Sunday, January 18, 2004

Racist Bitch

WARNING: This rant contains graphic language that will no doubt be repeated in a fit of anger. This is not a humorous post. This is rage. Some bitch at The Body Shop (a Bath & Body Works wannabe) had the fucking nerve to ask me to move away from the store, because I was "scaring away customers." Yes, she said "scaring." The bitch said I was scaring away her fucking customers. Me. By myself. By just standing there and being black. I'll start at the beginning. My day was already going badly enough. I messed up a pot of coffee in the office kitchen, and I got stuck with surveys for mothers of young daughters (for an upcoming movie called Mean Girls, starring that girl from Freaky Friday.) IT CANNOT BE FUCKING DONE. No mother with children ever stops to take a survey. It never happens. Me and Shayna (who is white, by the way) were standing to the side of a store in the mall called The Body Shop. I stand there all the time, and I never get complaints. I never get complaints for any store I stand near. We have a policy that prevents us Recruiters from interrupting the business of other stores. This means I don't stop people from going in stores, I don't go into stores myself, and I don't bother people while they're shopping at one of those carts in the middle of the hall. So Shayna and I were standing to the side of the store, talking to this one guy. In the middle of our conversation, the guy says the woman working in the store is signalling him to come in. He comes out a few seconds later, and tells me... "She asked me to ask 'the black guy' to move, becuase she said you're scaring away customers." You don't fucking say that to somebody! you especially don't get a perfect stranger to send the message by word-of-mouth. If you have a problem with me, say it to my damn face. How am I scaring away the customers? By my fucking self? When there are two people standing next to me? Bitch had to be talked to. She's gonna have the nerve to tell me that it's because I'm a survey person, not because I'm black. Yet my white co-worker and the white guy we were talking to went unnoticed. How the fuck is she going to tell me that she's not racist? Did it ever occur to the bitch that nobody wants to shop there? Huh? That her store sucks more dick than my co-worker Max and rapper Lil Kim combined? So fuck her. I'll see her in hell. And I hope her hell has dozens of black men standing in front of her store. Rather than my usual "Much Love," I'm going to end this with a quote from one of my favorite songs... "Crazy bitch. Stupid ass bitch. Crazy bitch. Dumb ass bitch. Crazy bitch. Punk ass bitch. Crazy bitch. A bitch's bitch. Crazy bitch."

