Thursday, May 19, 2005

By My Stars and Garters...

The news is in, folks! Marvel Comics' CEO, Avi Arad, has announced some of the new cast members of the X-Men 3, and you'll never guess who's playing Beast... Kelsey Grammer I know. I'm excited, too. Anyone who's ever seen Beast (that blue guy I use as a profile picture) in an animated series or videogame knows that his voice is always interpreted as sounding like Frasier. And by my stars and garters, if they didn't get Frasier himself to play him in the movie! Now, just to add a touch of humor, here's a faux-mockup of what Kelsey might look like as Dr. Hank McCoy aka Beast. I found it at SuperheroHype.com's message board. In other news (well, not really), Lost fans might be interested to know that Maggie Grace (yep, that bitch Shannon) is in talks to play Kitty Pryde aka Shadowcat. They most likely replaced the previous actress (the little girl who ran threw a few walls and fell through her bed in X2) because they might play-up Kitty's relationship with Colossus (the guy who turned into metal...) in the third movie, and using the last actress would just scream pedophilia. And for those of you about to say Maggie is too old to play a teenager, keep in mind she's going to be the youngest person in the cast. Yes, even younger than Anna Paquin. And let's be real. Shawn Ashmore has gotta be 27. He's been playing 15 year olds for the past 10 years.

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Saturday, April 23, 2005

Stupid Hero Hype

I got a notice from the DMV a few days ago. No, trust me; this is good news. My license renewal is coming up. No, it's still good news. Because I have no moving violations, all I have to do is mail them back a $25 check and a postcard. See? That's good. Of course, if I want to use a picture that doesn't make me look 17 years old (I'm about to turn 21), I might have to actually get out and do something. The DMV notice came with a voter registration form. This means I get to scare my parents once again by refusing to register Democrat. Ph33r my non-party affiliation! Ph33r it...!!!!11five Makes it kind of hard (read: impossible) to vote in Primaries when you don't have a party, though. Has anybody seen the new picture of Brandon Routh in his Superman costume from the upcoming Superman Returns movies? (CLICK ME, SEYMORE!) When I first saw it, I couldn't help but think there was something slightly off about it. Something about the costume just doesn't seem right. Then it hit me; The 'S' symbol looks like crap! Ignoring the fact that they decided to glue a plastic plate on his chest, it's just too damn small. Superman's 'S' usually takes up enough space on his costume to stop his shirt from looking stupid and overbearingly blue. I'm not exactly Queer Eye for the Superhero, but come on. Meanwhile, Nicolas Cage (CLICK IT LIKE IT'S HOT) is looking mighty cadaverous as Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider, which isn't so bad, considering Nick Cage always looks like he's half-dead. While I'm on a role talking about comic book movies, I might as well talk about the fact that Wesley Snipes is suing the movie studio and producers of Blade Trinity for $5million for putting him in a bad movie. I'm entirely serious. But why simply rant when I can do...? Taken from Variety... Actor Wesley Snipes has sued New Line Cinema, writer-director David Goyer and Toby Emmerich, executive producer of "Blade: Trinity," in a wide-ranging federal lawsuit seeking more than $5 million in damages. I'd like to join in on that Lawsuit, and add Mr. Snipes himself to the list, as well as an extra $9.00 for theatre tickets. In a suit filed Monday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, Snipes alleges that in violation of his contract, the director, screenplay and supporting cast of "Blade: Trinity" were forced on him. He also claims he's still owed a portion of his fee and that he was harassed and defamed because of his race. New Line declined to comment. If his contract states that he had a say in the director, story, and cast, then he may have a valid argument. That is, unless he failed say anything before filming. Then he's an idiot. Goyer penned all three "Blade" scripts. According to the complaint, however, Snipes had concerns about him directing the third film in the trilogy and was not informed until six weeks before filming began that Goyer would direct. Similarly, he was not given an opportunity to object to the "juvenile level of humor" in the screenplay and the change in focus from the Blade character to two sidekicks. He didn't have the opportunity? The director was also the screenwriter! He could've consulted it with him and the Producer during the whomping month and a half before filming, or even while filming. Producers change parts of the script during filming all the time, and directors always take liberties with the script (especially when the director is also the writer). And wasn't Snipes himself a producer? Snipes claims the real purpose of "Blade III" was to set the stage for spinoffs featuring other cast members. "This is the only big name movie I've starred in for the past 2 years. I want it to center around me more. I know it's the third installment, I've clearly been established as a major player, and that I'm still getting paid the most, but do you really need to set up a spin-off movie?" Snipes blames Goyer for the critical response to the film, citing reviews describing Goyer as a "disastrous choice" and calling the film a "bloody mess." Film, released last December, has grossed $52 million at the domestic box office. Snipes and his strange substitute for emoting 'rage' while acting-- they take none of the blame. In money terms, Snipes alleges that he is still owed over $3 million on his fee. Fair enough. I heard that they short-changed him from being even richer. Furthermore, Snipes claims that because he was employed by a Swiss loan-out company and the movie was filmed in Canada, he should have been exempt from tax liability. But New Line withheld income taxes and failed to cooperate in obtaining a tax indemnity from the Canadian government. Snipes has had well-publicized tax problems in the past. Have you seen the kind of taxes they pay in Canada? No wonder they have free health care. Snipes also claims that in contrast to the first two "Blade" films, in which efforts were made to select a multiracial cast and crew, defendants intentionally hired only white people, leading to feelings of isolation and exclusion by Snipes. "My contract specifically states that there be one person blacker than me on the set at all times!" Sadly, the one person on Earth blacker than Snipes could not be reached for comment... or we just couldn't find him. It was dark outside.* *Okay, I made up that last quote. He also claims that Goyer made racially motivated statements about Snipes being unprofessional and difficult to work with, and that Goyer refused to discipline a crew member who wore a racially discriminatory T-shirt on the set. You know, if Goyer really is such a racist, why didn't Snipes sue him when they worked together in ZigZag? Or bring it to the Producer's attention beforehand? What's that? Snipes was a Producer? Much Love

