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Tuesday, November 25, 2003


Day 30
A month. I've spent a month here.

Sometimes I write as if this is easy, as if being here has affected me only slightly. Well, that's all crap. I've lost myself. But, who is this person.
Have you ever felt this? This disembodiment? It's like being air. Everyone who looks at you looks through you. Because, I'm not a person. I'm a power. I'm a pawn. I'm a glass wall. Or maybe . . . maybe I am nothing after all. I have so few real memories. So few real feelings.
What words can define a thing like me? Am I even the girl, the person I ever was? If that person didn't exist, or doesn't exist? Existentialism is heavy stuff.

Oh, sigh. Malqomb spoke with me today. Really, he talked to me. Still, it seemed forced. And he, so uncomfortable with words. I've tried so hard not to like him. He is a good man, a frightened guy just trying to save the world (metaphorically . . . . . . I think.)

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