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, January 17, 2004

On The Job Quotes

Because I know you've had enough you can never get enough of me talking about my job, here's a list of some of today's best quotes from myself and some of my co-workers. See, whenever we're not working (which would be anytime our supervisors aren't around), we like to entertain ourselves with witty conversation. May not be appropriate for children under 17. Vonda: Here's today's quota sheets. Two of you will have to pick the all-African-American quotas. Venette: Uh uh! No! I am not talking to any black people! Me: I'm sensing some racial self-hatred. Me: (to Shayna) Okay, so here's the plan: I get all of the black girls, and you survey all of the black men. Because black girls don't like white girls, but black men... Shayna: Hey! Some of my best friends are black girls! Are you trying to say they don't like me? Venette: Black people from California are bad. If they're from the South, they're alright. They're nice. Me: That's why they call it Southern Hospitality. Venette: Exactly. Me: But in California, it's more like "Screw You." Shayna: Come to think of it, none of my friends are from California. Ruben: My paycheck was 80 dollars! I was getting better hours at McDonalds. Venette: How were you getting better hours than me, back then? Max: He was probably spanking that ass. Vonda: O_O Venette: Ruben, did you lose weight? Max: It's that girlfriend of his. She's been wearing him out. Ruben: No, she's more like "go in there and make me breakfast, bitch!" And I'm like "Okay, okay. Shit." Everyone: O_o Max: Take the walkie-talkie, or I'll kick you in the nuts! Me: Okay, fine. You're just lucky I don't like having my testicles crushed. Max: There's a guy over there checking us out (points to himself, Venette, and Shayna). Not you, Kevin. He's out of your league. Me: Hey! Max: Well, he's not your type. Me: You should've said that the first time. I mean, if I were gay, I'd at least like to think he's not out of my league. Venette: Are you trying to tell us something, Kevin? (After walking into the office's kitchen) Venette: Okay, close the door. Ruben: (closes the door) Alright! Let's strip! (pretends to strip) Me: Could you please not do that directly behind me? Venette: Are you trying to tell us something, Ruben? Venette: Max, you're loud! And I thought I was loud. Ruben: I thought I was loud. Me: I thought you three were loud. Shayna: I'm used to being the quiet one. Stop being so quiet, Kevin. Me: Oh yeah? Well... (I stop talking) Max: After this, I got work at McDonalds. So I'm gonna be on my feet another six hours. Shayna: Better than being on your back for six hours. Max: Hey, I can go all night long. And I'd be on my stomach. Actually, I prefer to be on my knees. (starts to draw it on his clip board) Me: O_o Shayna: O_o Me: Avert your eyes! Max: You can kick me in the balls, but I was a dancer and a cheerleader. I have no pain down there, anymore. Shayna: (to Max) I figured out what kind of bird you are. You're a macaw. Max: A macaw? Shayna: It's a talking bird, like a parrot. And very colorful. Max: Excuse me! Shayna: It's a compliment! Venette: Kevin is a penguin. Me: Penguin you! Venette: Hell no! Venette: I said penguin because penguins are birds that, once they find a mate, stay with that mate for the rest of their life. I would never penguin with you. Ruben: I'd penguin with you, Kevin, but I don't have a vagina. Me: Story of my life. Me: Max, you garden variety ho. Max: Hey! I am a high-class ho! Ruben: Would that be like a hydro-dynamic ho? Venette: Ruben, would you be my life mate? Ruben: Fuck no! Venette: Fine! That was just a pity-offer, anyway. Ruben: I'm going to San Francisco for a concert. It's gonna be all drinking, and smoking, and getting high. Me: So... just like everyday, only you'll be at a concert. Ruben: Hey! I don't drink everyday. Ruben: I am a professional stoner. It's what I'm good at. Me: Up yours. Max: Just say when. Me: That's right. That's not really an insult for you. Ruben: See you later, mother f-ers. Max: More like father. Me: I keep forgetting insults are different with you. Me: Eww, ghetto people. Venette: I love coming to work. It's more entertaining than watching TV. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Dragon Days: The Days That Drag On

Dude, unless I learn how to manage my money, I am so not gonna be able to afford a new Dell. I suppose it doesn't help that I've been spending money on calenders, fast food, DVDs, and a new Kangol hat. As expensive as Kangols are, why the hell did I buy a new hat? My mother's boyfriend gave me one of the ugliest haircuts of my life. He was just gonna give me a trim, but ended up cutting half of the hair from the top of my head, and all of the hair on the sides. My mom suggested I use texturizer/relaxer on my hair, as the curls might help it look better. Not my with oddly shaped big head, it didn't. So why get a Kangol instead of some cheap baseball cap? Two reasons. Firstly, I needed a white hat just like my black one. My black one (which is a Kangol-imitation I got at Pier 39) doesn't look good with blue & white clothes. Secondly, I'm black. We have a habit of putting expensive taste before practicality. Why do you think so many unsuccessful rappers are homeless with nice clothes and jewelry on? Besides, payday is this Friday. I don't have to pay rent, I only have to pay community college tuition fees every semester (and I paid for school already), and insurance is low on a car that's almost as old as you are. I can afford to splurge. I'm gonna get a lot of flames tonight from college students who go to expensive schools, live in dorms, and can't afford a car at all. On a whole 'nother note, my office has been drinking coffee like crazy. A few coffee companies (Peets, Starbucks, and two other brands I can't remember right now) have sent us free coffeeby the case, as well as several coffee machines to make them from. And when I say "by the case," I mean we have enough coffee to keep one person awake everyday for the next year. Because we got so much, the companies gave us permission to drink as much as we want. The fridge is also filled with creamers. Just to clarify what exactly we need the coffee for, we're conducting taste tests. You know, like when you're given two cups of coffee and you tell the marketing people which one you like more. We're doing that junk in the mall this week. We were supplied with coffee (blends, different roasts), machines (some are simple enough for a child to operate), sugar cubes, flavored creamers (french vanilla, hazlenut, irish cream, ect.), cups, and stirring sticks. I never drank so much coffee in one day before. And after two days, my boss told us to stop drinking so much coffee, or we'd actually use up the entire supply by ourselves. There's only 7 people in that office. I noticed myOtaku now allows the customization of background and link colors. I would've changed the colors and backgrounds around into a more Titan-themed look, but it seems I can edit every background but this big white space in the middle, around each entry. So I'm holding off on stylizing my myOtaku until Adam & Crew tweek with this feature some more. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, January 10, 2004

