Friday, December 22, 2006

   Santa baby, hurry down the chimney..

"Santa Baby"-Kylie Minogue just a bit of Christmas spirit for everyone.. warning: long post, but it will be the last one before Christmas ^^ plus, it has a songlyric at the end, which makes it look longer!!! enjoy guys ^^ time: 8.07-9.15 am CET mood: damn sleepy, sleeping pills aren't out of my system yet.. physical condition: less sniffly than before, though my stomach hurts a bit now.. manga: I'm still reading Chrono Crusade volume 1, but I'm really enjoying it ^^ song: still Angel (which is the correct title to the song) from Westlife weather: I don't know, probably cold but dry ^^ (it's still dark out and I'm still in bed ^^") its been a good couple of days guys ^^ the last day of school of the year wasn't all that bad thank goodness ^^ and we actually did get to go home earlier so YAY for that ^^ during Business Ethics, as expected, I started on chapter three of my WDX fic ^^ it's so much fun to just write while nobody is really paying attention to you ^^ and then someone suddenly asks: whoa! are those your notes?! and I'm like: naw, it's a story I'm writing ^^ I've just got some things for the project that have to be done tonight and then there's some stuff I need to redo during the vacation, so I don't have all that much homework either YAY ^^ in the bus, all of a sudden a bandname and the name of a song popped into my head.. and at first I was like: what?! O_o but then I remembered.. a few weeks ago, I was trying to find a song that I didn't know the title or the band or any of the lyrics or just the music from, but I did remember that I adored that song and that I had it on CD somewhere.. maybe you can guess which song it is already, but it's the song 'Angel'. I adore that song. so I suddenly knew I had it on some CD of Westlife.. but I didn't have time to find out on which CD, cause I still didn't know the exact title of the song.. so I just wanted to put them all on my mp3 yesterday. one of the CD's didn't want to work with me though, so I'm unable to get that one on my mp3.. and of course, that's the exact CD that has that song on it *sighs* ow well, maybe I can download the song while I'm at Silver's next week ^^ if I remember to ^^" in the meantime, I can relive my youth and get into Westlife again, cause they actually have some really nice songs ^^ and yesterday was wonderful ^^ or at least, the morning was ^^ I went over to Silver-sama ^^ it was so great but the time flew and before I knew it, I had to get back in that evil train that took me away from him.. we didn't do all that much ^^ we just cuddled, fooled around, I tickled him till he had to force me to stop *laughs* he's so ticklish ^^ and of course we watched some Rune Soldier ^^ we're on the second to last DVD and there's a pretty good plot unfolding.. so I can't wait to finish watching it ^^ I wanted to cry when I stepped into the train.. I wanted to jump out just to be with my love for a few hours more.. but I knew he had to go to work and well.. I don't think they'll like having me walking in the way while working on aircraft engines.. so I behaved and got into the train and stayed there.. the rest of the day was spend doing very little.. I watched tv while laying on my bed. I could hardly move because my stomach was killing me.. it just all of a sudden started hurting and it wouldn't stop *sighs* so after dinner, I got in bed with a warmwaterbottle and tried to just get some rest. I watched some tv and I messed around on my laptop for a while. I listened to old Podcasts from the main site. they're so much fun ^^ and I love Ichigo's voice hehe ^^" well, we all know by now how I get when I hear a good voice *grins* I've been listening to the old podcasts, cause I really didn't listen to any until this week and I thought it was so funny, but some things didn't make sense.. so I decided to catch up on things ^^ I just love the wackiness ^^ but I did caught myself a few times on not really listening to their stories anymore, but just listening to their voices.. may be weird, but I'm kind of a lonely girl at times, especially when Silver-sama has the late shift.. so it was just nice to have some voices coming into my room.. I'm weird, I hope it doesn't scare you guys.. I went to sleep at around eleven pm. my stomach was still hurting so badly, I almost broke out in tears just because of the pain.. right now, it's not that bad, but it still hurts a little.. I wonder why it suddenly started hurting this bad.. ow well, let's just hope that it goes away soon ^^ I wanted to make sure I got some good rest, so I took two sleeping pills (the maximum according to the box) and right before I wanted to get into bed, I got really dizzy and it just felt like I had to throw up.. so I ran to the toilet, but by the time I got there, the feeling was gone again.. I wonder if the extreme dizzyness might have been caused by my low bloodpressure in combination with the sleepingpills.. so then I started worrying on wether it had been such a good idea to have taken two.. ow well, there was nothing I could do at the time anyway, so I texted Silver-sama and all of a sudden, he called me. so I picked up and he was like: hey, what's wrong? and I was like: but you called me... *silence* riiiight, now I'm confused O_o turns out, he probably pressed to wrong button while reading my text hehe ^^" that's what you get with that crazy phone of yours honey *sticks out tongue but hugs him* as for the title of today, that should actually be: postman baby, hurry up the driveway.. I still haven't gotten the package from my 'mooto-chan Magnus and I really want to give it some time to mock me under the Christmas three.. I hope it arrives today or tomorrow, or else it will be after Christmas *pout* but what's most important is that it gets here at all! I just pray that it isn't lost in the post somewhere.. ow well, we'll see ^^ all I can do is patiently wait ^^ big freakin' EDIT: the package just came in and now the present is mocking me under the Christmas tree *glares at it* also, it made my mom jealous cause I now have more presents than anyone in this house muahahaha!!! *huge grin* just a little while till Christmas ^^ I got to talk to an old friend of mine again this week (no, this is not a wisecracking joke about your age Grifter-san!) and I have to admit.. even though it was great talking to him again, it was kind of.. rusty.. we couldn't really get a conversation started and it just felt a