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Thursday, April 14, 2005

I'D HIT IT!

I was reading through my usual run of webcomics and newspaper comics online, when I stumbled across this... I thought it was a pretty funny spoof of McDonald's desperate attempts to attract the hip-hop community. I mean, "badabababa I'm luvin' it"? I've never missed "have you had your break today" so much. I'd even take back "we love to see you smile." Anyway, I got a little curious from the "actual ad" disclaimer, and decided to hit Google for answers. Sure enough, McDonald's has an online ad campaign... That's right, folks. Mcdonald's endorses banging their burgers for a buck. (Like my alliteration?) I don't know whether to laugh, or keel over in disgust. I haven't eaten a McDonald's burger in years, let alone slam one in the dirtiest way. But hey, if your run-o-the-mill prostitute is too expensive, you can always find satisfaction on The Dollar Menu. Now, I dare you to go to McDonald's, order a Double Cheeseburger, and not think about a banner ad displaying "I'D HIT IT" in large, all-CAPS letters, with that guy's dirty, suggestive grin. Go on, try! Much Love

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Muse-less

You know, I really ought to post something new. Sadly, my muse abandoned me when it lost its health coverage, so I got nothing.

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Sunday, March 20, 2005

Cartoon Chronicles: Yogi Bear

To answer JCBaggee's question about my job interview... It was a group interview, which meant 9 of us were in the room together being interviewed by one woman. It was basically like an orientation at an AA meeting. "Hello. My name is Kevin, and I used to work at Cunningham Research. I started working in 2003, and it's been slippery slope ever since." We went in a circle doing that, followed by each of us filling out a form indicating which department we'd like to work in if we were hired. Then we proceeded to make friends with one another as if we'd all meet again. This went on for about 2 hours. When they let us go, they said that anyone worth getting called back would get a one-on-one interview with an actual manager. I've yet to be called. Then again, I've yet to get a rejection email. Yogi Bear Smarter than your average ect. ect. Meet Yogi. Born and raised in Jellystone National Park, Yogi has always had a taste for the finer things in life. Sneaking honey out of bee hives? Fishing in the river? Picking berries off of bushes? Yogi doesn't eat that shit. No, he prefers the delicacies found in the average camper's picnic basket. You know, ham sandwiches and Sun Chips™. Because the average picnicer/camper usually tries to keep their food away from bears, Yogi often found himself coming up with schemes to steal their picnic baskets. But he doesn't act alone. He has a partner named Boo Boo Bear. And when I say "partner," I mean another male bear who he slept in the same bed with. Interpret that any way you want. Boo Boo had two roles: he acted as Yogi's conscience to remind him that the park's Ranger Smith wasn't going to like him stealing food from the campers; then he turned around and helped him steal it. Just because he was morally opposed to theft, that didn't mean he was willing to starve for his beliefs. He's a dwarved nation park bear, not Mohandas Ghandi. There was also a bumbling park ranger named Ranger Smith. His number one goal in life was to stop Yogi from stealing picnic baskets. Smith also apparently went through the South Beach diet, because his character design became a lot slimmer as time went on. Then there's Yogi's disillusioned girlfriend, Cindy Bear. She saw the guy with rose-colored glasses. He stole food from unsuspecting people on a daily basis, but she stayed with him. However, she did often take sides with the Ranger, as Cindy had found success with the South Forest Diet; berries and fish. Would I recommend it? It was an all-around good kid's show. You'd be surprised at some of the elaborate schemes a forest creature can come up with to get ahold of a human's packed lunch. You'd also be surprised at how easy it is for a bear to gain access to a helicopter. Much Love

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Friday, March 18, 2005

Look, Ma! I finally wrote something!

Another St. Patricks Day come and gone. I was completely sober the whole time, I swear. No, seriously, I don't drink. I know I haven't posted anything in a while (sidenote: rumors of my death are very much false), but there's a very very good reason: I got nothing. So here's a few scattered, non-related things I'm just gonna ramble on about... Read this comic. Funny, right? Yes? No? Either way, it's all true. Shadow the hedgehog (from the Sonic games) is getting his own videogame... and he's carrying a gun. A freaking gun. Having Sonic's exact same moves and a pair of hover-boots don't seem to be enough for Shadow, so he grabbed a freaking glock. The news is in about X-Men 3. They're using Beast! That's right, Dr. Hank McCoy: The Beast. Also Angel, with a possible cameo from Gambit. In case you didn't hear, Robert Blake was found not guilty. That should take the heat off of OJ Simpson for a while. It looks like the makers of Jumanji are working on a new movie with damn-near the same premise. Zathura is a film about two kids who find a board game in their basement. No, it's not a jungle theme. It's a space adventure. So when these kids start playing, their house is shot off into deep space. Also, whenever they move their pieces on the game board, they pick up and read a card that causes some sort of deep-space hazard (like a meteor shower) to attack them. Yep. Exact same concept as Jumanji, only with a new, snazzy name. Joss Whedon (the guy behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is signed to write and direct the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. There've been a lot of people nervous that he'll do a terrible job. To those people, I say shut the hell up. This is Joss Mutha-Blanking Whedon. He made Buffy, Angel, and Firefly, bitch! I guess I'll have a Cartoon Chronicle in my next entry. I'm pretty much due. Much Love