If I Die, Stay Away From My Funeral

It took me a few days, but I managed to get a 2004 calender. It's a Marvel Comics calender. Each month has a different character pictured, as well as a shot bio. It is now January: Wolverine. Does this mean January is mentally the most screwed up month of all? You tell me. Continuing on my neverending Neo-Soul kick, I highly endorse Javier's CD. Because I know none of you know who he is, let me explain. Javier is a new artist attacking R&B charts with his first single, "Crazy." His self-titled debut CD blends classical soul, new soul, and latin beats into an irresistable selection of musical tracks. I am in no way affiliated with Javier, Capitol Records, or any other related parties. This endorsement is completely independant, and was not written with the promise of money under the table. $$Now show me the money!!$$ I finally finished watching the Excel Saga anime series. It's hilarious. If you haven't seen it, go buy it now. You won't be disappointed. Unless you're expecting something other than a chaotic anime of satirical humor, that is. You know that complaining I did about working too much? I take it back. I'm not working enough. I want a bigger paycheck! A larger paycheck! A paycheck to end all paychecks! I want to look down on Affleck's movie of the same title, and spit on it! Mwahaha! Money! Money! MONEY!! I just got one of those Micro Touch thingies from the TV. You know, that little hand-held sextoy-looking thing that trims away at facial hair. My mom bought it for me, because my sideburns grow faster than any other group of hair on my head. It's an annomoly. See, I come from a very unhairy family. My mom only shaves her legs once a year. My dad didn't grow enough facial hair to shave until his early 20s. I started shaving this past Fall. Even then, I only shave my sideburns. I normally shave once a month, but with this handy device, I can skip my sideburns and shave only once every two months. They'd call me Baby Face if my eyes didn't look like those of an old man. Much Love

Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, January 4, 2004

We Did It, Baby! Woo!

On my way home from work, I was singing along to my Maroon 5 CD, when I did something I've never done before. I sang loudly. As much as I practice singing (badly, mind you), I've never been able to do anything from the diaphragm. Some of it comes from holding back. I never want to really hear myself sing, so I keep my volume to certain limits. Today, I didn't hold back. I let it go, and sang as hard as I possibly could. You know what I have to say after singing my lungs out? Ouch. The surveys today were ungodly long. I had three stapled packets I have to burn through before I could give each person their free sample of Aveeno lotion. There's a baby diaper survey, too. It's not long, but it's impossible to get people for it. When we give away the diapers to parents, we have to call them a week later and ask them how they worked with their children. Afterward, we have to ask them to bring the diapers back. Used or unused. That's right. We want them to keep and bring back the used diapers. Needless to say, most people walk away refusing to take the diapers. Stupid company policies. I deposited my paycheck today. I forgot to take holidays off into account when I calculated my earnings, so I only ended up with a little over $300. It's still money, though. Now I can afford the rest of the Excel Saga DVDs. And you know, save up a couple of months for that Dell. My paycheck had better be damned huge in two weeks, though. They have me working more hours than any other Recruiter. Why are me and Monica the only ones working this weekend? Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, January 2, 2004

Another Day...