bit.. awkward.. we really haven't talked in far too long.. and now I'm afraid of losing yet another friend *sigh* but I know he's busy with work and his new home, so I will just have to be patient and everything will be alright eventually, I'm sure ^^ if I just keep saying that to myself, it should be fine ^^ or at least, that's what an old classmate of me told me in the bus yesterday ^^ he's so much fun to talk to, and he's really a sweet guy ^^ I mean, we were in the same class together in middle school and we still talk regularly ^^ he works at the supermarket and I usually run into him on saturday mornings when I get some bread and stuff for the bookstore ^^ I say this, cause in the same bus was one of my 'best friends' from the first few years of highschool.. I kept making eyecontact with her, but she just looked straight through me.. when I saw her in the bookstore last week, she did the exact same thing.. but then again, she DID turn into a stuck up bitch, right after we started growing apart.. ow well. my fish are on a dieing streak again.. I must've flushed about three of them this week.. just a good thing they had like a gazillion babies a few weeks ago ^^ they're in the fishy day-care tee-hee ^^ it's a funny thing though.. just the fishes that have babies die.. I wonder if there's a connection between that reproduction and the ending of life.. makes me want to try and see if I'll live longer if I don't reproduct.. but naw, life's too short for that kind of experiments and I don't really want to get all scientific with my fish ^^" I love them too much to test stuff out on them ^^ anywho, lets talk about Christmas ^^ this will probably get a bit sappy and emotional.. the past few days have been days of looking back for me.. I've been looking back on the past year and everything that happened.. I fought fights, lost good and close friends, found new and even better friends (this goes out to you Magnus, Cat and Yensid ^^), I've managed to get my propedeuse, I've become a blood-donor, I've risked my relationship, Silver-sama and me got through some really rough times, I've risked the relationships of others to try and get things straight and without hate, I've sort of managed in that, I found a job and lost it again, I found a temp job, but will lose it just before new years, I've started taking pills against my depression and they're actually working (should've done that a long time ago!), I've had more fights with my mom than ever before *laughs*, I went to a full-weekend AnimeCon, and the list just goes on and on.. a lot has happened this year, both good and bad.. but this Christmas, I'm going to make it all about the good. thanks to all the bad things that have happened to me over the last year, and it really has been a rough year, I've become able to count my blessings. the good things are clearer to me now than they were before. it makes me think of something my Ethics teacher in High School told me while he was helping me through my depression: defeat the bad with the good. it's from the Bible. and it really is the only way that works. count your blessings, not your losses. and it's not all that bad for me.. when I'm in the train to Silver's, I pass a graveyard. and on that graveyard, is the grave of my uncle who died last year. and every time the train passes by, I can see his grave.. it just stands out and I just look at it and think of my aunt. she is kind of like me *smiles softly* whenever she was with my uncle, they didn't need anyone else, they could take on the world! but now, ever since my uncle passed away, I can just see my aunt slowly disappearing into a little, scared, lonely woman.. it makes me so sad. she probably won't be able to make this Christmas about the good things.. but I hope and pray that she will at least be able to remember the good times they had together. I hope that this Christmas, she will be remembering the love they had and how no one could ever come between that.. it's hard for my mom too.. not so much because of my uncle, but because of my parent's first kid.. he died around this time when he was just two yeard old.. that will be twentythree years ago this year.. it's so weird to think that if he hadn't died, I would have an even older brother.. but then I think again and realise that maybe I wouldn't even be on this earth if he didn't die.. sometimes, bad things happen to good people, but I still think that everything happens for a reason.. a lot of people have had a rough year, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. so to all of you, I say this: make this Christmas about counting your blessings (not about how many presents you get!) make sure that you realise and stand still by the fact how lucky you are to have all that you have and that you haven't lost it all. for just two days, try to forget all the shit in the world and in your life and think of all the good things that have been happening to you this year and think of everything that you have left after everything that happened. I might have lost a lot of good friends this year, but I've also learned who my true friends are, who I can truly rely on no matter what. and this Christmas, I'll be celebrating with them, even though we're miles apart *smiles* just one wise lesson for you all, before I leave you guys till after Christmas (I'll be spending saturday through thursday with Silver-sama, so I don't think I'll be able to come around to sites or post a lot, I will try to get to some sites, though it will still be after Christmas) Count your blessings now, for they're long gone.. happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got. I think I'm truly happy *smiles* by the way, I will probably post a 'brag-list' after Christmas ^^ cause well, maybe I'll get some manga or anime hehe ^^ muahahaha!! I wish you all a very merry Christmas guys *hugs everyone* much clown love, I'm outta here. "Angel"-Westlife(it has been done by several different artists too though. I've bolded some parts that I especially love in this song.) Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay there's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there so tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack it don't make no difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees in the arms of an angel fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort there you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here

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