Sunday, October 22, 2006

I can't do this all on my own, I'm no Superman

"Superman"-beats me who it's from, but it's the opening theme for the series Scrubs (love it!!!) I'm at Silver-sama's right now and he's snoring *laughs* he needed more sleep but I'm pretty darn awake (it IS 11.45 am after all...) we like to sleep in on sundays, so I'll probably get back in bed with him as soon as this post is done. it won't be very long I think. but as usual: no promises!! the past few days have been alright.. friday evening at work was great and it made me so sad.. I couldn't stop laughing with Evelien and Paulien was just as sweet as ever ^^ they both said that they were going to miss me lots and they made me promise to come by every now and then ^^ I'll probably go and nag them on friday evenings just for the hell of it ^^ I'm going to miss the fridays most of all, I know that already.. yesterday was ok. my boss wasn't really in the store with me, he was just in the back doing paperwork or whatever.. it got a bit crazy cause I can't run the whole store on a saturday by myself!!! (hey, I just thought of a song *changes title*) and then a bottle broke and the customer just wouldn't stop yapping about it and I tried to respond to her, clean up the mess AND continue to help the other customers.. it was crazy at times.. but in the end, I told my boss that I would like to have the remaining days off. it's hard to explain, but I just can't enjoy my job like this and I would rather leave there with happy memories to it ^^ so on tuesday I'm going to hand in my clothes and that will be it for the liquor store.. *sigh* at the end of the day, Silver-sama came to pick me up and we went to my house. I got to eat chinese again, yumm ^^ then I had to shower and pack my stuff, while he watched the first of two new eps of CSI ^^ I got to watch the whole second one, cause I was done getting my stuff together by then. after that we went to his house. we watched some tv and had a few shots of tequilla. I've decided I want to get used to drinking it *nods* by the way, I cancelled my order at Archonia, cause I simply can't pay it.. I will have to start on my Christmas list *nods again* ow and I know that work and school is hard. I've worked at a supermarket in my last year of highschool, so I had to study for my exams AND work. work calms me, gives me the time and opportunity to think of other things, to just completely dedicate myself to my job and not having to worry about anything else. that's why I love working so much and that's why I'm going to start looking for something new this coming week. maybe I could put my CV online.. I'll see what I'll do.. I'll find something else and if not, there's always prostitution *laughs* naw, just kidding ^^ I'll get another job because I can truly show that I want to work and that I'm a hard worker ^^ but that was off track.. I don't know what we will do today.. I'll probably have to explain Photoshop to Silver-sama because he can't figure it out hehe ^^ I've been getting the hang of it and I'm thinking of actually buying a full version of it.. it's just so expensive *sighs* maybe it's something for my birthday, even though it's still very far away (februari) I've been thinking about going to make some wallpapers or e-cards for this place. just experiment and try to get some creativeness running through my blood. I'll see ^^ anywho, I'm getting cold so I'm going back to bed ^^ have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! ow and visit Poisened_Rain, the forum. just click on the picture ^^ yep, I used the one with Muraki and Tsuzuki after all, because well.. my theme IS yaoi ^^ I might switch to the other one after a while, though, cause I love them both ^^ I'm outta here

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Friday, October 20, 2006

   Something has got to go wrong, cause I'm feeling way too damn good...

"Feeling way too damn good"-Nickelback other fitting titles: 'God must hate me, maybe you should pray for me' "God must hate me"-Simple Plan 'Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, when you think everything's ok' "Ironic"-Alanis Morissette 'Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?' "Why does it always rain on me?"-Travis 'This world will never give you something, it can't take away.' "can't remember the song's name.."-Bon Jovi should I go on? anyway, when it rains, it pours and just when you think the sky is going to clear, it pours some more.. maybe I should explain myself.. had my appraisal conversation yesterday as you all know.. turns out, they're not going to renew my contract.. so starting november second, I'll be jobless again.. I thought things were going so well there.. I always have loads of fun with the people I work with and I just love the job!! there's always something to do and I just can't sit still.. I love learning more about different drinks and wines and all.. but once again, I'm getting fired.. I don't fit into the team enough according to my boss.. didn't see that coming at all!!! I'm not flexible enough and the people adapt to me rather than the other way around. I'm too much of a solist, I work on my own rather than with other people (I did know that..) plus, he thinks I can't handle the pressure of school and work.. well DAH! not right now! but that's just because of this stupid depression that won't go away!! it's all because I need to take those fucking pills to keep myself happy!! I can't sleep at night and I'm just too exhausted for school..it will all get better once my body gets fully used to the pills!!*kicks something, then takes a deep breath* but at work, I got some rest. I got to focus my mind on doing my job and I fucking enjoyed it!! I really thought that they were going to keep me on longer.. but I guess it's back to the ads again to see where they are looking for people.. the trouble is, I bought my phone because I thought that I would have a job for a lot longer so I could afford it.. so now, I have to find a way to get at least 25 bucks each month until I have a job again.. plus, I automatically save 20 bucks each month, so I have to find a way to get those too.. even though both my mom and Silvereagle-sama have offered to pay it for a while, I just wish that I could stay at my job.. my boss said that I could just take my remaining days off, but I think I'll just fill my contract. it's a bit more money in the bank and a few more days of having fun with my co-workers ^^ he said that he thinks that's very strong of me. don't know what that's supposed to mean, but to me it's simple. I enjoy my work and if I get to do it a few more days, that's good for me ^^ though maybe I'll only fill this week.. I don't really know for sure yet, but I'll just see how today and tomorrow go. if it doesn't feel right, I'm going to tell my boss I want the last few days off. also, he said that it took him a very long time and a lot of doubting to make this decision.. it's nice of him to say that, but in the end, it still turned out bad for me.. it's just that everytime I think I've got my life on tracks again, everytime I think: 'This time, everything IS going to be alright. I AM going to make it through and I AM going to be fully happy again.' something bad happens to me.. this summer has been hell. I thought life had thrown all shit it had at me, but appearently, there's more to come.. well the only thing it can take away from me now, are my boyfriend and my imooto-chan and I pray to God that I can at least keep that bit of happiness in my life.. I must have some hell of a bad karma hanging around me.. anywho.. after that shock, I still had to go to school.. it was ok, not really good but meh.. I got to make an appointment with a dean for next week. or maybe school counselor is a better word. stupid thing from me:I told my mom.. so now she's pretty pissed at me.. ow well, bring it all on.. anyone else want to kick me while I'm down? after school, I went to the stores and spend the fifty bucks that were in my piggy bank. Silver-sama said that it was ok. so I bought the complete series DVD box of Rune Soldier, just because it looked really good. and I bought some more yaoi manga. actually, I wanted Loveless volume 3, but they didn't have it.. then I wanted something for Silver-sama, but then my eye caught the yaoi and a quick decision was made ^^ after that, I'm now completely broke.. ow well I went to Silver-sama's, cried my eyes out half the evening (dammit, I really wish I could do something now to keep my job..) but we also did some fun things ^^ we went to the stores to buy balloons for my stupid Creative Skills presentation for today (which went well by the way) and we bought some Magic cards.. well.. some might be a little bit of an understatement.. I bought (with Silver-sama's money) a new deck and a lot of boosters and extra cards ^^ the Slivers and Shadows are coming back, so if I buy some more cards, my decks might actually be a match to Silver-sama's ^^ (ow and to all of you who don't understand a thing of what I'm saying.. don't bother asking, cause it's kinda hard to explain if you don't know Magic: The Gathering, but it's a trading card game ^^) he also bought me some candy yummm ^^ and I think that was all we bought ^^(well, he bought a deck for himself too) then we went back to his house, but not before stopping by the take-out chinese to get something to snack! why? cause his mom's food tasted like.. well, nothing really O_o she uses no salt at all!!! I can't live without salt.. I love salty and spicy foods!!! but anywho, we got soemthing to snack, went back to his house and watched Will&Grace and CSI: New York ^^ after that, I had to make some homework and then we played a quick game of Magic ^^ and then it was time for me to go again T_T today was not all that bad up to now. school was meh as usual, but I skipped the last class cause I had no energy whatsoever. when I got home, my mom and I quickly ate some bread and then I went to bed. slept for a few hours until my mom came and woke me up. then I started on this post ^^ I'll have to change clothes pretty soon, eat and then go to work.. omg.. it's the last time I get to fool around with Evelien and Paulien.. friday evenings are the BEST!! I always have so much fun on those ^^ ow well, better enjoy the last one then ^^ as for me visiting, I've been very bad lately.. but I will try to return guestbook entries and pm's during the coming week. by the way: YAY for getting fifteen comments yesterday, it has been a long time since that happened to me.. makes me feel loved, so thank you all *hugs everyone* well, time to get ready. I'm outta here