Ok, here's the deal. Wednesday, Max and I were talking about our hair. As girly as that sounds and as gay as Max is... actually, I can't think of a way to finish that sentence. Anyway, he said that he would never shave his head, because he has an oddly-shaped head and it would just look weird on him. He shows up at the office today to pick up his check, and guess what. Yep. Bald as a monk. And he was right. He does look funny when bald. Less androgenous, too. But mostly funny. Why was everyone giving me the creepy-eye today? I was standing outside of Gymboree, and there was this guy standing in the mirror looking straight in my direction. Then a few minutes later, an old woman was standing in the window and doing the exact same thing. It was eerie. "Mmm, that's good coffee creamer!" I'm in love with Vanilla/Caramel creamer. I poured some in my coffee at work today (instead of the usual non-dairy powdered creamer) and it was heaven in a mug. It's stuff like this that's getting me slowly but surely addicted to coffee. Next thing you know, I'll be visiting Starbucks everyday and ordering something that ends with "ino" or "te." Or not. To make up for how long my posts usually are, I'm going to end this one right here. Besides, I'm out of idle gossip. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, January 1, 2004

Retro '03

And now for a review of the year 2003. This was a big year for me. Many things, both good and bad, played an important role in my life. Stuff I Did First, I started college. Okay, so it was community college. It's college, nonetheless. This was a big relief, because I was freaking BORED when I took fall semester off. I have now begun my journey through life, and will hopefully find myself with a good career and education when I'm done. I got my first car. A 1989 Honda Accord. LX. We had been shopping around for a car for a few months, and I knew I was gonna get an old used car. Lower insurance, you know. I ended up with a nice Honda sedan, which I plan on driving until it can't drives no more. This was the year the geek in me got into comic books, American and Japanese. Throughout 2003, I've read Rave Master, No Need For Tenchi, The All-New Tenchi Muyo, Ultimate X-Men, Ultimate Spider-Man, The Ultimates, Ultimate Daredevil & Elecktra, Batman: No Man's Land, and Birds of Prey. This was also the year I got into actual literature, reading real novels and short stories in my spare time. Before, a teacher had to assign me to read something. I'd like to think my jokes are funnier this year, but we all know that's not true. This is the year I became a mod at OtakuBoards. I remember the day James IM'ed me. I'd never talked to him before, so I was afraid I'd done something wrong. I'm still not sure who recommended me to him, but thanks. I bought a total of 6 CDs this year. That's gotta be a record for me. Missy Elliott's "Under Construction" (even though it came out last year), Floetry's "Floetic" (even though it came out last year), Dwele's "Subject," Outkast's "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below," Black Eyed Peas' "Elephunk," and (just a few days ago) Maroon 5's "Songs About Jane." This was the year AnimationHQ finally launched part of its redesign. Kris and I have resolved to finish it in '04. This was the year I got myself a jobby-job. I'm working as a Recruiter for Cunningham Research. The pay isn't that bad. I'm just barely over minimum wage. Plus the work environment is friendly. They managed to get me hooked on coffee, though. The Peoples This is the year I got to know the people at OB a little better. I got to witness the zaniness, perversion, and just plain wackiness in all of our chat sessions. My dad gave me his band's new CD "What's Left Don't Feel Right." I love the blues and all, but I'd rather listen to them live. A made some new friends/aquaintances this year. Like Perry from Acting 1A class. Tony and Tonika from the Broadcasting classes. Max, Venette, Loi, and Ruben from work. The list goes on a little. I also worked on my current friendships. I started hanging out with Jason more. That reminds me, I gotta give him back his Brave Fencer Musashi and Tony Hawk videogames, and get my Excel Saga DVD and Justin Timberlake CD back from him. I talk to Mike online almost everyday. As annoying as he is, I enjoy our little bouts on why I don't know anything about import cars, and how he constantly stereotypes black people. He also reminds me that not everyone has hours of free time which they use to look up completely useless information, like me. Vince finally invited me to his birthday party. After proving to his parents that not all black people are ignorant and ghetto (aw, prejudice amongst minorities), this year I went to his party. Shame I didn't know it was his birthday, though. As sad as my lovelife is, I've finally come to terms with it. If I gotta be a guy-friend, I gotta be a guy-friend. I'll just wait for the right girl to come along who I can be more than friends with. Headlines The Michael Jackson Scandal. 2003 is the year of both the big televised interview (and the second cut that aired a few weeks later), and the big arrest that resulted in the scariest mugshot EVER. Personally, I don't think MJ did it. Unfortunately, I don't believe him when he said the police abused him. That's just a bare-assed lie. Speaking of bare asses, this was the year of the R. Kelly Statutory Rape. Personally, I think the whole thing was staged. I mean, what man is stupid enough to have sex with a minor, record it, AND let the recording get on the internet? Kobe had sex with that girl, but he didn't rape her. We all know that. She just wanted to squeeze a few thousand dollars out of him. I bet she didn't count on him confessing to the deed and trying to make it up to his wife. On a completely unrelated note, the jewelry store Tiffany's made a lot of money this year. Apparently, some NBA star spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on jewelry embroidered with the phrase "Please, for the love of God! Forgive me!!" Barry White died this year. He was a great singer, I know a lot of his fans are really sad to see him go. We went to war, chased out Saddam Hussein, then caught him months later. Now all we have to do is find a way to actually end this damn war. Being the idiots we are, California elected overrated actor and retired bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger as our new Governor. Or as some like to call him, the Governator. The election was a Total Recall. Arnold attacked Gray's campaigne like a Predator. They even made fun of him on Conan. Okay, now the puns are just getting bad. An insane year, indeed. I'm actually hoping 2004 calms down a little, compared to '03. For now, let me just close this by wishing you all Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

