Tuesday, December 12, 2006

   I need to see you tonight so I can keep from going insane..

"Free Loop"-Daniel Powter it's not what the song really says.. but this way it's a lovely line ^^ and it's true for me as usual I'm working on my site, just have to wait for a proper picture editing program to download completely so that I can finish it... so until then, this site is under construction ^^ time: 2.30-2.45 pm CET mood: calmed down a little, but still worried and a bit sad. physical condition: still a cold, but not as sick as last night. manga: Saikano volume2, it's heavy reading for me right now, but I love the story and the art, even though it's so sad.. the first volume made me cry yesterday.. song: Pump Ya Brakes-Will Smith feat. Snoop Dogg weather: sunny and dry but cold. as wonderful and peaceful and happy sunday evening was for me, as sick, nervous and panicky was yesterday evening.. I felt like I had to puke, my stomache hurt, my head felt like it was going to burst.. old and new worries were raging through my head.. I panicked, my breathing started to hurt again.. Silver-sama called me after I send him a panicked text.. that made me feel a lot better. but I still wasn't able to sleep all night.. yesterday after I went downstairs in the school, I came across my group leader.. she was just standing there with a bitchy grin on her face.. it made me want to beat it off her, but I managed to keep calm.. I called Silver-sama and vented. at home, I slept for a bit and then finished the first chapter of my fic.. I think it's pretty good, but I will have to wait for the reaction of others.. I spend a lot of time on WDX, talking to my imooto-chan (indeed, online sister ^^) Magnus and Cat and Silver-sama ^^ it was fun ^^ I love talking to my 'mooto-chan and we spend a lot of time doing that so it was all good. then I left to watch CSI, but it was an old episode again, so I went to bed.. I felt sick all of a sudden and started to worry about school and work and stuff.. and as said, I panicked.. I finished reading the first volume of Saikano and I just felt so sad.. I'm a lot like Chise. well, apart from being the ultimate weapon ^^" but I always feel like I have to apologise for everything.. and I think I kinda accept my faith with the same attitude as her.. but that made it so that I really felt along with her and she's so sad and scared.. it makes me want to hug her really thight.. I'm weird, I know ^^" ow well, after the phonecall from Silver-sama I tried to sleep.. got a few hours in I think, but most of the night, I was laying awake.. this morning I checked out MyO and WDX and then went to sleep for a little while longer. or so I thought.. I overslept till 10 and that made me late for the group meeting *sigh* we had an english assignment which went great though and after that, I bailed. had a little talk with my english teacher about my 'situation'. she said that it was more important to feel good than to follow all classes. and she assured me that I was still a great student so I could take some time off ^^ that made me feel better ^^ she's really sweet ^^ so now I'm home early again and I think my mom is on to me.. but I keep telling her that classes ended early and that the teachers are sick and stuff.. she has enough to worry about herself, she doesn't need me making things worse.. Silver-sama is coming over tonight. I can't wait for him to get here ^^ it will be so great to have his arms around me again.. I think we'll watch some Rune Soldier, that should cheer me up ^^ he's really trying to work on his, or rather, our future.. it's so sweet ^^ I wish I could do the same.. well, I'm off for a cup of tea, I can use it ^^ I'm glad today is a bit better than yesterday *hugs you all* much clown love I'm outta here

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