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

   IT IS DONE!!! + ANNIVERSARY!!! + My Day ^^ + POLL!!!

this isn't from any song at all!!! but I just wanted to let you all know that my theme is now officially complete!!!! Notice the poll at the end of the post!! even if you're not going to read it all, please vote ^^ thank you! I love it the way it is right now ^^ and the pictures give me a lot of space left in my profile text ^^ yes, it is rather different than my last one, which was a lot more sunny and such, but I like this darker theme because well.. I've been feeling pretty dark myself lately.. plus, I just love all the different pairings from Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) except the ones with dr. Muraki.. he's just evil *shudders* also, please notice the little ninja *points above* who is thanking you all for your friendship during the past year!!! yes, it has already been over a year since I joined TheO and I almost let it pass by without a word O_o *le gasp* it's been one hell of a year and so much has happened and so many things have changed.. *sigh* friends came and went and some even stuck around *hugs everyone who ever reads this* I've been through some darn hard times while on here, not only on the internet, but also in my daily life and I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your friendship, kind and comforting words and advice of course!! now, some personal thanks ^^ (please do not pay attention to the order of the names, they are placed as they came in my head, no one is more or less important to me than anyone else!!) Silvereagle-sama: thank you so much for always being there for me. whether it's on here or at home or on the phone, you are always there to help, a shoulder to cry on, warm, strong arms to comfort me. thank you for also joining this place, it's great fun with you here too ^^ *long hug and kiss* Grifter-san: I'm not sure if you'll read this, but I also want to thank you for being there as my friend (even though you have piles of work to get through) and mentor of some kind ^^ you (almost) always have some sort of advice or at least a comforting word for me. you make me smile when I don't really want to and that's something I really look for in a friend ^^ kindred spirits to the end, the well will always be open for you, no matter what ^^ *glomp* Imooto-chan (aka Magnus Lehnsherr/Dranz): thank you for becoming my imooto-chan ^^ you've been a great help and a lot of fun to talk with ^^ even though you're not online as much as you used to be, the letters we exchange have also been a wonderful help to me ^^ and the questions you ask on your site help me think more deeply about my life and the paths I'm chosing. thank you for your kind words and thank you for just being my friend even though neither of us really expected it to become this close *laughs and gives you a huge hug* Yensid-sensei: it hasn't been that long since we've met on here, but I have started to view you as one of my closest friends on here ^^ (hope that's ok.. I've always been careful with the word friend) you always offer me advice and you help me with your own experience. I wish to learn a lot more from you in the years to come ^^ *hug* Jess-chan (aka Juz Cuz): we also haven't been friends for that long yet, but you were there for me through one of the toughest times in my life up to now. I thank you for being my friend and for letting me vent to you and for understanding. you were there despite your own problems. you are one of the most wonderful people I have met on here and I hope we can be friends for much longer! and remember that I'm always here to vent to too. ow and I'll send you a PM soon ^^ *huggle* Tina-chan (or should I say imooto-chan-in-law? ^_~): we're not that close yet, but we're absolutely getting there ^^ I love having you as a friend and it's much fun talking to you ^^ hope we can be friends for a lot longer!!! *giant hug* JD-kun (aka JD Person): you didn't seriously think I was going to keep you out of this list did you?! hehe ^^ thank you for your kind words as always ^^ I love reading your posts and your romanticness and love-addiction kind of rubbed off on me ^^ thank you for viewing me and Silver-sama as your role-models, though you really shouldn't take it too seriously ^^' I'm not exactly the best role-model ever hehe ^^" also thank you for you tips in Yaoi and Yuri hehe ^^ it's a bit weird to get them from a guy (well, the yaoi anyway) but it's great fun to know someone who shares the same interests and gives me hints on what series to watch ^^ Cat (aka Cati0vz): thank you for being my other Dutch friend on here ^^ it's kind of weird to share Dutch PM's at times, but I do love it ^^ you're a great friend even though you don't always have the time to stop by, I know that you try to come by as often as you can ^^ *huge huggle* to me, it's really too bad that I can't thank one specific person right now.. but I know that he is happy with his girlfriend while I'm out of their lives. but still, Randy, Harley, if one or both of you read this, know that I thank you for what you have been and still are for me. I wish you both the best of luck and all the happiness in the world, you might not believe it Harley, but I do. take good care of each other ^^ to all the others: sorry for not mentioning you personally. but I do see you all as my friends and you all also helped me get through my tough times. thank you all for being there for me and for sticking with me this year. may there be lots more years to come and more new and closer friends to find *hugs you all* once again, thank you all *hugs everyone* and may there be many more years to come ^^ now, as for my day.. monday has been hell... but you all knew that already ^^' yesterday was ok at first.. kinda boring, but I actually didn't skip any classes (as I will do tomorrow.. ow well, I'd rather feel good and miss some classes than feel like hell and get to learn everything. besides, when I feel like hell, I take in way less information than I would if I went to a class less.. does that make sense? ow well ^^') my site got approved, meaning the teacher got to see that all the links worked and that I actually put some effort in it.. I should've shown him my MyO site though.. hehe ^^ even if it is with the help of HTML-help sites, it looks way cooler and the one I made for ICT class ^^ when I got home, I took some time for myself and finally started on my letter to my imooto-chan ^^ it will take me a few days to finish it completely though hehe ^^" then it was time to work. it was pretty boring, hardly any customers and the new stock delivery didn't come in till past 7pm (the store closes at 8pm) so we were only able to empty out three containers, one of which had some damage, so I spend fifteen minutes picking glass shards from some crates of beer.. ow well, I only have a little cut on my thumb and that's it ^^ Silver-sama came to pick me up from work and when I wanted to get into the car, he had a really nice surprise for me ^^ five red roses with a little card that says 'I love you' ^^ *huge big hug for Silver-sama* thank you so much honey, I love them ^^ they're standing on my nightstand and they were the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning ^^ we watched CSI Miami, I ordered some stuff from Archonia (Comic Party complete collection DVD, Juvenile Orion manga volume 2 and "But I'm your teacher" YAOI WHEEEE!!!!) then we once again cuddled, I fell asleep, we said our goodbyes and then it was time for him to go T_T today, I'll have to work.. don't really feel like it, but it probably won't be all that bad YAY ^^ and I got some homework that has to be taken care of.. but then again, I can probably wing my way through that anyway hehe. well, I really hope you guys like my new theme as much as I do ^^ the only thing that will be added is a banner for Poisened_Rain so I'm going to work on that now ^^ YAY, I just love tinkering with pictures and links and html ^^ I'm outta here, have a lovely day everyone!!! EDIT: since no one has been here yet, I'm going to put up a poll YAY!!! which one should I use as a banner and thus link to Poisened_Rain? and of course, photobucket neglected to resize the pics.. sorry guys, I don't know what's up with that... but you can still vote ^^

