Friday, July 29, 2005

Hmmmm
*with a smile on my face*


The support here is great. I'm thankful to have friends here, that's a really cool thing.

So. Yeah, definitely feeling better. Of course college is going to make me nervous, what's worse rightnow is BUYING so much stuff! Yikes! Too much too much. I spend too much money. And sort of hate it, but at the same time, i have a job so I can spend the money on important stuff.

Yep.

I found some old picutres today. I started to cry a little, not a sad cry, but a happy cry. YOu know, the memories overflowing sort of cry. I really feel like I have to prepare myself so much to leave, it's scary.

Okay - enough complaining, eh?

Ineed to write more. Right now I"m going to go practice guitar.
- heart -

maarii

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A glimpse in the mirror
I thought for a long time that I was a confident person, and that I could handle my life with relative ease. Even, earlier this summer, I thought I was quite happy all by myself, that I understood how to find my own piece of mind.

Then I think more, and I realize how much of a coward I am, and how sad I am sometimes, and how I just don't believe in myself. I feel so ugly so much of the time, and fat, and unwanted. Although, I think according to facts I am not that out of shape, but it's just a state of mind. I hate shopping for clothes, because I usually don't think I look good. And when people tell me otherwise, it's really really hard to believe them.
And I'm afraid. And I"m nervous about college so much, not the experience or even the classes. I don't know .. I think that's the problem. I just don't know what my life is leading to, and yet it's all changing so fast that I have no idea how to cope so fast.

At least money is not that huge of a problem, because my college is giving me really good scholarships (although not full tuition even though I worked my butt off in highschool to try and get one) so I'll just have to find a way to pay about 4500 dollars a year. With a job and saving money over summer, I think I can manage it. Then again, of course I have student loans to pay back when I'm older, but oh well.

If you are a highschool student right now still, then you should be searching like crazy and saving money, because it makes things a lot easier, though frustrating as hell.

Besides that, I feel bad for not keeping up with the "myotaku" community. It's not that I have other websites that I keep up more or anything, but I just am trying to do so much.
Don't worry too much about consoling me or even reading this, that's okay.. I kinda figure that most people have felt like this a lot anyway.


- love -

Maarii
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

*sad eyes*
Goodness, the days go flying don't they?
Deleted myspace. This place is better.
Dyed my hair purple.
Went to college orientation.
Rewatched Kare Kano for like the 4th time. It's my comfort anime.
Worked a ton in Sears - shoe department. We have some cute stuff
Wrote some more of a novel.. but who knows so complicated

Got really sad today - melancholy over a lot of stuff.
Late at night
wanted to check in

Tell me all how you are doing?
I will be checking EVERYONE's website later this week.

Thanks to all my friends here.

- heart -

Maarii
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Monday, July 4, 2005

Happy FOURTH
I just wanted to say I hope everybody has a great day!

Because for me today I get to spend with my family and my best friend as we watch the the cool fireworks show and spend the night in a hotel!

Sweet! It's Independence Day!



Don't eat too much!
But have tons of fun!
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Monday, June 27, 2005

OFF to camp again!!!
I should tell you guys not to comment more often.
Sorry again for not visiting. I'm going to make this a better habit soon. Promise.

Anyway. Have a freakin good week everyone. ~!!!

^__________^ froggy smile!
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Saturday, June 25, 2005

I survived
Back for the weekend. You don't have to comment or anything. If you must at least leave a ^-^ I would be very greatful.

Anyhooo. Hopefully get time to go visiting tonight.
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Saturday, June 18, 2005

Jeez. I'm so busy!!! Crazy.
I've been running around like a chiken with my head cut off. Scary.
Right now I'm getting ready to go be a camp counselor! The kids I'll have to watch are 9-12 years. I know.. frightening. Actually it'll be a lot of fun.

I miss you guys! I need to go look at all my friends sites, but I never have the freaking time! *arg ahh grr yipe*
*starts yanking at hair*

*deep breath*

Okay - sorry about that.
Hey, everybody having a cool summer?
IF you choose to leave a comment on this post, make sure to answer this question.

What anime do you wish you could be a part of?

(i mean any thing.. like writing, creating, drawing, living in, being a part of the world etc. )

Hey, guys, thanks for allowing me to keep up my craziness. I promise to start posting something intersting here soon!

- love -

Maarii
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Saturday, June 11, 2005

*shooosh* I'm BACK
Hey, even the guys that were a bit late, thanks so much for the good send off!

Actually ---

*sigh*

I had an


AWESOME TIME !!!!

Suspense a bit there?
Well, still way way good time. Memories flooded my brain cavity ad it was just a wonderful experience.

what have you all been up to?
Please let me know soon. Hopefully I'll get more time to look at sites soon.Too busy this weekend. I've got to give a great send off to my really good friend, Fidan, Polish exchange student - she's going back home on sunday. Sadness.

Anyhood.

Sweetness. Please respond.
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Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Going on a Journey
I'm going to train to be a camp counselor this week. Wednesday (I assume most of you will see this on Wednesday) Thursday and Friday. All training in the wild.

With showers, and kitchens, and bathrooms and blah. How wild can we get? Not very . But the place is beautiful.

- See you all in three days.
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Monday, June 6, 2005

Longest Sigh Ever
Wow. Thanks for the comments yesterday, guys. Ni-kun, Darksoul,Ruri, Blackwings. You guys are great ^-^.

Ooo. I have to be a camp counselor for two weeks. SHould be fun, what with the little kiddies and all. I do need to learn about lichen, trees, geology and nonesuch stuff about the wilderness. Not like I'm totally devoid of knowledge, but I should probably brush up on it.

Anyhoo.

Other than that. I'm freakin' so antic to see more anime, but I don't have any time. *wonders* Does Hastings have new anime?
I need to see the rest of Trigun and Cowboy Beebop.

I need to finish my book. Has anyone else read the Claidi journals? Tanith Lee ? She's really pretty good.

And then there's people. I keep pissing my mom off lately. I'm getting stressed out .. and it's summer! NOOOOOOOO!~!!!!!

Can't be stressed during summer. No no no.

Sooooooooo.

Anyone know the html tags to add a song into your website.. like in the background or what not? Huh. I'm just confused is all.

Hey, has anybody had any strange/cool dreams lately? Let me know, I love trying to analyze em.

^-^


bye bye
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