myOtaku.com: Maarii

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1986-10-08
Gender
• Female
Location
• somewhere you are not
Member Since
• 2003-10-05
Occupation
• a storyteller
Real Name
• Jess - but Maarii to everyone here!

Personal

Achievements
• staying partially sane
Anime Fan Since
• a while
Favorite Anime
• the cute, funny, serious, thought provoking ones
Goals
• to one day save the world and fall in love
Hobbies
• watching people, writing
Talents
• apparently blowing things up with my mind

myOtaku.com: Maarii

Monday, August 29, 2005

Another one ! I'm a posting maniac.
Beneath The Bridge
I sit in a space of relics,
amassing old tombs -
down by the river where time has stopped for a precious few who engrave their souls on the underside of a bridge.
Is this a place for me?
Do I throw my guts against the wall like so many before me?

Their words are fading ...
"a tempermental feeling that it's all coming down.
Like black rain beating down on me --"
signed "I was here, the outcast"

"sitting by the water's edge I feel serenity,
but within my heart is one regret,
she was not here with me ..."
signed "Rick Plunkett"

"when your heart and soul are open -- what happens when one breaks your heart and steals your soul?
My body was here but I was not."
signed "DAB"

"Let me be free" K.A.

Not to mention anonymous prophets -
"You have to accept your fate, even if your fate is unnacceptable"
"Live somewhere between something and hello"
"In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday"
"I'm a stone in the water, while the river runs by me, like my life passing me by"

"No words - in the last few days I had to think,
remembering all that has passed and what was to come.
I need not speak, nor find the words to say
just look into your eyes or touch your hand
between us, hidden emotions travel.
Staring openly into your eyes
Can you see how I feel?
In your embrace, I know for sure that you feel for me what I feel for you."

The voices call out to me --
stuck in ageless waters.
Many jumped after they sat where I sit today.
Many cried after they scribed their last words.
Many grew too frightened
Many grew too tired
Many read what I read and decided to read some more

It was some unspoken hunger within me that drove me to the river.
Some listless wanting that forced me further toward the edge.
I wanted to jump as I have always wanted, because I want so much and have so little energy to try so hard to watch it all float away so fast.
and I wanted to know if I could.
If I would.

It's not a suicidal play with the pleasure of pain.
It's not a desire to be free or to feel oblivion greet me with cold fire in my lungs.
It's not the lonliness or the anxiety
It's not the future or the lack of foresight
It's not love
or hate
or missing either

It's the question
where is my soul?
and the answers I find are in no place I would have looked had I not felt the desperation so deeply

My soul is where "black rain beats down on me"
where "I feel serenity"
where "my body was here but I was not"
where I was "free" not "to accept your fate"
living "somewhere between something"
and "tomorrow" and "yesterday"
"in the water where the runs by me like my life"
and the last part
where my soul is --
or what it may be, lies in the words of a wishful somebody who wrote them just for me
so I would read instead of test my flightless body for the possibility that gravity might malfunction today
"I know for sure you feel for me what I feel for you"
Such a wish ---
I wish that none of them will be forgotten
Every one shares my soul - once I found it
beneath the bridge, at the waters edge

-----------
a brief explanation of this. I actually did go and sit down by the Snake River that runs through my city. I looked for a quiet spot to write a poem. I looked up from my little spot underneath an old bridge and found these words written in pencil, pen, marker all over the wood and metal of the bridge. These are real people, and real thoughts. This amazed me. Therefore - my poem changed dramatically to a homage for these not so forgotten.
---------------------------
Solitary Confinement
In splendid waves of anxious blue
a long breath in the sand
the sky and desert call to me
- the enchanted empty hand

to take, I give grave betting strength
for all I've ever known
a vastly endless wandering
is all I have been shown

So torn away from home,
my self inflicted wound.
destruction always longed for,
but till now I've always swooned

I bide my time on seas of thought
a salty ocean ride --
mostly tears from my own eyes
and with one mask, I hide

For who can pause inside my head
to banish torrid trains
or step away from a twirling world
and rid himself of chains
to ease my overburdened mind
and distract my withered heart
to hold on to my dreams awhile
before I tear them apart . . . ?

If days of freedom swing before me,
this pendulum counts too fast
an unknown blue sky calls to me,
but wander-lust can't last
and deserts, forests, waterfalls,
Paris, Rome, Bei-jing
will slowly swallow all my words
til I'm tired and empty still - - -

Caged by "fear" and angered by "fate" - leaving doesn't seem the best answer
and my hands already so aching from picking at the pieces of myself - chipped away - oh so heartlessly broken -
have little strength to try again
I have to try again
if only for the sake of seeing the sky for one more day
and smiling at the clouds that guide my way
---------
I'm not exactly sure what this one means in all possible ways. So go ahead and give any thoughts .. really anything.. I"m actually asking here

Comments (2)

« Home

Anime | How to Draw Anime | Anime Wallpapers

Top of Page