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Monday, October 16, 2006

   yesterday was hell, but today I'm fine without you

"Straightjacket Feeling"-The All-American Rejects yeah, starting to learn to cope with things and realising that it won't change. I still miss my friend though.. damn my past.. nice surprises and unexpected friends. also a good title for this post ^^ I'm going to try and keep this a bit short. but seeing how I have almost a whole week to talk about, it might get longer than I planned. well, nothing really special happened on wednesday and thursday I think.. I had fun with Silver-sama on wednesday morning, just hanging out, cuddling and such. cute and lovey dovey ^^ then he had to leave sadly.. work was ok, though some guy asked me if he could put a price sticker on me and take me with him.. I replied friendly: "no sir, cause if you price the cash register, you can't take it with you either." it was flattering, but would've been more fun for me had it been a cute young guy ^^' thursday was boring, can't remember much about it.. friday during the day was boring too.. but work was fun, got a whole lot of compliments about my make-up, since I started to wear it more often and experiment with it. my co-workers like it hehe ^^ and Silver-sama *grins* he sure seems to enjoy it too hehe ^^ after work I had to hurry. why? cause I was going to Silver's house even though he had the lateshift hehe ^^ I was kinda sick of being at home, because my mom keeps telling me that she wants me to stop taking the happy-pills.. I'm destroying my body with them and I'm not doing anything to make it better myself. according to her.. ow well, she will just have to get used to it, because they're starting to really kick in again and I'm starting to feel better thanks to those pills. so I ain't quitting them!!! but anywho, my mom was of course worried sick about me taking the bus and train at 9.30pm.. I had to wait at the train station for about half an hour, but it was ok, lots of personell and safety guard people walking around and it was well lighted. so I called my mom to make her feel a bit better. then, when I got to Breda, I had to walk quite far with a bag that was pretty darn heavy.. but it was way better than waiting for the bus to come.. that would've taken me almost 50 minutes, with walking, it took me 20 to get to Silver's house ^^ it wasn't scary at all, but maybe that's just cause I ain't scared of anything hehe ^^ side story: speaking of being scared, funny thing at work: a grasshopper on the crates of beer that had to be taken inside the store. I was working at the register when I heard my two co-workers say: "we need Lydia, she isn't scared of bugs!!" so they came walking into the store (mind you, there was a line at the register!) and went like: "Lydia, there's a GREEN BUG on the beer and we need you to get it off!!!" I'm like O_o well, alright then ^^ so Evelien took over the register while I went to see this evil GREEN BUG!! it was about this tiny*fingers indicate less than a quarter of an inch*but it was bright green hehe ^^ so I let it walk onto my hand and showed it to Pauline (my other co-worker) she wanted me to get it as far away from her as possible hehe ^^ so I walked to the window where Evelien was behind the register. she smiled and gestured that I had to get it away. but then it jumped from my hand onto my sleeve and Pauline started screaming. she said that it's scary and I was like.. O_o that's just what grasshoppers do.. ow well, after that it jumped onto the ground and I could get back to work as usual ^^ (end of side story) anywho... I didn't encounter any scary rapists or violent youths, so I got to his home safely ^^ talked to his mom for a bit and then went upstairs. watched some tv and went to sleep. I hid all my stuff so he wouldn't know that I was there hehe ^^ and he was really surprised when he came home and found me in his bed YAY ^^ mission accomplished, it was a nice surprise ^^ on saturday, we didn't do much, just hung out and watched tv and whatnot. I made some homework.. but in the evening we went out to play pool with some friends. the friends we had agreed to meet with had brought some more people, so there were seven of us alltogether. it was kinda fun, but I have to admit that I love playing pool with just Silver-sama more ^^" I guess I just want a lot of attention.. but in the end, he finally budged and said we would play a game together, because two of the others had already left. but just as he said he would, the lights above the table went out.. why? cause Frank (the friend I don't really like cause he treats me like a little child) was already paying the bill *sigh* I got kinda pissed about that. the two other guys that came along wanted to get a drink at their favorite bar. so we tagged along. I wanted something stronger than beer, so Silver-sama got me tequilla. enough details, I got wasted as hell and couldn't even walk to the car. guess my drinking got out of hand again after all.. Silver-sama went to get the car and Frank stayed with me while we waited. I pretty much told him everything that had been going on this summer and he comforted me ^^ I'm not always the nicest person to him, but he was a really good friend to me right then. so he was the unexpected friend ^^ sunday was pretty good, not thanks to my horrible hangover.. but thanks to the good care of Silver-sama (honey, I'm still so sorry I puked on your coat.. I hope you can get it clean ^^') I was doing ok. we stayed in bed till about 2.30 pm and he had to catch up on sleep cause he stayed awake worrying about me almost all night ^^ we didn't do much again though hehe ^^" then we went to my house, where I made some more homework, while Silver-sama read Juvenile Orion. it's a really cool series hehe ^^ then we ate and watched tv. Bones as usual on sunday. after that we cuddled and said our goodbyes and then it was time for him to leave again T_T but I will see him tomorrow after work YAY ^^ today started out crappy. first, I missed my bus. so I went back home, lay down for a little while, fell asleep and missed the second bus.. the third one, I did get to in time hehe ^^" I had to do my presentation for english, but last week was pretty crappy, due to those damned pills.. so I didn't make any presentation.. but I explained everything to my teacher, who was very understanding thank goodness. she told me to get help, talk to a dean (I hope that's the right word for it...) and I'll get to make it up in the second semester ^^ then came a Spanish presentation, and that one went horrible.. I'll get my grade later.. after that I went home. I felt like hell, had a really bad headache and my stomach hurt and I was nauscious. but first I handed in my papers to go to Helsinki(Finland) and Stockholm(Sweden)!! yes, another road trip coming up and I can't wait!!! it's so cool ^^ when I got home, I went to bed and slept for about two hours. then it was time to eat and then I started on this post. it got delayed cause I got to talk to Silver-sama on the phone ^^ we didn't have much to say though.. but it's still really good to get to talk to him more often ^^ I'm kinda nervous for thursday.. I'll have my appraisal conversation (god, I hope that BabelFish translated that correctly) at my job.. it will let me know if they're going to give me a new contract or not.. *nervous* I really hope they let me stay, cause I love my job ^^ in other news, I won the bidding on the Tenchi Muyo plushies YAY ^^ so they should arrive soon ^^ and I'm still waiting on my ICP Shit.. it's taking pretty darn long to get here, so I hope nothing went wrong *fingers crossed* I especially can't wait for the messenger bag ^^ it will be so handy to go shopping with it ^^ saves me carrying a whole lot of tiny plastic bags hehe ^^ also, I think it's time for a new theme YAY ^^ and since it's getting close to Halloween for you guys (we don't celebrate it..) it's time for something scary.. for most of the boys that is! yes, it will be Y-A-O-I!!! I'll make sure to pick some decent pictures, nothing too explicit hehe ^^ but I can't make any promises muahahahaha!!! but first, I have to get back to my homework.. *sigh* it has to be done and one part of it isn't all that bad, cause it's working on a site using Front Page. it's pretty fun making a site like that, though I wish I had more time so I could make my very own yaoi site hehe ^^ wish I could see the teacher's reaction *smirk* and a little blast from the past, here's a greeting for today. it's dedicated to someone I miss, but I'm getting adapted to him not contacting me anymore ( NOTE: this is not an attack towards him, he was and still feels like my best friend and I can't really blame him for leaving, since I kept telling him to do what made him happiest.) it's symbolic and I love it ^^ sorry for the long post you guys *hugs you all* I'm outta here EDIT: the theme will be Yami No Matsuei, or Descendants of Darkness. I love it ^^ but it might take some time for me to get it fully up. EDIT 2:I'm working hard on my new theme and not so much my homework.. oh and I had my one year anniversery on here without me even noticing it O_o" I'll make something nice for that too hehe ^^ while I'm at it YAY EDIT 3: colors changes and a nice sign of appreciation for the past year will come later this week, now I'm really outta here ^^ EDIT 4: I only just noticed my horrible spelling mistake in the welcome picture -_-" it will be fixed asap, meaning when I get out of school hehe ^^'

