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Sunday, June 5, 2005


Eelk.
I created another website .. one of those myspace things, a personal blog type. I don't really like it. It's too impersoanl and I really have noloyalty to it.

Basically, this is my web community, it's not like I'm so popular here or anything.. goodness with the not updating everyday thing, I've gone so far down on the list.. sucks kind of. Oh - and the fact that I don't really get around a lot anymore.. to my friends sites. It's hard.

But I still like this place so much better than other internet communities. I feel more at home here, more recognized and just happier. So, basically.. you guys rock. This is a great place to feel like a part of something.

^-^

Other than that.. not anything going on. I'm working at Sears and being a confused and lazy bum. I have no right, but I"m trying to catch a guy.. by the way it isn't working. And so .. yeah.. sadness.

A friend of mine is going back home this week,and it's depressing me. I felt like we were just starting to get somewhere.. and now she's leaving.. and it's awkward, sad, and strange that I really probably won't see her for a very long time. Then there's always the fact that if you do.. it won't be the same.

My best friend has boyfriend who is now like her new "pseudo-best-friend-love-of-her-life"

In all.... I feel like I have nobody. I'm kind of floating along in my own little bubble in this world. My bubble could pop and not really anybody would notice or anything.
So I turn to my writing. Which, in and of itself sounds like a great thing to do, but then it isolates myself from my family.. my little brothers who I only get this one summer with and then it won't be the same trying to come home after I finish my first year of college.

So I can't write. I sit in my house looking at these people who will change and I won't ever know it. They will move on and in totally different directions than me and I won't have any say, I won't even know.

So much for the dreams of the day. Or the things I wished for that never happened. So much for trying to be extraordinary. I've almost accepted the fact that I really can't be. Really never have been never will be.

Almost.... then again. Who knows what I'll feel like tomorrow or what amazing adventure I'll find myself on later in the week. If I can stand to keep my imagination working at full speed still. If I can make my world shine with this extraordinary ordinary magic.

If ...

*sigh*

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