Monday, September 11, 2006

   Friends don't come eaily and this I know and every time I make one, they always say they gotta go...

"bowling balls"-ICP well, my friends, like many of the people on my friends list, this will probably be my last post for the time being. don't worry, I'm not going to delete my account, so you can still PM me and such. but, if you really wish to contact me, it'd be better if you did by email, cause I'll be checking that more often. I've made a lot of wonderful friends on here and I will never forget all of your kind words. it's hard for me to say, but it might be better for me to live in the real world for a while. I won't be posting and commenting anymore for a while, but I really want to keep my account active for communication and perhaps one day a return visit. besides, just cause I'm not commenting won't mean that I won't be around at all anymore. I'll still drop by your sites from time to time to check and see how you guys are doing! but lately this site has mostly served as a communication channel between me and some of my closest friends and now, as one of them is also leaving this place (I'll really miss you Ran-chan, but you were so right! live for your girl and the happiness she gives you!) I think it is time for me to spread my wings too. it will probably be tough to stay away from this place, but I also need to learn to let go of the computer and internet. cause I've been starting to see that sitting in front of this screen, just sitting and waiting to see if someone will show up or not is not the best way to live one's life. I should catch up on my reading or something like that.. besides, right now, it's time for me to take my own advice and start living for my own happiness. depression has made me see that.. that and the speeches of Ran-chan hehe ^^' also, I've decided to learn from my two best friends.. one has a wife and a job and is doing fine without lots of internet and the other has found the girl of his dreams and is going to do anything in his power to make her the happiest woman in the world. they made me see that it is important to focus more on the people who are close to you. it's not that I don't see you guys as friends, it's just that I should try and find someone who can be there for me in a different way than digitally. besides, I need to focus on my own relationship. I'm probably making no sense at all, but I think that's because I'm pretty high on painkillers at the moment.. to top all my crappy feelings of, I got the flu.. so my head is filled with thoughts and ickyness and feels like it's ready to explode, plus I haven't got anything in my stomach except for 3 pieces of apple,some water and a painkiller.. woo... as for my depression, I went to the docs today and I was so fucking scared.. but Silvereagle-sama was there for me (he just left cause he had to go to work at some point..) the doc kind of still wants me to see a therapist, but I feel like it won't help me whatsoever. so I got pills. with the promise of also trying to find out what might be some cause of my feeling like crap all the time. I got anti-depressives and sleeping pills.. the last ones scare me, but I know that if I use them wisely things should at least get a little better. in three weeks I have to go back to the doc to see if it has had any effect already, though it usually takes anti-depressives about four weeks to start working. these pills are also a reason I'm going to cut back on my time on the computer. for one, I need at least seven hours of sleep using the sleeping pills and I'll probably feel pretty drowsy due to both of the pills. it's going to be hard to find something else to do, but I do know that it will help in my mental and physical condition. in the meantime I've got Red Ninja to keep me busy in the weekends and school will probably be flooding me soon so the weeks are filled too ^^" I also plan to spend more time with Silver-sama. Ran-chan made me see that it's pretty damn ridiculous that we've accepted the fact that we can only see each other over the weekends.. so we're going to at least try to have an evening or two together when Silver-sama has the day shift ^^ now, just to give you guys something to serve as a going away present, I will ramble about Red Ninja!! at first the game was annoying the crap out of me because I couldn't even get through the tutorial.. but I'm starting to get the hang of the controls now and my button-smashing habit is paying too ^^ it's my very first own PS2 game and seeing how I don't own a PS2 I can only play it at Silver-sama's or when he takes the thing over to my place (like he did on sunday, thank you honey ^^) what I like most about the game right now is the fact that you can slice and dice your opponents. *huge grin* I loved it when I figured out how to not only slice them in halve, but also learned how to decapitate them or cut their legs off. then move the body out of sight and start playing soccer with the heads ^^ it's also pretty darn funny that the guys stay standing and swaying for a while after you've ripped their heads off ^^ blood spraying all around while you watch their bodies drop.. yeah, I'm a sadistic little bitch and I always will be hehe ^^' the stealth kills are pretty cool too, if they work that is! but I can definetely see why it's a game for 18 years and older hehe ^^' I mean, a close up view of a cute girl (in a way too short dress by the way, great for the action 'seduce') slicing through the throat of a guy and then seeing the blood spray all over is not something I'd like to show my kids as long as their under aged ^^' as for the action 'seduce', it looks pretty silly, hardly ever works, but it sure is fun to see the guards fall for it hehe ^^ I haven't played that much of it, but I'm certainly enjoying myself while I do! so there you have it, my goodbye post to you guys. but remember, just cause you can't see me, doesn't mean I'm not still there, so feel free to send me PM's and emails if you'd like and I'll be sure to respond to them as soon as I can! I'll be watching you guys from the sidelines and you guys will never be far from my heart! *long hugs to everyone* I'm outta here for sure sayonara

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