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

   I'm broke but I'm happy, I'm poor but I'm kind, I'm short but I'm healthy yeah ^_^

"Hand in my pocket"-Alanis Morissette love this song!!!! and this quote.. it's too much me right now ^^" another appropriate title would be: "when retail therapy attacks!" I've been buying way too much... but I wanted to cheer myself up a bit and it did help ^^ until I checked my account to see how much money I had left ^^' I now have the grand total of € 9.41 on my accound and not even up to one buck in my wallet ^^' so I did the unthinkable! I handed in my PIN (ATM) card at my mom. told her to hide it for a while ^^ I'm getting paid on thursday (thank god) but I need to protect myself from myself for a while.. I bought some fun stuff though ^^ on my way to school yesterday, I had some time between the bus and the subway, so I checked out the mall. bought some lipstick and a kohlpencil (YAY for the first time in my life I was able to make a little line underneath my eyes!! I've never been able to do that and I use liquid eyeliner for the top, tried to do the same on the bottom but erhm.. just don't try it at home ^^') then I just had to walk into "Claire's".. where I bought three more charms for my bracelet (sorry Imooto-chan, but mine is different now hehe ^^ ow and your letter.. sorry, I'll start on it tomorrow maybe if I am able to finish all the homework I got...in short, I'll start on it asap ^^') and I saw the coolest choker ^^ I love it so much *hugs it* it's a leather band with a ring in the middle, where a dangler of a heart is attached.. and the dangler has these tiny spikes coming out of it.. hold on, pictures say more than a thousand words... there you have it ^^ I love it hehe ^^ then came school.. wasn't all that bad, just one group meeting for the project and ICT class. just working on my website, though I can do it at home if I can find Front Page on my laptop again ^^' have to ask my brother.. but then came the true horror!! shopping with my projectgroup.. why? cause we all wanted to have the same shirt for the final presentation.. so we went into Rotterdam. I'll tell you right now, it was once, but never again!! shopping with a few of the biggest bimbos as soon as they see a store isn't fun!! plus, one of them is kind of a supercreative fashion queen, so all of a sudden we also had to have denim mini-skirts and bright colored thights... yeah, I don't think so!! so I finally convinced them to let me at least wear my jeans, thank goodness ^^ they kept pointing at more and more ugly shirts and all my hope faded.. until they finally decided to walk into a store where they had perfect shirts, just normal t-shirts that I could wear at home too and they were cheap AND cute ^^ so we got those and I was freed of the five riders of fashion apocalipse.. but I felt like crap.. so I just had to go to the huge bookstore to see if they had Loveless 3 already.. they didn't.. but I did buy: -Black Knight, hmmm more yaoi!!!! -the Art of Ranma 1/2, I couldn't just let that one stand in the bookcase there, now could I?! -(Aquarius age) Juvenile Orion, cause it looked pretty good ^^ and a present for Silver-sama ^^ (Neon Genesis Evangelion volume 6, since he won't be reading this until he has it already ^^) and then it was time to move away from the manga section with my hands where I could see them!!! so now I'm broke, yep, truly broke. work was fun, had some fun with Pauline first and for the last hour I got to annoy Tamara ^^ I emptied about three containers by myself and the fourth one with Tamara, but there weren't many customers, so we could just take it easy and work calmly ^^ we had a lot of fun and weird conversations and I can tell you this: thank goodness that the security cams don't record sound hehe ^^' speaking of annoying, and this will be the last part of my post, don't worry, I don't have much else to say... the bookclub. the most annoying organisation on this planet.. every week, for at least two or three days a week, they're there, the people of the bookclub at the bottom of the stairs, right in between my way from the subway to my bus.. trying to collect souls or as they like to call it: hand out free discount cards... Silver-sama walked into their scam and is now forced to buy something from them every three months for two years.. once I was spoken to on wednesday by a girl from them, then, when Silver-sama and I went to the city (not Rotterdam, but Breda), I got approached by the SAME girl *sigh* nope, after two days of thinking about it, I still don't want one!! and then yesterday, I walked down the stairs and there she was (no, not the same girl, but one of them..) 'may I ask you some questions?' I figured I had some time before the bus came, so I decided to play the game. 'how old are you?' nineteen 'have you ever gotten a free discount card here?' no cause I always say that I don't want one. *stunned look*'oh.. ok thank you' I walk on. for three steps.. a guy.. 'Can I ask you some questions?' are you going to ask me the same thing as that *points* girl? *looks*'yes*looks at me confused* *smiles* then it's not going to be of any use, have a nice day ^^ and I walk to the bus. I swear, those people are creepy!!! also, once, when I got down the stairs it went like this: I arrive at the bottom and see someone coming at me from the front, left AND right! they were like felociraptors, hunting in packs and once you see the one in front of you, you are dead, cause the two from the sides have torn you apart already.. (you can't tell I've watched too much Jurassic Park can you? *innocent face*) it was like, the first one to get to her, gets to eat her.. spooky.. ow well, they can be fun at times ^^ especially when you got about half an hour before your bus comes, start hearing them out about it and after about twenty minutes of talking from them and answering hard questions I tell them I'm not interested *smirks* yeah, I'm evil like that ^^ well, Silver-sama is here, cause he promised to come by this morning ^^ have a wonderful day everyone *hugs* I'm outta here ^^

