Thursday, January 11, 2007

*violin solo*

'Never Meant to Belong'- erhm.. I have no idea who it's from, but it comes from the Bleach soundtrack ^^" time:9.15-10.15 am CET (man, did I really spend an hour writing this post?!) mood: paranoid and anxious physical condition: I feel a bit sick and completely exhausted.. manga: still Kare Kano volume 1 song: Reality Used to be a Friend of Mine- PM Dawn, man, does that song ever kind of apply at the moment.. weather: grey but dry at the moment. here I am again, updating and stuff yay ^^ well, I'm not too happy at the moment, but I'm sure that my time with Silver-sama this afternoon will at least remove some of the tensions *nods* not many mentioning-worth things happened yesterday.. I went to almost every class and actually paid attention! well, not in Business Ethics, cause that class is just plain boring.. I swear, that guy could bore someone to death without even having to try for it.. and what's worse, he just goes on and on with his lessons and doesn't know the school schedule of when lessons start and end.. so around ten mindboggling minutes after the class should've ended, someone was finally brave enough to say: 'erhm, sir? we are supposed to be in Spanish class now...' so he said: 'ow really? well then you should've told me earlier, cause you know you can just tell me!' and then.. HE WENT ON WITH THE FREAKING CLASS!!!! so everyone just decided to pack their bags, get their coats and leave while he was still talking. he annoys me anyway *laughs* he makes us watch movies about sad little chimps and other apes to make us aware of the importance of using ethics in your ways.. I seem to be one of the few people who hate apes and monkeys (except for the little ones.. erhm.. deathcap monkeys or whatever they're called and those really fuzzy ones that are almost extinct.. golden lion monkeys?) anyway the only thing those movies do to me is making me want to cut the whole freakin' rainforest down and put up a nice big hotel ^^ that is, if I didn't love the rainforest so much because of the beautiful plants and other creatures that live in it ^^ like snakes.. why doesn't anyone try to get people's pity with snakes? (I know, I know, it's because most people are scared of snakes and stuff) but all I'm trying to say is: why does it always got to be those freaking monkeys?!! they should try it with big cats. I love those! they would make me want to make a donation, but as I see it now, all my money would go to those monkeys and I don't want to save the monkeys, I want to save the siberian tiger or something!! anywho, I'm getting off track here as usual ^^" the moment I stepped out of the bus on my way home, it started pouring.. so I walked the last few streets home, humming 'Why does it always rain on me' and getting wetter with every step I took. I mock people who run through rain, by the way. my motto is: most of it doesn't fall on you and you'll get wet anyway. so at home, I took a ridiculously warm and long shower, got into some comfy warm clothes and spend the rest of the day not really doing anything.. I talked to Silver-sama for a while, which was nice, cause we didn't get the chance to chat before that day..and after dinner I just spend my time with my laptop, aimlessly surfing around the net, waiting for maybe a message from my good friend.. yep, I'm talking about Grifter99-san.. I'm just pretty worried about him, cause no one seems to have heard anything from him in almost a month.. but I really shouldn't worry this hard.. he's probably just really really busy ^^ but it's just not like him to stay away this long without even sending a quick message like 'I'm swamped, sorry.. miss you' ow well, I will just have to wait and see when he comes back *nods a bit uncertain* eventually, I had a horrible headache coming up while I was chatting with Silver-sama on MSN.. so I decided to shut down my laptop, take some paracetamol and try to get some sleep.. but then I noticed a documentary on Discovery Channel about the Columbine High shooting and I stuck on that cause it was really interesting.. of course it made me once again think about what this world is coming to.. things just keep getting weirder and more violent.. like a few years ago, when we still had snow in the middle of winter instead of fall-like storms (I love those storms by the way tee-hee ^^) anyway.. some kids were playing around at a parking lot and one of them threw a snowball against a car.. now, usually, you'd think that the driver of the car would just get out and shout at the kid or something.. but noooooo! in this world, it seems to be normal to immediately grab your gun and start shooting.. the little boy was killed coldblooded by the person who drove in the car and then the guy just left.. events like these make me feel old. make me wonder what is happening to the world and society.. but I know that I will do my best to at least better myself and I will try to raise my kids the best way possible (once I have kids of course) my parents did a good job on me, even if I say so myself.. last night, I couldn't sleep.. so I checked my laptop to see if there happened to be a message for me or something.. I started looking around on MyO and stumbled upon a site of someone I really rather wouldn't have stumbled upon *sighs* I just sat there shaking for a few minutes and then I decided to get the hell away from there, before I start cutting open old wounds that seem to be healing at the moment. I don't want to be like a few months ago again.. I really don't.. it was one of the two people I plan to never come across again here on this site or anywhere else.. nothing has changed from the past few months.. I just now know something that I didn't know before.. Edit: I need to get