Monday, March 19, 2007

   Mistakes are a way to learn, but they're also a way to die...

time: 11.40am-12.48pm CET mood: confuzzled and tired physical condition: alright, think I've got a bit of hayfever though.. been sneezing all weekend currently reading: I gave up on Poison Arrows.. I just can't seem to get into a book at the moment.. I need more time to read lately.. so I started some manga again: My-HiME volume 2 song: The Dirtball - ICP weather: it's freaking snowing!!! it's spring and it's snowing.. damn snow.. last week the weather was so beautiful *sigh* official baby fish count: I think it should still be 71... hey guys I know, I haven't been around to many sites lately.. and I honestly don't think things will get better.. I feel so.. I don't know.. tired mostly. and my mind is just going out to other things than visiting my friends at the moment.. I'm starting to get seriously worried about getting a job.. I haven't heard from the hardware store yet.. I don't think I'll get the job.. I'm getting so tired of trying.. there just aren't that many jobs out there at the moment *shakes head* after I pay back my mom for the clothes, I'll be flat broke for real.. I'm already 10bucks short to pay her.. it's just a good thing I still got some post stamps, or I wouldn't even be able to send letters to my imooto-chan! I don't like to sound this depressed, but I just really don't know how I'm going to get through this.. I still have my savings account, but it would be insane to get money off there just to be able to pay for my monthly savings.. (which goes to the savings account) the anime con is getting closer too.. I probably won't be able to buy anything there.. not if I don't get a job before that time.. I've also still got a huge debt with Silver-sama.. (can you say 500 bucks?!) I know.. I'm just so sick of not being able to get a job that has my interest.. I still feel like crap because of the hotel denying me.. I just want to work again so badly and somehow, I think they can't see that.. they can't see that I'm willing to put in all my effort to get a job I like or like a job I get.. *sigh* I know a shoestore that's still looking for people.. I'll try to apply to that too. on to happier news. the weekend was great. I went to Silver-sama on friday and we were together till sunday ^^ we didn't really do much.. I cried once again at dinner on saturday.. his mom had tried to make something I like, the only problem was.. I hated it.. I haven't been very interested in eating meat lately anyway.. and even though it was meat I like, it was prepared in a way that made it look like.. well.. it was used already.. ya know >_< and I just couldn't try it.. and she got angry.. and I felt the same as last week.. I'm just a bother to them when it comes to dinner. I hardly like anything and even when I like it, I only like it the way my mom makes it.. I'm horrible.. so I cried.. I told them I was trying my best too. and they just kept asking why I wouldn't want to try it.. at that moment, the only thing I could think about was standing up, getting my stuff together and leave for home.. but I can't leave without Silver-sama.. I want him near me. it's just.. his mom gets angry so fast.. it's like she skips the reasoning phase and goes directly into yelling mode.. like I said before, I'm very vulnerable to negative energy at the moment.. at first I got angry at her too.. she was going like: this is the last time I'm cooking especially for you. and I said: fine! then do so! I'll see if I eat it or not, if not, I'll eat bread or something, fine by me! it was what I tried to make clear last week.. I don't want them to have to take me into account.. I want them to just live their life and not be bothered by me.. but I said I was going to talk about happier things.. saturday evening me and Silver-sama went to our favorite bar. my old 'boy next door' works there. his phone was stolen recently and I had to give off an old phone from my dad so he could use that. we drank some beers. for the first time I've tried Japanese beer and darnit: I loved it!! it was very yummy ^^ didn't have that horrible aftertaste of beer which is present mostly at the first one *laughs* oh my, I'm letting my lush-side speak again.. I wanted to go play some pool.. but Silver-sama didn't want to go.. he didn't feel like it.. and darnit, even the puppy eyes didn't work.. so I was feeling crappy again for a while.. but after a while I just decided to stop being a stupid spoiled bitch. so we went home. it was pretty late by then. we watched some tv and I fell asleep on Silver-sama's lap ^^ sunday I had a pretty annoying hangover, but thank goodness it was pretty much gone after some more sleep. my imooto-chan Magnus told me she didn't feel too good, so I tried to cheer her up and failed horribly.. but later that day she was doing better ^^ we went to my house in the afternoon. when we got there I found a huge package from Magnus ^^ it cheered me up a lot!! there was a huge letter in there which I still have to read.. a really sweet card and the cd's of War Of The Worlds which I get to borrow ^^ but the most important things in there: cheer up gifts for me ^^ she's so completely sweet!!! she got me another amethyst ^^ it looks so lovely ^^ but that wasn't even the best part. the best thing in there was a self-made poem called: "Ode to my Onee-chan Lyt" an ode! to me!! and it made me smile so big ^^ I still need to find a place to hang it in my room, but I think I know a place now.. I need to change some things but it'll be fine ^^ she really is my best friend ^^ in the evening Silver-sama and me ordered some manga ^^ he's so sweet too ^^ and we ordered pocky, so we're hoping it will come in this time! (we tried it last year too, but something went wrong with the order and we never got it..) I miss him so much right now.. well, I don't know much more to say.. I forgot I had to go in to college today to work on the project, but thank goodness Natasja didn't seem mad about it, since three other group members also didn't come.. I was ready to get on the bus though and had I known sooner (I texted her and another group mate yesterday, but the other I texted also didn't know and she didn't see my messages until this morning) I would have been there. so she told me I could do my work tomorrow. well, to make up for this insanely long and depressed post, here are some cute kitty pics: they don't have text on it since someone told me it was overdone.. I don't think so.. if there's one thing I hate, it's internet spelling >_< I can read it, but I think it's a crime against language.. (language is one of the few things I value highly!) so to me, these texts are funny as hell, since it would indeed be how cats would type if they were able to type out their thoughts ^^ well, much clown love, I'm outta here, going to try and find some jobs to apply to.

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