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

Still Writing

I'm really kicking myself for starting this darn New Planeteers story. I still have a pretty clear view of where I'm going with the story, but the details are starting to really get to me. In my first chapter, I had the character of Beatriz leave her home in Madrid, Spain. She eventually stopped once she reached a harbor. Um... I wasn't aware Madrid was a landlocked city. In fact, it's in the dead-center of the country. I had to do a little research, but her part of the story is now going to take place in Barcelona. Then there's the character of Sanjay. Do you know how much research I had to do on Mumbai, India for the next couple of chapters? Let me put it this way: Mumbai used to be named Bombay, but they changed the name to Mumbai in 1997. Why? Because people who spoke the local languages Marathi and Gujarati were already calling it Mumbai. Oh yeah, and Marathi is one of the most commonly spoken languages in that city, not including Hindi, which the Bollywood film industry make all of their movies in. Despite Bombay changing its name to Mumbai, however, Bollywood refuses to change its name to Mollywood. All that, and I was just trying to look up what language they spoke in Mumbai. I just happened to stumble on some tourist/city guide websites along the way. And don't even get me started on my research on the Canadian justice system. Stupid geographical, lingual, and legal accuracy. By the way, you can read the first two chapters here. My goal is to finish this thing before May, so I can get started on my summer 'blockbuster' story. Much Love

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Sunday, March 6, 2005

What's On TV?

I've become completely obsessed with the TV show Lost. Before, I just sorta didn't care. A show about the survivors of a plane crash stranded on an island? It sounded like a grittier version of Gilligan's Island. But then, one day, I decided to download the first episode (sue me, it's not like the show is on DVD yet). It was good. There was even the mystery of some dangerous beastie roaming the island. Then, out of curiosity, I downloaded the second and third episodes... followed by every episode up until last Wednesday's. What the f*ck?! Apparently, the island itself is evil. There's a guy who might be evil, but we're really not sure. There's also that black kid who's "different" and the Korean chick who pretends she can't speak English. And I can't forget the kind-hearted fat guy. It's a giant mystery wrapped around itself, and I can't help but keep watching. Will they ever get off the island? Will they survive the horrors deep within the jungle? What the hell is the beastie that's been chasing them down? What's up with Claire's baby? How exactly do 50 people survive a plane crash where their section of the plane cartwheeled into the jungle and completely shattered beyond recognition... with the survivors having only a few scratches each? And believe me, the characters themselves addressed that last question in one episode. Moving on... NBC is making an American adaptation of The Office, a BBC comedy about a crazed office at a paper company in the UK. The original British version was funny, but will the American version live up to the hype? Or will it fail like the American versions of Coupling and Red Dwarf? Meanwhile, in my life, I just got a call from someone at Macy's Department Stores. Apparently, I have a job interview on Monday. Celebrate with me. Yay! Okay, that's enough celebrating. A job interview meant I had to go shopping for new, more professional clothes. I managed to fake nice clothes when I interviewed for my first job, using black jeans, my button-up bowler shirt, and some Lugz. Nobody at that place followed a dress code. This time, I had to actually go shopping. I don't think you understand how much I hate shopping, especially on weekends. I can handle going to the mall Monday-Thursday before 3pm, but that's really about it. People have a habit of turning evil once the mall actually gets busy. Much Love

