bit cranky at first, but that was my fault.. stupid past-dwelling habit *sigh* but later on he cheered up thankfully ^^ we watched.. some series (Dharma&Greg, Will&Grace, a comedic progam on the news and such, Top Gear and a stand-up comedy program) and then we just basically cuddled and I started to get really sleepy.. so at around 11.15 pm, it was time for him to leave *sob* but I will see him tonight. by the way, the Tenchi Muyo plushies are sooo cute ^^ and I got a little extra with them, the cutest tiny teddie bear ^^ my cat wouldn't stop sniffing Ryo-Ohki yesterday, silly Quinty ^^ now I'm still waiting for my shit from HatchetGear.. maybe we should start emailing them about that.. ow well let's see.. ah yes, I promised photos! I'll put links up, cause my post box is pretty small.. besides, this way you can see them all ^^ Sea-Life and Beach ^^ and then there are my wallpapers that still haven't gotten posted.. I'll just ask for your opinion first, so maybe if you all like them, I'll resubmit them ^^ the first two are for my boyfriend really.. the last one is for an old friend... Protector Eternity Under The Moon I'm outta here

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Friday, October 27, 2006

   I'm not scared, just changing. Right behind a sigarette and a devilish smile.

"I'm not Dead"-Pink. well, it's me, but without the sigarette ^^' I'm changing alright.. or rather, getting adjusted to things some more.. *sigh* I've been crying less, sleeping better and worrying less. though you really couldn't tell the last couple of days, sorry honey *hugs* I'm trying so hard, but it seems that time doesn't heal all wounds after all.. but I will keep trying my best ^^ I just need to find some way to get closure, I think. ok, enough of my whining.. the last couple of days have been pretty good ^^ Silvereagle-sama is a wonderful help as always *hugs him* he keeps trying to cheer me up, but maybe I'm just feeling like this because of lack of sleep (I'm trying not to take the sleeping pills anymore, unless I really need one) wasn't I going to stop whining? tuesday evening, I cleaned out my closet. man, was that ever needed!! I got rid of a whole lot of clothing (it all goes to my mother's best friend, who sends it to Russia I think.. charity ^^ YAY) so now it's all neat and cleaned and just so much better hehe ^^ and after that I hung around behind the computer for a while (I could've worked on the website I need to make for my projectgroup.. or looked up info for my upcoming midterms.. but I played a game hehe ^^') and then I was just so darn tired that I had to get some sleep. on wednesday, I left for Silvereagle-sama in the morning, after visiting some sites and packing my stuff. at the train station, I learned that they had changed the schedule for the trains, meaning that there will now be just one train every hour that can get me to him *sigh* it used to be two and the new schedule means that I have to wait almost half an hour for the train to come.. bleh! but I took another train so that he had to pick me up on the station before his and so that I didn't have to wait that long hehe. but it was so cold, that I first treated myself to some nice hot cocoa with whipped cream in the little restaurant thingy yummmm when I finally got to his place, I slept for a while, cause I hardly slept all night and when I was a bit rested, we went on our way to the beach ^^ hehe, it took us about an hour and a half to get there, cause Silver-sama took the wrong turn *hugs him* (on the way back, it took us less than an hour.. ow well ^^) we went to Sea-Life, an aquarium and I love it there ^^ well, as many of you know, I love aquariums and zoos, so I was really in my element ^^ I finally got to see an octopus in real life!! I'd never seen one for real, just on tv and pictures ^^ but they have one over there, though usually it is hidden in this pipe.. but this time, it was under some rocks and you could see it *happy* Silver-sama had a hard time getting me to move on from in front of that tank hehe ^^" I also love the sea-horses. they always look so peaceful ^^ Silver-sama got me a magnetic, plush octopus, a little snow-globe and a tiny mood-ring (I slipped that in when he went to pay hehe) at