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Monday, October 9, 2006

it's nice to chat about the shit in my head, someone who just listens to you instead..

"Could well be in"-the Streets darn those lyric sites for only posting half of the song.. it's been happening to me a lot lately.. right.. the weekend.. it could've been so much better if only I had felt better.. Silver-sama stayed over at my place (mind you, on a matrass on the floor in another room!) but I was still able to sneak in on sunday morning and at least sleep in his arms for a bit. that was nice.. saturday was alright. didn't do much in the morning I think.. just hung around. ow, I checked out the yard sale, but they didn't have any interesting books for me.. too bad. when I came back home I was all alone, so I called Silver-sama for a while. I just needed to hear his voice. I really needed someone to talk to. so I was glad that he was there. two people came bringing flowers. none for me of course, but for my parents. (30th wedding aniversary) Silver-sama came to my place around two I think.. can't really remember what we did.. my memory is really falling apart lately.. at five I had to work for a bit. we drove my boss crazy, since he's the only male in the store and now he had to work with five females hehe ^^' plus, if you put me and Tamara or me and Evelien together, you get random mayhem. so now, just imagine us THREE being together at the same time! yep, it's just a good thing that the store is still in one piece hehe ^^' but it was fun. we all had some pie because the Dirck 3 (the chain of stores I work for) was named the best wine specialist of 2007 in the Netherlands ^^ I got to take the rest of the pie home, or else it would've been thrown away. so I had more pie on sunday YAY ^^ when I got home from work, I had to change my clothes and quickly put some make up on to go to dinner. it was so yummy ^^ and it was fun too. the waiter was really nice and a bit of a weirdo too hehe, so we had some fun with him ^^ I can't really remember what we did when we got home.. but it involved a lot of crying from my side.. I hate it when Silver-sama sees me like that.. I want him to see me happy like I am when he's with me.. but things just keep hurting me, I keep being confused and it seems like it's impossible for me to close a chapter in my life.. yes, I am a past-dweller. then it was about time to sleep. on sunday, as said, I sneaked into Silver-sama's tiny room and slept in his arms for a bit. that's just such a nice feeling and I keep wishing more and more that I could do it every night. then we got dressed and went downstairs for something to drink and some pie for breakfast. my aunt came by during the day for my parents. and in the evening the neighbors stopped by, but Silver-sama and me spend most time in my room. I tried to make my presentation for english (yes, way too late, I know!) but when I had just over 1 A4 full with text, Word crashed and it was lost.. about two and a half hours of work down the drain.. so I emailed my teacher asking her to push my presentation back a week.. and if not, I'll have to improvise today.. when I opened Word later that night though, it just popped up again, so I won't have to start from scratch when I finish it. Silver-sama and me watched Anaconda. well, he watched and I slept straight through it.. after dinner, it was more of me crying I think.. lots of hugging from his part thank god! then we cleaned the baby fish tank, put all the little fish in the big tank (they're big enough now) and I cleaned some of the decoration from the big tank. it looks a bit brighter now ^^ so now I have room left because the little tank is gone.. just put my book on the spot where it was hehe ^^" then we watched some Mythbusters and Bones as usual. after Bones, I cried some more.. I've been feeling like hell lately.. but Silver-sama said something that made perfect sense: it's probably my body getting used to the pills again, since I didn't take them for two days last week. so now, it's the same old shit going through my head again.. the same questions, the same pain.. and with my hurting, I can see that I hurt my darling.. he grows quiet when I cry.. he gets doubts again.. I don't want to hurt this way.. and I certainly don't want to hurt him anymore.. if I could go back in time, I'd change so much.. I'd make it all better.. I never thought that I would say that, but I would.. I've always said that I love my past because it molded me into who I am now, but looking back and looking at my beloved now, I wish my past was different. I'm going to put the money I owe Silver-sama away. and when we have enough, we're going to go to England for probably a long weekend ^^ I don't care how long it will take, I just want us to go on that little road trip! it's something to look forward to ^^ and maybe we'll even get to visit my imooto-chan!! then it was time for Silver-sama to leave.. I wanted him to stay so badly.. but he has work and I have school and it just wasn't possible.. but he's coming over on wednesday morning ^^ I slept like hell, was awake every hour.. so today I feel like crap.. I secretly hope that my Spanish teacher is still sick.. that would mean a lot of time in between classes, but I don't care, I just don't feel like taking any classes.. ow well, we'll see. EDIT: darn, she's not sick anymore.. just my luck to Silver-sama: I love you honey. you know you're my all. without you, I would stop living. even though I might not really die. I miss you so much and I'm so sorry that I'm hurting you. I don't want to hurt or worry you.. I don't know why I'm putting this here either.. *long hugs* I wish you were here.. wednesday should come soon. to my imooto-chan: your letter is coming, I'll start on it today. or at least, I'll try to.. well, I don't feel too well, so I figure I should stop torturing myself and get the hell away from this laptop. have a great day everyone *hugs you all* I'm outta here

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Saturday, October 7, 2006

I know in the long run, we'll be alright.