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Saturday, February 26, 2005

Cartoon Chronicle: Recess

I gave Mike D. (not the Beastie Boy; the one a few blocks away) a hand in filming his video project for... um... whichever class that was. I played a perverted Englishman (my accent isn't even that convincing. The BBC America has done nothing for me), and provided voices for 3 or 4 of the Invisible Ninjas. Apparently, one of my ninjas is a cross between Super Milk Chan and Rush Hour's Chris Tucker. I'd like to make a public statement about why I refuse to buy an iPod. They cost too damn much! I could spend a couple hundred dollars on an iPod, but then I could also buy a portable CD player with an mp3-CD function, buy a pack of blank CDs, and still have several hundred dollars left over. The iPod Mini makes about as much sense as M&M Minis; apparently, the original was just too damn BIG for some stoner to fit in their 'huge hands', so the rest of us must suffer by being sold a miniature substitute with no recognizable size difference to the naked eye. Bring out your dead! It's time for a new Cartoon Chronicle... Recess It's everything you remember about grade school-- politics and all. Admit it. When you were in elementary school, half of the kids on the playground were identified purely on what they did during recess. Such is the case of Disney's Recess, where all of the playground archtypes are clearly labeled. I mean clearly. Meet TJ Henderson, the popular kid who gets along with everybody. His friends? Gretchen, the smart girl who burries herself in books; Vince, the token black guy who's goal is to be a pro athlete; Mikey, the huge kid with a poetic heart of gold; Spinelli, the tomboy who can kick everyone's ass on the playground; and Gus, the new kid from the traveling military family. Together, their goal is to make it through recess everyday at school. There's also a large ensemble of supporting characters who are known only by their playground occupations: Digger Dan and Digger Dave, the kids who spend every recess playing in the dirt; Swinger Girl, the kid on the swing set whose goal is to swing over the bar; the Ashleys, the girls who hang out simply because they have the same first name; Cornchip Girl, who eats Fritos all day; and King Bob, the 6th grader who runs the joint. The interesting part about this show was that, while most kids only imagine the faculty is out to get them, the faculty really was out to get the main characters. The principal and one of the teachers actually went out of their way to set TJ up for a major fall. The principal got so desperate to watch over the children, he resorted to a 2001 Hal parody. Often times, his plans were so ridiculous, he would end up getting humiliated when he tried to take TJ and his friends to court... and lost... twice. Would I recommend it? It's good fun, and it was great to watch back when it used to come on Saturday mornings. It wasn't particularly laugh-out-loud funny, but it was still very entertaining in other ways. The characters were there, and they carried the show more than the stories they told... except for Butch, the kid who tells all of the local urban legends and myths. Much Love

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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Spinning Hubcap

Alright, so I was driving uphill with my window slightly cracked open, when I heard a clanging sound, followed by the vision of the hubcap from my front-left wheel rolling in front of me. Don't ask me how it managed to out-run my car uphill. It just did. And then it hopped over the island in the middle of the street, and stopped on the opposite side of the road. Needless to say, I was pretty damn impressed. However, I was also a little upset, because now I had to park my car on the bottom of the hill, run along the island in the middle of the road, and retrieve the damn thing. Earlier, I went to go see Constantine, which was surprisingly good. Ronnie gets free movie tickets for being a theatre employee (despite him being on hiatus for weeks, now), so I got the hook-up. I showed up about 10 minutes late (damn Colored People's Time™), so I only saw two trailers before the movie started... after showing up 10 minutes late. Anyway, the movie was good. I'm not too familiar with the original Hellblazer comic books (which the movie is based off of), so I can't account for accuracy. So if you're looking for comic-to-movie translations, don't come to me. As someone barely familiar with the character of John Constantine, I'd say it was a pretty good movie. One of the best I've seen in a while. Not that I go to the movies more than twice a year, anyway... I recently bought the DVD boxset of Cedric the Entertainer Presents, a short-lived sketch comedy show that aired on FOX from 2002-03. It was sort of a throw-back to the sketch/variety shows of days long past, where the host was usually introduced by a band or emsemble of beautiful dancers. In Cedric's case, it was the Cedsation Dancers. It was an all-around funny show, and I'm a little upset that FOX cancelled it before it had the chance to take off. Then again, FOX cancels a lot of stuff before its time. Point is, it was a good show. Very funny sketches and recurring characters. There was the Cafeteria Lady (played by Cedric), who made of hobby of exposing all of the teachers' dirty secrets ("Out there you might be a math teacher, but here you're a substance abuser who can count to ten"); Raj Binder (played by Shaun Majumder) was a golf commentator and news reporter who had a habit of standing in the sun too long ("That's two strokes, if you count the one I'm about to have, 'cause-- I tell you, I'm cooking!"); and my favorite is the "Que Hora Es" Spanish soap opera, where all of the dialogue is basic Spanish the average person learns within a few weeks in junior high. Let me just finish this off by saying you can expect a new Cartoon Chronicle in my next entry (finally!) Much Love

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