the gift-shop ^^ then we ate at an actual restaurant ^^ I had a huge steak, of course, still bleeding and mooing when I put my fork in it, just the way I like it hehe ^^ and a huge baked potatoe with loads of garlic sauce.. can't help it, it's just sooooo yummy!!! I actually didn't have any room left for desert and neither did Silver-sama *le gasp* I've never seen him not finishing his plate and not being able to eat desert.. it was pretty cheap, but we just got so much food for that price ^^ and it was sooo yummy ^^ enough about the food hehe ^^" after we ate, we walked on the beach for a bit. it felt really good, though if you ask me, it could've been a bit more windy ^^ I love to just let all my worries blow away on the beach ^^ it got dark pretty soon and the lights of the pier and the Kuhrhaus (a hotel in Scheveningen) were so pretty ^^ I'll try to post a few pictures in a few days, don't really feel like messing with photobucket right now. then it was time to go home. we watched some tv when we got there and I just was so tired.. I went to sleep pretty early, but I hardly slept all night. I felt pretty horrible cause I didn't take any sleeping pills with me, but in the end, I'd rather lay awake every night in the arms of Silver-sama than to have good nights of sleep by myself. thursday morning.. can't really remember what we did.. I visited some sites and we just relaxed for a bit ^^ in the afternoon we went shopping YAY ^^ I had to look for a new sweater, PJ's and sheets for my bed.. I ended up only finding PJ's, but they're so darn cute ^^ it has little monkeys all over it ^^ I also bought (borrowed money to buy) Metropolis. it's an anime movie and it looked pretty good ^^ and Silver-sama got me the deluxe special edition of the Da Vinci Code!!! I love it so badly ^^ he also gave me new earrings as promised ^^ yep, I am now quadruply pierced ^^ (meaning I have four earrings in each ear hehe ^^) my ears still hurt a little, but I'm used to it ^^ though it does mean that I can't give blood for a year now.. ow well, it's not that big of a problem ^^ we actually found some Halloween candy hehe ^^ lollipops with little skeleton arms and legs as sticks ^^ and we bought gummy bears and some other candy too, just cause we felt like it ^^ we ate chinese for dinner and it was soooo yummy once again ^^ I was totally stuffed.. and in the evening we went to the pool-hall. it was pretty fun, though the music totally sucked and Silver-sama got more annoyed with himself every game.. he kept shooting the 8-ball in the wrong pocket or just too early.. poor honey.. but he did like my new pants ^^ it has little eagles stitched on the back pockets ^^ but it's soooo tight, it still has to stretch out a little ^^" we went home pretty early, cause the music was getting really annoying and I could see that Silver-sama wasn't really enjoying himself after a few games. he did save his honour in the last game though ^^ when we got back home, we watched two episodes of Rune Soldier, that cheered us both up ^^ but then I was so tired again, so we went to sleep ^^ today, well, we woke up pretty early, but I'll crawl back into bed with him after I finish this ^^ we're going to Rotterdam to do some more shopping ^^ I might look for a sweater there ^^ but of course, we're going for the huge bookstore that actually has a good collection of manga ^^ plus, I'll finally be able to take him to the DVD store that has a lot of anime ^^ so we've got another fun filled day ahead of us ^^ I hope I don't make him spend too much money, though I don't think I'll succeed.. I'll do my best ^^ well, better get a little rest before we head off ^^ I still don't know if he's going to stay over at my house tonight, but I'm kind of scared to ask.. I don't think he will though.. ow well, I'll see ^^ my wallpapers didn't get posted (yet) but I don't think they will be.. I have to improve myself.. as promised I will put them on photobucket when I get the time ^^ thanks for reading this useless and way too long rambling guys ^^ have a wonderful day ^^ I'm outta here

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

   It's gonna take a long time to love, it's gonna take a lot to hold on, it's gonna be a long way to happy...