this out.. I'm just so totally annoyed!!! this person called me a liar for not leaving TheO when I said I would for a while.. I simply changed my mind for crying out loud!! and now I find this person who said to be leaving PERMANENTLY too, to have created a FREAKIN NEW ACCOUNT!!?? now who's the liar? call me crazy, but I call that hypocritical and it just annoys me to hell.. *sighs* don't call me anything like that and then do something similar, only worse.. UGH! sorry to everyone who knows who I'm talking about.. I suck, I know.. and I don't mean to be a bitch, but I need to get my feelings out.. I'm sure this person is a fine friend towards all of you.. and I won't talk about it anymore now ^^ I promised Silver-sama ^^ I just wish I wasn't so freaking paranoid, cause now I feel watched.. like someone is keeping an eye on me and on what I write to make sure I don't write something they don't want me to write *sigh* I know, I'm completely paranoid!! and I don't want to be, I was getting over it!! ARGH!!! well, I guess that's something else to discuss with my doctor.. but I'm starting to get the idea that I might have to go and see a therapist again *sighs and kicks something random* but after the first shock, I shut down my laptop, called Silver-sama (woke him up) and talked with him for a while. he comforted me, while the two sleeping pills I took were starting to work. after that I slept like a baby even without the weird dreams I've been having lately (not really worth mentioning, they just involve me being a spy, killing people or people trying to kill me and basically blowing up a lot of stuff *grins*) I'm so glad that I've got Silver there for me.. I really don't know what I would do without him.. he's the only thing that comes between me and a world that's so damn mean.. (yeah, Beloved Monster hehe, it's such a cute song ^^) Silver keeps me safe and protected ^^ oh hehe, my mom just came in and said that if the winds are too strong, I HAVE to stay with him tonight *grins* naw, I'll be honest and check the weather forecast.. they say there might be winds of windforce 10 and we need to pass a pretty big bridge before we can reach my home. with winds like that, they usually advice you not to drive over that bridge ^^ but I immediately started grinning, so my mom was like: 'I shouldn't have said that, now you're going to stay away no matter what...' but I won't ^^ I'll be a good girl and only stay with Silver-sama if it's too dangerous to drive *nods and smiles and hopes it will be too dangerous* Edit2: I will stay at Silver-sama's tonight ^^ not only will it be too dangerous to drive, I think it will also seriously benefit my mental state at the moment ^^ that is, if we stop fighting about my annoyedness.. nah, it'll be fine, I just need to get over myself *nods* but I guess that will mean that I probably won't visit a lot tomorrow, even though Silver-sama will be at work most of the day.. I don't like working on his computer hehe ^^" I reacted on an advertisement asking for receptionists at Holland Casino in Scheveningen.. why? cause I need work, I want to go into the recreational business anyway, they need people and it sounds like a totally cool job!! I'm just afraid that I either don't have enough experience in the working field or that I am actually too young, even though you can enter this casino at the age of 18.. well, I just got an email back telling me that if they are interested in me, they will let me know asap.. so now I'm pretty anxious to boot.. I haven't told my parents yet.. I just don't want to give them any false hope and maybe I'm also trying to keep myself from getting too excited.. I might apply for another job in the same casino though, cause it just seem so cool and it actually fits in with my education ^^ Edit3: the application fell through.. they got a lot of reactions to the advertisement and they need someone to work sundays too.. I'd rather not.. *sighs* I'll have to keep looking then.. sucky me, wanting to work in the recreational business while it means you will have to work sundays.. UGH! ow well, better luck next time I guess ^^ I'm also already working hard on getting some cosplay together for the upcoming Con.. I know, it isn't until june, but I want to be prepared this time!! I'm thinking of at least doing Coo, from Di Gi Charat, but now I think I also want to do Winry (obviously from Fullmetal Alchemist) both costumes should be easily plucked together. I'm a disaster at a sowing machine, so I'm buying my costumes as I go, getting small parts to fit in from all over the place. I'm currently trying to purchase a labcoat for Coo and I will buy some accesoiries or however you spell that from the AnimeGamers site ^^ Winry should be even easier to assemble, since I would really just need a pair of white worker-pants, a black top (which is taken care of* and a red bandana which really can't be very hard to find *smiles* I still haven't heard anything about the gophering(not the animal, the person who helps out with stuff) at the Convention, but I'm pretty sure they will get back to me and if not, I'll just have to send them a new message asking if they received my last one ^^ HAH! I fooled you all!! you were all thinking that this was going to be a short post, but it really wasn't!!! hehe ^^" I wrote down more than I thought I was going to.. ow well, I guess this time I didn't forget anything.. *thinks* nope, nothing comes to mind. I'll let you guys go now and will try and get some more sleep if I want to make it through the day ^^ I still have some homework that needs to be taken care of, but I've still got some time this afternoon before I leave for Silver's ^^ much clown love, I'm outta here ^^

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