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• 1992-07-10
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• Indiana
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• 2005-07-21
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• State Alchemist, Alchemist of Life
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• Christina

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• Joined the State Alchemists
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• InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, Full Metal Panic, Spiral, .hack, DNAngel, Tokyo Underground, Chobits
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myOtaku.com: Maiden of life


Sunday, January 21, 2007

Journal Entry: Thoughts 1

I used to trust everyone so easily when i found my lantern tht guided me through the darkness. But when my lantern broke its promise i began to lessen my trust in everyone and started not believing in eternity. Though my lantern still shines and it has renewed its promise, my heart still feels the same pain tht shattered it. This is why I am afraid to trust anyone. And the harder i try to trust in my lanter and want to believe in it I remember the broken promise and the sadness tht cut my heart so deep. If I only knew what was in the lanterns heart I'd be able to trust it. But I don't...And I wonder each day what's in it's heart but never knowing brings me thoughts that pierce my heart. the lantern wants to stop my pain and sorrow but i cant bear to tell him them b/c I know he'll be sad and then my heart will ache even more. Y is this? It's b/c the only purpose in my life is to make him happy and knowing i was the one tht made him sad is like the same thing as heartbreak. I love him, he is my only love, I wish for it to stay that way. I want to trust him more than anythng in the world, but i guess im afraid of being hurt again. He says that will never happen but i need that to be proven. Maybe im just being overprotective of myself, but is that wrong? My heart hurt so bad that day that i wanted to die but i wasnt going to cuz i wanted to continue to see him smile even if that smile wasnt meant for me. I thought I'd just go through life waiting to die but he came into my life and that changed cuz i could trust him. But b/c my heart was broken all i can do is wait till eternity is proven to me and then and only then I will trust and not regret ever trusting. For when that day comes ill give everything i have to this lantern....but for now all i can do is hope tht one day it will be proven to me....

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