"Long Way to Happy"-Pink wonderful song, I love her new cd.. the day started off so good.. *sighs* I woke up pretty early. played around with Photoshop and actually created two Rurouni Kenshin Wallpapers that I submitted. Silver-sama already saw them and they're kind of dedicated to him ^^ I submitted my first wallpaper yesterday, it's from Sailor Moon, believe it or not, and that one's kind of dedicated to an old friend. but I figured I'd rather make wallies my boyfriend would like, cause he's more important to me ^^ I hope that they all make it to the site, it would be cool to see what people think of my 'creations'.. if they don't make it, I'll probably put them on photobucket and post a link to them ^^ I also visited sites. after all that, I ate a bit and took some time for my personal hygiene *laughs* took a shower until my fingers started getting all wrinkled and then decided it was time to get out from under it ^^' also shaved my legs (as long as I'm giving too much info, I might as well give it all hehe) and it always seems like the hair around my knees just instantly grows back *sighs* it's such an annoying spot -_-" I also finally cleaned up the mess that was left after I put all the small guppies in the big aquarium, meaning that the little tank and the pebbles that were in it are now finally put away ^^ then cleaned my room a bit. then it was time to eat and I can't really remember what I did next.. I talked to Silver-sama on the phone for a while and then had something to drink with my mom and my brother. then my mom had to go to the stores and I went with her so that I could immediately hand in my work-clothes at the store.. bad idea. my boss had some bad news for me.. he wasn't able to find anyone to work the saturday I was supposed to work.. so coming saturday, I'm going to have to work from 12pm till 7pm... at first I wanted to get really angry at him.. but I just couldn't cause he really can't help it that he can't find anyone to work.. so I agreed with it and left the store still with my work-clothes *sigh* dammit, there goes the planning for this week.. here's what it looks like now: tomorrow: I'll be off to Silver-sama ^^ we're going to the beach and I hope that it stays dry. but then again, I wouldn't mind going if it was rainy either, cause we could always take cover at the pier or one of the shops on the boulevard ^^ (we're going to Scheveningen HAH I bet y'all can't pronounce that one!!) we'll probably eat at a little restaurant on the way back so that I don't have to eat his mother's tasteless food.. (I'm just glad that you agree honey, or this would've gotten you so mad.. but come on, who has ever achieved making meat, potatoes AND flower cabbage taste the same?! ow well ^^ I'll live hehe, you seem to be able to handle it *glomps*) thursday: we're going into the city to look for a sweater for me YAY ^^ and Silver-sama is goin to give me earrings. new ones. meaning new holes. meaning the fourth hole in my ears ^^ you have to, honey, you promised hehe ^^ and now everyone on MyO is a witness *sticks out tongue* and we'll eat chinese food and go to the pool-hall in the evening YAY ^^ playing pool together again ^^ friday: we planned this to be a quiet day to pack and go to my place, but we're going to Rotterdam to stock up on anime and manga ^^ well, I think that's what we're gonna do anyway ^^ we wanted to go on saturday, but of course, work got in the way *sighs and looks up at the sky* I know I've made my mistakes, but what did I do to deserve all this? *shakes head* I'm starting to talk like my imooto-chan Magnus hehe ^^' people rub off on me so fast ^^ saturday: maybe Silver-sama will stay over at my place on friday, or he's coming over on saturday evening. don't know yet, but I have to work in the afternoon. don't know what we'll do then. sunday: quiet day and study day.. either way, we have nothing big planned then. but of course we will watch Bones, cause, well.. we HAVE to! *laughs* so these days should all be really good ^^ it would've been better if I didn't have to work without wanting to.. ow well, shit happens. a lot. right when you think things will get better.. screw it, I'm just going to enjoy my coming days with Silver-sama ^^ don't know how much I will be online the upcoming days, probably not much, cause I'll be having too much fun ^^ though I have to study in between the fun ^^' also, my boss told me that the boss of the bookstore where I worked for a while came in yesterday looking for me.. so I went to the bookstore today, but Roland wasn't there and he won't be back till friday, so I'll stop by and ask him what's up then. I bought new pants ^^ but I'm not going to talk about them, cause Silver-sama may not know any more than this until thursday evening when I'll wear them ^^ but I love them ^^ and for just 15 bucks, it's all good ^^ and the Tenchi Muyo plushies came in YAY ^^ though I'll see them tomorrow, cause they're at Silver-sama's.. can't have packages coming here or my mom will freak out *sigh* but YAYAYAY!!! now I'm just still waiting for my shit from HatchetGear.. ow well, it'll come in eventually ^^ as for yesterday's post, I don't think it's a record one in lenght (it doesn't even come near the one I wrote after the Anime Con!!) but it may just as well be one of my most random ones indeed ^^ as is this one if you ask me *laughs* oy, it's getting long again ^^' visits and pm's and guestbook entries.. still trying to get to all of them, I also still have to work on the letter to my imooto-chan.. busy busy, but I'm going to take a nap, me thinks, yep yep ^^ I'm outta here (see how I made it a happy post at first, then went down into a dip and then made it happy again? just like a romantic comedy movie hehe ^^ posting made me feel better again, cause I got to look forward to the coming days. thanks guys for reading all my ramblings every time ^^ *hugs you all*)