"We'll be alright"-ICP I wonder when my shit will come in... I just wanted to post today.. don't really know why because nothing really special has happened.. I spend way too much money again yesterday.. but next week I'm getting paid again, so everything should be fine (don't worry Silver-sama, you'll get some more money back soon) yesterday was.. well, I guess it was ok. had kind of a down-day. so I skipped a big part of a class (it's Creative Skills, meaning you have to learn to think 'out of the box'... useless class, but I'm obligated to go there, so I had to 'go to the doc'. it's so easy to skip classes ^^) and then I went to the stores ^^ I bought the DVD of Anaconda, cause I still wanted that one ^^ too bad they were all out of the DVD of Anacondas (the sequel..) but maybe Silver-sama will buy it for me once he gets money again ^^ and then I just had to go to the huge bookstore.. had to pull myself away from the manga section eventually.. or I would've really blown all my money!! and I'm practically broke already anyway.. I wanted to buy more Girls Bravo too.. but I didn't after all.. here's what I did buy: -Loveless volume 1, YAY now I can finally start reading it!!!!! -Absolute Boyfriend volume one and two, I've read some parts of that in the Shoujo Beat and it's pretty fun ^^ -Battle Vixens volume one, also known as Ikki Tousen. I promised Silver-sama that he may now buy the anime dvd box of it, cause I've got the manga hehe ^^ he wanted it first muahahahaha -Battle Club volume one and two, from the maker of Ikki Tousen and it looked pretty good hehe ^^ I'm a perv YAY ^^ -Descendants of Darkness volume nine, ten and eleven. I've been watching the anime too ^^ and now I got all the manga that has come out of it up to now ^^ -Wild Rock, yaoi, from the creator of Man's Best Friend. Happy, yaoi=goodness yummmm and I actually wanted to buy Girls Bravo volume 2-5 too, cause they had it.. but I resisted ^^ *proud* as for this weekend, Silvereagle-sama is staying over again ^^ YAY even though he has to sleep in another room.. I've got two hours of work today, cause we have to count everything in the store YAY!!*sarcasm* it's for the balance-sheet thingy and such ^^ after that, my parents, brother and Silver-sama and me are going out to eat because tomorrow it's my parent's 30th wedding anniversary ^^ don't know what else we'll do this weekend.. I have to prepare a presentation for English.. bleh.. ow and I'm going to a yard-sale thingy from the church, cause my mom said that they got loads of books ^^ one can never have enough books hehe and now, I will react to some comments YAY ^^ Yensid-sensei: yep, the movies are generally subtitled thank god ^^ unless it's like a childrens movie, then they got two versions in the cinema, one dubbed and one subbed ^^ Duth and German are really quite different (I sucked at German at highschool hehe ^^') my native language is indeed Dutch, but I can see that it gets confusing when you know that many different people, and I have to admit, for someone from the US, Dutch and German must sound pretty much alike ^^ (as for an older comment from you, don't worry about school overwhelming me, I make sure to take enough breaks from it. work helps in that too ^^) Silvereagle-sama: you so were scared!!! muahahaha!! as for the beer, if it makes you that jealous, don't buy me any beers anymore hehe ^^ *long hug* wo ai ni ^^ ow speaking of Playstations, take yours with you this weekend!!! I'm getting withdrawal symptoms from Red Ninja *comes at you with a string and a crazed look in her eyes* Moonlessdaemon: yep, I know, Van Helsing isn't scary, but one moment still spooked my honey hehe ^^ it made me laugh so hard ^^ actually, you can drink anything under 15%(that's beer and whine and most cocktail drinks) when you're 16 and when you're 18 you can drink any percentage of alcohol ^^ but yeah, we have our ways here too ^^ I've been drinking beer since I was little, used to steal nips from my dad's beer hehe ^^ there, that makes my post long enough for today ^^ have a wonderful weekend everyone I'm outta here ^^

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Friday, October 6, 2006

All Praise to the Playstation!!!!!

'Snakes on a Plane'-Samuel L. Jackson ok, so it's not a song.. but if this isn't a good quote, I don't know what is! don't remember much about wednesday, so it couldn't have been that bad. work was ok, we didn't have much to do so we were done about an hour before closing. and there were hardly any customers, so I started getting so bored, I did all the tiny annoying jobs like pricing the individual beer bottles.. ow well, we got through it ^^ now, as for yesterday ^^ I slept a lot. and it was even without a sleeping pill!! YAY ^^ during the day I hardly did anything.. read the letter from my imooto-chan (I'll try and reply as soon as I can, but I'm afraid it won't be till after the weekend.. *hugs Magnus* sorry) and darnit, she broke my record of six page.. but I'll get over her seven pages easily, since I still got half a letter from last time AND the huge last one to reply to now ^^ found out where all my money went. to clothing.. so I didn't lose my pay for last month ^^ finally started to do some homework, but due to that lasting a bit longer than expected, I missed the bus I was supposed to take to go to Silver's house.. so I had to take one half an hour later, meaning I also missed the train and had to wait yet another half hour. gotta love the connection between busses and trains in my region.. anywho, I finally arrived there ^^ YAY I got to hug and kiss my love again ^^ I love it that we can be together during the week too now ^^ and he's going to spend the weekend over here ^^ before dinner, he showered, walked the dog and helped his mom a bit. and I fell asleep in his bed ^^" it was nice though ^^ after dinner I placed a bid on one of Ada Palla's items on e-bay ^^ I never used ebay before and it beats me if things are actually going to work, but I just have to have those tenchi muyo plushies hehe ^^ and then we went to the city. we stopped by one of our favorite stores to see if 'My Neighbor Totoro' had arrived yet.. nope. then we went to the movie theatre ^^ I had so much fun!!! though Silver-sama became annoying when he started to be a smart-ass about planes and how they work -_-' but then again, I kept naming the snakes I recognised, so we were both annoying hehe ^^ the movie was soooooooo great ^^ I really really loved it ^^ 1: because Samuel L. Jackson was in it. he's a great actor and he can do almost any genre ^^ 2: because there were snakes in it. I'm a snake freak, I love them ^^ if my mom would let me, I would have a pet snake.. but she won't.. ow well ^^ 3: because a lot of people met a horrible gruesome death ^^ they really were quite.. creative, with the way people died ^^' 4: because of that rat-dog. I hate those things, if you want a dog, get a dog, not a rat. but anywho, I don't want to spoil too much for the people who still want to see it, but I thought I was going to die laughing when that doggie met his end muahahahahaha!!! 5: because this is the second movie I've seen Silver-sama getting really scared hehe ^^ he jumped up from his seat ^^ the only other movie I've even seen him do that with was Van Helsing. it made me go:O_o didn't you see that coming? ow well, it's cute when he gets spooked ^^ and the adrenaline rush sure feels nice ^^ (yeah, it scared me too, but not as badly hehehe) after the movie we went to our favorite bar and I had a few beers while Silver-sama drank softdrinks hehe ^^ we had fun just talking to each other and with the barman. then we went back to his house to get my stuff and then it was time for me to go back home.. (it was 12.45am after all) while in the car my mom called me, got a speech about how it was not funny that I stayed out that long and that I have school tomorrow and whatnot.. I kinda tuned her out, but when she hung up, I got rather frustrated and angry so I vented to Silver-sama ^^' once again,sorry honey *hug* school and work again today. I slept ok, thanks to the sleeping pill. don't worry about me and my meds you guys, my doc is keeping a close eye on me ^^ don't feel like going to school, but I really have to.. the other members of the projectgroup have been complaining that I'm missing too many classes already.. and yet, I'm still able to do my work for the project, unlike them.. ow well, I'll tune them out too today hehe ^^ ok, I'm outta here

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Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Memories, they keep coming through. The good ones hurt more than the bad ones do..