And Now For Something Completely Different

I found $20 on the ground in the mall!! There I was, wandering the barren halls of my local mall in the morning, when I slipped on something. At first, I thought it was a leaf from one of those in-door trees they got planted in the middle of the hall. I looked down, and there was some sort of dollar-looking thing. It was neatly folded, and I barely made out a "0". I bent down, picked it up, and there was a shiny new 20 dollar bill. Now, the mall is pretty empty before noon. This was around 11am. I looked around, and the only people who were close enough to have dropped it were these two girls in their early teens. I asked them if they dropped any money. Nope. "Lunch is on some unsuspecting schmuck who doesn't know how to keep track of his money!" Guess who was the only Recruiter (the technical name of my job, by the way) to show up to work. I had to do all of the survey prostitution by myself. On a plus side, I managed to rake in a good 7 or 8 people. Of course, we were so shorthanded, I managed to flood the in-office interviewers by bringing in a whomping 2 people at the same time. I ran into Kevin and Crystal. I apologized to them for interviewing them for a survey that wasn't offering any money last week. I got the surveys mixed up. They forgave me. And now a little advice... The Next Time Someone In The Mall Asks You To Take a Survey... -There's a 80% chance they'll give you money or a free sample of something afterward. -Don't lie to us. If you don't want to take the survey, just say so. --Don't walk slowly, stop, wander aimlessly, and then tell us you're too busy. --We usually know if you've taken a survey before. Don't tell us you've already taken it, when you haven't. -Your kids are not an excuse not to take a survey. We have surveys for kids, and most kids think the $6 we give them is a lot of money. -The next old lady to put her hand in my face in a "talk to the hand" manner is going to get slapped with my clipboard. Just a warning. I was taking surveys for diaper-buying, and giving away free diapers. My target: parents with babies. Logically, I scoped out parents with kids in strollers. You know what I noticed? Parents need to take their 3+ year old, potty-trained kids out of strollers and make them walk! If your child is old enough to make intelligent conversation with you, it's time for them to walk. I was so mad at half of the parents in the mall. I saw a girl so big, she was hanging half-way out of the stroller. What the hell is that? Christmas is over. They can stop playing "This Christmas," "Santa Baby," "The Christmas Song," and the other 1,000 songs that are totally out of season. Stupid mall shopping soundtrack. Today was my off-day, by the way. They made me work on an off-day. Payday is Friday. According to my calculations, I should be pulling in roughly $400 dollars. No, I'm not getting paid a lot. Payday is every two weeks, I've been working overtime, I didn't get paid during the last payday because I had just started working there. It all adds up to over $400. One more payday, and dude... I'm getting a Dell. Seriously. My current computer uses a Celeron instead of a Pentium. I only have 32MB of RAM (which isn't enough to play any PC game made in the past 5 years). I'm down to my last 600MB out of 4GB. Just the other day, my PC froze immediately after being turned on. Yep. time for a change. Much Love

Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, December 29, 2003

It's Kwanzaa... So?