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Monday, October 23, 2006

   I've always been a fighter, but without you, I'll give up...

"Always"-Bon Jovi beautiful song, Bon Jovi truly is the king of Rock Ballads if you ask me!! lazy days.. I should be worrying about my upcoming midterms (a grand total of two hehe ^^) but I can't bother myself. the weekend with Silver-sama was wonderful ^^ I've already told you guys about saturday and a part of sunday. well, after my post, I got back in bed and slept for a few more hours hehe ^^ then we ate a bit, cause, well, eventually you have to eat hehe ^^ Silver-sama wasn't feeling very well, but he kept denying that it was because of the tequilla. hehe I finally found a drink that gives him a hangover ^^ I on the other hand, felt wonderful ^^ but my poor honey didn't so I tried to take care of him, but of course, I fell asleep... well, he slept too, so it wasn't that bad ^^ lets see.. then it was time to walk the dog and eat some dinner.. I hardly ate cause it was pasta.. you really can't make me happy with italian food.. *shudders* never thought I'd be so happy to get a bite of broccoli in my mouth *laughs* not that I mind broccoli, it actually tastes quite good to me ^^ and then.. erhm.. well, I slept some more ^^ then Silver-sama tried to give me a massage to get some of the stress out of me and the most weird thing happened... *suspense music* it wasn't needed!!!! I was completely relaxed even after everything that happened again this week. even my neck and shoulders and especially my lower back were doing great ^^ (I have a bit of a weak lower back ever since I ripped a muscle down there.. it has healed, but it hurts really quickly... man, I feel old ^^') so then we watched an episode of Louie the Rune Soldier ^^ it was soooooo funny ^^ I'm really glad that I bought that series ^^ and after that, we surfed channels for a while and then we watched Bones (DER!!!) I love that show more and more every time I see it ^^ I NEED to have in on DVD.. hold on.. I don't have money.. ow well, I'll get it when I do have money ^^ then after saying a very long goodbye and lots of hugging and well, I won't go into the details *winks* it was time to go home.. we spend about 50 minutes in a traffic jam *laughs* I love those things!!! yes, I know, I'm weird, but I can have so much fun in traffic jams ^^ this one's especially fun for girls: flirt with every truck driver that comes by ^^ it's more fun when you keep getting stuck next to them hehe ^^ it's happened to me before, but last night it was the same again, two trucks, right behind each other and everytime we moved a bit more forward, the truckdriver at the end talked into his radio and then when we came up to the next one, he was looking out of his window ^^ then, when their line would move faster again, the front one talked in his radio and there was the last one waiting and looking out his window again ^^ at first, you just friendly smile and they look at you like O_O the second time you wave and they smile back at you the third time you say hi and they smile even bigger and around the fourth time, they say hi when they see you ^^ hehe, I couldn't help myself ^^ you see, I could've done a lot of fun traffic jam-games with Silver-sama, but he has to pay attention to the road (sorry honey *long hug* you're way better than any truck driver, you know that!!!) and if there aren't any truck drivers around, you can always annoy normal chauffeurs by looking at them until they get nervous ^^ I love doing that in the bus to school too ^^ just pick a random victim and keep looking and friendly smiling at him/her till he/she either gets nervous or starts to smile back ^^ yeah.. I get bored quickly while traveling.. today was ok. I went to that school counselor lady, who took a lot of worries about my midterms away ^^ then I worked on the thingy I still had to hand in. photoshop didn't want to do what I wanted it to do, so I ended up making a moodboard about myself in