"Forever not yours"- A-Ha adore this quote, cause it's also true... letting go of a friend hurts. like hell. had a few bad days, but I finally decided to freaking pick myself up and stop torturing myself. so I removed all texts, emails and usernames of said friend. it's time to move on, and not seeing his name everywhere will make it easier on me I believe. though he's still free to come back into my life of course. but we'll have to start from scratch again. it's inevitable. we needed to start our friendship over again anyway. things went way wrong. but although the memories hurt, I'm not going to let go of them. I like my memories. on to daily life. had a few bad days as said. why? cause I hadn't had a happy-pill in two days. it takes a long time for them to work, but when they do start working and you stop taking them, you see the difference very fast!! so I started to get the feeling that I was going crazy again. I couldn't take any stress or anything and cried faster again. and it was my own stupid fault hehe ^^' I ran out of pills on saturday and forgot to make a doctors appointment on friday.. so I was stuck on sunday and monday without a pill, cause monday, I HAD to be in school. on tuesday, I did go to the doc. he said that it was a good sign of the pills working for me, seeing as how I started feeling that I didn't have them anymore very soon (does that make sense?) so he advised me to keep taking them. now I have a stash to last me six weeks and then I have to come back again. we jokingly talked about putting a bed in his office for me, so that I could just live there hehe ^^ plus, he gave me some more sleeping pills, cause gosh, they help a lot ^^ I like sleeping. a lot!!! I hate the days that I can't take one though (I take them every other day, so that I don't become fully dependent) or rather, nights. I hardly sleep then.. I'm going to have to be concentrating on surviving my projectgroup for the coming few weeks. stupid stress-chickens.. they drive me crazy and blame me for everything. there is no I in team, they should be supporting me too. but they seem to have forgotten about that bit.. ow well, just a few more weeks ^^' I won't make this too long ^^ YAY for you guys ^^ enough whining from me. Silver-sama came by on tuesday to make me feel better. I cried in his arms. it was good. tomorrow we're going to see Snakes on a Plane, finally!! can't wait actually YAY especially cause I still have some free tickets laying around ^^ so tomorrow should be good. that's all from me today, I'll try to post more often again so that the posts don't become too long. I'm outta here

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Monday, October 2, 2006

   I'm in heaven right now and I don't want to come down!

