Monday, December 31, 2007

Next year, baby..

Hey guys. well, with the end of the year upon me, I can't help but get sentimental and a little bit depressed. though I haven't come very far in life the past year, I do seem to have changed a lot when it comes to personality. maybe it's the lack of anti-deps talking, but I've been thinking that I've been losing too many friends. simply because I'm jaded I guess. I decided I'm generally pissed off at the world and don't want to fight for something the other has already named a lost cause. too many people have come and gone in the past year or two and I guess I'm slowly giving up. but I miss them. I miss chatting with Grifter-san, simply because we could have loads of fun talking about the most random stuff. I miss plotting to take over the world with Magnus-chan. maybe I should return to WDX to rekindle the wacky-fun side of our friendship. I miss Natasja and Dana, two friends for a short time in college. but it's pretty much impossible to get a hold of them, we drifted apart. sometimes, I even miss Ran. though the temptation to contact him is strong, I won't. cause I don't want to mess up his life again. would be nice to regain some of the friendships I've lost. but I also have to remember the friendships I've gained. a lot of people are still here and most of them have made their way into my heart. Yensid-sensei, Kikyo-chan, DS-kun (I'm still your mommy ^_~) and others, you know who you are. as for the next year. I think it's time I worked harder on the friendships that are slowly fading than the friendships I've already lost. as for my mental state, it's 'bout time I started fending for myself. I'm not going back to those pills, nor will I contact any sort of psychiatric people. it's time I get a bit stronger and stop relying on chemics to work for me. I'll live, I've managed before. this isn't a sad post, don't get me wrong. it's simply a reflection on my life, which happens every year around this time. the year flew past, but I've sure got some beautiful moments to remember from it. like meeting my sis, Magnus-chan, even though our friendship seems to have watered since, I still can't and won't regret the fact that I went there. or going to Marrakesh, which was lovely, if you don't count the bad moments. next year will bring new perils and adventures. who knows, maybe the tension at my house will finally explode and things will fall apart. maybe it will all be alright and the air clears.. who knows, maybe Silver and I will finally find a place of our own (which I'm kind of hoping for..) who knows.. one thing's for sure; I solemny swear that I am up to no good. *blows you all a kiss and flashes a mischievous smile* Next year, baby

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