word.. ow well, it worked after all and it got the job done too ^^ then it was time to head home again. slept for a bit when I got home and then had dinner. and now it's posting-time ^^ my mom promised to pay my phonebill and the automatic saving for a while till I get a job again ^^ as long as I don't go over my packet price for my phone, it should all be alright ^^ so that's another worry less. things are starting to look up again ^^ by the way, I adore my red lipstick!! what is it with men and red lips? I've never gotten this much attention ^^ I went to print some things out at the copy-shop and the guy could hardly get his words out right *laughs* he got so nervous and when people get nervous, I friendly smile at them.. only to get the reversed effect of making them more nervous *laughs* but I only wear it because I know that Silver-sama loves it ^^ and I like to look sexy like any other woman!! well, I've rambled enough, but now, for all the nice people, another golden oldie: comments on comments!!!! Tsnade26: I got a free trial version of photoshop and I just download new ones when I run out of trial days. don't worry about my drinking ^^ I know what I'm doing and I don't drink when I'm alone anymore ^^ but yeah, too much is bad for your health hehe ^^ imooto-chan(Magnus Lehnsherr): hehe, yeah, work is like therapy for me, but I can see it driving you crazy *laughs* but it works better if it's a job you really like ^^ *big hugs* and I can't get a job like that, because we don't have those big open-topped busses over here HA *sticks out tongue* nyaaa!!! imooto-chan-in-law(Setosgrl19): that's just pure evil of your family members!! how about if you try and not tell them it's yaoi! they'll never know what they bought for you ^^ or just ask for like a coupon to a store where you can get manga ^^ and finding a job is hard, it took me over half a year to find this one.. but I'll try hard ^^ yes, I remember what happened last time and that's exactly why I want to get used to drinking tequilla ^^ Silver-sama(Silvereagle): yeah, it was a good idea to leave this way ^^ oh my, I hadn't even thought about that!!! what will they do with the beer if there's a bug on it now that I'm not around anymore?! *sighs* or the pidgeons.. my boss will ruin the store chasing them with a broomstick... your site looks lovely honey ^^ you're welcome, you know that *huggle* Chichirocks: Sleeping in rules it all ^^ it made me feel so much better hehe ^^ hope you get some rest soon too ^^ Yensid-sensei(Yensid): he certainly is very cute when he sleeps *giggles* I have a free download of photoshop elements 4 at the moment. but I'm really thinking about asking for a full version for my birthday ^^ I wanted to last year, but I backed out of it, can't remember why ^^' it doesn't really matter if I don't make much money. any money is welcome to me as long as I like my job ^^ that's what's most important to me in work, if I can't enjoy it, I quit, no matter how much it pays. as long as I'm a student, I can afford myself that luxury ^^ it was clear tequilla, but I can't remember the brand.. in the store we only have one brand, but I can't remember the name >_< other than that, I have no idea what brands of tequilla they have over here... I don't drink it that often ^_~ the forum is fun ^^ well, to me anyway ^^ the RPGs still have to start, but it's a cool place to hang out and meet new people ^^ as for the adress, I'll get right on that, cause it sounds interesting ^^ though I might use my boyfriend's adress so that I don't get in trouble with my mom hehe ^^' *big hugs* as for visiting and pm's, I'll try tomorrow or I'll have to do it while at Silver-sama's, cause I'm going there for wednesday till friday and he's staying here for the weekend ^^ but I'll take my laptop with me hehe ^^ can't live without this thing *hugs the laptop* ok, I'm really going crazy now, I'm going to try and visit some of you guys ^^ I'm outta here

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