Monday, November 27, 2006

   Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name...

"Flinch"-Alanis Morissette this song is just.. I just love this line.. it's me. it's my hope.. it's me wanting to forget.. things keep reminding me.. it's hard. time: 9.09am Central Europe Time mood: ugh.. so sleepy.. I'll get some more sleep later physical condition: ugh, I think my body is finally getting to the last bit of alcohol.. my tummy is rumbling too.. manga: still Pita-Ten volume 2, I haven't been able to read a thing all weekend.. song: The Scientist-Coldplay weather: drizzly.. hey guys.. yesterday evening I had this whole post planned out in my head.. and now it's gone >_< I hope everyone is doing ok and nothing bad happened over the weekend.. it's kinda weird that I just seem to disappear off this world in the weekends, but I just try to focus on Silver-sama as much as I can when I get the chance to see him ^^ well, my weekend.. Friday was ok, work was fun. can't remember much else.. how horrible am I then?! OW!! I got homework from my boss.. the debut-thriller of Andrew Britton. it's called The American and my boss asked me to read it so that we can actually tell the customers something about it ^^ so I've got my work cut out for me this week hehe ^^" I read a few pages in the store already and he writes quite good. so far he has managed to pull me into his world, he is able to really get that certain picture in your head of how everything and everyone looks and acts ^^ and I've only read two or three pages *laughs* saturday. work was good as usual ^^ it was so busy! but I did get some time to run to the music store right on the other side of the street and get a signed copy of Raymann's book ^^ (it's weird, he came to a signing session in the music store and they sold his books hehe ^^") Raymann is a Dutch comedian. he is so tall!!! I was just dead-tired when I got home.. and then I had to act social at my brother's birthday party ^^" it was nice to see some of my family again, but I'm just really not a family-person.. and the gossip.. ugh, it drives me crazy! thank goodness Silver-sama was there too ^^ so I could talk normally with him ^^ and at around 9pm, it started to get busy so he and I decided to leave for Frank's (his friend) party ^^ at first I was quiet.. I mainly talked with Frank and Silver-sama.. but after a while (and some whisky tee-hee yumm) I started to come loose a bit and talked to almost everyone there ^^ I asked Lia, a girl who I've seen a couple times now, about her tattoo and how much it had cost her.. damn, those things are expensive.. and off course, she laughed straight in my face about me wanting a tattoo on my lower back.. it's too much of a hype according to her.. and it got ever worse when I told her I wanted a tribal hehe ^^" but I don't care much about that, it's about what I like and want, not her ^^ and she was able to give me some advice on tattoo-shops, so she was a great help ^^ I was actually able to be nice to Frank ^^ I used to be somewhat of a bitch to him.. but it was because he treated me like a little child.. I think me getting totally wasted on tequilla and him comforting me last time kind of broke the ice between us ^^ he saw that I'm not that much of a little kid and I noticed that he isn't a total jerk all the time, so YAY ^^ I still feel like I have to prove myself to him though.. it's a weird thing.. maybe it's because he's Silver-sama's best friend.. he always makes me feel like I have to prove that I'm worth of dating Silver-sama.. I dunno.. anywho, it was a lot of fun ^^ and I'm really happy, cause ever since Frank heard a little of ICP from me (tee-hee, who's the bad influence now? muahahahaha) he started downloading their entire albums!! and not only that, he also got some albums of other Psychopatic Records artists, like the Psychopatic Rydaz and Twiztid I think ^^ PLUS a solo-album of Violent Jay *drools* sorry guys, but his voice is just.. hmm.. I won't say much, but I'll use a term JD-kun might recognize ^_~ "dripping panties". that's all I'll say and I think it might even be too much already *laughs* I adore Violent Jay and I just think he has a wonderfully sexy voice for some reason.. anywho, Frank's going to put all those songs on a DVD for me, so I'll be sure to have ALL ICP songs YAY!!! he also loaned me a DVD of his favorite stand-up comedians, said I HAVE TO watch it hehe ^^" I wonder if they're any good hehe. I also still promised him The Swarm (huge book, but a definite MUST-READ) so I'll give