Wednesday, November 1, 2006

   I don't need that staleness!

"Staaaaaaaaale!!!"-ICP this isn't normal rain anymore, this is a freaking MONSOON!!! and every single time I think the sky is going to clear, new clouds appear *sigh* want an explaination? my projectgroup decided to kick me out. and yes, they can do that. (EDIT2 (4.10pm): I got an email from our tutor, telling us all that kicking someone out at this point is not really an option. so we will have to find a civilised way to fix things. it is however a relief for me, knowing that I still might be able to finish this project, though it being with those annoying people ^^") with just one week left before the project was finished and done with, they decide that I'm not motivated enough, I don't take work from others when they can't (or don't?) make it, I bring them all down, I don't do my work, I complain too much.. the list just goes on and on.. I think Stupid Bitch and Preppy Girl (as I like to call them in my head..) put the rest up against me.. nothing I can do. this all means that I will have to make another project next semester to make up for this one.. meaning TWO projects in one semester, while there's hardly time for one anyway.. I just don't know what to do anymore.. I guess I'll have to contact a teacher or the schoolcounselor about this.. well, it does mean a complete week off next week, since I won't have to be at the presentation. I did let them know that I won't be working at the website at all now. they can fix that themselves. way to make enemies ne? in my old class this never would have happened.. well, no use whining about the old class now eh? I tried so hard not to let my other problems influence my work at school.. or at least, not in the project.. but the last few weeks have just been so damn hard.. and I really don't want the whole class to know that I'm on anti-depressants and shit.. but the real problem now is this: how the hell am I ever going to tell my parents about this?! ow well, I'll just see what happens.. EDIT1 (11.30am): I told my mom, she was pretty pissed at first but then just became really sad.. she thinks I'm not doing enough to make things better for myself, she thinks I'm taking it all too easy.. I wish I could show her that I don't, that I try my best to make the best out of things.. everything will be fine in the end. now I just have to tell my dad, and I'm pretty sure that he's going to freak out.. ow well, I have till tonight ^^' talking of things happening, this all makes me wonder what is going to happen next? what else could go wrong? oh man, I just hope the trip to Helsinki and Stockholm doesn't get cancelled!! that's in little more than a week and I can't wait for it!! Dana, a good friend of mine, who I'm losing touch with because the class got ripped apart is going too and I can't wait to get to spend some time with her again ^^ that is, if she hasn't found loads of new friends in the new class like my other friend Carola did.. she's in the same class as me, but hardly looks at me anymore.. that's the kind of friends I've got in real life.. it's my own fault, I just can't make friends.. I'm really lucky to have you guys *hugs you all* ^^ anywho, I just hope that the good karma of the others in the plane cancels out mine, or the plane might crash halfway O_o that's what I'm really nervous about: I'm going to fly for the first time hehe ^^" I'm a bit scared, but actually quite excited about that too ^^ I'll be gone from november 13th, till the 17th ^^ on monday we fly to Helsinki, we stay there two days. then on wednesday we're going aboard a ferry on our way to Stockholm. we'll spend the night on the boat and then spend the last day and night in Stockholm. then, on fridaymorning/early afternoon, we'll fly back ^^ I really hope it's going to be loads of fun!! by the way, when I'm not getting kicked while I'm down by others, I'm opening badly healed wounds from my past. I guess I'm a sucker for getting hurt.. yeah, it's about my good friend again. I just really want and need to talk things out with his girlfriend, even though it might mean that I will get hurt worse. I need closure or a new beginning. but I'll have to wait and see if she will respond to my PM. if she doesn't, I will have to accept what I can't change. if she does reply, maybe I will be able to change what I can't accept. sometimes a wound has to be opened again in order for it to heal the right way. like when a bone is broken and doesn't heal properly, it has to be broken again.. well, it's a weird metaphore, but it's the best I could come up with ^^" let's see.. the past few days, I've been slacking off to be honest. my projectgroup was right with that indeed.. but really, my happiness is my first priority at the moment and I still had all day today to finish the website. anywho, on monday, after I came home, I posted and stuff. and before dinner, I watched the third DVD of Arjuna. I should get to that DVD store again and order the last DVD, cause I can't find it on the internet anywhere.. I think they also have the soundtrack CD, so I might get that too, cause the music in that series is just sooooo good! really calming ^^ yesterday was mostly spend watching Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) I've finished that series now, so I can start watching Galaxy Angel or Ninja Girl whatshername.. (can't remember ^^') or I could continue with Ranma 1/2 ^^ or just finally watch the second season of The 4400, since that has been collecting dust ever since I bought it ^^" anywho, I've got enough to watch and read for that matter. I also finally got to talk with Grifter-san again *laughs* he's so busy with work all the time hehe.. but it's so much fun to talk to him and force him to come and comment on here ^_~ and I got a lot of time talking with Silvereagle-sama ^^ on the phone and through the webcam ^^ I'm really glad that he's there to help me through everything ^^ it's just a really good feeling that I can call him at any time ^^ cause I called him at around 1am last night after I found out that I got kicked out of the group.. *big hugs to him* in other news, I was surprised yesterday, to find the gangmember from sunday's episode of Bones, as a gangmember in CSI Miami! it was the exact same person hehe.. they were coming after H (we're a few seasons behind on both series I think..) and as soon as I saw that guy, I was like: HEY! I've seen that gangmember before!! but where... turns out that he also had a little role in Bones last sunday ^^ I just found it funny, cause he basically played the exact same person ^^ well, it's almost 8.30am over here, and I'm still rather sleepy.. I'm so sleepy lately.. so I'm going to get back into bed again hehe, get some more sleep and then spend today studying a little bit for tomorrow (this time I'm sure it's the test that doesn't need much preparation hehe ^^") and what else will I do today.. hmz, it might be a good idea to get further in the Preston&Child book I'm reading.. it's a really good one, as expected from them, but I keep getting sidetracked by mangas and anime hehe ^^' and I might finally get further with my letter to my imooto-chan, I just can't get myself to write and I feel so bad about that.. sorry imooto-chan *big hugs to you* in other words, I'm going to wing my way through the day and I'll just let tomorrow happen.. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? ^_~ I'm outta here

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