myOtaku.com: Maarii

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1986-10-08
Gender
• Female
Location
• somewhere you are not
Member Since
• 2003-10-05
Occupation
• a storyteller
Real Name
• Jess - but Maarii to everyone here!

Personal

Achievements
• staying partially sane
Anime Fan Since
• a while
Favorite Anime
• the cute, funny, serious, thought provoking ones
Goals
• to one day save the world and fall in love
Hobbies
• watching people, writing
Talents
• apparently blowing things up with my mind

myOtaku.com: Maarii

Friday, September 2, 2005

Another something out of me - Yes, I'm into the long post lately.

Untitled .. searching for a title but can’t think of one
I wander around frameless places
My smile falters for nameless faces
How did it become so formulated?
How did I pick up all this hatred?

I dance outside when it’s raining
While the colors of strife are slowly draining
How was it lost in shades of gray?
Where is the world that used to blow me away?

Bring on the storm, it’s time to sleep again.
In the dark I can’t see the cracks in my sanity
Where brightness falls to shadow
and despair falls to lust for dreams so unlike reality

I pick up the pieces of harmless phrases.
And I tape them together with missing cases.
When did the puzzle fall apart?
Where is this world that used to beat in my heart?

Bring on the pain it’s the time to dance again
With the spin I can’t feel my fingers bleeding
Where I’ve scratched at the walls of the halls of this prison
Gray prison

My fellow inmates have nearly noticed
My struggle will finally wake them up
I’ve made the noise almost unbearable
Because I’m breaking my bones to be free
I’m breaking my soul just to be

Bring on the stars it’s time to dream again
Infinity cracks my palms in the silence
we’re all flawless when we fall
before the blood and dreams so much like reality

------------------------
I don't remember when I wrote this. I know I was outside and I sang the first verse and chorus then put the rest of it together. It's hard to pin down one thing that describes it, but I guess I just felt like my poems are my only way to act out against the "system" that forces things on my mind.
-------------------------

I wrote this one after my dog died. I know, doesn't seem like such a big deal. But I loved him a lot. He was my best friend through all of middle school when I had no one else. And he loved me no matter how much I hated myself. Then he got sick and died the day after school ended in 11th grade. Just died. Just sick. They never figued out what it was, and we tried everything to save him. And I loved him so fiercely.
But I really didn't get to grieve at first, because my cousins and aunt and grandma came to stay with us for a week of "fun" ..like their vacation. And then I had to travel with them back to colorado for my "vacation". Two weeks went by before I really allowed myself to feel. And I guess this just came out all at once. It's a song , rather beautiful in it's sorrow.
-----------------------------------

Grieving
Heaven help me, while I grieve.
This whole within me feels so empty ...
I’m lost in water from my eyes
While every smile, withers and dies

Do you know “Nothing”?
Have you kissed her yet?
Have you been enveloped by those sweet if bitter breaths?
Has the sun burned you with harsh unyielding beams?
Has the moon spurned you, into shadowed terror dreams?

The day is too bright, and the night not dark enough yet ...

Heaven help me, while I breathe
This whole within me just might kill me
I’m lost in chaos from my mind, while every sunrise is left behind

If only Forever wasn’t real
I’d bring you back just like in my dreams
If only I didn’t feel ... these living days wouldn’t be as bad as they seem

Heaven help me while I grieve, this whole within me feels so empty
I’m lost in water from my eyes, while every smile withers and dies

Do you know sorrow?
I do.
She’s wrapped her loving arms around me.
And I struggle, I pull, I cry, I scream.
but the end ... is the end ...
please .. please

Heaven help me while I breathe, this whole within me just might kill me
I'm lost in chaos from my mind, while every sunrise is left behind
Heaven help me while I bleed, these wounds within me just won’t heal ... just won’t heal ... won’t heal
Heaven help me .. I’m lost.

Come back to me.

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