Tuesday, February 7, 2006

   just when you thought things couldn't get worse...

hello peoples!!! well, lets do the fun part of this post first ^_^ I had quite a good day at school yesterday.. I had to be there at 11.30 am, but no teacher showed up.. then we had a class at 13.00 pm, but once again no teacher.. and then we had a class at 14.30 am and that one was the only one that wasn't cancelled... so I've waited for three hours to get a class of about an hour... -_-' ow well, we had fun in the cafeteria, chatting and making fun of people ^_^ I felt so much better when I had to go back home.. me and my mom are ignoring everything that happened, that's how it works in this family... well, the rest of the day, I didn't do much.. I visited sites and played some games... and then I started chatting with some people. and that's where it starts to get worse... I was just happily chatting, feeling less depressed about myself every minute... but due to that great timedifference it was around 12.00pm around here... and my dad was going to sleep.. now that wouldn't be a problem if the flickering lights of the modem didn't give away that I was still online... so my dad barges into my room yelling at me that I have to get off right away, go to sleep or else he'll kill the modem each night at 11.00... I said I'd do that in a minute, but when he was done brushing his teeth, I was still on.. so he came barging in again yelling that I ruin things for everyone and that if I studied harder I wouldn't have to make up my test... it's the first test that I have to do over in, like, my life... and I can't stop thinking about what I am ruining for everyone... who gets hurt when I chat with people I like until 1.00am? I've got more than enough time to sleep before school, and when I don't, I don't stay up late... things are going seriously wrong in this house and I want to know why...if my brother stayed up that late on the comp they wouldn't have any problems...I'm just an easier target I guess, for him they have to climb another stairs... well, after that I said goodbye to everyone, shut off my comp, cried for a while (that gave me a splitting headache btw, but it felt good to get it off my chest) and then I played Golden Sun on my GBA until 1.30 am... so it really doesn't matter what I do, I'll stay awake anyway *sigh* and if I do go asleep right away, I wake up every hour... I just don't get why they won'let me live my life...is it really so bad that I want to talk to my friends? the only other friends I got are the people I hang around with at school and my BF.. he lives too far away to go by every day and the people at school got their own lives... plus, I like talking to you people, it's fun to hear about your favorite anime, manga and other stuff... or maybe it really is all my fault... maybe I do ruin it for everybody... maybe I should just crawl into a little corner and die... but that wouldn't be fun now, would it? don't worry, I'll try to keep my head up straight... I'm not planning on going into that crappy depression again... been there, done that, the past is the past and there is no time for regrets ^_^ well, I tried to find a happy AMV to close this post, but it failed... so here's a sad one with ed elric and the song Untitled from Simple Plan(I love this song..) well, let's just hope today everything will get better... I will see you all around I'm outta here

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