Thursday, September 21, 2006

   a great loss

no song. this will be short. I'm pretty much crying my eyes out right now. I have just lost my best friend in the world. not my boyfriend. that's different, he's my soulmate *hugs Silver-sama* he said he wanted to be friends forever with me and that he wasn't like all the other ones who abadoned me. and he was. during this summer, during some of the hardest times in my life he was there for me. he was always there to talk to and he always had some sort of advice ready for me. but this morning, when I woke up and turned on my laptop and expected to see a nice email returned from the one I send him all I saw was the title. 'a broken promise' it made me want to delete the message immediately cause I knew what would be in it. no that's not true, it was much worse. he said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. he won't contact me anymore and he doesn't want me to do so either. his friendship with me is causing his relationship too much pain. so he feels that he has to leave. and I understand. and I'm not angry at him or his girlfriend. they deserve each other and the happiness they found together so bad. I'm angry at myself. for believing his words when he told me he wanted to be my friend for a really long time. when he told me he wouldn't abandon me like so many others did before him. he got angry at me whenever I doubted our friendship. but I didn't doubt him, I doubted my own abilities to be a good friend to anyone. I tried so hard. I did everything in my power not to hurt his relationship more than I already did. but it was all in vain. yet another friend lost, my best friend even. I promised him not to mention him anymore in my posts. but how can I ignore this. how can I not explain to my other friends here on TheO why I'm going to be sad again for a really long time. I guess Bon Jovi was right after all: this world will never give you something it can't take away. I think he still owes me some ICP songs.. guess I'll never get them. Ran-chan, I'm going to miss you like crazy. but I understand your decision and it's ok. like I said so many times before: go get your happiness. make Harley happy, I know she can make you the happiest man in the world. I promised not to mention you guys, but there are still so many things I want to say and ask and talk over. I'll never forget what our friendship did for me and meant for me. I'll never forget you or how much I love you. you really were my best friend. you still owe me a hug Ran-chan. I'm outta here. ps: sorry you guys for bothering you all with this.. guess it did get longer than expected. pps: there's an opening for my best friend in the whole world I guess. anyone?

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