You thought I was joking. Everything else, yes. However, Kwanzaa sucks. No offense to anyone who celebrates it, but I just don't see the point. I know what Kwanzaa sounds like. It sounds like some kind of old African ceremonial holiday, and it's only recently started getting TV specials. So you ask one of your black friends what the story behind Kwanzaa is, but he/she doesn't celebrate it. You ask every black person you know, and even do research on African ceremonies and holidays. Nothing, right? Can't find any info, or even anybody who celebrates it? There's a reason. It's a made-up holiday. Seriously. The holiday was created by and celebrated by a handful of black people in the mid-1960s. Their intentions were good. Millions of black people around the world (most considered to be of African origin) had little link to them all together. Thus one created decided that during the 7-day period between Christmas and New Years (December 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31) should be observed for us all to be thankful and unite based on our similar origins. Thus Kwanzaa (which translates to something along the lines of "first fruits" in Swahili) was born. It's a holiday based on culture, rather than religion. That way, no matter what religion you were, any black person could celebrate Kwanzaa in any part of the world. It looks really good on paper, but let's be real. The intent was good, but this holiday is a joke amongst many African-Americans. If you're a black person in America whose family observes Kwanzaa, chances are you're the only family you know that celebrates it. If you know somebody who celebrates Kwanzaa, chances are that's the only person you know who does. It's not that we have anything against it. It's just that most of us have parents older than the holiday, or are older than the holiday ourselves. Hell, some of us don't even know about it. I asked my mom if she knew anything about Kwanzaa last year-- she'd never heard of it. Ever see The Proud Family Kwanzaa Special episode? For the first couple of nights, Oscar stared at the family observing Kwanzaa like they were crazy. Given, more than a handful of people observe the 7 nights of Kwanzaa. In fact, 28 million black people observe it worldwide. 28 million people is a lot, when looked at by itself. However, that's 28 million worldwide. There are 32 million black people in the United States alone. And we're only the second largest minority around here. And let's not forget about the lack of originality. This holiday was created a few decades ago, not centuries. You'd think they'd be able to come up with something more creative than lighting a candle every night for a week. And placing it between Christmas and New Year? Of all times of the year to make up a holiday, did it really have to be shoved in there right before the New Year, during and after Christmas, and the week after Channukah? Not that I don't appreciate seeing all of my Rugrats holiday specials on the same day (Suzie has a Kwanzaa special, you know), but did December really need to be packed with 7 more days of families preparing meals and obsessively tedious rituals? It almost seems envious. "They have holidays this month. Let's make up our own holiday directly in the middle of theirs!" In case you didn't get that, I don't observe Kwanzaa. I think it was a good idea, but making up a holiday out of the blue isn't exactly easy. I'm sure no one thought it would be. Actually, Kwanzaa is getting bigger and observed by more people every year. That doesn't mean I'm going to get involved. Not on my own. Maybe I'm a little closed-minded, I don't know. But even if I tried, I couldn't push my family to observing Kwanzaa. Like I said, most of us have parents older than the holiday itself. And observing Kwanzaa by myself would completely defeat the purpose of observing it. And no, I don't know anybody who observes Kwanzaa. No one. However, if you're of African origin (or just curious), and you're interested in a more positive description of Kwanzaa, feel free to check out the links below. You might actually get into it and find yourself sipping from the Unity Cup this time next year. The Official Kwanzaa Website (Information and Factoids) | Kids Domain - Kwanzaa Time (Holiday-Themed Kids Games) Much Umoja

Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, December 26, 2003

Merry Christmas...

...that is, if you celebrate the holiday that celebrates the birth of a man who caused a religion that persecuted all other people, and even its own brethren-- a religion of corruption and hypocrisy. Just kidding. While Christianity may have its faults, I myself am a Christian, and this religion has treated me fairly. I enjoy Christmas, and the way it brings my family together. Which is more than I can say for those schmucks who celebrate Channukah. The Catholic Church should've converted the Jews centuries ago. Just kidding. The Jewish faith is an old and honorable religion. Channukah is the remembrance of one of the many times the Jewish people have survived a horrible catastrophe. As an African-American, I somehow feel akin to them for some of the similarities in our backgrounds. I also enjoy using some of their Yiddish slang, such as the word "schmuck." I have a lot of respect for the 8-night holiday of Channukah. Which is more than I can say for that Channukah-wannabe holiday, Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa sucks! Much Love and Happy Holidays.

Comments (0) | Permalink