"Humdrum"-The Corrs (8 am Dutch time) friday was horrible... but the weekend sure made everything a lot better again!! as for friday, I'll sum it up for you: -people in my project being angry at me for not doing an extra task while it was already supposed to be done by someone else.. -getting stressed and finishing a piece of the project that had to be turned in that day (with a lot of time pressure but thank goodness I don't stress that easily, well, normally I wouldn't.. but I did get rather nervous.) -handing in the project just in time -easily being able to make it to the bus in time to get to work in time, IF the subway didn't decide to try and see how slow it could go before it would fall over. -just made it to the bus -just made it to work (went home real quick to drop off my stuff and put on another shirt) -work was tiring but fun (this is where it gets better already) -Silver-sama called me while he actually had to work and we got some time to talk -I got some time to chat with Grifter-san -I went to sleep. so it wasn't all that bad, but it could've been a lot better. now for the weekend *huge grin* Silver-sama promised to pick me up early and indeed, he was at my place around ten am ^^ I packed my stuff and we set off. I wanted to go to the stores to see if 'My neighbor Totoro' had arrived for me yet and we ended up shopping our asses off ^^ I'm really broke right now and am far in depth with Silver-sama again.(can you say 400 euro?! that means a little under 500 dollar says my phone..) but it gets better, I'll get to that later. I bought: -a red t-shirt (from the brand ILI if that rings a bell with anyone) -a red sweater (of the same brand) -a vest. and this one I truly love! my mom probably hates it, but I don't care I LOVE IT!!! I'll try to get a picture up cause it's really hard to explain, but that will have to be done after school cause I have about half an hour before I have to go hehe ^^' -Lifelines CD of A-Ha, basically just for the song "forever not yours" I adore that song!!! -the new CD of Evanescence (The Open Door) -a Jamie Cullum CD (Catching Tales), because I was in desperate need of some different music ^^" some jazzy tunes sound very good at the moment -a lot of makeup -a ring -some earrings -really cool tribal chopsticks for my hair ^^ (it takes a lot of practise to get my hair up so that it stays up, but I’m starting to get the hang of it) -the first volume of The 11th Cat manga. still need to read it but it looked pretty good and funny ^^ -the pre-release bonus disk of the upcoming Guild Wars expansion ^^ YAY wallpapers, extra weapons and an extra character slot ^^ also the order from Archonia came in, so now I have the first volume of Girls Bravo. Silver bought me a really cool ring. it's huge and it depicts a chinese dragon and it's probably the coolest thing I have ever seen!!! it covers half my finger YAY ^^ I can still use it like normal hehe ^^ and he got me a watch, it's so shiny *smiles* AND he gave me a huge loan.. cause I still needed to give my mom the money for my study.(every month I get money from the government YAY it's not nearly enough though AND it has to go to my parents, cause they pay everything for school ^^') for himself he bought new shoes and we had lots of fun with the salesman hehe ^^ he was so funny ^^ ow and he bought the Shonen Jump. after the shopping I bought us an ice-sorbet and we romantically ate it together cause I could only afford one.. hehe ^^' but it was so much fun!!! and then we went home, showered (I won't go into details ^_~) and then it was time to eat ^^ so we ordered chinese like Silver-sama promised me ^^ it was so yummy!!! then we went upstairs and just crashed on the bed. we kept telling each other that we couldn't fall asleep cause we wanted to watch some program.. when we woke up about two hours later, we watched some tv and then we headed off to the pool-hall ^^ I really wanted to do something that we would both enjoy and I like to pool and Silver likes to see me bend over ^_~ so I thought it would be a good idea ^^ I looked my best for Silver, wore my chinese shirt that's practically see-through, put the chopsticks in my hair (it looks so cool ^^), actually put makeup on (I don't do that often and when I do, it's either because of a presentation at school or for Silver-sama) I had loads of fun, won three out of five games of pool. one because Silver shot in the 8ball before it was supposed to, one thanks to my actual pooling skill (read: pure luck) and one, as Silver claims, thanks to my sexyness. all I did was stand in front of the pocket Silver had to shoot the 8ball in and look a bit.. 'tempting' *smiles* so he shot too hard, the ball bounced off the pocket and landed in the pocked straight on the other side hehe ^^ apparently my pooling skills tend to improve a little after I drink more beer, but then again, they were all just lucky shots if you ask me ^^ plus, according to Silver-sama, I turned quite a few heads, which is always a nice feeling ^^ poor guys, eat your hearts out, I'm all Silver's muahahaha!! I did get spoken to once by some guys, but they just wanted to know if I was with some other group. after three hours of playing pool (even the bartender was impressed) we decided to go home. I slept wonderfully in Silver's arms and was only woken up around 7 am by a 'Honey, where's my blanket?' ^^' yeah, I steal blankets while I sleep, so sue me hehe, I rolled all over and in it hehe ^^ it was mine, ALL MINE!!! anywho, after that we slept till eleven and then I thought it was time to come out. but of course, we spend lots more time cuddling and such ^^ (I'm going to have to save this onto my USB stick and finish it at school.. it's going to be sooo long hehe ^^ but don't worry, it's worth the read if you ask me ^^ plus, I have lots of time at school *hugs you all* I'll be back soon ^^) (1.30 pm Dutch time) ok, so it’s 1.30 and I’m back home again already. I figured that waiting for a class that I can read through on the internet wasn’t worth my time, so I just went home ^^ kids, don’t try this at home, school is important!! now where was I… ah yes, sunday morning ^^ it was great ^^ we spend lots of time just enjoying each other's company, which is always great ^^ I can't really remember what we actually did, but I think it mostly consisted of watching tv, eating breakfast.. just hanging out. I collected my stuff and we cleaned Silver's room up a bit (just getting rid of empty bottles and plastic bags and such.) and later in the afternoon we went to my place. my parents were at my neighbor's house, cause it was the neighbor lady's birthday. so we went to my room and Silver watched some tv, played some Tekken and read some manga while I made my homework. when I was done, we watched some tv I think ^^ and then my mom came in with news that made my money problems a little better ^^ since my brother bought a car, my dad had the idea of giving him a car radio. but my parents always divide things equally, so I was told that I could either get something for the money, or get the money itself. I didn't think it would be much, but it turned out to be about 130 euros!! (which comes to about 160 dollar says my phone calculator thingy ^^) and that means that I should be able to pay Silver back a big part of the loan AND have some money of myself again YAY ^^ but I still have to be very careful with my money.. maybe I should hide my wallet hehe ^^" then we went downstairs to get a drink and to eat dinner. after that, we watched tv, fooled around, talked for a bit and then of course watched a bit of the Mythbusters and the whole of Bones (gosh,I love that show and I hate that it overlaps with the Mythbusters...) and after Bones, Silver unfortunately had to leave again.. I had a little fallback and cried a little (I'm so sorry honey, I know how much you love to see me happy*long hug*) but thank goodness he was still there. I took a sleeping pill last night and slept wonderfully again. just woke up a whole lot less nice hehe ^^' waking up next to Silver-sama is so much better!! but I did wake up to this wonderful sound.. the sound of Fall, Autumn, or however you want to call it!! it really is one of my favorite seasons!! just the blowing wind, the beautiful colored leaves and the rain, ah yes the rain... it was about time summer ended hehe ^^ it's nice that it's a bit warm and all, but it's just not my favorite weather, ya know? school wasn't too bad, kinda short, but that's what you get for skipping classes. but I'm kinda pissed at some members of my group, cause on friday they were acting like everything was fine and that they finished the moodboard that they had to make (if you don't know what a moodboard is, please don't ask me!!!) but today, all of a sudden, they're like: "We still need pictures and we don't know what else to put on it and you all have to come to school earlier tomorrow to finish it!!!" O_o I hate being the leader cause I'm the kind of person who doesn't really dare to say anything about it in the group. I've had lots of occasions in which the group then completely turned against me. not a happy feeling.. but now I think like: then why did you all leave on friday? why didn't they google for some more pics and print them and just finish the damn thing?! me and Inge had to stay longer to finish the Productplan (once again, don't ask!!) so why didn't they? ow well, nothing that can be done about it now. the presentation of the moodboard is tomorrow and for once I don't have to do it. thank god. the rest of this day will be spend by me relaxing. I'm going to read some more of my book, cause I NEED to get further in that. and of course watch Descendants of Darkness (Yami No Matsuei). I love it so badly, especially cause things are all slightly different than the manga, which makes it interesting even though I already know the story ^^ tomorrow at 8.05am I have my doctors appointment.. I was wondering if I should stop taking the anti-depressives. I talked it over with Silver-sama and I'm going to keep taking them. they are starting to help. I mean, the subway-tracks don't look as tempting as they did anymore, I was able to have loads of fun this weekend without the little voice inside my head telling me that I don't deserve it, I'm starting to see the sunny side more and dammit I like it! I think that this weekend I smiled more than I did in a very long time, maybe ever.. so I'm going to ask the doc to keep giving me those pills and the sleeping pills for a while longer ^^ as promised a pic (or sort of) of the vest I bought ^^ I zipped off the sleeves though, it has loads of pockets everywhere (and I mean EVERYwhere!! in the sleeves, on the front and even right below the label in my neck hehe ^^) and it says 'Bye bye Kitty' (it's so evil ^^ and I love it cause I simply hate 'Hello Kitty' hehe.. but it's not one of those sadistic shirts.. I tried to google for it and it brought up some pretty nasty stuff..)I'll try to get a better picture of it up some other time ^^ there, three should be enough ^^ aren't I the cute one with a cameraphone in front of my face hehe ^^ thank god for my mirror ^^ sorry that I'm all fuzzy, this phone really doesn't like to take good pictures although Silver-sama might say otherwise *winks* ooh, photobucket changed.. ow well, the resizing went a lot better this time hehe ^^ ok, I think I've held you guys up long enough ^^ time for a song!! this song is just really appropriate for me at the moment ^^ it's "Time Enough for Tears" from The Corrs Let's read the trees and their autumn leaves As they fall like a dress undone At the ends of summers love will find lovers Who need the shadows of a winter's sun Don't tell me you're leaving We can hide in the evening It's getting darker than it should If we read the leaves as they blow in the breeze Would it stop us now my love Time enough for hard questions Time enough for all our fears Time is tougher than we both know yet Time enough for tears The moon is milk and the sky's where it's spilt It's magic and we all need to believe We can wake in the dream It's not as hard as it seems You know it's harder to leave Time enough for being braver Time enough for all our fears Time is tougher that we both know yet Time enough for tears I heard you say underneath you breath Some kind of prayer I heard you say underneath your breath That you never want to feel This way about anybody else Time enough for hard questions Time enough for all our fears Time is tougher than we both know yet Time enough for tears Time enough for being braver Time enough, I love this time of the year Time is tough, it's running away from us Time enough for tears Time enough (I know I know) (It's O.K It's O.K) (2.20pm Dutch time) ok, this has been long enough don't you think? hehe ^^ let's see *copy and pastes to word* *blushes* I'm very sorry for rambling for almost 5 whole A4 papers.. I'm going to let you guys go now ^^ *hugs you all* I'm getting better people, and I didn't think that I would for a long time ^^ I'm outta here

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