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AIM
• maarii88
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Birthday
• 1986-10-08
Gender
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Female
Location
• somewhere you are not
Member Since
• 2003-10-05
Occupation
• a storyteller
Real Name
• Jess - but Maarii to everyone here!
Personal
Achievements
• staying partially sane
Anime Fan Since
• a while
Favorite Anime
• the cute, funny, serious, thought provoking ones
Goals
• to one day save the world and fall in love
Hobbies
• watching people, writing
Talents
• apparently blowing things up with my mind
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
A glimpse in the mirror
I thought for a long time that I was a confident person, and that I could handle my life with relative ease. Even, earlier this summer, I thought I was quite happy all by myself, that I understood how to find my own piece of mind.
Then I think more, and I realize how much of a coward I am, and how sad I am sometimes, and how I just don't believe in myself. I feel so ugly so much of the time, and fat, and unwanted. Although, I think according to facts I am not that out of shape, but it's just a state of mind. I hate shopping for clothes, because I usually don't think I look good. And when people tell me otherwise, it's really really hard to believe them.
And I'm afraid. And I"m nervous about college so much, not the experience or even the classes. I don't know .. I think that's the problem. I just don't know what my life is leading to, and yet it's all changing so fast that I have no idea how to cope so fast.
At least money is not that huge of a problem, because my college is giving me really good scholarships (although not full tuition even though I worked my butt off in highschool to try and get one) so I'll just have to find a way to pay about 4500 dollars a year. With a job and saving money over summer, I think I can manage it. Then again, of course I have student loans to pay back when I'm older, but oh well.
If you are a highschool student right now still, then you should be searching like crazy and saving money, because it makes things a lot easier, though frustrating as hell.
Besides that, I feel bad for not keeping up with the "myotaku" community. It's not that I have other websites that I keep up more or anything, but I just am trying to do so much.
Don't worry too much about consoling me or even reading this, that's okay.. I kinda figure that most people have felt like this a lot anyway.
- love -
Maarii
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