Friday, November 7, 2003

Yeah, I know I haven't been here for a long time. Btw, I'm not going to format the text, I'm too lazy.
I haven't been on the computer lately for two reason, 1). We just got three new computers and the original one lost internet access so I couldn't visit the Internet nor write in myotaku.
2). I was gone for a few days in mexico
I feel like I've worried some people, like Miche and some others. They even thought I died, or it was just some kind of a joke. *fake ha ha* Anyways, let me start with Halloween, I dressed up as Sango, sewn the costume, found the supplies etc. i really loved it and I was proud of it. It was also good because the smoke from Southern California, and i have asthma, came here and I had to wear a mask and whaddaya know, Sango does too! (Exterminator one). I was trick-or-treating with my friend Margaret who was a vampire (demon) which was odd because I kill them. So I kept on poking her with the sheathe of my sword. Later on, since my brother and his friends were gone doing things (filming etc.) I got to have my first year of scaring the people outside. I hid in this one corner where everybody passes by me, but can hardly see me (my costume, I was all black from head to toe) and I covered myself with a cloak, I looked like a thing just hanging down, which was said by one of the fathers. My first scare was a 15-year old and she was a cheerleader, I freaked her out so much she ran down the runway and begged me not to scare anyone. I didn't answer, I kept still. The next batch came and when I scared a boy (a boy who acts like the new toughness) his father was making fun of him saying that he was scared by a girl! I guess he might've or could've tell which sex I was, probably by my chest or something. O.o Another girl was saying that it was not scary (our house too was scary!) but when I scared her, oh god, it was so funny. ^____^`
Anyways, today, it was the usual sort, I feel sort of lonely (even though I'm by Margaret), but I miss Rachel a lot, she's just gone thru surgery, back surgery for her schlorosis, they're putting the rod back in...*sigh* I just hope she'll get out okay, I've been told she's okay, but I still hope. I really miss talking to her and I just really really wanted to talk to her about Fushigi Yuugi, I've just gotten the manga and she likes it too, so I wanted to talk more about it. :(
Nowadays, I've been noticing more people flirting or loving or just boy and girl connection. I was walking up the stairs to Period 6, math, when I noticed my old first friend, Kaarin, walking hand in hand with an 8th grader boy that i do not know of. When they parted ways to their classes, I couldn't see their reactions, just nothing. It made me freeze and then think, why am I thinking about Kaarin still? Haven't I gotten over the heartache of not being friends anymore, best friends? I think I haven't. She doesn't notice me look at her and spy on her, I feel so petty doing it. Does she still think about me? I know I do sometimes, like something around the lines of signifying our friendship. Comics was one, we drew comics together and back in the third or second grade, we both were saying we would become co-partners of a poetry book like Shel Silverstein. I would illustrate and she would write the poems, and what do you know? I now am a writer and an illustrator and I don't know what she is. Even my cats reminds me of more things, Smokey would marry her cat Nikki, how stupid, but just...it hurts to think of it. I miss her and I hope she does too, but I know our ties will never come back. I've gone to other things while she has done the same. She's gone to another neighborhood while I stay in my old house. It hurts when I think about it, I think I should stop...and yet, I still am thinking, like her old crush, her 'die-hard' crush of Jose and now she's in love with someone else, and never even told me except on the stairs walking to class, with hands full of a textbook and a notebook with an empty waterbottle. I felt like I was the computer nerd for a while (and I am) as I watched her go to Mr. Creighton's classroom. I was the geeky old best friend, the girl that isn't popular.
However, I seem to be noticed in my classes a lot. When I recieved the Principal's honor roll in my SSR class, lots of kids, some popular, were cheering for me. I especially blushed when it was coming from Travis, my friend, but could he be more? I question about this, I'm afraid to admit that I love someone. I don't love anyone, but I think I do have something...I just don't feel ready for it. i'm scared I'll lose my friendship with him or someone else like Miles or Garret. I mean, Travis I think is one of the popular kids however he notices me, just like Sarah Mockbee and others. I don't get it. He even made Sagar poke my shoulder during Technology and being a person who gets irritated with Sagar trying to mess up my typing, I sort of got hussy because I had my earphones on and I couldn't hear him nor Sagar..so I don't know what Travis was trying to ask. I even helped out Travis and gave him more attention for our project, he was the one that made me join his group. I'm the only girl however, I fit in. Probably because I feel comfortable around these boys. I haven't felt this feeling since the third grade and it feels like I can understand and not feel stupid. I let him read my Fushigi Yuugi book and he was pointing out things that were just perverted, or just trying to, it was funny, I couldn't change my page in my book, "Time Windows" on pg. 6 because I kept on trying to hold in my laughter. Throughout the class I kept on staring at him, peeking from my book and looking. probably I was looking at the manga pages (like I do sometimes, its a habit to see where they are) and he kept on muttering, "What is it?" "Huh" "What?" And then when he made a joke again I muttered, "Travis, you're such a perv" and finally reached to page 34. Later on, i asked Lily if she was coming to dance tomorrow on Saturday and said no, I understood because she was being in the Nutcracker at the same time. Soon, my backpack hit with another backpack, I turned around and noticed it was Travis, for some odd reason, my heart was pounding wildly.
"Wh-What is it?" I asked stuttering.
"I'm sorry about doing that," he said.
"Sorry about what?"
"For acting like a pervert."
"Oh that!" we started walking by eachother, right by the clumps of the popular groups, wow, I was right side by side to a boy (I've done this) but I was amazed right by the popular groups.
"It's okay," I replied quickly. I nodded my head. "I was just hoping the substitue wouldn't hear you and take away my book. She could've been thinking we were looking at porn, you know."
"Yech, porn you say?! That's just gross."
We passed by the oak trees in the middle of the courtyard on the way towards the buses.
"Yeah, porn and hentai (I know its the same, but whatever) is just wrong. I mean, the magazines for it...*shudders*"
He began telling me a short story.
"My friends and I were having a sleepover and since it was late at night, my friend and I went downstairs to the computer and noticed his dad was looking at porn! Oh god, that was just wrong!" he exclaimed.
"I know, I've met some people doing that also, well...few."
"Okay, Maggie, Later!"
"late--"
Before I knew it he was gone at his bus. I couldn't even say the "r" in later.
When Rachel was still here on Monday, he even came by and admited that he and I were friends, I was amazed and right in front of my friends. I don't know what he's going through his head, but I'm still wondering. Wonder, wonder.
-Maggie

Music: None (we don't have any, this is a new computer!) Website: Komet Tails Designs Mood: Wondering
Comments (5)