that to Silver-sama this week.. that way it'll come to Frank eventually hehe ^^ I ended up having a great time at the party, even though Silver-sama and I got of on a rough start.. I cried.. I'm still so insecure.. but after a little talk in private on Frank's room (which of course got the lame comments on a roll) it was all better again ^^ and in the very end, Silver-sama wanted to go home, but he didn't dare to tell me cause I was still talking with someone *glomps Silver* he's so sweet ^^ we got home at around... what was it.. well, I was told it was about 5.30 am *laughs* sunday was great! we spend almost all day in bed tee-hee ^^ I had a bit of a hangover of course, but screw that, I had fun ^^ too bad we were too late to make his parents eat chinese food with us.. but we decided to get a little evening snack hehe ^^ when we got to the chinese restaurant, the lady was just done eating and she had some baked banana left over, so we got it for free ^^ it was soooo yummy!!! I had never eaten it and I was really surprised by the sweetness of it ^^ I'll be sure to order it sometimes now ^^ but that lady is really nice and we had a nice talk while we waited for our food ^^ (hehe, Quinty is trying to eat my nail-piercing *giggles*) Silver-sama and I watched Pirates of the Carribean two. it was fun to watch it again, even though I kept going like: 'that's not possible, that's a lame reference to the first movie, that's a hint towards another event still to come...' and so on and so forth hehe. I still hate the end.. and of course we watched Bones ^^ it was the episode where Angela's boyfriend is murdered.. I got really sad from it.. just the feelings of Angela about her relationship.. about her ability to give love or the lack thereof.. it made me so sad and it made me want to hug and comfort her.. I guess I get the same doubts at times.. and then it was time to go home again.. *sigh* I just wanted to stay with Silver-sama longer.. lately it's been getting harder and harder to not see him during the week.. but thank goodness he's got the early shift this week and he will come over here on tuesday and I'll go to his place on thursday, so we get to see each other a bit more this week ^^ on the ride home I talked about the stars.. and Silver-sama kept saying that I knew a lot about them.. *smiles* I wish I knew more though.. all my knowledge comes from bits and parts of Discovery documentaries or schoolbooks or the internet.. I really don't know that much.. but I love looking at them. I used to spend quite some summernights just watching the stars and thinking about my life, my significance in this world, my choices and my flaws.. pretty much everything. and I always hoped to see a falling star and the stars have never let me down so far.. I get nostalgic and gloomy when I look at the stars.. I realise how small I am.. and every time I look at the stars, I know that I still haven't found my own place between them.. a close friend of mine once told me, during one of those moods, that I could have it all.. and I replied that I don't want it, I just want my own little place in between it all. my own place to be safe. my own place to live the way I want to with the person I want to share the rest of my life with.. (you know who you are ^_~) *blush* sorry 'bout that rant.. I don't have much planned for today.. I'll probably try to read for a bit, watch some tv and play more Pokemon: Mystery Dungeon hehe ^^ I'm finally an Eevee ^^ I love it, it's so cute ^^ erhem.. and I'm supposed to help my mom, cause she has something going on with her leg.. she says it hurts really bad.. the doctor told her to get some rest, but does she listen? NOOOO and now she won't stop complaining about how bad it is and how I should help her and all.. *sigh* my brother's at home too, but off course, he gets off the hook, cause he's the favorite.. it's true! ow well, screw it. I might offer to do grocery shopping so that I can get out of the house ^^" and I might start watching some anime again ^^ I still have two full series to watch.. ow and the second season of The 4400.. man, I still have a lot to watch and read.. and I still haven't finished my letter to my imooto-chan *sigh* I should really get to working on that too!!! (I'm really trying, Magnus, it just won't come... I'm so sorry and I'm such a horrible sister..) I've made this way too long again (spend about an hour writing this O_o) so I'll let you guys go ^^ I'm outta here, clown love

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