Thursday, September 14, 2006

   I can't make sense of anything, I can't make friends with anyone, I don't get anything at all... It doesn't matter anymore

"I don't get it"-LIT ok guys, HUGE change of plans!!!! yeah yeah I know, I had the emo goodbye post and all, but the last few days have been hell. and they have been hell even more so cause I can't come around to you guys and see how you are doing worse than me!! naw just kidding people ^^ I have to be completely honest with you guys. I think I'm addicted.. I'm addicted to this place and the friends I've made here. what I've missed most is coming on here and seeing all the wonderful comments to my completely useless ramblings and just getting advice and comments just saying that you guys hope I'm going to be ok and telling me that everything will be ok. I wanted to stay away for at least a week.. I didn't last more than a few days.. BUT! there are going to be some changes. first off, shorter comments and sometimes I might not read the complete post. shorter and probably less personal posts. though I'm not going to guarantee that cause you guys know me, I like to talk about myself. also, if I don't feel like visiting someone, I'm not gonna. easy as pie, I'm not going to do anything I don't feel like doing cause that would mean that I stop living for my happiness and that's not what's going to happen. lets see.. what else.. no more greeting of the day. it takes me way too fucking long to find them lately with the new system and all.. it just annoys me ^^ ok, something about myself.. I'm currently on three different pills, cause the flu kinda made it necessary (I could never spell that word) for me to also take painkillers against the headaches. what I didn't know the first time, is that the painkillers kinda clash with the sleeping pills..it's NOT recommendable, so don't try it at home. the pills make me drowsy but I basically get hyper at the same time.. so I get really vague.. another fun fact, a side effect of the anti deps is that they can make the depression worse at first. add some downers (sleepy pills and painkillers) and you got a drowsy, hyper, depressed Lytjuh. YAY pillcocktail *starts crying* like that. (not really crying) so I'm having lots of breakdowns and I really just want to talk to someone I can truly trust.. ow well, I've gotten used to not being able to talk to someone all the time whenever I want to, so I can wait. sleeping pills by the way, not really working.. but I am averaging over three hours a night now (more like five right now) so I guess it is an improvement. as for the flu, it's almost gone, I lost three kilograms in about four days cause I've hardly eaten a thing.. and even if I ate something.. well, you get the idea ^^ wednesday evening was the first time I took solid food and kept it down since sunday O_o so yeah.. my legs and arms and basically whole body is shaky, but I'm forcing myself back to school tomorrow. I'll probably have to pop around work to tell them I'm better too. so school tomorrow, thank goodness it's only going to be a couple of classes, cause I really don't want to face those people... I'm gonna have to front all day YAY!! must recharge my acting skills!! though I feel like I failed some people by coming back here, I think it's the best option for now. I want to be here. not all the time, not every day (though I probably will be hehe ^^') you guys are the best and I LOVED all the comments to the last post ^^ hell, I love you guys *hugs you all* this place to me is no replacement or escape from reality or the real world. it's a part of it. the friends I've made and the feelings expressed on here are just as real as the people on the sidewalk outside my window and as the tears I've been shedding the last couple weeks. it's all real, it's all ment, it's just not face to face. so watch out TheO, I'm back and this time, there's no way of knowing what will come next! BRING IT ON!!!

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